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Marriage and What “People Say”

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  • Marriage and What “People Say”

    Asalam Alaikum Wa Ramatualahi Wa Barakatu...
    All Praise is due to Allah azawajal The Lord of Everything...
    Two short khutbah's that I found on my comp,that I thought I'd share...

    Marriage and What “People Say”
    First Khutbah:
    Slaves of Allaah! The more avenues are opened for evil, the harder we need to strive in opening gates for good; so, the more facilitated it becomes for people to sin, the more mandatory it is to make the means of attaining virtue possible. If one looks at lusts and desires nowadays, he would be astonished to the different ways used to move them and instigate them. The eyes of the pious are as though being cut by (obscene) pictures flashing everywhere, intermingling and chatting between men and women, ladies not adhering to Hijaab (Islaamically prescribed attire for women) in the presence of their relatives, in hospitals, offices, traveling, etc; it is these manifestations that have intensified the fire of desires and kindled its flame. People ask where they should go and what the cure is after their lust and passion have been stimulated, whilst the Jews and their allies continue to make every effort to increase the intensity of this fire even more. Allaah wants to accept your repentance, but those who follow their passions want you to digress into a great deviation, and Allaah wants to lighten for you your difficulties; and mankind was created weak. His weakness is due to surrendering to his desires and passions,which leads him to destruction.

    Dear brothers! All praise is due to Allaah, Who made Islaam a perfect and complete religion, in all aspects. There are certain deeds which act as preventive measures before anything evil happens. For example, lowering one’s gaze is a precautionary step, as Allaah says that which means: “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (i.e., looking only at what is lawful and averting their eyes from what is unlawful.) … And tell the believing women to reduce [some]
    of their vision …” (An-Noor: 30-31).

    Furthermore, a woman is attracted by men, even though men are more fascinated and affected by women; hence, the prohibition of men segregating with women is another example of a deterrent.
    Beloved Muslims! Do you not think that the spreading of impermissible acts necessitates that we re-evaluate the issue of marriage and facilitate it? Corruption is approaching us from all directions, for it seems that what we had on the ground was not enough, that they (the disbelievers) have attacked us even from the skies (i.e., by means of satellites). They have disseminated evil everywhere, to the extent that teenagers are surely exposed to prohibitions through satellite channels and they may even watch pornography; they see naked or virtually nude women on television – what, then, is the solution?

    Dear brothers! We must take solid steps towards easing lawful means in this regard. Let us address the subject of the reasonable and proper age for marriage, for instance. There is a lot of misconception amongst people regarding this matter, which has resulted from the propaganda of the West through their movies and articles in magazines and newspapers. Islaam does not forbid marrying off one’s daughter at a young age and neither does it allow forcing her to get married. Another thing that must be noted is that there is nothing wrong for the woman to be older than the man marrying her.

    What does Islaam instruct? The Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said: “When someone whose religion and character you are satisfied with, asks for your daughter’s hand in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on the earth.” This is regarding the way to choose a man; as for the way to choose a woman, he sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said: “Marry the one whose religious you will prosper”. Indeed, this is how simple the wedding should be. There must be no complications due to age, because the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam married Khadeejah, may Allaah be pleased with her, while she was fifteen years older than him, and married ‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, while she was quite younger than him.

    Religious compatibility and qualification is a very important concern, because a sinful person is not fit for a pious woman, as Allaah says that which means: “Then is one who was a believer like one who was defiantly disobedient? They are not equal.” (As-Sajdah: 18). Therefore, it does not reflect sincerity that a guardian marries his pious daughter or sister off to an immoral man, because he is simply not eligible, and also, for the reason that Islaam has appointed a guardian (for a girl) for the validity of the contract, so he may protect her and look after her best
    interest. Why didn’t the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam consider the man’s wealth, car or house when he set the condition of accepting the man proposing for marriage? It is the responsibility of the guardian to investigate the situation of the man proposing for his daughter’s hand in marriage, because many divorces result due to the fact that the guardian never inspected the man or asked about him before the wedding. It is true that perhaps he may have asked the man’s friends at work or a relative regarding him, but they would naturally say nothing but good about him.

    Many parents set the condition that the girl must finish her university studies before getting married, which might make them reach an undesired age for men who usually look for younger women. This is a bad habit which people have adopted due to television films and by inventing traditions and customs, for which Allaah has not sent down permission.

