Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    #31
    Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

    Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
    How late is unusually late?
    Probably early 30s

    Comment


      #32
      Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

      Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
      Though a man loses a little of his looks, as well as health with age, he gains in knowledge, wisdom, character, practice of the deen, status in the community, career, earning potential, power, property, in fact nearly everything considered desirable for marriage.

      A woman on the other hand... well yes men value knowledge, wisdom, character, practice of the deen, all of which get better on women with age all the rest of the stuff she tends to lose when getting married anyway, and it's a fact that men appreciate the looks of women as they get older much less than women appreciate the looks of men as they get older.

      Look I know it's seems an unfair system, but a lot of it is hardwired biology and we need to stop lying to women and telling them they can have it all when they are young and it's easier for them to marry, it's just not possible to have it all because by the time they realize it for themselves they are already potentially in trouble.

      I am saving my ammo on this topic, as writing a related article for the blog in the next few days as feel it's an important topic and the Muslims in the west have been ignoring it far too long much to the detriment of society and the sisters involved.
      I think with many south asian families because a lot of them side too much about the "culture" the females in the family i.e. the mother, elder aunties etc have the rough end of the stick. They see themselves stuck in the kitchen and not get the TLC that they would expect from a husband. So it's them that are telling their daughters and nieces to get a education and get a career so that you don't have to have a husband bossing you around like we have had to endure.

      That's why you have households with young sisters doing very little around the house, disrespecting the father and generally going down an alternative path. They have been given the license by those closest to them and are getting the wrong message. It's a short sighted view and one that will have repercussions within the next generation or so.

      (It's what I've noted with many south asians, I'm not suggesting this is the norm but it's happening alot)

      Comment


        #33
        Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

        Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
        Though a man loses a little of his looks, as well as health with age, he gains in knowledge, wisdom, character, practice of the deen, status in the community, career, earning potential, power, property, in fact nearly everything considered desirable for marriage.

        A woman on the other hand... well yes men value knowledge, wisdom, character, practice of the deen, all of which get better on women with age all the rest of the stuff she tends to lose when getting married anyway, and it's a fact that men appreciate the looks of women as they get older much less than women appreciate the looks of men as they get older.

        Look I know it's seems an unfair system, but a lot of it is hardwired biology and we need to stop lying to women and telling them they can have it all when they are young and it's easier for them to marry, it's just not possible to have it all because by the time they realize it for themselves they are already potentially in trouble.

        I am saving my ammo on this topic, as writing a related article for the blog in the next few days as feel it's an important topic and the Muslims in the west have been ignoring it far too long much to the detriment of society and the sisters involved.
        You do raise good points.
        BUT!!!
        How wise it is for sisters to pin their hopes that they will find a man who will bring to their life all that is required.
        How many such men are out there and how many of them will find those sisters are indeed compatible with them or vice versa?
        This seems too much of a risk to take.

        Comment


          #34
          Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

          Originally posted by aynina View Post
          Wa aleiykum salaam


          Also, why do you guys wait to do the nikah like 2 years after saying yes to a guy
          I've seen this to be a major problem, as the brother and sister often think like they are married and freely chat to each other without a mahram present.

          :jkk:
          http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

          "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

          – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

          Comment


            #35
            Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

            Originally posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
            How do you know vast majority are not capable?

            Were you suggesting that as a woman grows older, she becomes more unattractive and it becomes harder to marry? If so, I don't think that's helpful to say because why fill someone with hopelessness when Allah is in charge of success?

            If he wants, he can destine for a wrinkly old lady to marry a great guy and no one can change that.

            Also, I think it's good if a woman's looks deters shallow guys, as the more intelligent men don't care as much about looks. Just saying.
            It has less to do with attraction and more to do with the biological-wiring and concepts like fertility. You will even find 30-something year old women who are still physically attractive, but even they cannot find a spouse.

            A woman who is 19-22 will always be seen as more capable of bearing children than a woman of 35.

            Just like a man who is 25-29 will be seen as more financially stable than a man who is 20.

            Comment


              #36
              Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

              Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
              I've seen this to be a major problem, as the brother and sister often think like they are married and freely chat to each other without a mahram present.

              :jkk:
              I think so many times it's akin to dating, they get to know each other, if it's good, great. Otherwise it's a cancellation of the engagement and everyone moves on easily "no harm done".

