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How to make your Wife happy ?

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  • abuahmed
    started a topic How to make your Wife happy ?

    How to make your Wife happy ?






    The following is a summary of the book "How to make your wife happy by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

    Beautiful Reception

    After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:

    Begin with a good greeting.
    Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well.
    Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!
    Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations
    Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.
    Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks.
    Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.
    Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc.
    Friendliness and Recreation
    Spend time talking together.
    Spread to her goods news.
    Remember your good memories together.
    Games and Distractions
    Joking around & having a sense of humor.
    Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
    Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
    Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.
    Assistance in the Household
    Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired.
    The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work.
    Consultation (Shurah)
    Specifically in family matters.
    Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
    Studying her opinion carefully.
    Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.
    Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.
    Visiting Others
    Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
    Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
    Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.
    Conduct During Travel
    Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
    Ask her to pray for him.
    Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence.
    Give her enough money for what she might need.
    Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..
    Return as soon as possible.
    Bring her a gift!
    Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.
    Take her with you if possible.
    Financial Support
    The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
    He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
    He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.
    Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
    Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
    Always being clean and neat.
    Put on perfume for her.
    Intercourse
    It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)
    Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.
    Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).
    Begin with foreplay including words of love.
    Continue until you have satisfied her desire.
    Relax and joke around afterwards.
    Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram
    Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while he is looking on.
    Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.
    Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.
    Guarding Privacy
    Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.

    Aiding in the Obedience to Allah
    Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiyam-ul-Layl" (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua).
    Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer.
    Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening.
    Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.
    Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.
    Showing Respect for her Family and Friends
    Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
    Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
    Give them presents on special occasions.
    Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..
    Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.
    (Islamic) Training & Admonition
    This includes:

    The basics of Islam
    Her duties and rights
    Reading and writing
    Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs
    Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
    Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library
    Admirable Jealousy
    Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
    Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
    Avoiding excess jealousy.
    Examples of this are:
    1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean
    2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just.
    3- Preventing her from answering the phone.
    Patience and Mildness
    Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.
    Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..
    Forgive the mistakes she does to you.

    Correcting her Mistakes

    First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
    Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
    The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the husband should consider the following:
    He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.
    He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been, etc..
    It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an .
    He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body.
    He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.
    Pardoning and Appropriate Censure
    Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
    Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
    Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
    Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing.
    Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment.
    Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations
    Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
    When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.
    Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.
    Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors. Muslim Students' Association University of Alberta Edmonton, Canada February, 1999.

    Taken from : Al-Haramain.org Newsletter

  • shehbazthakur
    replied
    Originally posted by abuahmed View Post

    The following is a summary of the book "How to make your wife happy by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

    Beautiful Reception

    After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:

    Begin with a good greeting.
    Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well.
    ..................................
    When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.
    Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.
    Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors. Muslim Students' Association University of Alberta Edmonton, Canada February, 1999.

    Taken from : Al-Haramain.org Newsletter
    I love to read these kind of posts, the only problem i have with such kind of articles (for men and women point of view) is (or atleast in my experience , not trying to generalize) when a sister reads this article she will assume she will get all this treatment and when we men fall even slightly short of these duties weve had it. On the other hand even if we do all of these good things mentioned above perfectly then we dont get appreciated as these good things we do for our wife is just "baseline".
    and the opposite is also true for articles on how women should try and please their husbands etc etc. Men take their wives for granted if their wife is a good wife as per the sunnah and these sort of articles. Such women so RARE. After the blessings of iman the 2nd best blessing is a good wife.

    Leave a comment:


  • Simply_Logical
    replied
    Originally posted by shay5 View Post

    No one likes a yes man/woman.
    true but sometimes its better to just go along with the flow

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Originally posted by shay5 View Post

    No one likes a yes man/woman.
    I HATE it

    it's like talking to a brick wall, doesn't do anything for the relationship



    Leave a comment:


  • shay5
    replied
    Originally posted by cuezed View Post
    I've figured it out. Stay silent and agree to everything she says.
    No one likes a yes man/woman.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Originally posted by cuezed View Post
    I've figured it out. Stay silent and agree to everything she says.

    Hmm

    I prefer it if both of us come to an understanding by discussing it

    I don't like the silence and pretense

    Doesn't solve anything then the cycle repeats itself because the husband didn't bother expressing his opinions on the subject

    ​​

    Leave a comment:


  • cuezed
    replied
    I've figured it out. Stay silent and agree to everything she says.

    Leave a comment:


  • firestar101
    replied
    Re: How to make your Wife happy ?

    Originally posted by Talwaar View Post
    She will be happy if I'm happy
    Haha

    What a twin

    Leave a comment:


  • shann
    replied
    Re: How to make your Wife happy ?

    Looks like my future wife will be unhappy.

    Jk, i'll try my best to do these in the future

    Leave a comment:


  • AbulUthman
    replied
    Re: How to make your Wife happy ?

    Wow nice...

    To sum up,,, be best friends with each other...

    Leave a comment:


  • Stogie
    replied
    Re: How to make your Wife happy ?

    Nope, misogynistic, patronising, abusive, clueless wife beaters make me mad.

    Leave a comment:


  • Firecookies
    replied
    Re: How to make your Wife happy ?

    Originally posted by Stogie View Post
    "" Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands. ""

    Bless her little cotton socks, she cant understand the big complicated words a manly man uses, no you should use smaller words, and repeat them as often as she needs, because a ladies brain cant quite understand the words a mans brain can.
    I don't see anything wrong with that... :scratch:

    Shouldn't we speak with clarity and repeat words if our spouse doesn't understand? Or am I doing it wrong?

    Leave a comment:


  • Rainyday
    replied
    Re: How to make your Wife happy ?

    Originally posted by Stogie View Post
    Really ?

    Did you miss the bit where he said you should beat your wife if she refuses intercourse.

    I mean, he did say she should be beaten lightly, so that's ok, right ?

    If theres one thing that will make any woman happy its getting slapped around a bit for refusing sex. Secret of a happy marriage right there folks.
    My husband often beats me, not just lightly either. He beat me at scrabble the other day, by a gazillion points.

    English is his second language too.... SHAME on me!

    Leave a comment:


  • Stogie
    replied
    Re: How to make your Wife happy ?

    "" Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands. ""

    Bless her little cotton socks, she cant understand the big complicated words a manly man uses, no you should use smaller words, and repeat them as often as she needs, because a ladies brain cant quite understand the words a mans brain can.


    I mean really ? Really ?

    Has this guy Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed ever even met a woman ?

    Leave a comment:


  • Firecookies
    replied
    Re: How to make your Wife happy ?

    Originally posted by Stogie View Post
    Really ?

    Did you miss the bit where he said you should beat your wife if she refuses intercourse.

    I mean, he did say she should be beaten lightly, so that's ok, right ?

    If theres one thing that will make any woman happy its getting slapped around a bit for refusing sex. Secret of a happy marriage right there folks.
    Trolling hard eh?

    Leave a comment:

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