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    Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Asalamualakum I am 20 years old I have been speaking to a girl for 2 years on email however I have met her twice . I never ever even touched her in the 2 times I met her as I said its haram so I am happy for this. Her character was amazing she was such a nice girl she never had a boyfriend before . But what worried me was she was going to a university which I knew was not good it scared me .

    I even told my dad about her about I want to marry her he was going to speak to her parents but now this happens.

    To make the story short
    Yesterday she msgs me saying I have done something really bad forgive me sorry then I asked her what she did not reply now she has blocked me . The thoughts in my head are she has

    1. Kissed a man
    2. Fornicated

    its hurting me but I kept my love to a limit i never felt in deeep love with her though i still loved her i can feel it.


    I dont know what to do ?

    I did dua to Allah a week ago show me a sign if she is right one now this happens .
    She also has stopping praying her salah 5 times she only prays sometimes which bothered me I said to her start praying atleast 4 times.


    Questions


    1. Shall I wait for her to message me? if yes how long

    2. Would you say forgive her or no just move on?

    3. What would u advise me if she did commit fornication? ( how to deal with this hardship islamically)


    I am from UK I really wanted a wife who is pure never kissed a man etc. I feel broken inside abit but if i find out i will be destroyed inside i think.


    U see my aim is marriage not to have girlfriends this is why I wanted to hurry up with marriage. I have never had a girlfriend before in my life before speaking to this 1.

    Sorry 4 going on plz help
    Last edited by muslim4life76; 03-11-17, 10:57 AM.

    #2
    Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

    Waalaikumussalam son

    Move on ,I can see this turning to a headache with doubts and what not
    It's really not worth it hassling yourself

    Concetrate on yourself

    As for blocking you ,maybe out of guilt or perhaps hoping you will miss her more
    Just ignore and forget about her

    Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

    **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

    Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antê” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

      Im sure this must be really hard for you brother, especially considering you spent 2 years talking to this person. My advice is the same as the brother before me said, move on.

      Best to just forget about her otherwise your just gonna go insane thinking about her and what she may or may not be doing. Perhaps next time you see a girl bring up marriage earlier rather than getting to know them over years.

      insha'Allah you will be alright.

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

        Originally posted by muslim4life76 View Post
        Asalamualakum I am 20 years old I have been speaking to a girl for 2 years on email however I have met her twice . I never ever even touched her in the 2 times I met her as I said its haram so I am happy for this. Her character was amazing she was such a nice girl she never had a boyfriend before . But what worried me was she was going to a university which I knew was not good it scared me .

        I even told my dad about her about I want to marry her he was going to speak to her parents but now this happens.

        To make the story short
        Yesterday she msgs me saying I have done something really bad forgive me sorry then I asked her what she did not reply now she has blocked me . The thoughts in my head are she has

        1. Kissed a man
        2. Fornicated

        its hurting me but I kept my love to a limit i never felt in deeep love with her though i still loved her i can feel it.


        I dont know what to do ?

        I did dua to Allah a week ago show me a sign if she is right one now this happens .
        She also has stopping praying her salah 5 times she only prays sometimes which bothered me I said to her start praying atleast 4 times.


        Questions


        1. Shall I wait for her to message me? if yes how long

        2. Would you say forgive her or no just move on?

        3. What would u advise me if she did commit fornication? ( how to deal with this hardship islamically)


        I am from UK I really wanted a wife who is pure never kissed a man etc. I feel broken inside abit but if i find out i will be destroyed inside i think.


        U see my aim is marriage not to have girlfriends this is why I wanted to hurry up with marriage. I have never had a girlfriend before in my life before speaking to this 1.

        Sorry 4 going on plz help
        :wswrwb:
        What was your purpose meeting this girl twice, if not marry her? Where was her Wali? You can't go around meeting sisters, just for fun. In Islam it need to lead something permanent, or let her go.

        You have been 2 years talking to this sister and what has been holding you back not ask her to be your spouse?

        Today you feel hurt and next week, but you'll get over, Alhamdulillah. All this is just Dunyah, only thing which matter the most is your relationship with Allah SWT. Work on that one. Keep yourself busy with halal activities. Go to outside and run. Read Quran. Learn new things. Go halaqas. meet with brothers.

        Real love comes when you are married to person and live with her through trials and tests which life puts you two through and you still remain by each others side.


        When time is right you will find your spouse.
        And next time go on right way, meeting sister with her Wali.

        Just, move on and say Alhamdulillah.

