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How do MUSLIMs get married

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  • #16
    Re: How do MUSLIMs get married

    Originally posted by bint
    good question..i wonder sometymz..lol.

    the old fogies say..to meet a guy once is enuff..but id like to know him vaguely.. u know..to put my mind at rest..n that..
    Meet him/her once to get to know each other. Than talk regularly on the phone to get to know them better over a period of time.

    That way they wont be able to fool u into believing they are someone they are not.
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    • #17
      Re: How do MUSLIMs get married

      Originally posted by peace+love
      well that's exactly what i want to say. i don't find male n female being alone is allowed. i don't find flirting with the opposite sex allowed. but i cannot say it's forbidden to have social relation with opposite sex. i can't say u can't have a respectful friendship between male n female. our nation wasn't built alone by men or alone by woman. but in this forum the simple fact that talking to a guy or a gurl is haram. with my respect, peace..
      the elecric opposite wires are going without any problem until they are going seperated. if ever they touched each others improperly then damages happen. so how to use them together? you put a device such as bulb, computer, TV etc...
      the same is the male and female relations!
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      • #18
        Re: How do MUSLIMs get married

        Originally posted by sajid
        Tahts the thing its a catchy thing

        cud u make a decision on a girl/boy! by meeting her for a few hrs on one day

        or does one need like weeks to get to know their potential!
        to get a clearer picture may be you need to know more about every member of her/his family .
        Where there are no Ulemah(Scholars) there are many Muftis.

        I
        deal System of Living for All Mankind .

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        • #19
          Re: How do MUSLIMs get married

          So we are allowed to talk to the opposite gender???? I THOUGHT WE ARE ONLY ALLOWED TO REPLY SALAAM nd NO OTHER CHATTING?




          SO......IS IT WRONG FOR BROS/SIS'S 2 BE CHATTING ON THIS FORUM ? LIKE ISLAMIC RELATED THINGS?
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          • #20
            Re: How do MUSLIMs get married

            Originally posted by NotOverYet
            the elecric opposite wires are going without any problem until they are going seperated. if ever they touched each others improperly then damages happen. so how to use them together? you put a device such as bulb, computer, TV etc...
            the same is the male and female relations!
            i'm not that good with physics, but thanks a lot 4 ur try, peace...
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            • #21
              Re: How do MUSLIMs get married

              Originally posted by muslimforever
              I was just thinking how is it that muslims can get married, as Allah has said to lower our gaze etc.....and two different genders are not allowed to communicate so how can marrige take place, as a man cant come and propose to a girl can he, cause he shouldn't even be trying to talk to a lady?


              What about love marriges are they allowed in Islam?


              I'm just curious lol even though i'm still young *YaY*:D and inshAllah have got many years ahead of me, buy hay there isnt no harm in asking is there

              J/K
              wasalaam
              Firstly, its not haraam to communicate with the opposite gender so lets not claim such for we will be held accountable for anything we say in this duniya. There's guidelines set and proper adaabs when communicating with the other gender. Adaabs(manners) like talking to them out of neccessity not vain talk, friendship, socialzing, etc.

              Prophet(s) said to Ali Ibn Abi Talib, "O Ali! Do not let the second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second." (Tirmithi, Ahmad and Abu Dawud)

              In al-Tuhfah, he said: "The words ‘do not follow a glance with another’ mean do not look again after the first glance. ‘You will be forgiven for the first’ means that you will be forgiven if the first glance was unintentional, and ‘but not for the second’ means that because the second glance was by choice, it will be counted against you."

              So it is clear that deliberately looking at a non-mahram woman and continuing to look after a first accidental glance is haraam. It is forbidden to look at any part of her body, whether you think she is beautiful or not, whether it provokes sexual desire or not, whether it is accompanied by evil thoughts or not, and whether it leads to immoral deeds or not.

              So yea not allowed to look at non-mahram as per above hadith and scholar's interpretation of it, not unless you would like easy sins added to your account. But how does one look for a spouse? There are of course certain circumstances where you can look. One of them is marriage, one of the sahabas came to the prophet *S* and said i'm getting married to so and so and then he was asked if he had seen her and he said no. So he was commanded to go back and look at her first because there must be some pleasing of the eyes/heart to the person you are about to marry. Also, one other sahaba said that he used to hide and observe his wife before he got married to see what kind of person she was. Now lets be serious and think of looking when we know are we are interested and like to engage in the process.

              As for marriage, how does it work?...hmmm

              Well there's many ways so long as it's done in a halaal and islamic manner.

              One way which is quite traditional and very good is let your parents take the lead. How this works is that your parents hunt for a possible person for you, and knowing you all your life growing up before their eyes, who knows better than them as to what kind of a person you are and who will be good for you. So anyways, they hunt for a person and when find one that is good looking and their family seems decent also (father, brothers, relatives, etc all are good and don’t' to haraam stuff). then they bring the idea to you for your evaluation. If you like what you have seen so far then you OK it and they start the talks and start doing back ground investigations on the other family and see what they find (good or bad) till they are satisfied then and the families meet in the mean time to get to know each other also.

