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    Girl I loved is getting married

    I rarely post in marriage section but here it goes ...

    Salaam other than talking to Allah swt sharing my secrets , I am now sharing it with you too incase you can tell me what to do because I am facing problem upon problem and this one has hit me too.

    I just have to let this out I can not keep it in no longer !

    There is this girl I met once upon a time, ( You could say I fell in love ) I really wished to marry her but because of my status as you all know I do not have any money and I have mental anxiety I never did want to say anything because I am not worthy so I decided to remain silent.

    Even when we met sometime as she is a distant relative member I could sense she liked me too when she approached me etc a few times but I did not react even when I wish I could because of my extreme shyness and not having any financial backing.

    I have liked her for over 10 years and have made many duas regarding this and I just found out her marriage has been fixed and she is due to marry soon.

    Upon hearing this I cried silently and my head hurt and I made the same prayer like I mostly did '' May I marry her or give me the strength to forget her ''

    I am lost for words and each day will kill me untill she gets married ... how can i cope ? Everything has gone quiet around me and I need support.

    Jazak Allah Ul Khair
    Last edited by Believer1984; 30-10-17, 01:14 AM.
    Believer1984.com Life is about believing. A website on Islam and everything else.

    #2
    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

    I know how this feels akhi, take it from me, I always fall for people who reject me anyway. At least this sister had liked you, so that shows you have some qualities that other sister can be interested by.

    Don't you think in moments like this that Allah has plans for you, that this marriage may not have been suitable. It just makes you reflect on Allah's mercy and feel close to Him. And I'm saying this, as someone who is quick to despair and feel despondent over little things.
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


    Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

    Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Girl I loved is getting married

      rabbana hublana min azwaajina wa thuriyatina kurrata aa’yun waj’alna lil mutakeena imaama

      “...Our Lord! Grant unto us spouse and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.”
      Quran~Surah Al-Furqan (25:74)
      وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

      And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


      أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

      Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


      Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

      Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Girl I loved is getting married

        Originally posted by Believer1984 View Post
        I rarely post in marriage section but here it goes ...

        Salaam other than talking to Allah swt sharing my secrets , I am now sharing it with you too incase you can tell me what to do because I am facing problem upon problem and this one has hit me too.

        I just have to let this out I can not keep it in no longer !

        There is this girl I met once upon a time, ( You could say I fell in love ) I really wished to marry her but because of my status as you all know I do not have any money and I have mental anxiety I never did want to say anything because I am not worthy so I decided to remain silent.

        Even when we met sometime as she is a distant relative member I could sense she liked me too when she approached me etc a few times but I did not react even when I wish I could because of my extreme shyness and not having any financial backing.

        I have liked her for over 10 years and have made many duas regarding this and I just found out her marriage has been fixed and she is due to marry soon.

        Upon hearing this I cried silently and my head hurt and I made the same prayer like I mostly did '' May I marry her or give me the strength to forget her ''

        I am lost for words and each day will kill me untill she gets married ... how can i cope ? Everything has gone quiet around me and I need support.

        Jazak Allah Ul Khair
        Give it time,you will be fine.
        Then you will get married inshaallah,and then you gonna say first girl who.

        Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

        **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

        Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antê” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Girl I loved is getting married

          Originally posted by Believer1984 View Post
          I rarely post in marriage section but here it goes ...

          Salaam other than talking to Allah swt sharing my secrets , I am now sharing it with you too incase you can tell me what to do because I am facing problem upon problem and this one has hit me too.

          I just have to let this out I can not keep it in no longer !

          There is this girl I met once upon a time, ( You could say I fell in love ) I really wished to marry her but because of my status as you all know I do not have any money and I have mental anxiety I never did want to say anything because I am not worthy so I decided to remain silent.

          Even when we met sometime as she is a distant relative member I could sense she liked me too when she approached me etc a few times but I did not react even when I wish I could because of my extreme shyness and not having any financial backing.

          I have liked her for over 10 years and have made many duas regarding this and I just found out her marriage has been fixed and she is due to marry soon.

          Upon hearing this I cried silently and my head hurt and I made the same prayer like I mostly did '' May I marry her or give me the strength to forget her ''

          I am lost for words and each day will kill me untill she gets married ... how can i cope ? Everything has gone quiet around me and I need support.

          Jazak Allah Ul Khair
          How do you know she liked you? Not to get you down, but a lot of times when guys like a girl they look for any excuse to think "she likes me."