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

          1- No I would suggest don’t wait for her message. Bcoz it’s not under your control, focus on things that you can do, rather than waiting for someone else.

          2- She is not related to you, so there is nothing for you to forgive. It’s her life, she has to answer for herself to Allah, and not to you. You are just another person on planet, for now.

          3- You are way overthinking, whatever she has done is not your concern.
          If at all you come to a stage when you propose her, only then you can ask her, and decide.

          TBH, what I think is that, she is in university. A whole new world or may be a lifestyle has opened up to her. She probably does not fancy a shy young man, who wants her to be religious and pray regularly and with whom she never marry. So she does not want to pursue this any further.

          You may have put her on a pedestal but that’s not how the world works.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

            Originally posted by Snippets View Post
            1- No I would suggest don’t wait for her message. Bcoz it’s not under your control, focus on things that you can do, rather than waiting for someone else.

            2- She is not related to you, so there is nothing for you to forgive. It’s her life, she has to answer for herself to Allah, and not to you. You are just another person on planet, for now.

            3- You are way overthinking, whatever she has done is not your concern.
            If at all you come to a stage when you propose her, only then you can ask her, and decide.

            TBH, what I think is that, she is in university. A whole new world or may be a lifestyle has opened up to her. She probably does not fancy a shy young man, who wants her to be religious and pray regularly and with whom she never marry. So she does not want to pursue this any further.

            You may have put her on a pedestal but that’s not how the world works.
            Actually, I don't understand what kind of universities that corrupt peoples heads like that. In our country, a uni is a normal school, but with grownups. Every one goes there to study and not chitchat. There are clubs to join IF you want to, but nothing is forced. If people stops praying and want to do haram just cuz it exists, then they didn't have good deen in the beginning.
            There is nothing wrong with uni, the people is in fault here.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by muslim4life76 View Post
              Asalamualakum I am 20 years old I have been speaking to a girl for 2 years on email however I have met her twice . I never ever even touched her in the 2 times I met her as I said its haram so I am happy for this. Her character was amazing she was such a nice girl she never had a boyfriend before . But what worried me was she was going to a university which I knew was not good it scared me .

              I even told my dad about her about I want to marry her he was going to speak to her parents but now this happens.

              To make the story short
              Yesterday she msgs me saying I have done something really bad forgive me sorry then I asked her what she did not reply now she has blocked me . The thoughts in my head are she has

              1. Kissed a man
              2. Fornicated

              its hurting me but I kept my love to a limit i never felt in deeep love with her though i still loved her i can feel it.


              I dont know what to do ?

              I did dua to Allah a week ago show me a sign if she is right one now this happens .
              She also has stopping praying her salah 5 times she only prays sometimes which bothered me I said to her start praying atleast 4 times.


              Questions


              1. Shall I wait for her to message me? if yes how long

              2. Would you say forgive her or no just move on?

              3. What would u advise me if she did commit fornication? ( how to deal with this hardship islamically)


              I am from UK I really wanted a wife who is pure never kissed a man etc. I feel broken inside abit but if i find out i will be destroyed inside i think.


              U see my aim is marriage not to have girlfriends this is why I wanted to hurry up with marriage. I have never had a girlfriend before in my life before speaking to this 1.

              Sorry 4 going on plz help
              You are being pathetic. Get a grip man. You barely know this girl. "Broken inside" gimme a break. Stop getting attached to women over email.

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

                Originally posted by P1RAT3N View Post
                Actually, I don't understand what kind of universities that corrupt peoples heads like that. In our country, a uni is a normal school, but with grownups. Every one goes there to study and not chitchat. There are clubs to join IF you want to, but nothing is forced. If people stops praying and want to do haram just cuz it exists, then they didn't have good deen in the beginning.
                There is nothing wrong with uni, the people is in fault here.
                well said.
                ┳┻|
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                ┳┻|⊂ノ
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                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

                  :salams:

                  I am very sorry that this has happened to you. Take this as a lesson :insha: you will be a much better man than this and next time you will be more cautious about how you handle it.

                  Again, sorry to say this but move on. Don't waste your time or your life sobbing away for this girl. It will take time to heal your heart but you have not lost anything worthy.

                  Speak to Allah, keep making dua because these feelings could turn you into a better believer.

                  Don't look back, keep moving forward because you were saved from a bigger heart break if she did not tell you now.