              Of course the other family does the same (investigation and everything about you). At any time, any of the families can back off and say NO if they see something they don't like. Also, the guy or girl is allowed to talk to the other person (with a girl's mahram present) and try to get to know that person (get to know his/her thoughts/views on different issues not "friendship" get to know). And if the guy/girl don't like the other person because of something they learned of that person then they can abort at anytime as well.

              The above method is quite safe and effective and the girl is protected as well from any emotional drama.

              Another way is that you go to the same college or work or what not and meet someone there thru interaction and have interest in that person. What most people do is try to get to know each other MORE which leads to unislamic and sometimes haraam actions. Islamic appoarch is that if you have grown an interest in that person than inquire if he/she feels the same either by asking yourself or thru a friend and then have the guy or his family talk to the girl's wali and go the islamic way.

              There is no such thing as love marriage because in order to "love" someone you would have to know them a great deal and that means spending a lot more time with them then islamically allowed and getting to know them to a level that may not be permissible in islam. Close as you can get to love marriage is the above scenario where you get to know each other and like them or hold interest in them then go the islamic way to get married and the real love comes after the marriage.

              Of course there's other circumstances for different things. Like a divorcee don't really need a wali because she has been thru it all and is not considered as naive and innocent to not know. As for the girl, if she has no wali (no male like father, uncle, brother, grandfather, etc) then the imaam can act as her wali and get her married. Also, there's cases where the father is unislamic and don't care but the girl wants to marry a good islamic guy then the imaam can step in and act as wali. But we won't go into all that. :)

              P.s. you can check out marriage section at www.soundvision.com on advice and etiquettes of seeking a spouse.
              Banned permamently for not taking mods BS

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              • #22
                Re: How do MUSLIMs get married

                Originally posted by peace+love
                i'm not that good with physics, but thanks a lot 4 ur try, peace...
                did you read the topic brought by the brother Abu-Ahmad about the sister who had given an advice to a guy and then she got pregnant from those simple meetings? you still think meeting non-mahrams are allowed?

                it is allowed but in one case. if they are setting in public places, such as parks or classes, or restourants where the other people can see what they doing (so they do not do anything wrong) but it is allowed only, if they want to get married, otherwise they are not even allowed to talk over the phone or chat!
                now it was out of physics, so i hope you got what i meant
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                • #23
                  Re: How do MUSLIMs get married

                  Originally posted by NotOverYet
                  did you read the topic brought by the brother Abu-Ahmad about the sister who had given an advice to a guy and then she got pregnant from those simple meetings? you still think meeting non-mahrams are allowed?

                  it is allowed but in one case. if they are setting in public places, such as parks or classes, or restourants where the other people can see what they doing (so they do not do anything wrong) but it is allowed only, if they want to get married, otherwise they are not even allowed to talk over the phone or chat!
                  now it was out of physics, so i hope you got what i meant
                  salam,
                  that's what i'm talking about. public meeting not anything else. in fact, i respect my religion alot and i'm convinced with my idea (which doesn't contradict ur idea as i saw). :) i got what u meant and excuse me about physics coz i'm an art student i don't have connections to science, peace...
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                  • #24
                    Re: How do MUSLIMs get married

                    Salaam,

                    I thought you were allowed to talk as long as you have a male mahram with you?

                    W'Salaam
                    ...

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                    • #25
                      Re: How do MUSLIMs get married

                      a guy n a lass..when they meet..

                      a likkle kid can be present..

                      not necessarily a man or a woman..imagin that
                      “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
                      Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
                      He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
                      And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

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                      • #26
                        Re: How do MUSLIMs get married

                        Originally posted by bint
                        a guy n a lass..when they meet..

                        a likkle kid can be present..

                        not necessarily a man or a woman..imagin that
                        You sure about that? What's the evidence?
                        The Lyme Disease pandemic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5u73ME4sVU

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                        • #27
                          Re: How do MUSLIMs get married

                          Originally posted by nami
                          Salaam,

                          I thought you were allowed to talk as long as you have a male mahram with you?

                          W'Salaam
                          Alhamdulillah well said sis, mahram is the answer all the way, because even on the phone bros can start getting inapropriate, and anyway any dodgy guys arent going to want to hang out with u, and your dad/brothers/uncles and grandad getting to know you,a dodgy bro will want to speak to you alone, a good bro will take time to get to know your family too if hes sincere cos your family are gonna be the grandparents/uncles of his children insha Allah, should a marriage come about. personally i would have brothers tail him to the masjid and talk to his freinds and community and see what hes really like, not just take the word of his family cos theyre going to tell you only the good stuff.
                          "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

                          The Prophet :saw: said:

                          "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

                          muslim

                          Narrated 'Abdullah:

                          The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


                          "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

                          By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

                          [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]

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