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How do you reject a potential whom you don't find attractive?

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  • #61
    Re: How do you reject a potential whom you don't find attractive?

    Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
    I never got attached, but this was the first time I met someone who ticked all the boxes. He was the complete package. Others have approached me since, but none even come close.

    Whatever, I know I should quit obsessing. The rational part of my brain feels like giving a roundhouse kick to my stupid heart.

    I never talk about this to anyone really, not even my family. They all thought I'd forgotten about him long since.
    :rofl1: Jazak Allah khair for the funny description. Now I can finally describe in words how I feel sometimes lol.

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    • #62
      Re: How do you reject a potential whom you don't find attractive?

      Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
      On paper he ticked all the boxes, was the complete package. In reality things could be very different.
      You're right. Even now, I can see how he might be a perfectionist, or the too strict salafi type, possibly even a control freak, who knows. I didn't know much about his past either, beyond what he told me.

      Allah might have saved me from a disaster.

      Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal.

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      • #63
        Re: How do you reject a potential whom you don't find attractive?

        Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
        You're right. Even now, I can see how he might be a perfectionist, or the too strict salafi type, possibly even a control freak, who knows. I didn't know much about his past either, beyond what he told me.

        Allah might have saved me from a disaster.

        Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal.
        What do u mean the strict salafi type?

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        • #64
          Re: How do you reject a potential whom you don't find attractive?

          Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
          Do you tell them the truth? Or do you make up excuses so to not hurt their feelings?

          The reason I asked is because I've been rejected a couple of times and although they gave specific reasons (not related to my appearance) I always felt like they're lying and the real reason is that they didn't find me attractive.

          I don't know if that is just my insecurity or it is in fact the truth.
          Just send a text message like, "It's not going to work out between us". I always do this, because this way you don't have to look at somebody's face when you deliver the news.

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          • #65
            Re: How do you reject a potential whom you don't find attractive?

            They don't need a reason.
            It all starts with a thought

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            • #66
              Re: How do you reject a potential whom you don't find attractive?

              Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
              What do u mean the strict salafi type?
              The :wacko: psyhcopaths that use religion to justify their evil actions even though it might be something that's not permissible

              They'll go out of their way to say that it's allowed
              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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              • #67
                Re: How do you reject a potential whom you don't find attractive?

                Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
                Do you tell them the truth? Or do you make up excuses so to not hurt their feelings?

                The reason I asked is because I've been rejected a couple of times and although they gave specific reasons (not related to my appearance) I always felt like they're lying and the real reason is that they didn't find me attractive.

                I don't know if that is just my insecurity or it is in fact the truth.
                All these problems could easily be avoided if these buffoonish useless primitive backward dead generation parents had some little foresight or intuition, this is done by ensuring images are exchanged first without letting the daughter know beforehand to protect her feelings, because a real man can take 100 public rejections with no problems.

                I have seen what happens to women when they are rejected in private so I can only dread to think about the severity of a public one, it creates a nasty unnecessary schism between the families that could very easily have been avoided with Hikmah

                I have refused many such meetings because the other side refused an image beforehand, while making a big scene of the whole thing like it's already set in stone, I am not callous enough to risk hurting the feelings of a women in such a public way while causing frictions between families or friends.

                Then these same buffoonish parent's have the nerve to hypocritically complain about the whole haram dating culture that happens which their own daughters will eventually play a big role in and some stranger will be taking her out to dinners, movies etc. before she presents him to her Dajuuth ignorant clueless father, this cycle always repeats and no one learns from it.

                I recall speaking to one such father in private (related from a distance) who refused when I personally asked him for an image or to visit his home without him informing anyone about it, he had many daughters, but he refused this, so I refused his blind meeting request and told him point blank they will pick up a stranger from the streets not related to him and he will be forced to accept this, which is exactly what happens time and time again in these situations.

                You can give these Dayuuth buffoonish parents a lifetime that amounts to a million years and they will still never learn, no matter how many times they get struck by that same arrow.
                Last edited by Dawud21; 20-10-17, 09:34 PM.

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                • #68
                  Re: How do you reject a potential whom you don't find attractive?

                  [MENTION=46407]Dawud21[/MENTION]

                  My dad did this once and I wasn't happy

                  I would rather get rejected then have a man see my face without me knowing

                  I took one hundred rejections

                  It got so easy towards the end that I WANTED to get rejected

                  :rotfl:
                  'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                  So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Re: How do you reject a potential whom you don't find attractive?

                    Originally posted by horizon View Post
                    From what I know, you aren't South Asian and you have reverted to Islam (subhanAllah).

