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    My wife asked me to get married to a second wife.

    Assalamoalykum Wa'Rahmatullah Wa'Barakat,

    Respected brothers and sisters in Islam, I hope you are all doing fine InshaAllah. I am a new member to this site. I have been married for 12 years and Alhamdolillah Allah has blessed me with three very gorgeous kids. I love my wife and kids and I endeavour to fulfil their rights. My wife and I we both recently turned 40. There has been a certain level of decline in my wife's health and sharp decline in her physical relation towards me. This could be due to several reasons i.e. looking after kids. She is a very good mum and very understanding wife indeed.

    Recently, on three different occasions she has asked me to get a second wife. For the first time I ignored her. 2nd time I asked her the reasons and when she asked me the third time, I became seriously concerned. After long discussions, I now understand her reasons are for the sake of Allah (I can not go into too much details).

    I never thought of getting married to a 2nd wife before this. But, when I see lots of muslim sisters (divorced, widows or singles) struggling to find the right companionship, I started thinking of a 2nd wife. I am engineer by profession and I think I can afford to have another wife.

    Any advise?

    JazakAllah Khair

    #2
    Re: My wife asked me to get married to a second wife.

    Nothing wrong to marry a second wife, and it is even better that your first wife supports it. Just make sure that you will be able to give both wives their Islamic rights and treat them equally, such as providing each of them a place to live, providing food, clothes and spending equal time with both.

    Comment


      #3
      Re: My wife asked me to get married to a second wife.

      Alaikuma wasalam

      If I were you I would say Alhamdulillah for the wife you have now,Fear Allah swt and follow the sunnah to the best of your ability.

      Best to consult those men who have taken this on themselves,they are best to advise you in this matter
      all the advice I am able to give is above,sorry I can't be of more help.

      May Allah bless you in what you have and bless you in what you receive of his bounty. ameen

      Comment


        #4
        Re: My wife asked me to get married to a second wife.

        Originally posted by sm_gill View Post
        Assalamoalykum Wa'Rahmatullah Wa'Barakat,

        Respected brothers and sisters in Islam, I hope you are all doing fine InshaAllah. I am a new member to this site. I have been married for 12 years and Alhamdolillah Allah has blessed me with three very gorgeous kids. I love my wife and kids and I endeavour to fulfil their rights. My wife and I we both recently turned 40. There has been a certain level of decline in my wife's health and sharp decline in her physical relation towards me. This could be due to several reasons i.e. looking after kids. She is a very good mum and very understanding wife indeed.

        Recently, on three different occasions she has asked me to get a second wife. For the first time I ignored her. 2nd time I asked her the reasons and when she asked me the third time, I became seriously concerned. After long discussions, I now understand her reasons are for the sake of Allah (I can not go into too much details).

        I never thought of getting married to a 2nd wife before this. But, when I see lots of muslim sisters (divorced, widows or singles) struggling to find the right companionship, I started thinking of a 2nd wife. I am engineer by profession and I think I can afford to have another wife.

        Any advise?

        JazakAllah Khair
        :wswrwb:

        I am very pro-polygamy myself, though not necessarily for myself, however I think it has to be done by the right people, or else it is a drama, and often a disaster.

        So you mention finances... yes that is good, but in my opinion this is the least important of the three traits for successfully carrying out polygamy.

        You also need to be able to lead the house as a man, and carry the respect of two women... not an easy task.
        and you need to sure beyond reasonable doubt you can be just.

        Here is an article I wrote on the subject a few months ago.

        https://gingerbeardmansite.wordpress...gamy-catch-22/
        FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

        www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

        Comment


          #5
          Re: My wife asked me to get married to a second wife.

          Originally posted by sm_gill View Post
          Assalamoalykum Wa'Rahmatullah Wa'Barakat,

          Respected brothers and sisters in Islam, I hope you are all doing fine InshaAllah. I am a new member to this site. I have been married for 12 years and Alhamdolillah Allah has blessed me with three very gorgeous kids. I love my wife and kids and I endeavour to fulfil their rights. My wife and I we both recently turned 40. There has been a certain level of decline in my wife's health and sharp decline in her physical relation towards me. This could be due to several reasons i.e. looking after kids. She is a very good mum and very understanding wife indeed.

          Recently, on three different occasions she has asked me to get a second wife. For the first time I ignored her. 2nd time I asked her the reasons and when she asked me the third time, I became seriously concerned. After long discussions, I now understand her reasons are for the sake of Allah (I can not go into too much details).

          I never thought of getting married to a 2nd wife before this. But, when I see lots of muslim sisters (divorced, widows or singles) struggling to find the right companionship, I started thinking of a 2nd wife. I am engineer by profession and I think I can afford to have another wife.

          Any advise?

          JazakAllah Khair
          I would not like you to become paranoid but, something is seriously wrong in your relationship. You should sit down and analyze it seriously. Some people have weird ways of getting what they want.
          There are a lot of things people want to do for Allah, getting your husband to have another wife does not top that list.
          Now I am neither for or against your second marriage. But this should be a decision based upon your needs and obligations to your self and the future spouse.
          What I feel going on here is that you are being led into it, for reasons, that do not sound very plausible, when one considers how a usual sister will think. Now your wife may be a lot different than regular sisters, but, whenever someone comes up with unusual suggestions, or offers, I would say , always think twice.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: My wife asked me to get married to a second wife.

            Salaam,

            I say go for it brother, many single men can't marry so you are definitely doing the Muslim ummah a favour.

            Comment


              #7
              Re: My wife asked me to get married to a second wife.

