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Marriage CVs what do you think of them?

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    #91
    Re: Marriage CVs what do you think of them?

    Originally posted by Samsandman View Post
    Deen and akhlaq are the only two aspects that should be looked at when it comes to a man. People like to play around and twist two ahadeeth around to say that you should look at his wealth,family lineage etc but that hadith is spealing about WOMEN,not men.

    No DECENT woman will look at CV and say "he's a doctor,I'm compatible with that!" It;s just a gold digger,dunya obsessed woman and social climber who says that.
    CV tell nothing about character or how that relates to compatibility.

    I seem to get a lot of attention from sisters who don't have a wali or want to bypass their wali altogether,both situations make me very uncomfortable.

    Again the issue is separating cultural backwardness from Islam.

    Many south asian need to give up their hindu imitating and get with Islam. Why do I point the finger at south asians and accuse them of imitating hindus because somalis,arabs,maghrebis etc NEVER complain of oppressive MIL who they are forced to live with as it's A CULTRUAL practice of hindus and non of those people came converting from hinduism.

    they folks form somali have their own jahil practices to overcome like FGM and showing off the bloody sheets after the wedding night.

    When I reverted i had to give up many jahil cultural beliefs like drinking for every occasion ,eating swine,freemixing etc,etc. I did this because I was sincere about my religion.
    Anyone who is sincere about Islam needs to do the same.

    If I was able to figure this out only reading,writing and speaking english there is no excuses for people who speak Urdu or bengal as their are entire libraries of dawah material in both languages but very little in english so no excuses from that direction
    Ok your rant about pakistanis or other south asian muslims imitating hindus aside, marriage cvs are useful to some degree. Yes it reduces a guy to their raw stats, looks, status, family lineage. Those things are still very important even if deen and akhlaq are number one. And while I agree that any decent girl wouldn't marry a guy who's sole accomplishment is a doctor, plenty would if he brought personality, some attraction, and was somewhat practicing. Heck most would in general and for the most part I haven't seen such marriages fail. It makes sense you're a revert that you don't like these sorts of things. Usually the one's who have reverted tend to be more passionate and adhere better to the religion. They also have this nasty tendency to judge people who were born muslims for not adhering as strictly. The whole point of a cv is if you even want to bother to get to know the prospect in person. Plus muslims being the people we are like to stick to our own race and sometimes have to go to other cities to visit prospects. Trust me when I say this my aunt lives in Iowa and got a proposal from a family in a small city in montreal, it blew my mind lol. The parents are visiting her to see if its workable. No marriage I know occurred solely cause of a cv just like no employer hires you without an interview first. LOL so please chill a little your rant won't fix anything.

    Comment


      #92
      Re: Marriage CVs what do you think of them?

      Originally posted by Samsandman View Post
      Deen and akhlaq are the only two aspects that should be looked at when it comes to a man. People like to play around and twist two ahadeeth around to say that you should look at his wealth,family lineage etc but that hadith is spealing about WOMEN,not men.

      No DECENT woman will look at CV and say "he's a doctor,I'm compatible with that!" It;s just a gold digger,dunya obsessed woman and social climber who says that.
      CV tell nothing about character or how that relates to compatibility.

      I seem to get a lot of attention from sisters who don't have a wali or want to bypass their wali altogether,both situations make me very uncomfortable.

      Again the issue is separating cultural backwardness from Islam.

      Many south asian need to give up their hindu imitating and get with Islam. Why do I point the finger at south asians and accuse them of imitating hindus because somalis,arabs,maghrebis etc NEVER complain of oppressive MIL who they are forced to live with as it's A CULTRUAL practice of hindus and non of those people came converting from hinduism.

      they folks form somali have their own jahil practices to overcome like FGM and showing off the bloody sheets after the wedding night.

      When I reverted i had to give up many jahil cultural beliefs like drinking for every occasion ,eating swine,freemixing etc,etc. I did this because I was sincere about my religion.
      Anyone who is sincere about Islam needs to do the same.

      If I was able to figure this out only reading,writing and speaking english there is no excuses for people who speak Urdu or bengal as their are entire libraries of dawah material in both languages but very little in english so no excuses from that direction
      As i said there has to be balance. No one said a decision will be made based solely on looking at a CV, or one aspect of the potential. It is not a crime to aim for success both in this life and the hereafter. A woman may be very happy to marry a security guard with good deen and character, however it is not wrong if, for example, a woman who comes from a long line of professionals and is herself highly qualified, seeks a man who, while being pious and of good character, is also of similar social and financial status. It is upto the individual as to what they prefer and attempting to shame them for the preference is not necessary.

