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Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

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    Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    :start:

    As part of the modern taboos people face concerning marriage, I thought it would be good to continue these discussions with (yet) another thread.

    If you have missed the other 2 threads, here are the links to them:

    A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...o-Can-you-cook

    Modern marriage taboo 2: Are you educated? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...e-you-educated

    In this thread, we will be discussing the issue(s) of Muslims born/living in the West who have a cultural-identity linked back home in the East. As most of the users on this forum do reside in the West (and have ties back home), this would be applicable to you.

    A common example of such scenarios includes a UK-born man/woman who has Pakistani parents who relocated to the UK many years ago. This person speaks their home language (Urdu, etc.) fluently and also identifies with the Muslim-Pakistani diaspora in many ways (food, dress, etc.)

    However, this person also has a lot of distinctly British traits (football bro, fish and chips, etc.) that distinguishes him/herself from the diaspora back 'home'.

    Questions(You can answer any of the questions and leave out the others):

    Brothers:

    1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?
    1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?

    2) Do you feel you will face a number of difficulties assimilating your back-home wife to your British/home-country hybrid culture?

    3) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a woman from back home?

    4) Would you treat your back-home wife differently to a local woman (had you married the local woman)?


    Sisters:

    1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a man from your homeland?
    1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a man from your homeland?

    2) Do you feel that most of the potential suitors would be targeting you because of the potential green card?

    3) Would you stay local or relocate to your homeland? (where the woman normally goes to where the husband resides)

    4) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a man from back home?

    5) Do you feel you will struggle to assimilate to your back-home husbands culture?

    All:

    - Is discussing the matter of "marrying someone from the homeland" even relevant when Islam is the ultimate guide and the differences between Muslims globally should not be that different?

    #2
    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

    Originally posted by horizon View Post
    :start:

    As part of the modern taboos people face concerning marriage, I thought it would be good to continue these discussions with (yet) another thread.

    If you have missed the other 2 threads, here are the links to them:

    A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...o-Can-you-cook

    Modern marriage taboo 2: Are you educated? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...e-you-educated

    In this thread, we will be discussing the issue(s) of Muslims born/living in the West who have a cultural-identity linked back home in the East. As most of the users on this forum do reside in the West (and have ties back home), this would be applicable to you.

    A common example of such scenarios includes a UK-born man/woman who has Pakistani parents who relocated to the UK many years ago. This person speaks their home language (Urdu, etc.) fluently and also identifies with the Muslim-Pakistani diaspora in many ways (food, dress, etc.)

    However, this person also has a lot of distinctly British traits (football bro, fish and chips, etc.) that distinguishes him/herself from the diaspora back 'home'.

    Questions(You can answer any of the questions and leave out the others):

    Brothers:

    1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?
    1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?

    2) Do you feel you will face a number of difficulties assimilating your back-home wife to your British/home-country hybrid culture?

    3) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a woman from back home?

    4) Would you treat your back-home wife differently to a local woman (had you married the local woman)?


    Sisters:

    1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a man from your homeland?
    1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a man from your homeland?

    2) Do you feel that most of the potential suitors would be targeting you because of the potential green card?

    3) Would you stay local or relocate to your homeland? (where the woman normally goes to where the husband resides)

    4) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a man from back home?

    5) Do you feel you will struggle to assimilate to your back-home husbands culture?

    All:

    - Is discussing the matter of "marrying someone from the homeland" even relevant when Islam is the ultimate guide and the differences between Muslims globally should not be that different?
    I hope this one gets interesting responses and isn't derailed. Always like these sorts of threads. So I'll start.

    1 a). Only in the event that I can't find my someone I like here. Not that I'm super picky but I would like my wife to have certain traits regardless of where she's born (pretty, kind, chaste). I feel like these traits can be at times hard to find in North America. All things being equal, I'd prefer someone from North America, it just makes sense from a fitting in perspective.

    b). If I can find someone here pretty much.

    2. Oh yes ofc they would. I can't blame them. Even for the middle/upper middle class Karachi's a shitshow. Its why if I do look back home I'd be pickier to say the least. It's something that can be challenging to screen for and honestly its why my first preference is a local muslim girl. (number 2 for sisters applies to brothers as well)

    2. Upper middle class pakistani girls will face some culture shock but most young pakistani people consume north american media, may have canadian cousins or travelled etc. So it shouldn't be too big an adjustment. Most girls hopefully do understand you don't have servants in canada to do things for you.

    3. (For brothers) Well marrying from back home can involve a waiting game in that the girl sometimes can't come here straight away. The main benefit I'll have is that while she gains equivalency, my career matters more. I can prioritize it and the fact that she's more dependent on me means we can move for a better opportunity without having to worry about her career as much. Big issue is that I don't want to bring over the rest of her family from Pakistan unless its one person who's studying.