                  All the best.
                  'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                  So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

                    Originally posted by P1RAT3N View Post
                    Actually, I don't understand what kind of universities that corrupt peoples heads like that. In our country, a uni is a normal school, but with grownups. Every one goes there to study and not chitchat. There are clubs to join IF you want to, but nothing is forced. If people stops praying and want to do haram just cuz it exists, then they didn't have good deen in the beginning.
                    There is nothing wrong with uni, the people is in fault here.
                    What country are you from?

                    It seems as though universities have become zina hubs
                    Lol

                    Usually, non Muslims see it as fun, get drunk, go clubbing, meet people to hook up with. It's minor for them.

                    For us Muslims, well, I don't know what happened here because I didn't think uni life would be a 'threat' to someone's iman. Unfortunately it has become that.

                    University has become a fitna which is ridiculous because it's an educational institute, not a brothel lol

                    Shame really, I think Muslims that are serious about their religion struggle because it's a war between getting a degree and staying away from debauchery. Influence is there.
                    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

                      Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                      What country are you from?

                      It seems as though universities have become zina hubs
                      Lol

                      Usually, non Muslims see it as fun, get drunk, go clubbing, meet people to hook up with. It's minor for them.

                      For us Muslims, well, I don't know what happened here because I didn't think uni life would be a 'threat' to someone's iman. Unfortunately it has become that.

                      University has become a fitna which is ridiculous because it's an educational institute, not a brothel lol

                      Shame really, I think Muslims that are serious about their religion struggle because it's a war between getting a degree and staying away from debauchery. Influence is there.
                      I am from Sweden, where we have good educational system. We have no zina there. Clubbing is something you do after school, if you want to. In school, no one even have time to think about these stuff. Everyone works hard in uni and no one wants to risk loosing their degree.

                      And Swedes are the folks who get drunk the most.

                      I have been in far worse schools than what these unis people describe and my deen did not get affected. I am hard to get influenced anyways. Being an extreme introvert and avoiding people doing haram helped me to keep my deen. I really hate hanging around with other friends cuz I am a family person. I litteraly hide from people I know and rush home because I don't want to meet anyone. I just want to get home and chill, away from all the loud people

                      But if some have low self esteem, gets influenced easy or cannot control themselves then they better stay away from bad enviroments. And this is coming from a sister who does not get influenced by other women. I could care less of what they say or think about me

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

                        Originally posted by P1RAT3N View Post
                        Actually, I don't understand what kind of universities that corrupt peoples heads like that. In our country, a uni is a normal school, but with grownups. Every one goes there to study and not chitchat. There are clubs to join IF you want to, but nothing is forced. If people stops praying and want to do haram just cuz it exists, then they didn't have good deen in the beginning.
                        There is nothing wrong with uni, the people is in fault here.
                        It’s mostly about peer pressure. If one is in good company, or just keeps to him or herself, then it’s not much of an issue.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

                          This girl sounds like she was never a good girl
                          She spoke to u for 2 years without a mehram and linked u twice she was not marriage material
                          What do u expect
                          Someone said a couple sweet words and could have persuaded her into anything
                          U dont just marry someone coz they are 'pure'
                          Marry someone who is a righteous muslima who will take care of you and help you reach jannah
                          Who fears Allah and will make your children into muwahideen

                          U wasted time for 2 years and commited haram
                          Repent and forget about her shes a waste of time
                          Seek into your religion and in time u can have a righteous wife who will actually respect you even when your not there

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

                            Originally posted by Snippets View Post
                            It’s mostly about peer pressure. If one is in good company, or just keeps to him or herself, then it’s not much of an issue.
                            If you have taqwa it wont be too hard to resist these situations its people who like that kind of stuff who fall into these traps

                            But still shaytaan can sometimes get the better of peopel and thats why we freemixing is haram

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Feeling broken inside (abit) Please help me !

                              Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                              What country are you from?

                              It seems as though universities have become zina hubs
                              Lol

                              Usually, non Muslims see it as fun, get drunk, go clubbing, meet people to hook up with. It's minor for them.

                              For us Muslims, well, I don't know what happened here because I didn't think uni life would be a 'threat' to someone's iman. Unfortunately it has become that.

                              University has become a fitna which is ridiculous because it's an educational institute, not a brothel lol

                              Shame really, I think Muslims that are serious about their religion struggle because it's a war between getting a degree and staying away from debauchery. Influence is there.
                              University isnt too much of a problem for people who go study and then go home
                              For people who like to free mix and like to look for fun with people it is those people that find it hard
                              A very small minority of people i know who are religious and find it hard but thats because they live at uni eith kuffar who bring the badnesd to the doorstep

                              Comment

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