      I agree there are negative aspects of south asian culture particularly among pendus, however the western culture has taken it to the other extreme. A balance is sought.
      Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world’s ending!

      None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

      Comment


        #93
        Re: Marriage CVs what do you think of them?

        Originally posted by Samsandman View Post
        Deen and akhlaq are the only two aspects that should be looked at when it comes to a man. People like to play around and twist two ahadeeth around to say that you should look at his wealth,family lineage etc but that hadith is spealing about WOMEN,not men.

        No DECENT woman will look at CV and say "he's a doctor,I'm compatible with that!" It;s just a gold digger,dunya obsessed woman and social climber who says that.
        CV tell nothing about character or how that relates to compatibility.

        I seem to get a lot of attention from sisters who don't have a wali or want to bypass their wali altogether,both situations make me very uncomfortable.

        Again the issue is separating cultural backwardness from Islam.

        Many south asian need to give up their hindu imitating and get with Islam. Why do I point the finger at south asians and accuse them of imitating hindus because somalis,arabs,maghrebis etc NEVER complain of oppressive MIL who they are forced to live with as it's A CULTRUAL practice of hindus and non of those people came converting from hinduism.

        they folks form somali have their own jahil practices to overcome like FGM and showing off the bloody sheets after the wedding night.

        When I reverted i had to give up many jahil cultural beliefs like drinking for every occasion ,eating swine,freemixing etc,etc. I did this because I was sincere about my religion.
        Anyone who is sincere about Islam needs to do the same.

        If I was able to figure this out only reading,writing and speaking english there is no excuses for people who speak Urdu or bengal as their are entire libraries of dawah material in both languages but very little in english so no excuses from that direction
        Your posts remind me of a revert brother who used to post on this site, Uncle Umar, who passed away. It has been some time since we had a passionate revert posting. It brings a different perspective and excellent points to ponder.

        Comment


          #94
          Re: Marriage CVs what do you think of them?

          I've never heard of these in real life. But I see why it would make sense in the US, where it would cost a lot of time and money to travel to potentials.
          What I don't understand is why don't they skype (obviously with mahram) first then?
          Ya Rab! When you give me wealth, do not take away my happiness. When you give me strength, do not take away my intelligence. When you give me victory, do not take away my humility. When you give me humility, do not take away my dignity.

          Comment


            #95
            Re: Marriage CVs what do you think of them?

            Originally posted by Sister_2009 View Post
            Your posts remind me of a revert brother who used to post on this site, Uncle Umar, who passed away. It has been some time since we had a passionate revert posting. It brings a different perspective and excellent points to ponder.
            SubhanAllah i never knew
            I still read some of the threads the brother spoke in
            May Allah grant him jannatoul firdous

            Comment


              #96
              Re: Marriage CVs what do you think of them?

              Originally posted by -qed- View Post
              I've never heard of these in real life. But I see why it would make sense in the US, where it would cost a lot of time and money to travel to potentials.
              What I don't understand is why don't they skype (obviously with mahram) first then?
              Look in some cases the families don't know of each other at all. They don't know the brother/sister's education status, job, family background etc and heck maybe what the person looks like. Look I think people get offended because these cvs encourage going for the most successful, most educated and occasionally most good looking guy out there or the pretty well educated girl. They hurt the average guy in an average job who simply can't compete against those stats. Yes people say look at deen and akhlaq but the people who are going through marriage cvs are judging whether that person's deen and akhlaq are worth assessing in the first place. Marriage cvs are generally speaking the domain of well educated upper middle class families, usually south asian, who are struggling to find an eligible husband/wife for their loved one. For muslims who are looking to get married but aren't of that background these cvs won't help much.

              Comment


                #97
                Re: Marriage CVs what do you think of them?

                Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                SubhanAllah i never knew
                I still read some of the threads the brother spoke in
                May Allah grant him jannatoul firdous
                Ameen.

                Comment


                  #98
                  I h8 mArriage CVs

                  I have seen my own mum and sister act so snobbish when it comes to looking at CVs from guys

                  Comment


                    #99
                    Guys, do you think people without high qualifications and jobs get hitched more quickly and easily?

                    Cos when it comes to these CVs, like 70% have degrees

                    And the national average is like 40%?

                    Either our ethnicity is really educated or all the people without high educAtion are getting hitched

                    Comment


                      Marriage CVs what do you think of them?

