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  • Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Asalamualakum I am 20 years old I have been speaking to a girl for 2 years on email however I have met her twice . I never ever even touched her in the 2 times I met her as I said its haram so I am happy for this. Her character was amazing she was such a nice girl she never had a boyfriend before . But what worried me was she was going to a university which I knew was not good it scared me .

    I even told my dad about her about I want to marry her he was going to speak to her parents but now this happens.

    To make the story short
    Yesterday she msgs me saying I have done something really bad forgive me sorry then I asked her what she did not reply now she has blocked me . The thoughts in my head are she has

    1. Kissed a man
    2. Fornicated

    its hurting me but I kept my love to a limit i never felt in deeep love with her though i still loved her i can feel it.


    I dont know what to do ?

    I did dua to Allah a week ago show me a sign if she is right one now this happens .
    She also has stopping praying her salah 5 times she only prays sometimes which bothered me I said to her start praying atleast 4 times.


    Questions


    1. Shall I wait for her to message me? if yes how long

    2. Would you say forgive her or no just move on?

    3. What would u advise me if she did commit fornication? ( how to deal with this hardship islamically)


    I am from UK I really wanted a wife who is pure never kissed a man etc. I feel broken inside abit but if i find out i will be destroyed inside i think.


    U see my aim is marriage not to have girlfriends this is why I wanted to hurry up with marriage. I have never had a girlfriend before in my life before speaking to this 1.

    Sorry 4 going on plz help
    Last edited by muslim4life76; 03-11-17, 10:57 AM.

  • P1RAT3N
    replied
    Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    I dont see being a revert as an exscuse to be honest
    By the fitra we know things like murder and zina is wronf and in life whether its tv or other religions influence people know to wait till marriage or to not murder
    So i dont see it as an exscuse
    They chose to live like that and yes their sins are forgiven
    But your past life will affect your future life in the dunya for better or worse
    No. Ofcourse doing everything haram is wrong. But some cultures don't for example see it as zina if they date someone or live together. As long as they stay together it would be alright. But cheating on someone outside the relationship is wrong. Going to a club just because of zina is wrong. This is going against fitra so you are right there. But all people do not see marriage as something that makes intercourse halal. They didn't have knowledge on this matter before.

    Leave a comment:


  • muslim4life76
    replied
    Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    I dont see being a revert as an exscuse to be honest
    By the fitra we know things like murder and zina is wronf and in life whether its tv or other religions influence people know to wait till marriage or to not murder
    So i dont see it as an exscuse
    They chose to live like that and yes their sins are forgiven
    But your past life will affect your future life in the dunya for better or worse
    Exactly

    Leave a comment:


  • muslim4life76
    replied
    Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
    How old are you?

    Your expectations are so high
    Know that one way or another you will have to compromise to find all 3 of what u want is a small minority possible but hard

    U should look more towards religion and charachter a person who fears Allah is a 5 or 6 in terms of physical attraction is 10 times better than someone who doesnt fear Allah and is a 9 or 10

    Think about after you get married and have a small infatuation phase u will get over her looks and not care no more she might even gain weight after giving birth this is why charachter matters that is something that wont ever go and u wont get bored of
    20

    I really want all 3 do dua for me

    I will not be satisfied with a girl 5/6 atleast 7 -10

    10 is offcourse 2 high ahah so i reduce it to 7

    You are right in that sense think ahead.

    Leave a comment:


  • muslim4life76
    replied
    Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Originally posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    And I did not get the bold words. What do you mean?

    Then if you find a revert? Many reverts might not be virgins but reverting to Islam is like the person being born again. It's kinda sad to exclude a revert who did not now any better before becoming a muslim..
    So "excessively concerned with material possessions "

    like uses you for your money not grateful, not satisfied .

    Always asking for money.

    Leave a comment:


  • muslim4life76
    replied
    Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Originally posted by uccello verde View Post
    Subhana'Allah, don't let this to spoil your education. Go to do wudu with cold water, and pray 2 rak'ah. Clear your head and follow your study plan.
    And seriously do some exercise, running is good.
    Take care of yourself.
    Thank u so much for the advice may Allah reward u ameen

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Originally posted by P1RAT3N View Post
    And I did not get the bold words. What do you mean?

    Then if you find a revert? Many reverts might not be virgins but reverting to Islam is like the person being born again. It's kinda sad to exclude a revert who did not now any better before becoming a muslim..
    I dont see being a revert as an exscuse to be honest
    By the fitra we know things like murder and zina is wronf and in life whether its tv or other religions influence people know to wait till marriage or to not murder
    So i dont see it as an exscuse
    They chose to live like that and yes their sins are forgiven
    But your past life will affect your future life in the dunya for better or worse

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu julaybeeb
    replied
    Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Originally posted by muslim4life76 View Post
    This is the thing I want a virgin

    my criteria is

    1. Beautiful
    2. Religious ( Covers everything salah not materialistic good character obey husband etc)
    3. Virgin (Prophet recommended it )

    But even if he did not I would still desire a virgin . Its hard for me to marry a woman who fornicated because I want to be first man not 2nd or 3rd man.
    How old are you?

    Your expectations are so high
    Know that one way or another you will have to compromise to find all 3 of what u want is a small minority possible but hard

    U should look more towards religion and charachter a person who fears Allah is a 5 or 6 in terms of physical attraction is 10 times better than someone who doesnt fear Allah and is a 9 or 10

    Think about after you get married and have a small infatuation phase u will get over her looks and not care no more she might even gain weight after giving birth this is why charachter matters that is something that wont ever go and u wont get bored of

    Leave a comment:


  • P1RAT3N
    replied
    Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Originally posted by muslim4life76 View Post
    This is the thing I want a virgin

    my criteria is

    1. Beautiful
    2. Religious ( Covers everything salah not materialistic good character obey husband etc)
    3. Virgin (Prophet recommended it )

    But even if he did not I would still desire a virgin . Its hard for me to marry a woman who fornicated because I want to be first man not 2nd or 3rd man.
    And I did not get the bold words. What do you mean?

