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Are my expectations too high?

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  • #16
    Re: Are my expectations too high?

    Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
    I think this line of thinking is problematic. I've seen other people mentioning it too.

    Everything is qadr in this life. Why single out marriage as if it's in a special category? We still have choices and decisions to make. Can't just throw our hands up and say it's qadr, we can't do anything.

    I've seen parents do this too, after they forced their kids into a marriage and they ended up miserable, then said it's "qadr" you can't blame us.
    1) Good point. This is one of the reasons why women stay in abusive marriages also. The reason for marriage is for peace and less difficulty, not the other way around:

    A) And Allah wants to lighten for you [your difficulties]; and mankind was created weak. (Surah 4:28).

    B) And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.(Surah 30:21).

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    • #17
      Re: AW: Re: Are my expectations too high?

      Originally posted by Aetos View Post
      woah you are the first arab I have ever known that wants to marry a white man.The others made me feel like we whites were aliens from another planet that would never never fit in their world.
      No your expectations arent high.They are pretty normal.Millions of people want the same :)
      It's not actually that uncommon. When someone doesn't want to marry someone from their own culture / race for whatever reason in the Muslim community then they'll look outside, easiest one to find who are also willing to marry outside their race / culture are reverts.
      FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

      www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

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      • #18
        Re: Are my expectations too high?

        Originally posted by Iwnbd1 View Post
        It's not about speaking eloquently, but having the desire to speak about the deeper meaning of life. There are people who are witty, but in retrospect don't really have something to say.
        And ofcourse there are exceptions, however I do believe that I have a higher chance in finding what I'm looking for with an eductated person.
        Higher chance but it's not an absolute. I've known people with little to say who had degrees or even phd's and people with literally zero qualifications that could talk to for days.
        FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

        www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

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        • #19
          Re: Are my expectations too high?

          Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
          I think this line of thinking is problematic. I've seen other people mentioning it too.

          Everything is qadr in this life. Why single out marriage as if it's in a special category? We still have choices and decisions to make. Can't just throw our hands up and say it's qadr, we can't do anything.

          I've seen parents do this too, after they forced their kids into a marriage and they ended up miserable, then said it's "qadr" you can't blame us.
          I didn't mean what u get..

          Sure we have choices and decisions to make..

          I meant don't over think it like people come here question if their requirement or expectations are high or low..

          They worried if this requirement or expectation or demand will prevent or delay their marriage ..whuch is wrong

          If it's written u married u will but sure we just can't accept anyone

          Not sure if my point clear.. Having breakfast and typing lol
          How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: Are my expectations too high?

            Originally posted by Iwnbd1 View Post
            That's a question I ask myself lately.

            Are my expectations too high? I want to marry a practising, educated (white) man with at the very least an average appearance. He doesn't have to be rich, just educated so I can have a good conversation with him. And I can't imagine myself marrying a man from a different 'race'. Not because I'm racist, this is just my personal preference. Yet my friends give me the feeling as if I'm asking too much, they tried to make me change my preference as well.
            This give me the feeling as if I can't express my wishes as a woman. Despite me telling people what I want, they keep trying to introduce me to men that don't meet my criteria.
            I think your expectations are not high compared to the rest of Arabs but what about your family ? will they accept you marrying outside of your race ?
            Ibn Al Qayyim may Allah have mercy on him said: ("
            The heart on its journey towards Allah the Exalted is like that of a bird. Love is its head, and fear and hope are its two wings. When the head is healthy, then the two wings will fly well. When the head is cut off, the bird will die. When either of two wings is damaged, the bird becomes vulnerable to every hunter and predator..”
            )

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: Are my expectations too high?

              Originally posted by Iwnbd1 View Post
              That's a question I ask myself lately.

              Are my expectations too high? I want to marry a practising, educated (white) man with at the very least an average appearance. He doesn't have to be rich, just educated so I can have a good conversation with him. And I can't imagine myself marrying a man from a different 'race'. Not because I'm racist, this is just my personal preference. Yet my friends give me the feeling as if I'm asking too much, they tried to make me change my preference as well.
              This give me the feeling as if I can't express my wishes as a woman. Despite me telling people what I want, they keep trying to introduce me to men that don't meet my criteria.
              I assume you are from bilaad ash-shaam so don't request golden liraa and everything will be fine lool just kidding
              Ibn Al Qayyim may Allah have mercy on him said: ("
              The heart on its journey towards Allah the Exalted is like that of a bird. Love is its head, and fear and hope are its two wings. When the head is healthy, then the two wings will fly well. When the head is cut off, the bird will die. When either of two wings is damaged, the bird becomes vulnerable to every hunter and predator..”
              )

              Comment


              • #22
                Re: Are my expectations too high?

                Originally posted by myeverything View Post
                I didn't mean what u get..