                      Some of these girls are too much

                      They are too advanced

                      They are alimahs and have secular degrees to top it off too

                      Given that women tend to marry guys who are more educated or equally educated, these girls will have a tough time getting married unless they make some compromises

                      Comment


                        Re: Marriage CVs what do you think of them?

                        Originally posted by s86ahmed View Post
                        Look in some cases the families don't know of each other at all. They don't know the brother/sister's education status, job, family background etc and heck maybe what the person looks like. Look I think people get offended because these cvs encourage going for the most successful, most educated and occasionally most good looking guy out there or the pretty well educated girl. They hurt the average guy in an average job who simply can't compete against those stats. Yes people say look at deen and akhlaq but the people who are going through marriage cvs are judging whether that person's deen and akhlaq are worth assessing in the first place. Marriage cvs are generally speaking the domain of well educated upper middle class families, usually south asian, who are struggling to find an eligible husband/wife for their loved one. For muslims who are looking to get married but aren't of that background these cvs won't help much.
                        Yeah but the people who are 'good catches' don't generally need to write a cv. They're known by people. So I guess cvs are for the ordinary folk? So the average guy stands a good chance in the cv scheme, unlike what you're saying.
                        Ya Rab! When you give me wealth, do not take away my happiness. When you give me strength, do not take away my intelligence. When you give me victory, do not take away my humility. When you give me humility, do not take away my dignity.

                        Comment


                          Re: Marriage CVs what do you think of them?

                          Originally posted by Ghuraba321 View Post
                          Guys, do you think people without high qualifications and jobs get hitched more quickly and easily?

                          Cos when it comes to these CVs, like 70% have degrees

                          And the national average is like 40%?

                          Either our ethnicity is really educated or all the people without high educAtion are getting hitched
                          People without higher education tend to marry earlier and generally aren't as picky(in terms of qualifications/salary).Guys like this are also much more likely to marry 'back home'.
                          Ya Rab! When you give me wealth, do not take away my happiness. When you give me strength, do not take away my intelligence. When you give me victory, do not take away my humility. When you give me humility, do not take away my dignity.

                          Comment


                            Marriage CVs what do you think of them?

                            [MENTION=123920]-qed-[/MENTION]

                            I want to marry a simple lady without All this degree nonsense, just as long as she is clever

                            In my experience, so many with degrees are just too advanced and some can have an air of arrogance about them

                            It is so off putting

                            I like the humble, simple and clever lady

                            Comment


                              Re: Marriage CVs what do you think of them?

                              Originally posted by Ghuraba321 View Post
                              [MENTION=123920]-qed-[/MENTION]

                              I want to marry a simple lady without All this degree nonsense, just as long as she is clever

                              In my experience, so many with degrees are just too advanced and some can have an air of arrogance about them

                              It is so off putting

                              I like the humble, simple and clever lady
                              What do you mean by the bolded?
                              Ya Rab! When you give me wealth, do not take away my happiness. When you give me strength, do not take away my intelligence. When you give me victory, do not take away my humility. When you give me humility, do not take away my dignity.

                              Comment


                                Re: Marriage CVs what do you think of them?

                                Originally posted by Ghuraba321 View Post
                                Some of these girls are too much

                                They are too advanced

                                They are alimahs and have secular degrees to top it off too

                                Given that women tend to marry guys who are more educated or equally educated, these girls will have a tough time getting married unless they make some compromises
                                Most righteous people whether they are an alim/alima or with a degree or without a degree wont care about how qualified or what islamic credentials you have compared to them as long as you can provide and you seem to be righteous

                                Plus just coz they are an alim doesnt mean nothing as some people may have knowledge but have no understanding
                                Some people study islam for years while others a short time and learn much more then the other

                                If you have studied islam but look down on people then
                                you have a disease of the heart

                                The fruit of knowledge is to fear Allah
                                If you study islam but do not fear Allah then u wasted time
                                In fact a student of knowledge in i think imam Ahmeds time(correct me if im wrong some1) was looking down on someone coz they had less education in Islam but imam Ahmed said they were wrong to look down at them as the person who he was looking down upon feared Allah

                                In conclusion if shes looking down at you because you dont have bsc near your name or attended this madrassa or islamic university then shes not worth your time

                                Also u can study Islam at home to a certaim point theres tonnes of lectures, books online not to mention tafsir hadith and the Quran
                                Read the Quran in english to start off with as well as doing hifz and tafsir

                                Comment

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