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Question about my first attemt?!

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    Question about my first attemt?!

    Assalamulaikum,

    I think this time I am going to try my first attempt to see a sister. but I am scared. She is 6 years younger than me. Do you think that might be problem in the future? I also have a couple of questions. I don't know that person or the family, she doesn't live in my city, but not too far from here. I need to call her sisters husband to - I guess - meet him and speak to him. But I am not sure, how such things work. Even I am kind of shy and not really social, often alone. So that kind of situations are challenging, I fear to disgrace myself. I even fear calling him. Can you give me tips?

    Other question: What kind of question did you asked or got asked, when spoke to your potential wife/husband? I already made a list, but I would like to know your ideas?

    #2
    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

    Salaam,

    I haven't been in your situation but I can recommend some Chamomile tea to calm your nerves down, it really helps.

    Comment


      #3
      Question about my first attemt?!

      You seem insecure, and therefore not at all ready to be a husband.

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Question about my first attemt?!

        I haven't been in your situation but I can recommend some Chamomile tea to calm your nerves down, it really helps.
        lol, that made laugh, barak Allah feek

        Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
        You seem insecure, and therefore not at all ready to be a husband.
        I am end of my twenties, how long shall I wait yet? I am insecure, because it's a new experience and I don't know what to expect. I think, I could be a good husband, because I know, how to avoid fighting and try to give instead of demand. The only think is, that I don't have a large social environment and not used to deal a lot with such situations. What do you think about the age difference?

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by islam1433 View Post
          I haven't been in your situation but I can recommend some Chamomile tea to calm your nerves down, it really helps.
          lol, that made laugh, barak Allah feek

          Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
          You seem insecure, and therefore not at all ready to be a husband.
          I am end of my twenties, how long shall I wait yet? I am insecure, because it's a new experience and I don't know what to expect. I think, I could be a good husband, because I know, how to avoid fighting and try to give instead of demand. The only think is, that I don't have a large social environment and not used to deal a lot with such situations. What do you think about the age difference?
          Age difference isn't an issue.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Question about my first attemt?!

            Originally posted by islam1433 View Post
            Assalamulaikum,

            I think this time I am going to try my first attempt to see a sister. but I am scared. She is 6 years younger than me. Do you think that might be problem in the future? I also have a couple of questions. I don't know that person or the family, she doesn't live in my city, but not too far from here. I need to call her sisters husband to - I guess - meet him and speak to him. But I am not sure, how such things work. Even I am kind of shy and not really social, often alone. So that kind of situations are challenging, I fear to disgrace myself. I even fear calling him. Can you give me tips?

            Other question: What kind of question did you asked or got asked, when spoke to your potential wife/husband? I already made a list, but I would like to know your ideas?
            Someone pls answer these questions, cuz I wanna know too :D

            I think personally that it would be easier to find someone you trust to do the talking for you. But idk this is complicated.

            Finding someone is such a hassle, imma call a warplane to drop me someone. Much easier

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Question about my first attemt?!

              Originally posted by islam1433 View Post
              Assalamulaikum,

              I think this time I am going to try my first attempt to see a sister. but I am scared. She is 6 years younger than me. Do you think that might be problem in the future? I also have a couple of questions. I don't know that person or the family, she doesn't live in my city, but not too far from here. I need to call her sisters husband to - I guess - meet him and speak to him. But I am not sure, how such things work. Even I am kind of shy and not really social, often alone. So that kind of situations are challenging, I fear to disgrace myself. I even fear calling him. Can you give me tips?

              Other question: What kind of question did you asked or got asked, when spoke to your potential wife/husband? I already made a list, but I would like to know your ideas?
              If you are too distressed, ask your friends to arrange a couple of meetings with random people on weekend, that should ease your nerves. The kind of questions you get asked from these will be most of what you will get asked by BIL.
              For yourself, don’t ask anything till he offers you if you want to ask anything from him. This is generally an indication that he has okayed you from his side. In that case ask not more than 2-3 things on top of your list and leave the rest for future.
              If you could tell us how things have reached this far, we could give some more tips.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Question about my first attemt?!

                Originally posted by Snippets View Post
                If you are too distressed, ask your friends to arrange a couple of meetings with random people on weekend, that should ease your nerves. The kind of questions you get asked from these will be most of what you will get asked by BIL.
                For yourself, don’t ask anything till he offers you if you want to ask anything from him. This is generally an indication that he has okayed you from his side. In that case ask not more than 2-3 things on top of your list and leave the rest for future.
                If you could tell us how things have reached this far, we could give some more tips.
                Honestly: I don't have many friends. So that's gonna be difficult. And who or what is BIL? My mom has meet his wife and I will see the sister of her, inshaAllah. I don't know who they are; never seen them and my mom neither.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Question about my first attemt?!

                  Yes, just sit and behave lol

                  Answer his questions, relax, don't be nervous

                  Try your best to give honest answers, don't sugar coat anything.

                  Recite the dua of Musa Alaihisalam

                  Don't stress about it too much, if it goes well fine, if it doesn't, next one please.

                  You should take a male relative with you. It will help.

                  Sorry just realised you have to call him, no big deal, just ask how he is and his family, then let him take it from there.
                  'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                  So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Question about my first attemt?!

                    hahah, after this description I feel stupid ^^ I think I am overreacting ^^ Everyhting is be gonna ok. It will be just a new experience. In normal life I have no problem to talk to people, it just doesn't happen all the time, ok and depends on the context...

                    To the questions part: Brother I created a list, when I not forget and find the doc, I can post part of it tomorrow.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Question about my first attemt?!