    Some convictions which women have delay their marriage and they remain unmarried, all of which has a bad effect on men and women. Due to the spread of corruption everywhere in the era we live in some scholars rule that if the woman can only read and write, then she is ready for marriage. The present situation leaves no room for delay, stating (pointless) demands or hindering marriages. Allaah has made the contract a very simple one. The father or the guardian of the girl says: “I give you my daughter so-and-so in marriage, according to the Book of Allaah and the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam”, and the man proposing says: “I accept (that)”, in the presence of two witnesses and the marriage contract has been effected. It is a very simple and straightforward issue in Islaam, but people make it complex by laying down such conditions, which when they are traced back are found to be based mainly on people’s talk and not on the words of Allaah or His Messenger sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam.

    People say, why do you do such and such? People say, Why do you set such conditions for marriage? People say … People say. We are fed up with the concern of what people will say; we only want what Allaah and His Messenger sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam state. We need to free ourselves from social pressures in order to rescue our young men and women. When Islaam gives authority to the guardian to conduct the contract, it does not mean that he may delay her marriage and deny her marrying a qualified man, because that is forbidden. Islaam deems it great oppression for both the man proposing and the woman, to deprive them from wedding, without an Islaamically legitimate reason.
    Our Brothers and Sisters need our help. Do what you can to help them!!
    Inna Ma Al-Usri Yusra :::::
    "Verily, with every difficulty, there is relief".(94.6)

  • #2
    Re: Marriage and What “People Say”

    Second Khutbah:
    Slaves of Allaah! You have observed how Islaam has facilitated marriage and the means to achieve it, and how Islaam has prevented postponing it. Therefore, we must correspond with the objectives which Islaam has come to accomplish… we must see what Allaah wants, what are the objectives in order to fulfill them; if the objective is to facilitate marriage and its means, then we must facilitate it. Whoever tries to set hurdles for marriage, goes against the Islaamic objectives, which is a very serious matter.

    On the other hand, when a condition has been agreed upon, it must be fulfilled, because the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said: “From among all the conditions which you have to fulfill, the conditions which make it legal for you to have sexual relations (i.e. the marriage contract) have the greatest right to be fulfilled.” Hence, if the stipulation is allowed and not prohibited, one must realize it, especially if he has accepted it. In any case, I advise you to not set such conditions which might make life difficult later.

    The man asking for someone’s hand in marriage should educate himself about wedding beforehand and know its rulings; thus, he should be mature when he approaches the issue. Many young men go to see the woman with one thing in mind – how beautiful is she? He wonders if she resembles those whom he had seen on a magazine cover, for example. This is the result of not lowering one’s gaze, for looking at prohibitions definitely affects people and changes the way they think.

    The key to all this is to be content with what Allaah has decreed for you; undoubtedly, everything has a solution in Islaam, but it requires knowledge, wisdom and struggling against people’s wrong habits and traditions. It entails that we set a practical example for others by applying Islaamic measures (when marrying) and that we approach the issue with wisdom and reason, by choosing the most suitable spouse and the one farthest from causing problems.

    No one would refuse to marry a woman who possesses both beauty and religiosity; in fact, people’s desire to marry her becomes even greater. Moreover, if she possesses beauty and wealth, in addition to her devotion to Islaam, she becomes even more desired, but the first criterion must be her commitment to faith.
    Our Brothers and Sisters need our help. Do what you can to help them!!
    Inna Ma Al-Usri Yusra :::::
    "Verily, with every difficulty, there is relief".(94.6)


    • #3
      Re: Marriage and What “People Say”


      smething what I came across yesterday:

      The Prophet's (peace and blessings be upon him) Marriage Sermon:

      Prophet Muhammad taught the following Khutba (sermon) for Nikah (the marriage ceremony). Allah's peace and blessings be upon him. (Ibn Masood narrated itas reported in Tirmithi, may Allah be pleased with him)
      Innal Hamda lillahi, nastaeenuhu wa nastaghfirhu, wa naoozu billahi min shorrori anfusina. Man yahdihi Allahu fala mudhilla lahu wa mayn yudhlil fa la hadia lah. Wa ash hadu al la ilaha il lal lah wa ash hadu an na Muhammadan abduhu wa rasooluhu.
      All praises are for Allah. We seek Guidance and forgiveness from Him. We also seek refuge in Him from the evils of our ownselves. Whoever Allah guides, noone can misguide him. Whoever He lets go astray noone can put him back on track. We testify that there is no god but Allah and we testify that Muhammad is Allah's servant and His messenger.