    4. No lol I'd treat my wife the same no matter where she's from

    5. Yes discussing it is very relevant. People are allowed to have preferences and if guys want a girl that can preserve their culture then they have every right to find her in their homeland. Both guys and girls have every right to find their partner no matter where they're from. Even muslims of one race just aren't the same one country to another. Muslims globally shouldn't be different but they are and we have to adapt to that fact. As long as people end up in fulfilling relationships that's all that matters. The only thing is guys can exercise this option to go back home alot more frequently. Due to cultural issues girls often have to stick to guys from their countries/adjacent ones.

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

      Sounds like some 10 mark essay question

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

        1a) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a man from your homeland?
        Only if they're willing to give me mahr. (In Sri Lanka women usually have to give mahr to the guy- usually in the form of a house). It's really hard to find someone back home if you don't give them a house, even if the guy doesn't want a house his family will pressure him into marrying someone who will give him a house.

        2) Do you feel that most of the potential suitors would be targeting you because of the potential green card?
        Citizenship? yeah maybe that might replace a back home potentials need for a house

        3) Would you stay local or relocate to your homeland? (where the woman normally goes to where the husband resides)
        Probably local because in Sri Lanka the husband usually relocates to where the wife is

        4) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a man from back home?
        Language barrier. My tamil sucks

        5) Do you feel you will struggle to assimilate to your back-home husbands culture?
        yes

        - Is discussing the matter of "marrying someone from the homeland" even relevant when Islam is the ultimate guide and the differences between Muslims globally should not be that different?
        Idealistically no but in reality people often divorce due to cultural differences or because of in-laws not liking the fact that their son/daughter married someone from a different background.

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

          Originally posted by Pink123 View Post
          1a) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a man from your homeland?
          Only if they're willing to give me mahr. (In Sri Lanka women usually have to give mahr to the guy- usually in the form of a house). It's really hard to find someone back home if you don't give them a house, even if the guy doesn't want a house his family will pressure him into marrying someone who will give him a house.

          2) Do you feel that most of the potential suitors would be targeting you because of the potential green card?
          Citizenship? yeah maybe that might replace a back home potentials need for a house

          3) Would you stay local or relocate to your homeland? (where the woman normally goes to where the husband resides)
          Probably local because in Sri Lanka the husband usually relocates to where the wife is

          4) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a man from back home?
          Language barrier. My tamil sucks

          5) Do you feel you will struggle to assimilate to your back-home husbands culture?
          yes

          - Is discussing the matter of "marrying someone from the homeland" even relevant when Islam is the ultimate guide and the differences between Muslims globally should not be that different?
          Idealistically no but in reality people often divorce due to cultural differences or because of in-laws not liking the fact that their son/daughter married someone from a different background.
          Your point one is not true at all,be careful when you paint a picture like this.
          There are few isolated cases in asian culture as in srilanka where men ask for dowry.
          The normal case is parents give to their daughter ,that is there choice.

          Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

          **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

          Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

            Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
            Your point one is not true at all,be careful when you paint a picture like this.
            There are few isolated cases in asian culture as in srilanka where men ask for dowry.
            The normal case is parents give to their daughter ,that is there choice.
            heh I thought it was the norm, my bad.

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

              Originally posted by Pink123 View Post
              heh I thought it was the norm, my bad.
              Its cool

              Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

              **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

              Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

              Comment


                #8
                Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

                I would not consider at all since I don't see any possible benefit.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

                  Originally posted by horizon View Post
                  :start:

                  As part of the modern taboos people face concerning marriage, I thought it would be good to continue these discussions with (yet) another thread.

                  If you have missed the other 2 threads, here are the links to them:

                  A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...o-Can-you-cook

                  Modern marriage taboo 2: Are you educated? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...e-you-educated

                  In this thread, we will be discussing the issue(s) of Muslims born/living in the West who have a cultural-identity linked back home in the East. As most of the users on this forum do reside in the West (and have ties back home), this would be applicable to you.

                  A common example of such scenarios includes a UK-born man/woman who has Pakistani parents who relocated to the UK many years ago. This person speaks their home language (Urdu, etc.) fluently and also identifies with the Muslim-Pakistani diaspora in many ways (food, dress, etc.)

                  However, this person also has a lot of distinctly British traits (football bro, fish and chips, etc.) that distinguishes him/herself from the diaspora back 'home'.

                  Questions(You can answer any of the questions and leave out the others):

                  Brothers:

                  1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?
                  1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?

                  2) Do you feel you will face a number of difficulties assimilating your back-home wife to your British/home-country hybrid culture?

                  3) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a woman from back home?

                  4) Would you treat your back-home wife differently to a local woman (had you married the local woman)?


                  Sisters:

                  1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a man from your homeland?
                  1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a man from your homeland?

                  2) Do you feel that most of the potential suitors would be targeting you because of the potential green card?

                  3) Would you stay local or relocate to your homeland? (where the woman normally goes to where the husband resides)

                  4) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a man from back home?