                      Originally posted by P1RAT3N View Post
                      Someone pls answer these questions, cuz I wanna know too :D

                      I think personally that it would be easier to find someone you trust to do the talking for you. But idk this is complicated.

                      Finding someone is such a hassle, imma call a warplane to drop me someone. Much easier
                      Ok, thanks windows search function, I found it: Here are some, that I had noticed couple a years ago:


                      What is your way to find solutions for issues/fights?
                      What is Aqeedah, Manhaj
                      What do you think about emancipation/feminism
                      Nationalism / Bidah
                      Which books do you read?
                      What do you expect out of marriage?
                      How to you imagine your marriage life?
                      How do you imagine your wedding?
                      What are your goals in life? Short- and longterm
                      Which role does religion take in your life?
                      What do you understand under "islamic marriage"?
                      What do you expect of your husband/wife regarding religion in the marriage?
                      What is the role of the husband?
                      What is the role of the wife?
                      What do you do in your leisure time?
                      Do you like travelling?
                      How to you spend your holiday?
                      What kind of music are you listening to?
                      What kind of TV Shows do you watch?
                      Do you want to have a TV in your household?
                      Why do you study? What do you expect from it? Why exactly that branch?
                      Do you plan to work after marriage?

                      Ok, that what I collected, may be there are stupid questions so someone can add new one.
                      Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
                      How did you get to know them?
                      Why are they your friends?
                      What do you like most about them?
                      What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
                      Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
                      What is the level of your relationship with them now?
                      What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
                      What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Question about my first attemt?!

                        Originally posted by islam1433 View Post
                        Ok, thanks windows search function, I found it: Here are some, that I had noticed couple a years ago:


                        What is your way to find solutions for issues/fights?
                        What is Aqeedah, Manhaj
                        What do you think about emancipation/feminism
                        Nationalism / Bidah
                        Which books do you read?
                        What do you expect out of marriage?
                        How to you imagine your marriage life?
                        How do you imagine your wedding?
                        What are your goals in life? Short- and longterm
                        Which role does religion take in your life?
                        What do you understand under "islamic marriage"?
                        What do you expect of your husband/wife regarding religion in the marriage?
                        What is the role of the husband?
                        What is the role of the wife?
                        What do you do in your leisure time?
                        Do you like travelling?
                        How to you spend your holiday?
                        What kind of music are you listening to?
                        What kind of TV Shows do you watch?
                        Do you want to have a TV in your household?
                        Why do you study? What do you expect from it? Why exactly that branch?
                        Do you plan to work after marriage?

                        Ok, that what I collected, may be there are stupid questions so someone can add new one.
                        Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
                        How did you get to know them?
                        Why are they your friends?
                        What do you like most about them?
                        What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
                        Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
                        What is the level of your relationship with them now?
                        What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
                        What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
                        At least three? That's to much for me :rotfl:
                        But I guess these questions are directed from male to female.

                        I have my own list from female to male.
                        1. Pc or ps4?
                        2. If pc, what kind of games you have?
                        3. If pc, what specs u have?
                        4. If pc, what csgo rank do you have?
                        .... If he answers right on all of them then its an instant marriage. Oh and if he answers ps4 on first one then I won't bother even to concider marriage. No ps4 in ma house boii

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Question about my first attemt?!

                          Originally posted by P1RAT3N View Post
                          At least three? That's to much for me :rotfl:
                          But I guess these questions are directed from male to female.

                          I have my own list from female to male.
                          1. Pc or ps4?
                          2. If pc, what kind of games you have?
                          3. If pc, what specs u have?
                          4. If pc, what csgo rank do you have?
                          .... If he answers right on all of them then its an instant marriage. Oh and if he answers ps4 on first one then I won't bother even to concider marriage. No ps4 in ma house boii
                          Do you really have to be sarcastic, did you think about your character when laughing at people? By the way, that's not all my question: especially the one with the friendship. I copied them from a forum, I guess it was this forum here, but I am not sure, it's to long. I neither see, why they wrote last three friends, just took it.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Question about my first attemt?!

                            Originally posted by P1RAT3N View Post
                            At least three? That's to much for me :rotfl:
                            But I guess these questions are directed from male to female.

                            I have my own list from female to male.
                            1. Pc or ps4?
                            2. If pc, what kind of games you have?
                            3. If pc, what specs u have?
                            4. If pc, what csgo rank do you have?
                            .... If he answers right on all of them then its an instant marriage. Oh and if he answers ps4 on first one then I won't bother even to concider marriage. No ps4 in ma house boii
                            By the way: Your behaviour is exactly the reason why I don't socialize with people in the mosque or in general. This behaviour is disrespectful and childish.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Question about my first attemt?!

                              Originally posted by islam1433 View Post
                              By the way: Your behaviour is exactly the reason why I don't socialize with people in the mosque or in general. This behaviour is disrespectful and childish.
                              I laughed at myself. You don't have to take it seriously. Take a chill pill mate.
                              I made a joke. It is a joke where I never made fun of you. I made fun of myself and it's clearly stated there.

                              What I ment up there is that I personallt don't even have one person to tell you about. Asking to tell you about at least three is to much for me. I am not laughing at you, I am laughing at myself for havin none to even talk to. I am more lonely than u can imagine so I understand how it is to live my whole lifebeing a lonely wolf, only talking to the wall.

                              I would ask these questions cuz gaming is one of my hobbies. I am sarcastic at my own low expectations in a marriage. I didn't say anything about your post or your Questions. Not at all.

                              Comment

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