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Things to prepare before marriage

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  • #31
    Re: Things to prepare before marriage

    Good manners (Akhlaaq) and patience are needed everyday in life, specially after marriage.


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    • #32
      Re: Things to prepare before marriage

      Knowledge of islam should be priority. Don't put yourself in the situation where you or your wife have to go to a sheikh about issues you would rather not share. There's no excuse for brothers to be lacking in islamic knowledge especially when they decide to start a family. This is for sisters too but it's emphasised for brothers. Children should not have to seek their basic islamic education past their two parents.

      1) you should be able to recite quran well and you should be memorising it
      2) you should be studying arabic if you don't already know it
      3) you should know your aqeedah well
      4) you should know all of the knowledge that is obligatory on you
      5) you should have high aspirations for yourself and your children

      We shouldn't aim for mediocre families/children, we should aim for our families to be in service of the deen. Your marriage is for Allah, your children are for Allah, your wealth, time, resources are for Allah. You might not be born into that but marriage is the perfect opportunity to build that. Don't go into marriage with no plan for yourself, your spouse and your children. We plan our careers but sadly we don't plan something as important as this.

      Along with this you also need to prepare and perfect your
      1) character
      2) taqwa
      3) sabr

      With good character you get along with who you marry, with taqwa you won't transgress the limits and with sabr you can overlook a lot and deal with different problems.
      All this advise goes to me before anyone else.
      شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
      فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
      وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
      ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

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      • #33
        Re: Things to prepare before marriage

        Just be yourself and do your best.

        Comment


        • #34
          Re: Things to prepare before marriage

          Originally posted by Theistic View Post
          Good manners (Akhlaaq) and patience are needed everyday in life, specially after marriage.
          I wasn't going to post on this since it's probably more fruitful to have married brothers and sisters comment here, but your post just reminded me.

          Becoming accustomed to holding your tongue when you need to.

          Recent experience seeing very serious problems come about as a result of husband and wife not being more careful about what they said to eachother in a heated moment.

          A relatively small problem turns into a catastrophic one that brings about all sorts of ugly things that could be avoided.
          LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
          -------------------------------
          "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
          NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

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          • #35
            Re: Things to prepare before marriage

            Originally posted by Fakhri View Post
            I wasn't going to post on this since it's probably more fruitful to have married brothers and sisters comment here, but your post just reminded me.

            Becoming accustomed to holding your tongue when you need to.

            Recent experience seeing very serious problems come about as a result of husband and wife not being more careful about what they said to eachother in a heated moment.

            A relatively small problem turns into a catastrophic one that brings about all sorts of ugly things that could be avoided.
            True.

            Most of the time we only need to control ourselves and it is not one of the easiest things.


            Comment


            • #36
              Re: Things to prepare before marriage

              Originally posted by Juwairiyyah View Post
              One thing I would add, is to keep in mind that your wife would have her own flaws (just like you do), and be prepared to accept them and not be overly harsh or critical.
              This is a good point ,more often than not marriages fail in the first two years due to this very reason.

              Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

              **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

              Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: Things to prepare before marriage

                Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
                This is a good point ,more often than not marriages fail in the first two years due to this very reason.
                I think if that's the case (fail within 2 years) then they fail because they were pretending to be something they are not.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: Things to prepare before marriage

                  Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                  I think if that's the case (fail within 2 years) then they fail because they were pretending to be something they are not.
                  Minor niggles eventually you get used isnt itit.
                  Towel on sofa ,picking your nose,snoring,four tier shoe rack, I am still waiting in the car dear etc etc...

                  Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                  **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                  Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: Things to prepare before marriage

                    Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
                    Minor niggles eventually you get used isnt itit.
                    Towel on sofa ,picking your nose,snoring,four tier shoe rack, I am still waiting in the car dear etc etc...
                    I don't think you can knock someone for their idiosyncrasies, it's the annoying and not so annoying that makes them who they are.

                    The problem that I could see is something was hidden which has come to the fore and can't be overlooked (rightly or wrongly).

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: Things to prepare before marriage

                      Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
                      I don't think you can knock someone for their idiosyncrasies, it's the annoying and not so annoying that makes them who they are.

                      The problem that I could see is something was hidden which has come to the fore and can't be overlooked (rightly or wrongly).
                      Yaah

                      Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYk...dE4pHzSid7Lr0w

                      **** Smiling won't cost you now is it ****

                      Zawjati ,“Uhibbuki mithla mâ antę” “Uhibbuki kaifamâ kunteee”“Wa mahmâ kâna mahma sâra”

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Re: Things to prepare before marriage

                        Originally posted by muzzybee View Post
                        Yaah
                        Although picking your nose, passing wind and other yucky business needs to be sorted by the individual himself/herself privately. That's just not cricket.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: Things to prepare before marriage

                          Originally posted by Theistic View Post
                          Good manners (Akhlaaq) and patience are needed everyday in life, specially after marriage.

                          True, its best if you have those prior marriage. And perhaps we can say it develops those after marriage.




                          Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                          Knowledge of islam should be priority. Don't put yourself in the situation where you or your wife have to go to a sheikh about issues you would rather not share. There's no excuse for brothers to be lacking in islamic knowledge especially when they decide to start a family. This is for sisters too but it's emphasised for brothers. Children should not have to seek their basic islamic education past their two parents.


                          1) you should be able to recite quran well and you should be memorising it
                          2) you should be studying arabic if you don't already know it
                          3) you should know your aqeedah well
                          4) you should know all of the knowledge that is obligatory on you
                          5) you should have high aspirations for yourself and your children


                          We shouldn't aim for mediocre families/children, we should aim for our families to be in service of the deen. Your marriage is for Allah, your children are for Allah, your wealth, time, resources are for Allah. You might not be born into that but marriage is the perfect opportunity to build that. Don't go into marriage with no plan for yourself, your spouse and your children. We plan our careers but sadly we don't plan something as important as this.


                          Along with this you also need to prepare and perfect your
                          1) character
                          2) taqwa
                          3) sabr


                          With good character you get along with who you marry, with taqwa you won't transgress the limits and with sabr you can overlook a lot and deal with different problems.
                          All this advise goes to me before anyone else.

                          Yes, Alhamdulilah. A reminder for myself too. These are aims/targets/standards we should go for.


                          Originally posted by Rifqah View Post
                          Just be yourself and do your best.
                          Ok




                          Originally posted by Fakhri View Post
                          I wasn't going to post on this since it's probably more fruitful to have married brothers and sisters comment here, but your post just reminded me.


                          Becoming accustomed to holding your tongue when you need to.


                          Recent experience seeing very serious problems come about as a result of husband and wife not being more careful about what they said to eachother in a heated moment.


                          A relatively small problem turns into a catastrophic one that brings about all sorts of ugly things that could be avoided.

                          At the moment of rage, with less or no restraint, everything just tend to be let go.
                          This calls for anger management. I only say this, but I myself hoped to be patient at that moment of time.
                          Hmm, I was thinking quarrelling is normal then? Just a matter of how often or less often or rare or once I guess.
                          Allah Subḥānahu wa-taʿālā has mentioned in the Quran in chapter Surah Al-Ahzab:21 There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Re: Things to prepare before marriage

                            I'll try to put some of the list that I had soon.

                            In the meanwhile, i'll post some

                            -Read books on matters related to parenthood
                            -Think of things to be anticipated after marriage.
                            Allah Subḥānahu wa-taʿālā has mentioned in the Quran in chapter Surah Al-Ahzab:21 There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.

                            Comment

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