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Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

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    #16
    Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

    Originally posted by horizon View Post
    Sometimes the reasoning (waiting some months) is required. South Asians (and maybe other cultures too) have big walimas (feeding 400+ people) and so it takes time to get the appropriate venue, etc.

    However, unnecessary delay is wrong and perhaps it may be better to perform the nikaah as soon as possible and then have the walima at some in the future. Although I don't think waiting a few months is that bad either, as it allows both the husband and wife to get their affairs in order, etc.
    Exactly... the big walimas arent even my thing tbh
    يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

    O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

    Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

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      #17
      Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

      Originally posted by aynina View Post
      Yea but what could possibly prevent
      Maybe it’s has to do with personal circumstances that prevents them wAllahu A’lam..
      رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

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        #18
        Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

        right moment right time

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          #19
          Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

          Originally posted by horizon View Post
          Sometimes the reasoning (waiting some months) is required. South Asians (and maybe other cultures too) have big walimas (feeding 400+ people) and so it takes time to get the appropriate venue, etc.

          However, unnecessary delay is wrong and perhaps it may be better to perform the nikaah as soon as possible and then have the walima at some in the future. Although I don't think waiting a few months is that bad either, as it allows both the husband and wife to get their affairs in order, etc.
          Extravagent weddings are not in the sunnah and lose the opportunity of baraka not to mention the amount of money u waste on one day when u could spend it on ur wife and family

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            #20
            Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

            Haven't yet. In fact, I think it would still be relatively early.

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              #21
              Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

              Originally posted by Rifqah View Post
              :salams

              Much later than others.
              :wswrwb:

              They think better is just round the corner.
              Or want to study
              Or want to save up
              Or want to live a little (marriage is seen as the end for some)
              Or they ain't ready
              Or are looking but it ain't happening
              Or...

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                #22
                Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                Too shy to ask for it.

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                  #23
                  Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                  I didn't have to, it just didn't work out
                  'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                  So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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                    #24
                    Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                    How late is unusually late?

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                      Though a man loses a little of his looks, as well as health with age, he gains in knowledge, wisdom, character, practice of the deen, status in the community, career, earning potential, power, property, in fact nearly everything considered desirable for marriage.

                      A woman on the other hand... well yes men value knowledge, wisdom, character, practice of the deen, all of which get better on women with age all the rest of the stuff she tends to lose when getting married anyway, and it's a fact that men appreciate the looks of women as they get older much less than women appreciate the looks of men as they get older.

                      Look I know it's seems an unfair system, but a lot of it is hardwired biology and we need to stop lying to women and telling them they can have it all when they are young and it's easier for them to marry, it's just not possible to have it all because by the time they realize it for themselves they are already potentially in trouble.

                      I am saving my ammo on this topic, as writing a related article for the blog in the next few days as feel it's an important topic and the Muslims in the west have been ignoring it far too long much to the detriment of society and the sisters involved.
                      FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

                      www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

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                        #26
                        Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                        Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
                        Though a man loses a little of his looks, as well as health with age, he gains in knowledge, wisdom, character, practice of the deen, status in the community, career, earning potential, power, property, in fact nearly everything considered desirable for marriage.

                        A woman on the other hand... well yes men value knowledge, wisdom, character, practice of the deen, all of which get better on women with age all the rest of the stuff she tends to lose when getting married anyway, and it's a fact that men appreciate the looks of women as they get older much less than women appreciate the looks of men as they get older.

                        Look I know it's seems an unfair system, but a lot of it is hardwired biology and we need to stop lying to women and telling them they can have it all when they are young and it's easier for them to marry, it's just not possible to have it all because by the time they realize it for themselves they are already potentially in trouble.

                        I am saving my ammo on this topic, as writing a related article for the blog in the next few days as feel it's an important topic and the Muslims in the west have been ignoring it far too long much to the detriment of society and the sisters involved.
                        There are men who don't care about looks, alhamdulillah.

                        Yes, some women can have it all if Allah wills.

                        Comment


                          #27
                          Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                          Originally posted by nudgetheputri View Post
                          Too shy to ask for it.
                          Can it not be asked for or suggested on behalf of sister by someone else, if that's the case?
                          LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
                          -------------------------------
                          "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
                          NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

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                            #28
                            Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                            Originally posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
                            There are men who don't care about looks, alhamdulillah.

                            Yes, some women can have it all if Allah wills.
                            yes some men.

                            and yes some women do manage to juggle all of these different commitments successfully, but they are a small tiny minority, and we should not give general advise towards sisters on what the vast majority of them will not be capable of achieving.
                            FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

                            www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

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                              #29
                              Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                              Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
                              yes some men.

                              and yes some women do manage to juggle all of these different commitments successfully, but they are a small tiny minority, and we should not give general advise towards sisters on what the vast majority of them will not be capable of achieving.
                              How do you know vast majority are not capable?

                              Were you suggesting that as a woman grows older, she becomes more unattractive and it becomes harder to marry? If so, I don't think that's helpful to say because why fill someone with hopelessness when Allah is in charge of success?

                              If he wants, he can destine for a wrinkly old lady to marry a great guy and no one can change that.

                              Also, I think it's good if a woman's looks deters shallow guys, as the more intelligent men don't care as much about looks. Just saying.

                              Comment


                                #30
                                Re: Why have you left it unusually late to get married?

                                Originally posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
                                How do you know vast majority are not capable?

                                Were you suggesting that as a woman grows older, she becomes more unattractive and it becomes harder to marry? If so, I don't think that's helpful to say because why fill someone with hopelessness when Allah is in charge of success?

                                If he wants, he can destine for a wrinkly old lady to marry a great guy and no one can change that.

                                Also, I think it's good if a woman's looks deters shallow guys, as the more intelligent men don't care as much about looks. Just saying.
                                I was more referencing the lie told to sisters they can devote themselves to a career, give it the time it needs to mature and find satisfaction in that, whilst at the same time doing the same for marriage and children.
                                FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

                                www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

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