    Then if you find a revert? Many reverts might not be virgins but reverting to Islam is like the person being born again. It's kinda sad to exclude a revert who did not now any better before becoming a muslim..
    Last edited by P1RAT3N; 03-11-17, 10:47 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Originally posted by muslim4life76 View Post
    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Most men desire a beautiful woman and aren't fussed about the other things. So it's easy for them to find what they want.

    But beautiful, religious, and a virgin. I'm sure they exist, but they are difficult to find, although it depends on how high your standards are.

    And if you do find such a woman, are you yourself up to her standard?

    If I were you I would focus less on her being beautiful (she has to be reasonably attractive of course) and also less on virginity. A virgin is obviously ideal, but there's lots of very religious women out there who are good looking but made some mistakes in their past from which they've repented. Or they are divorcees/widows.
    This is the thing I want a virgin

    my criteria is

    1. Beautiful
    2. Religious ( Covers everything salah not materialistic good character obey husband etc)
    3. Virgin (Prophet recommended it )

    But even if he did not I would still desire a virgin . Its hard for me to marry a woman who fornicated because I want to be first man not 2nd or 3rd man.
    Good luck.

    Leave a comment:


  • uccello verde
    replied
    Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Originally posted by muslim4life76 View Post
    i know all these thoughts are frm shaytan i have to seek refuge in Allah every time i get a thought about tht girl then it goes away but comes bak

    yes I will thanks

    I will write on this forum in sha Aallah after a week how i feel and I have exam in 3 weeks I do not think I can pass if this has not recovered after a week because its stopping me I am in my 2nd yr very important
    Subhana'Allah, don't let this to spoil your education. Go to do wudu with cold water, and pray 2 rak'ah. Clear your head and follow your study plan.
    And seriously do some exercise, running is good.
    Take care of yourself.

    Leave a comment:


  • muslim4life76
    replied
    Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Most men desire a beautiful woman and aren't fussed about the other things. So it's easy for them to find what they want.

    But beautiful, religious, and a virgin. I'm sure they exist, but they are difficult to find, although it depends on how high your standards are.

    And if you do find such a woman, are you yourself up to her standard?

    If I were you I would focus less on her being beautiful (she has to be reasonably attractive of course) and also less on virginity. A virgin is obviously ideal, but there's lots of very religious women out there who are good looking but made some mistakes in their past from which they've repented. Or they are divorcees/widows.
    This is the thing I want a virgin

    my criteria is

    1. Beautiful
    2. Religious ( Covers everything salah not materialistic good character obey husband etc)
    3. Virgin (Prophet recommended it )

    But even if he did not I would still desire a virgin . Its hard for me to marry a woman who fornicated because I want to be first man not 2nd or 3rd man.

    Leave a comment:


  • muslim4life76
    replied
    Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Originally posted by uccello verde View Post
    Akhi, it is waswas, just let it go. In sha'Allah she'll rectify her affairs, but don't start waiting her.
    I wonder, if she changed to much, who were her friends. Did she told you? What kind of "ideas" they were selling for her.
    That's why we ask guidance every time we do our salat. As, we don't know what is going to be our ending.

    Try to eat small portions and often, In sha'Allah. Maybe write journal, it may help. Next Ramadan, all this will be water under the bridge.
    Stay positive.
    i know all these thoughts are frm shaytan i have to seek refuge in Allah every time i get a thought about tht girl then it goes away but comes bak

    yes I will thanks

    I will write on this forum in sha Aallah after a week how i feel and I have exam in 3 weeks I do not think I can pass if this has not recovered after a week because its stopping me I am in my 2nd yr very important

    Leave a comment:


  • uccello verde
    replied
    Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Originally posted by muslim4life76 View Post
    Exactly

    when I think of it tht way as u have mentioned if she cannot obey her master forget me

    but then I think to myself imagine in a few years time or months she changes good then what?

    but it is hard to forget a woman who iv spoken to for 2 yrs

    today I could not even smile much eat properly because I would think in my head i would even imagine a man probably kissing her tht hurt me inside
    Akhi, it is waswas, just let it go. In sha'Allah she'll rectify her affairs, but don't start waiting her.
    I wonder, if she changed to much, who were her friends. Did she told you? What kind of "ideas" they were selling for her.
    That's why we ask guidance every time we do our salat. As, we don't know what is going to be our ending.

    Try to eat small portions and often, In sha'Allah. Maybe write journal, it may help. Next Ramadan, all this will be water under the bridge.
    Stay positive.

    Leave a comment:


  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Originally posted by muslim4life76 View Post
    Yes but this is what I want a woman who is beautiful attractive and religious

    well most men desire a beautiful woman
    Most men desire a beautiful woman and aren't fussed about the other things. So it's easy for them to find what they want.

    But beautiful, religious, and a virgin. I'm sure they exist, but they are difficult to find, although it depends on how high your standards are.

    And if you do find such a woman, are you yourself up to her standard?

    If I were you I would focus less on her being beautiful (she has to be reasonably attractive of course) and also less on virginity. A virgin is obviously ideal, but there's lots of very religious women out there who are good looking but made some mistakes in their past from which they've repented. Or they are divorcees/widows.

    Leave a comment:

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