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Are my expectations too high?

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  • Are my expectations too high?

    That's a question I ask myself lately.

    Are my expectations too high? I want to marry a practising, educated (white) man with at the very least an average appearance. He doesn't have to be rich, just educated so I can have a good conversation with him. And I can't imagine myself marrying a man from a different 'race'. Not because I'm racist, this is just my personal preference. Yet my friends give me the feeling as if I'm asking too much, they tried to make me change my preference as well.
    This give me the feeling as if I can't express my wishes as a woman. Despite me telling people what I want, they keep trying to introduce me to men that don't meet my criteria.

  • #2
    Are my expectations too high?

    Define "average"

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Are my expectations too high?

      I assume you are also white correct? Its understandable that you may feel more comfortable with someone from similar background so I wouldn't say your expectations are too high.
      Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world’s ending!

      None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Are my expectations too high?

        Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
        Define "average"
        I guess that's subjective. For me it would be someone that is at least pleasing to look at and that I can feel attracted to.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Iwnbd1 View Post
          Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
          Define "average"
          I guess that's subjective. For me it would be someone that is at least pleasing to look at and that I can feel attracted to.
          So, good looking.

          Which is subjective to a certain degree, of course.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Are my expectations too high?

            Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post
            I assume you are also white correct? Its understandable that you may feel more comfortable with someone from similar background so I wouldn't say your expectations are too high.
            No, I'm arab.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Are my expectations too high?

              Originally posted by Iwnbd1 View Post
              No, I'm arab.
              Okayy..
              Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world’s ending!

              None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Are my expectations too high?

                Educated doesnt mean u can have a good conversation with him necessarily

                Also people who havent gone into higher education can also speak eloquently

                Comment


                • #9
                  AW: Re: Are my expectations too high?

                  Originally posted by Iwnbd1 View Post
                  No, I'm arab.
                  woah you are the first arab I have ever known that wants to marry a white man.The others made me feel like we whites were aliens from another planet that would never never fit in their world.
                  No your expectations arent high.They are pretty normal.Millions of people want the same :)
                  first its angels,then mankind,then jinn,then gog-magog,then shaytan,the its me,the worst of creation

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                  • #10
                    Re: Are my expectations too high?

                    your expectations would only be unrealistic if you live in a country where there aren't many white muslims.
                    If you live in the west then your expectations are not too high, however white muslim men who tick all the boxes are a minority even in the west. Maybe you need to think about that and consider what your friends/family are saying.
                    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Are my expectations too high?

                      Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                      Educated doesnt mean u can have a good conversation with him necessarily

                      Also people who havent gone into higher education can also speak eloquently
                      It's not about speaking eloquently, but having the desire to speak about the deeper meaning of life. There are people who are witty, but in retrospect don't really have something to say.
                      And ofcourse there are exceptions, however I do believe that I have a higher chance in finding what I'm looking for with an eductated person.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Are my expectations too high?

                        Originally posted by Iwnbd1 View Post
                        No, I'm arab.
                        Why do you want to marry a white man specifically?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Are my expectations too high?

                          Just wanna say high, average or low doesn't really matter

                          Because


                          marriage is qadar (destiny). period
                          How merciful Allah on me by giving me respite,and I persist in my sins and Allah shields me

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Are my expectations too high?

                            Originally posted by myeverything View Post
                            Just wanna say high, average or low doesn't really matter

                            Because


                            marriage is qadar (destiny). period
                            I think this line of thinking is problematic. I've seen other people mentioning it too.

                            Everything is qadr in this life. Why single out marriage as if it's in a special category? We still have choices and decisions to make. Can't just throw our hands up and say it's qadr, we can't do anything.

                            I've seen parents do this too, after they forced their kids into a marriage and they ended up miserable, then said it's "qadr" you can't blame us.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Are my expectations too high?

                              Originally posted by Iwnbd1 View Post
                              It's not about speaking eloquently, but having the desire to speak about the deeper meaning of life. There are people who are witty, but in retrospect don't really have something to say.
                              And ofcourse there are exceptions, however I do believe that I have a higher chance in finding what I'm looking for with an eductated person.
                              1) It depends on what they majored in and if that major requires critical thinking and life study. Most college majors do not require that.

                              2) When you find someone that fits in your preference, ask questions and see if your personalities and goals match.

                              A) Think critically also.

                              B) For example, beauty is important but it also dies with age.

                              Comment

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