              Comment


                #37
                Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
                I've seen this to be a major problem, as the brother and sister often think like they are married and freely chat to each other without a mahram present.

                :jkk:
                Exactly...
                يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                Comment


                  #38
                  Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                  To any sister seeking a good spouse to get married to

                  Don't listen to any of these people. These issues have been discussed to their core. You don't need the 'logic' man explaining to you why u are not married or what factors have an influence over you. Your decree is at the heart of this matter and don't let people weaken any good opinion of Allah swt within yourself.

                  Our religion is not one that is solely based on logic as if it were then it would make more sense to wipe the bottom of your khufoof than the top during wudhu. Man will always try to find a reason or proof for some things that are unexplainable or part of divine decree. Some because it fulfils their own ego and understanding of the world and others because they are logically wired and this is there natural inclination.

                  The one thing that is consistent amongst people as they grow older is that they gain more knowledge. They become more confident in their opinions and voicing them. This is why there are a lot of naysayers in the adult world and people that have lost that childlike innocence of placing trust or hope in something other than themselves.

                  Yes, tie the camel and take the means. Yes, don't prioritise your life in dunya for your life in akhira. Yes, live your life seeking the pleasure of Allah swt. Cos if you do you will fear nothing but your sins. You will not worry about your situation because you know your intentions, you know your story. Outsiders will comment and some helpful, others not so much. But don't let it ever make you despondent and deter you from your good opinion of Allah swt.

                  Prioritise Allah swt pleasure - if this means you will not be able to fulfil the rights of your husband because he is someone you cannot respect then what wrong is there in saving yourself from Allah swt displeasure. Marriage is not fun and games - u enter a whole new chapter of your life where the added responsibility means added accountability, so make your decision wisely. That is a right Allah swt has given you, to accept or decline a proposal.

                  Adults often focus their energies and efforts on the means whilst forgetting the worship aspect when it comes to these things. The duas you make, istikhaara, anything where Allah swt remains your primary focus and you don't move a step or an inch without taking the means to check yourself and whether your actions will lead you closer to Him or further away from Him.

                  Unfortunately people hide behind women seeking a career or delaying marriage for unnecessary reasons. There are many factors in play. So stick to Allah swt, ask Him anything that you want, whether it seems possible or whether it seems impossible and then always try and remain content with the outcome.
                  ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                  "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                  :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

                  Comment


                    #39
                    Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                    for men it is usually material reasons, i.e noone will marry him until he is in a certain financial position. it is ironic that muslims place so much importance on worldy status compared to their non muslim counterparts.

                    For women it may be they have a negative view of marriage based on observations in their own communities. They may have ambitions that will be hard to fulfill while married. They may be waiting for the "perfect" man. Their families may be lax in fulfilling the responsibilities of finding a spouse for them. among others
                    Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world’s ending!

                    None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

                    Comment


                      #40
                      Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                      Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
                      To any sister seeking a good spouse to get married to

                      Don't listen to any of these people. These issues have been discussed to their core. You don't need the 'logic' man explaining to you why u are not married or what factors have an influence over you. Your decree is at the heart of this matter and don't let people weaken any good opinion of Allah swt within yourself.

                      Our religion is not one that is solely based on logic as if it were then it would make more sense to wipe the bottom of your khufoof than the top during wudhu. Man will always try to find a reason or proof for some things that are unexplainable or part of divine decree. Some because it fulfils their own ego and understanding of the world and others because they are logically wired and this is there natural inclination.

                      The one thing that is consistent amongst people as they grow older is that they gain more knowledge. They become more confident in their opinions and voicing them. This is why there are a lot of naysayers in the adult world and people that have lost that childlike innocence of placing trust or hope in something other than themselves.

                      Yes, tie the camel and take the means. Yes, don't prioritise your life in dunya for your life in akhira. Yes, live your life seeking the pleasure of Allah swt. Cos if you do you will fear nothing but your sins. You will not worry about your situation because you know your intentions, you know your story. Outsiders will comment and some helpful, others not so much. But don't let it ever make you despondent and deter you from your good opinion of Allah swt.

                      Prioritise Allah swt pleasure - if this means you will not be able to fulfil the rights of your husband because he is someone you cannot respect then what wrong is there in saving yourself from Allah swt displeasure. Marriage is not fun and games - u enter a whole new chapter of your life where the added responsibility means added accountability, so make your decision wisely. That is a right Allah swt has given you, to accept or decline a proposal.