          Anyway this infatuation is a disease. No one should have that much power over you. But time heals all; eventually you will get over it.

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Girl I loved is getting married

            I sorry to hear that you are hurting but if it was written for you to marry by Allah swt decree than nothing in heaven and earth could've stopped it and as it was not written for you nothing in heaven and earth can make it happen.

            These are the test that Allah swt sends us,be patient with his decree.

            Since you know that shyness is an issue holding you back work on becoming more assertive and aggressive in what you want.

            nothing is going to just drop out of the sky into your lap so JUST dua alone will not achieve your goals.

            May Allah awj ease your aching heart and give you the strength to achieve what you need in life,ameen

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Girl I loved is getting married

              I am so sorry to hear that akhi.
              ┳┻|
              ┻┳|•.•) Hello, Assalamu Alaikum! Check out this topic! #makethechanges
              ┳┻|⊂ノ
              ┻┳|
              :banbear:http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...adan-Authentic:hidban:

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Girl I loved is getting married

                Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
                I know how this feels akhi, take it from me, I always fall for people who reject me anyway. At least this sister had liked you, so that shows you have some qualities that other sister can be interested by.

                Don't you think in moments like this that Allah has plans for you, that this marriage may not have been suitable. It just makes you reflect on Allah's mercy and feel close to Him. And I'm saying this, as someone who is quick to despair and feel despondent over little things.
                Jazak Allah.

                Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
                Give it time,you will be fine.
                Then you will get married inshaallah,and then you gonna say first girl who.
                Jazak Allah.

                Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                How do you know she liked you? Not to get you down, but a lot of times when guys like a girl they look for any excuse to think "she likes me."

                Anyway this infatuation is a disease. No one should have that much power over you. But time heals all; eventually you will get over it.
                Akhi in my 32 years I never had any relation of any kind with the opposite , but I felt something strong without talking and so did she and she would be only girl to bring me a plate of cake at someone else's wedding, like shes giving me a sign etc and other times she would stare from a distance.

                But me I died every time in them years of such moments because I am not good enough in terms of confidence, money etc I am just quiet pause n walk on.

                I made many dua's even at times when I was at umrah and she was there too at that time.

                Originally posted by Samsandman View Post
                I sorry to hear that you are hurting but if it was written for you to marry by Allah swt decree than nothing in heaven and earth could've stopped it and as it was not written for you nothing in heaven and earth can make it happen.

                These are the test that Allah swt sends us,be patient with his decree.

                Since you know that shyness is an issue holding you back work on becoming more assertive and aggressive in what you want.

                nothing is going to just drop out of the sky into your lap so JUST dua alone will not achieve your goals.

                May Allah awj ease your aching heart and give you the strength to achieve what you need in life,ameen
                Jazak Allah it hurts like crazy but I am content with whatever Allah swt has written for me.

                I just pray this mental and heart ache in the coming days is lessened or a miracle happens I get better and her marriage does not continue and we unite.

                Life is strange and my whole life has been a struggle tired ..just want to rest in prayers.

                Peace.
                Believer1984.com Life is about believing. A website on Islam and everything else.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Girl I loved is getting married

                  Originally posted by Cptn._.Mario View Post
                  I am so sorry to hear that akhi.
                  Akhi dua for me because this is hard.

                  Jazak Allah.
                  Believer1984.com Life is about believing. A website on Islam and everything else.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Girl I loved is getting married

                    She's not married yet, why don't you ask for her hand? What could you possibly lose at this point? Not trying will lead to a 100% in failure however, with trying, there is some percent in success.

                    She brought you cake? She stares at you? She wants you to make a move (in halal way of course)! Perhaps she's making the same Duaa as you however, all Duaa and no effort don't go hand in hand. I can make Duaa all day to get an A in a course but if I don't study, it most likely won't happen.

                    Of all the times you wanted to say something and couldn't, find courage to say your final words now because when she's married, you can't start making Duaa for her to get a divorce.

                    Make Duaa to get the courage, make Duaa she'll overlook your finances, and try because there's nothing to lose now. And if you are rejected there is confidence and resilience to gain. Often times we put our selves down so others don't have to but it inhibits us from so much.

                    May Allah ta'ala help your case.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Girl I loved is getting married

                      Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
                      She's not married yet, why don't you ask for her hand? What could you possibly lose at this point? Not trying will lead to a 100% in failure however, with trying, there is some percent in success.

