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Pictures and meetings, what is too much

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  • Pictures and meetings, what is too much

    This is something that came to mind recently. I read some of you saying that you have to see somebody's picture(s) before meeting them. I've also heard sisters saying they wouldn't remove their niqab in the first meeting let alone pictures. So where is the middle line in all this?

    1) Brothers can send around pictures all day to every other family if they want but are we really expecting sisters to do the same? I think it's pretty rude and inconsiderate to ask a sister's family for her pictures or to expect that when you could just go and meet her.

    2) Pictures lie and on top of that, those who wear niqab I don't think are going to be ok with 20 something different 'potentials' knowing what they look like. Also, nobody knows where the picture will end up and who will see it. Not even a lot of sisters can be trusted with pictures let alone strangers.

    As for meetings, what is too much? some people drag these out for months. Again, for those who wear niqab it's a problem, somebody is seeing your face 4, 5, 6 times and not making any decisions. Show your face in the first meeting only, until there is some kind of confirmation from the other side. some say 2nd.
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

  • #2
    Pictures and meetings, what is too much

    Depends. Pictures are for convenience and to save time. Imagine traveling to another city to meet a potential for the first time, only to find out he/she looks like Shrek. All that time was basically wasted.

    Pretty sure you can look as many times as it takes to make a decision. I don't think you can restrict that.
    Last edited by Stoic Believer; 06-10-17, 12:34 PM.

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    • #3
      Re: Pictures and meetings, what is too much

      just dont send a gallery of pics

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      • #4
        Re: Pictures and meetings, what is too much

        If she wears niqab, it does not make sense to share pics
        But if she shares already her on FB publically etc, what is the point of saying no?

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        • #5
          Re: Pictures and meetings, what is too much

          1) Why is it that whenever a brother makes a blanket-generalization about women, that you normally react to it negatively? Whereas when you make the same blanket-statements/suggestions ("brothers can send around pictures all day to every family") that it becomes okay? Hayaa is for both men and women. Men have feelings too. Just like how men reject women on appearance, it happens quite as often to men too. Maybe some men are okay with having their pictures in every other families image-gallery (or dropbox) but most men with some dignity and self-respect do not do such things :)

          2) If you are planning on having 20+ suitors knock at your door, then you probably need to, first and foremost, do some introspection. Secondly, you should probably use some pre-filters and not meet as many suitors face to face?

          As for your last question:

          Imam Tirmidhi (rahimahullah) has recorded a narration on the authority of Sayyiduna ‘Ali (radiyallahu’anhu) that Rasulullah (sallallahu’alayhi wasallam) said:

          O ‘Ali, do not delay in three things; 1) Salah when its time arrives, 2) Offering the janazah salah when the bier is present and 3) Marriage of a woman whose match is found

          (Sunan Tirmidhi, hadith: 171 & 1075 , Declared as sound (hasan) by ‘Allamah ‘Iraqi (rahimahullah). See Takhrijul Ihya, hadith: 1371)
          The sooner the better.

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          • #6
            Re: Pictures and meetings, what is too much

            i need a picture. Just helps speed up the process
            They say good things come to those who wait, so imma be at least an hour late

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            • #7
              Re: Pictures and meetings, what is too much

              It's an issue and I think some members might see it as a light matter.

              It's not exactly an achievement to be seen by so many men and so the question arises, when do you draw the line.

              I recently found out my picture was being shown to potentials without my permission. This was a marriage service and I haven't had the chance to speak to my wali about this to make a formal complaint. But these people don't take heed anyway, nonetheless , will have to try.

              Best way is to get a male member of your family to speak to this man first, to see if he is real and serious.

              Next, the man should always be the first to show his pic to you.

              Only then you should show your picture. Unless he is happy to meet in person.

              That's the only way, men have many women available so it's not a problem for them if you don't show your face. They have other candidates waiting for them.

              It's frustrating, I completely get it, I wasn't even a niqaabi but a man should understand that it's a confidential matter. I'm not saying marry her without seeing her but they have to be aware it's a big deal for us to show them our selves. I am sure they are overprotective towards their own sisters so a little but of consideration for your potentials will not kill you. Lol
              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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              • #8
                Re: Pictures and meetings, what is too much

                It helps to have a description of your looks, skin colour, height, build

                Sounds like some cattle market but that's how you will have to cut down on time wasters Because after they'll be complaining that they wanted someone taller etc

                Get the facts ready

                Better not to sure your face to dim tweets like that lol
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Pictures and meetings, what is too much

                  just not bust out any selfies lol :rotfl:

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                  • #10
                    Re: Pictures and meetings, what is too much

                    Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post
                    just not bust out any selfies lol :rotfl:
                    It's not nice catching someone on insta pouting

                    :vomit:

                    Watched a vid about that, the sheikh said it's animal imitation

                    Baboons do that to attract their mate's

                    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Pictures and meetings, what is too much

                      Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                      It's not nice catching someone on insta pouting

                      :vomit:

                      Watched a vid about that, the sheikh said it's animal imitation

                      Baboons do that to attract their mate's

                      lol @ baboons

                      cant stand the pouting

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                      • #12
                        Re: Pictures and meetings, what is too much

                        Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post
                        lol @ baboons

                        cant stand the pouting
                        Never understood it or why people would even find it appealing

                        Disturbing imo

                        Posing for photos in general feels so uncomfortable for me anyway, I feel like an idiot
                        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Pictures and meetings, what is too much

                          Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                          Never understood it or why people would even find it appealing

                          Disturbing imo

                          Posing for photos in general feels so uncomfortable for me anyway, I feel like an idiot
                          yea its just weird

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                          • #14
                            Re: Pictures and meetings, what is too much

                            Originally posted by Simply_Logical View Post
                            yea its just weird
                            Just realised

                            I think my pet lamb is pouting :shock:

                            No peace
                            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Pictures and meetings, what is too much

                              Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                              Just realised

                              I think my pet lamb is pouting :shock:

                              No peace
                              lol yea he is

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