                Sure we have choices and decisions to make..

                I meant don't over think it like people come here question if their requirement or expectations are high or low..

                They worried if this requirement or expectation or demand will prevent or delay their marriage ..whuch is wrong

                If it's written u married u will but sure we just can't accept anyone

                Not sure if my point clear.. Having breakfast and typing lol
                It's natural for something so major in someones life for it too take up a certain amount of their thinking. It's reasonable to ask yourself if this "thing" I'm looking for in someone is reasonable or not. You hear lots of conflicting advice so confusion ensues.

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                • #23
                  Re: Are my expectations too high?

                  Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                  It's natural for something so major in someones life for it too take up a certain amount of their thinking. It's reasonable to ask yourself if this "thing" I'm looking for in someone is reasonable or not. You hear lots of conflicting advice so confusion ensues.
                  Makes sense

                  It just I don't think I asked myself this question before....

                  Not wise of me
                  How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: Are my expectations too high?

                    Originally posted by Tayoofa View Post
                    I think your expectations are not high compared to the rest of Arabs
                    What r Arab expectations?
                    How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: Are my expectations too high?

                      Originally posted by myeverything View Post
                      What r Arab expectations?
                      they expect high mahr / gifts / gold and a good wedding from the man who will propose so a revert might not understand these things ...
                      Last edited by Tayoofa; 20-11-17, 11:37 AM.
                      Ibn Al Qayyim may Allah have mercy on him said: ("
                      The heart on its journey towards Allah the Exalted is like that of a bird. Love is its head, and fear and hope are its two wings. When the head is healthy, then the two wings will fly well. When the head is cut off, the bird will die. When either of two wings is damaged, the bird becomes vulnerable to every hunter and predator..”
                      )

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: Are my expectations too high?

                        Originally posted by Tayoofa View Post
                        they expect high mahr / gifts / gold and a good wedding from the man who will propose so a revert might not understand these things ...


                        Aha ok although gold is becoming from the past in most families .. he gives mahr and she do with it what she likes buy gold or not ..


                        Last edited by myeverything; 06-12-17, 07:18 PM.
                        How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Are my expectations too high?

                          Originally posted by myeverything View Post
                          Aha ok although gold is from the past .. he gives mahr and she do with it what she likes buy gold or not ..


                          Also, she said white .. he doesn't have to be revert I believe ...



                          [MENTION=136964]Iwnbd1[/MENTION] by white u mean European or just white color as skin^^

                          my uncle is a real copy of George Bush. We used to tease his children by saying that lol May Allah have mercy on him, dunno if that makes him white or not^^

                          seriously what does white mean here... as skin color only or u mean certain race?
                          No they still buy it and call it Shabkah lool
                          We as well ( Somali) take both Mahr and gold separately :)
                          Ibn Al Qayyim may Allah have mercy on him said: ("
                          The heart on its journey towards Allah the Exalted is like that of a bird. Love is its head, and fear and hope are its two wings. When the head is healthy, then the two wings will fly well. When the head is cut off, the bird will die. When either of two wings is damaged, the bird becomes vulnerable to every hunter and predator..”
                          )

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Re: Are my expectations too high?

                            No your expectations are not too high.
                            https://www.instagram.com/muslimahdelights/

                            http://muslimahdelights.blogspot.co.uk/

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                            • #29
                              Re: Are my expectations too high?

                              Originally posted by Iwnbd1 View Post
                              That's a question I ask myself lately.

                              Are my expectations too high? I want to marry a practising, educated (white) man with at the very least an average appearance. He doesn't have to be rich, just educated so I can have a good conversation with him. And I can't imagine myself marrying a man from a different 'race'. Not because I'm racist, this is just my personal preference. Yet my friends give me the feeling as if I'm asking too much, they tried to make me change my preference as well.
                              This give me the feeling as if I can't express my wishes as a woman. Despite me telling people what I want, they keep trying to introduce me to men that don't meet my criteria.
                              Nah your expectations are ok. Everyone likes something different. People around you will never understand your choices because they simply like something else. I hate candy for example and people refuse to understand that I detest it? Why, because everyone else likes candy. I am coming out as odd, which makes people refuse to accept my way lf thinking.

                              Ok this is marriage and not candy, but you still make your choices. You are not racist for liking someone out of your race. We are one ummah, sharing one religion... Country does not matter. If people think you are racist then the problem is not on your choice.

                              Then explain to me pls what a "white" man is? Arab people are white, and most african are black. So how come arab are not concidered white? I am confused

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Re: Are my expectations too high?

                                Originally posted by Iwnbd1 View Post
                                . Despite me telling people what I want, they keep trying to introduce me to men that don't meet my criteria.
                                Do you know any white boys? Would be difficult for them to find one for you if your area only has 100% arabs
                                Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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