      After this initial statement, the Prophet would recite the following verses from the Quran:
      Believers! Fear Allah as He should be feared, and see that you do not die save in the state of submission to Allah. (Quran 3:102)

      O men! Fear your Lord Who created you from a single being and out of it created its mate; and out of the two spread many men and women. Fear Allah in Whose name you plead for rights, and heed the ties of kinship. Surely, Allah is ever watchful over you. (Quran 4:1)


      O believers, fear Allah and say the right thing. Allah will make your conduct (affairs) whole and sound and will overlook your errors. Whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger, has indeed attained to a great success. (Quran 33:70-71)

      Explanation: There are several principles, which these verses present:
      1. By asking for Taqwa four times in these verses, Allah is clearly setting the principles on which a sound and stable family life can be established. The Prophet felt it was important to exhort the marrying believers to fear God and to avoid courting His displeasure whenever he gave a marriage sermon. Allah's mercy and blessings be upon him.
      2. Taqwa is an important Arabic term with no clear equivalent in English. It is translated as piety, Allah consciousness, fear of Allah, Mindfulness of Allah, Living a life which follows Allah's guidance.
      3. Marrying individuals who are mindful of Allah (who have Taqwa), aremore conscious of their Creator, stay away from what He has prohibited, and enjoin what He has recommended are more likely to be good to each other and successful in marriage.
      4. Taqwa (piety) is not just reflected in worship and Halal (permissible) types of marriage. It also requires clear communication between the spouses. This is the reason that immediately after asking believers for Taqwa, Allah is asking them to adopt proper speech by saying only the right thing.
      5. Proper communication is rewarding in this world in that Allah will make your affairs right.
      6. Proper communication will also be rewarded by Allah on the Day of Judgment, when He will also forgive our shortcomings in the hereafter because of it.
      7. By reminding us that He has created us, Allah is telling us that He knows what is in our best interests.
      8. It is also recognized that all human beings have sprung from the same root and that all of them are, therefore, of one another's flesh and blood.
      9. By mentioning the process of creation, Allah is bringing in focus the purpose of marriage, and indicating that by marrying each other, we are becoming part of the sacred process of creation that Allah has set up.
      10. Quran does not recognize any marriage that is not between a man and a woman.
      11. Verse [4:1] is not just for Muslims only because Allah is addressing all of humanity. While Muslims are one brotherhood, this is part of a larger brotherhood of humanity. However, it is the duty of Muslims to serve Allah as a model servants of humanity.
      12. At the time of marriage through these verses, the Prophet also asked marrying Muslims and the attending audience to attend to their relatives. This is the reason there are rights and duties of Muslims towards their relatives even if they are non-Muslims.
      13. However, the only criterion of preference, Taqwa, is not measurable by human beings. Indeed Allah is the One Who knows and is aware of everything so we should leave even this criterion to Allah to decide instead of human beings judging each other.

      Let's think of our best moments with our Creator and our loving moments with His creation as we all pray for these newly married servants of Allah.
      • May Allah bless your marriage with the beauty of the marriage of Ayesha and her husband, may Allah be pleased with her.
      • May Allah guide you both on the steps of Taqwa and may He provide the two of youwith good communication in your relationship.
      • May Allah bless the earth with your progeny who we pray will be better than us toward their Creator and His Creation.
      • May Allah help us all reaffirm our commitments to each other.
      • May Allah give Barakah (blessings) to the families of the bride and groom. May Allah bring them closer. May Allah make you a model family that will invite humanity to follow the guidance of its Creator.
      • Allahumma taqabbal minna innaka antas Sameeul Aleem. Wa tub alaina innaka antat tawwabur Raheem.
      • Allahumma Salle Ala Syyedena Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sallam.
      Islamic Wedding
      Last edited by Hayaa; 19-03-06, 08:20 AM.
      حَسْبُنَا اللَّهُ وَ نِعْمَ الْوَكِيلُ


      • #4
        Re: Marriage and What “People Say”

        jazakAllah for these posts *thumbs up*
        Abu Huraira (ra) narrated that the messenger of Allah (saw) said 'Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales; and do not look at the faults of others, and do not indulge in spying on one not be jealous of one another and do not hate one another, O Allah's worshippers! Be brothers' (Sahih Bukhari)