                      Adults often focus their energies and efforts on the means whilst forgetting the worship aspect when it comes to these things. The duas you make, istikhaara, anything where Allah swt remains your primary focus and you don't move a step or an inch without taking the means to check yourself and whether your actions will lead you closer to Him or further away from Him.

                      Unfortunately people hide behind women seeking a career or delaying marriage for unnecessary reasons. There are many factors in play. So stick to Allah swt, ask Him anything that you want, whether it seems possible or whether it seems impossible and then always try and remain content with the outcome.
                      Name some, that's what OP is asking.

                      Comment


                        #41
                        Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                        Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                        I think so many times it's akin to dating, they get to know each other, if it's good, great. Otherwise it's a cancellation of the engagement and everyone moves on easily "no harm done".
                        Akhi it's no different to dating,

                        They just use engagement as an excuse to justify it.

                        Without a mahram present it's Haraam.

                        Until the nikaah has taken place, they are not husband and wife.

                        :jkk:
                        http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                        "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                        – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                        Comment


                          #42
                          Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                          i got married young, it has its pros and cons
                          Surah Taha, Verse 69:

                          وَأَلْقِ مَا فِي يَمِينِكَ تَلْقَفْ مَا صَنَعُوا إِنَّمَا صَنَعُوا كَيْدُ سَاحِرٍ وَلَا يُفْلِحُ السَّاحِرُ حَيْثُ أَتَىٰ

                          "And throw that which is in your right hand! It will swallow up that which they have made. That which they have made is only a magician's trick,
                          and the magician will never be successful, no matter whatever amount (of skill) he may attain."

                          Self Help Ruqya Shari'ah Guide
                          http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...Shari-ah-Guide

                          Practical Self Ruqya
                          http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...=1#post7492713

                          Is there such a thing as good magic? by Abu Ibraheem
                          http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...y-Abu-Ibraheem

                          Don't fear the Jinn - Muhammad Tim Humble
                          http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...mad-Tim-Humble

                          Exposing Black Magic
                          http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...ing+black+mgic

                          The History of Black Magic
                          http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...hlight=history

                          Real Magicians And Sorcerers
                          http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...-And-Sorcerers

                          How to destroy a taweez ? Ruqya related questions answered
                          http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...tions-answered

                          Exposing Taweez...
                          http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...xposing-Taweez

                          Ruqyah Audio
                          http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...4-Ruqyah-Audio

                          Sorcerer's Plot | Arabic | English Subtitles | Every Muslim must watch this video
                          http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...ing+black+mgic

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                            Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post
                            i got married young, it has its pros and cons
                            Oooooh zippy!
                            Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world’s ending!

                            None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

                            Comment


                              #44
                              Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                              Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post
                              Oooooh zippy!
                              zippy :inlove:
                              Surah Taha, Verse 69:

                              وَأَلْقِ مَا فِي يَمِينِكَ تَلْقَفْ مَا صَنَعُوا إِنَّمَا صَنَعُوا كَيْدُ سَاحِرٍ وَلَا يُفْلِحُ السَّاحِرُ حَيْثُ أَتَىٰ

                              "And throw that which is in your right hand! It will swallow up that which they have made. That which they have made is only a magician's trick,
                              and the magician will never be successful, no matter whatever amount (of skill) he may attain."

                              Self Help Ruqya Shari'ah Guide
                              http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...Shari-ah-Guide

                              Practical Self Ruqya
                              http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...=1#post7492713

                              Is there such a thing as good magic? by Abu Ibraheem
                              http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...y-Abu-Ibraheem

                              Don't fear the Jinn - Muhammad Tim Humble
                              http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...mad-Tim-Humble

                              Exposing Black Magic
                              http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...ing+black+mgic

                              The History of Black Magic
                              http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...hlight=history

                              Real Magicians And Sorcerers
                              http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...-And-Sorcerers

                              How to destroy a taweez ? Ruqya related questions answered
                              http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...tions-answered

                              Exposing Taweez...
                              http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...xposing-Taweez

                              Ruqyah Audio
                              http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...4-Ruqyah-Audio

                              Sorcerer's Plot | Arabic | English Subtitles | Every Muslim must watch this video
                              http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...ing+black+mgic

                              Comment


                                #45
                                Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                                Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post
                                i got married young, it has its pros and cons
                                :salams

                                Please can I ask what they are in your experience?

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X