                      She brought you cake? She stares at you? She wants you to make a move (in halal way of course)! Perhaps she's making the same Duaa as you however, all Duaa and no effort don't go hand in hand. I can make Duaa all day to get an A in a course but if I don't study, it most likely won't happen.

                      Of all the times you wanted to say something and couldn't, find courage to say your final words now because when she's married, you can't start making Duaa for her to get a divorce.

                      Make Duaa to get the courage, make Duaa she'll overlook your finances, and try because there's nothing to lose now. And if you are rejected there is confidence and resilience to gain. Often times we put our selves down so others don't have to but it inhibits us from so much.

                      May Allah ta'ala help your case.
                      Wish it was that easy ukhti, the years of mental anxiety have had a toll on me and I have nothing in terms of finances.

                      Id be too shameful to ask for her hand ... I do believe she must have gave up on me but as long as she worships Allah swt I am at ease.

                      If my lord wills it HE will unite us and if not than in her happiness is my happiness.

                      I just pray that this strange human way of life of being heartache n mental hurt leaves me because it will be too much.

                      Please remember me in your dua's.

                      Jazak Allah.
                      Believer1984.com Life is about believing. A website on Islam and everything else.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Girl I loved is getting married

                        Originally posted by Believer1984 View Post
                        Wish it was that easy ukhti, the years of mental anxiety have had a toll on me and I have nothing in terms of finances.

                        Id be too shameful to ask for her hand ... I do believe she must have gave up on me but as long as she worships Allah swt I am at ease.

                        If my lord wills it HE will unite us and if not than in her happiness is my happiness.

                        I just pray that this strange human way of life of being heartache n mental hurt leaves me because it will be too much.

                        Please remember me in your dua's.

                        Jazak Allah.
                        If shes getting married and its already fixed stop thinking about this and stop making duaa for it because its not right she will be someone elses wife

                        If shes not going to marry him then you can propose but you cant just hint at her now its not allowed as when a brother is speaking to a sister for marriage another brother should not try to marry her theres a hadith for it i just cant remember it

                        Also u need to try and learn to be confident, assertive and learn how to forget about the mental anxietys u had in the pass unless they mae you into a stronger person today
                        I advice u see a muslim therapist in relation to this

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Girl I loved is getting married

                          Originally posted by Believer1984 View Post
                          Wish it was that easy ukhti, the years of mental anxiety have had a toll on me and I have nothing in terms of finances.

                          Id be too shameful to ask for her hand ... I do believe she must have gave up on me but as long as she worships Allah swt I am at ease.

                          If my lord wills it HE will unite us and if not than in her happiness is my happiness.

                          I just pray that this strange human way of life of being heartache n mental hurt leaves me because it will be too much.

                          Please remember me in your dua's.

                          Jazak Allah.
                          Not to add insult to injury but I feel like Allah had made it easier for you already since you know the family (you were at the wedding so I assume there is some knowledge of the family), and it's clear she stares at you (once It could be a mistake, more then once and it's no mistake). Allah also wills that you are able to get drunk, which is haram, but it is your doings that don't get you drunk. If Allah wills you could get married and you couldn't but how will you know if it's your will if you've never even tried?

                          To perhaps encourage you, here's a story about a close high school friend of mine. She had a suitor come and it's clear he's not well off and he made it clear too. At first her dad said no but it was clear she was upset about it (the way she talked to me). Then her dad agreed and now they're married Alhamdulillah. She loves him a lot even though he's still unemployed (he's trying to find a job). Also he has no car. Obviously I don't see her much anymore but I still have her number and sometimes I visit her when her husband isn't there. Now mine you she comes from a family that's not well off so it's not like she's drastically changing her lifestyle but even if the girl you like is rich, sometimes women will drop everything for love so there's always hope.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Girl I loved is getting married

                            If you have feel so low that don’t consider yourself to be good enough to ask for her hand, most likely she has the same impression of you. It’s extremely unlikely that she will agree for your proposal with the mindset that you have .

                            Wishing that her marriage does not last, is low, selfish and sick.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Girl I loved is getting married

                              Originally posted by Snippets View Post
                              If you have feel so low that don’t consider yourself to be good enough to ask for her hand, most likely she has the same impression of you. It’s extremely unlikely that she will agree for your proposal with the mindset that you have .

                              Wishing that her marriage does not last, is low, selfish and sick.
                              Where does he say this?

                              Comment

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