              Originally posted by Snippets View Post
              I would not like you to become paranoid but, something is seriously wrong in your relationship. You should sit down and analyze it seriously. Some people have weird ways of getting what they want.
              There are a lot of things people want to do for Allah, getting your husband to have another wife does not top that list.
              Now I am neither for or against your second marriage. But this should be a decision based upon your needs and obligations to your self and the future spouse.
              What I feel going on here is that you are being led into it, for reasons, that do not sound very plausible, when one considers how a usual sister will think. Now your wife may be a lot different than regular sisters, but, whenever someone comes up with unusual suggestions, or offers, I would say , always think twice.
              Not all sisters are against polygamy-granted a lot are- but its strange that you use the word "usual"...what is a "usual" sister?

              From the OP it comes across, from the limited information provided (to me as a women-and I maybe wrong) that perhaps his wife doesn't want/can not fulfil his intimacy rights due to ill health or some other cause and instead of making him go without has decided a second wife is within both of their means and capabilities and so has taken the decision in order to safe guard her husband from fitna? Not all women expect their husband to accept things for the sake of monogamy.

              OP- Do not rush into any decision and if it isn't something you want then you shouldn't do it just because its been suggested-remember its you who has to treat both fairly if you do not think you can then it isn't something you should consider. I don't just mean financially either.
              I suggest you keep talking to your wife in-depth and make sure you are 100% certain before you accept it as it isn't something to be done lightly regardless if it was your wife suggestion or not. You will be the one responsible for the outcomes of both marriages when it comes to it- not every man wants or can be polygamous. But if you decide its something you can do then there is nothing wrong in it.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: My wife asked me to get married to a second wife.

                Originally posted by Um_Saf View Post
                Not all sisters are against polygamy-granted a lot are- but its strange that you use the word "usual"...what is a "usual" sister?

                From the OP it comes across, from the limited information provided (to me as a women-and I maybe wrong) that perhaps his wife doesn't want/can not fulfil his intimacy rights due to ill health or some other cause and instead of making him go without has decided a second wife is within both of their means and capabilities and so has taken the decision in order to safe guard her husband from fitna? Not all women expect their husband to accept things for the sake of monogamy.

                OP- Do not rush into any decision and if it isn't something you want then you shouldn't do it just because its been suggested-remember its you who has to treat both fairly if you do not think you can then it isn't something you should consider. I don't just mean financially either.
                I suggest you keep talking to your wife in-depth and make sure you are 100% certain before you accept it as it isn't something to be done lightly regardless if it was your wife suggestion or not. You will be the one responsible for the outcomes of both marriages when it comes to it- not every man wants or can be polygamous. But if you decide its something you can do then there is nothing wrong in it.
                Those who think about themselves first and foremost.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: My wife asked me to get married to a second wife.

                  Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                  Those who think about themselves first and foremost.
                  Ah i see- I would have used the majority of sisters over the word usual, as many are okay with it- as long as its practiced correctly according to islam. Cultural norms also affect peoples outlooks to a degree too, some cultures accept it easier than others.

                  Even in the non-muslim word you can see monogamy isn't always the norm- some Christian sects-Mormons and the such practice it and also open-marriages and similar etc exist even in the west. Though not "mainstream" as monogamy is, polygamy is accepted by a lot of women all over the word as normal without the need for an Altera motive behind it.

                  Because of that i wouldn't say there is something automatically strange about the suggestion personally. Even so its not something to be taken lightly by anyone regardless of reasons behind it.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: My wife asked me to get married to a second wife.

                    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                    Those who think about themselves first and foremost.
                    That’s 99 percent of all humans.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: My wife asked me to get married to a second wife.

                      Thank you for your reply. Nothing wrong with our relationship. Alhamdolillah, it is very strong. The fact that my wife suggested me this also tells you how friendly and deep relation we have.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: My wife asked me to get married to a second wife.

                        Originally posted by Snippets View Post
                        That’s 99 percent of all humans.
                        I don't about the percentages but I'm sure it's high.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: My wife asked me to get married to a second wife.

                          Originally posted by sm_gill View Post
                          Thank you for your reply. Nothing wrong with our relationship. Alhamdolillah, it is very strong. The fact that my wife suggested me this also tells you how friendly and deep relation we have.
                          I am not saying there is, but, never take things for granted.
                          And regardless of whether you marry again or not, you should try to see why there is a sharp decline in your physical relationship. Just brushing it away is not the right thing. You should talk to her about it, if she is too tired, see if you can help, or hire a help or take clothes for laundry etc. If she is not well, see a physician, check thyroid functions, hormones, etc that can affect physical relations. If you are out of shape, get in shape. Take a vacation alone without kids.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: My wife asked me to get married to a second wife.

                            Good suggestions brother, mashaAllah. You make sense but I have already tried most of your suggestions. I am not a kind of man who will just crack on in such situations. I have taken some time and this forum activity is also part of the same exercise. InshaAllah, I would want others like yourself and the sisters to come and participate in this discussion so that I could benefit maximum of people's experiences and opinions.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: My wife asked me to get married to a second wife.

                              Originally posted by sm_gill View Post
                              Good suggestions brother, mashaAllah. You make sense but I have already tried most of your suggestions. I am not a kind of man who will just crack on in such situations. I have taken some time and this forum activity is also part of the same exercise. InshaAllah, I would want others like yourself and the sisters to come and participate in this discussion so that I could benefit maximum of people's experiences and opinions.
                              Well, yes, may be the married sisters can shed some light on it. What are the reasons a sister will loose interest in physical relations?

                              Comment

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