                  5) Do you feel you will struggle to assimilate to your back-home husbands culture?

                  All:

                  - Is discussing the matter of "marrying someone from the homeland" even relevant when Islam is the ultimate guide and the differences between Muslims globally should not be that different?
                  Sad.

                  Utilitise yout time for something beneficial as opposed to creating stupid threads. You get married wherever Allah swt decrees and to whom Allah swt decrees.

                  All these threads are just completely pointless
                  82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

                    Originally posted by Sis_Asiya View Post
                    Sad.

                    Utilitise yout time for something beneficial as opposed to creating stupid threads. You get married wherever Allah swt decrees and to whom Allah swt decrees.

                    All these threads are just completely pointless
                    Ukhti, of course, we make plans and Allah SWT makes even better plans.

                    Akhi, just want apply logical reasoning when and why, people choose their other half.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

                      Originally posted by horizon View Post
                      :start:

                      As part of the modern taboos people face concerning marriage, I thought it would be good to continue these discussions with (yet) another thread.

                      If you have missed the other 2 threads, here are the links to them:

                      A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...o-Can-you-cook

                      Modern marriage taboo 2: Are you educated? : http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...e-you-educated

                      In this thread, we will be discussing the issue(s) of Muslims born/living in the West who have a cultural-identity linked back home in the East. As most of the users on this forum do reside in the West (and have ties back home), this would be applicable to you.

                      A common example of such scenarios includes a UK-born man/woman who has Pakistani parents who relocated to the UK many years ago. This person speaks their home language (Urdu, etc.) fluently and also identifies with the Muslim-Pakistani diaspora in many ways (food, dress, etc.)

                      However, this person also has a lot of distinctly British traits (football bro, fish and chips, etc.) that distinguishes him/herself from the diaspora back 'home'.

                      Questions(You can answer any of the questions and leave out the others):

                      Brothers:

                      1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?
                      1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a woman from your homeland?

                      2) Do you feel you will face a number of difficulties assimilating your back-home wife to your British/home-country hybrid culture?

                      3) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a woman from back home?

                      4) Would you treat your back-home wife differently to a local woman (had you married the local woman)?


                      Sisters:

                      1.1) Under what conditions would you consider marrying a man from your homeland?
                      1.2) Under what conditions WONT you consider marrying a man from your homeland?

                      2) Do you feel that most of the potential suitors would be targeting you because of the potential green card?

                      3) Would you stay local or relocate to your homeland? (where the woman normally goes to where the husband resides)

                      4) What benefits/issues do you think you will get with marrying a man from back home?

                      5) Do you feel you will struggle to assimilate to your back-home husbands culture?

                      All:

                      - Is discussing the matter of "marrying someone from the homeland" even relevant when Islam is the ultimate guide and the differences between Muslims globally should not be that different?
                      I'd be glad to marry another person from my homeland (Pakistan), the women there are some of the least likely to be cancerous feminists.

                      Only problem is they aren't usually too religious, often discarding the Hijab or wearing a butchered version of it, and even the religious ones still listen to music.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

                        Originally posted by uccello verde View Post
                        Ukhti, of course, we make plans and Allah SWT makes even better plans.

                        Akhi, just want apply logical reasoning when and why, people choose their other half.
                        But isn't it pointless. You marry whom Allah decrees you marry where Allah decrees all you have to be is content with the will of Allah. That's it. Reasoning is because Allah is the best of planners regardless of our plans. If people have have issues with this then that's a faulty way of thinking. It's like you over think a matter or issue and come up with ifs. If this happens or if that happens. If is from the shaytaan. We all know this so just be content.

                        Some people don't ever marry regardless of wanting to their entire life as this is the decree of Allah swt. Some marry and are incredibly unhappy in their marriage as this is the test Allah pus them.through. You can find reasoning and logic in everything as eman means having that firm belief that Allah is the best of planners.
                        82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

                          I was never interested in going back home

                          Too complicated and in my opinion some of the men are much more cultural. We would clash. I would need extra cash to get him here.

                          Why would they marry me when there are tonnes of pretty, educated girls in Bangladesh?

                          Lal passport

                          *Fishy

                          Enough drama with the British lads ya know :zzz: bringing more of the Bangladesh drama here would be unbearable
                          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

                            Walaikum Assalaam

                            I never considered marrying back home a taboo, Infact it is primary way to get married, because apparent lack of muslim women or generally muslims live sparse and wide.

                            A lots of bengali brothers here have either married back home or someone from UK, excluding those who have settled with a kaafir. UK is the new "back home".... it has enough people to serve marriage needs of rest of europe, where there are really low amount of muslims.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: Modern marriage taboo 3: Marrying back home?

                              I would not be able to handle the culture clash. I rather marry from where I live now (Sweden) or another scandinavian country.

                              Comment

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