                    To understand the concept of dark skin-tone, you have to understand the history, culture and caste-system of South Asians (and sometimes other Asians too).

                    Historically, the "British Raj" was on top (the ruler) and so the light-skinned European man with blue/green eyes was at the apex of rule in the Indian-subcontinent. The British then implemented (or presumably just enforced/highlighted existing differences) a caste system to divide and rule.

                    The lighter-skinned people were generally rulers (known as Shahs or Governors) over the others. It was also generally people with dark to very-dark skin and/or deformities/disabilities that made up castes like "untouchables", etc. (ie. the lower-ranks)

                    People were also encouraged to marry within their caste/village only (so light-skinned castes would perpetuate, as would dark-skinned ones).

                    My history may be slightly off and anybody more familiar can correct me.

                    Coming back to modern times, the caste-system is still present among South Asians (via culture). This is true for Muslims too. So if you (historically) come from a light-skinned caste, family-pressure would likely drive you to find a spouse with equal or lighter skin-tone (and if you buck under that pressure, then you would marry someone from your own caste too).

                    The modern media (Hollywood/Bollywood) is also biased towards light skin-tone. In India/Pakistan, I would guesstimate that most people are some shade of brown, but majority of their celebrities have light/fair skin-tones. In India/Pakistan, "fairness creams" are also a thing. It is blatantly specified as a cream to make your skin lighter (hard to fathom if you are European).

                    Not everyone follows this trend though. Sometimes piety (subhanAllah) or money or position/power can impact this too.

                    I would also guesstimate that it is quite widespread in modern times too (even among South Asian people no longer living in India/Pakistan/Bangladesh).
                    Also fairness implies wealth as in your not in the sweltering sun getting dark in colonial imperial times. Sad but true
                    82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

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                    • #70
                      Re: How do you reject a potential whom you don't find attractive?

                      Originally posted by Azraael View Post
                      Well the problem arises when he's "too" nice then you have the issue as in the other thread where the guys wife is no longer intimate and part of the reason is because he isn't manning up.

                      Then you'll have complaints about not finding a masculine man...
                      Complete bakwaas. You need to get in the real world. Be realistic. In a halal relationship which equates responsibilities especially when Allah swt blesses the couple with children, there should be compromise and maturity. Only immature people who've got too much time on their hands and fall for fakeness of the dunya think the way you have posted.

                      In life in marriage there should be balance and having a spouse who has good traits I'd a blessing.

                      Plus this forum is not an accurate representation of anything apart from some people with too many stupid and hypothetical situations
                      82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        Re: How do you reject a potential whom you don't find attractive?

                        Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
                        Do you tell them the truth? Or do you make up excuses so to not hurt their feelings?

                        The reason I asked is because I've been rejected a couple of times and although they gave specific reasons (not related to my appearance) I always felt like they're lying and the real reason is that they didn't find me attractive.

                        I don't know if that is just my insecurity or it is in fact the truth.
                        Or flip the situation and give shukr to Allah that you have been saved from a potential spouse who wouldn't be good for you. Don't ever feel insecure if someone rejects you as Allah is the best of planners have tawakkul Allah that there is a better person destined to be with you and have solid unshaken yaqeen in this.
                        82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Re: How do you reject a potential whom you don't find attractive?

                          Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                          The :wacko: psyhcopaths that use religion to justify their evil actions even though it might be something that's not permissible

                          They'll go out of their way to say that it's allowed
                          Well then they arent salafi
                          Salafi are people who try to follow the salaf as salih the best generations of the ummah

                          These people that use religion to support their sins or even worse acts of kufr need to fear Allah and fix up

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                          • #73
                            Re: How do you reject a potential whom you don't find attractive?

                            Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                            Well then they arent salafi
                            Salafi are people who try to follow the salaf as salih the best generations of the ummah

                            These people that use religion to support their sins or even worse acts of kufr need to fear Allah and fix up
                            I was thinking of the super controlling type who will nitpick at your every flaw, but [MENTION=100194]Ya'sin[/MENTION] has a point as well. Some men can appear outwardly practicing then turn out to be a wife-beater.

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                            • #74
                              Re: How do you reject a potential whom you don't find attractive?

                              Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
                              I was thinking of the super controlling type who will nitpick at your every flaw, but [MENTION=100194]Ya'sin[/MENTION] has a point as well. Some men can appear outwardly practicing then turn out to be a wife-beater.
                              Well thats haram and oppression which they will be accountable for on the day of judgement

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