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  • Things to prepare before marriage

    :salams

    For the married guys/sons out there, if there was a thing or a few ( mainly the important ones) that you could have prepared before marriage, what is it? (to help the marriage relationship/family after in general)

    For the sisters, what do you think your husbands could have done before(in terms of preparation)

    Things like religious knowledge, having certain skills etc. (or cooking)

    And while Im at it, what are things that you regret having doing the preparation, but you find it is actually unnecessary after marriage.


    :jkk:


    Allah Subḥānahu wa-taʿālā has mentioned in the Quran in chapter Surah Al-Ahzab:21 There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.


  • #2
    Re: Things to prepare before marriage

    Good question.

    I think important thing will be to learn, what one wants from the marriage, and what the potential wants from it.
    Not only to get to know of your potential but also your own expectations.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Things to prepare before marriage

      To add, singles also feel free to give inputs.
      Allah Subḥānahu wa-taʿālā has mentioned in the Quran in chapter Surah Al-Ahzab:21 There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Things to prepare before marriage

        Originally posted by Snippets View Post
        Good question.

        I think important thing will be to learn, what one wants from the marriage, and what the potential wants from it.
        Not only to get to know of your potential but also your own expectations.
        So based on those, one can roughly know what / how to prepare.
        Shukran.
        Allah Subḥānahu wa-taʿālā has mentioned in the Quran in chapter Surah Al-Ahzab:21 There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Things to prepare before marriage

          For guys:
          - prepare financial: have saving not just for the wedding cost but post marriage cost. There will be lots of parties and invitations and greetings where you have to take sweets. That cost can add up. A female will have her own financial need and not all man are aware of some of the expense wife comes with. So have extra $
          - Get a place of your own before marriage but you don't have to decorate it. Just have the basic so she has a place to sleep and something to sit on. Most women prefer decorating their own place & lots of wedding gifts are housewares.
          - Learn to cook and clean (yes for men too). Learn to take care of your self including being able to feed yourself and being able to clean up after yourself. Nothing more attractive than a self-sufficient man. This will give her confirmation you did not marry her to get a maid & during the transition period when both of you are learning to live with each other it will make life easier when no one has to pick up after another person.
          - Learn about Islamic rights and duties so you are well versed
          - Master your ibadath schedule. You don't want her to wake you up for fajar, which is good but its even more impressive to her if you wake up naturally & have already pious lifestyle
          - Socialize with people before your are married so that you are not the awkward son in law when you visit inlaws.
          - Build a life of your own, don't expect your life to be suddenly interesting just because you have a wife. If you didn't travel before you are not going to start traveling with a wife, if you didn't have a hobby before you are not going to all of sudden start amazing hobbies just because there is a wife. Develop yourself and figure out who you are. It will be much more interesting for your wife to get to know you and it will be easier to find things you both love.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Things to prepare before marriage

            Originally posted by Kya View Post
            For guys:
            - prepare financial: have saving not just for the wedding cost but post marriage cost. There will be lots of parties and invitations and greetings where you have to take sweets. That cost can add up. A female will have her own financial need and not all man are aware of some of the expense wife comes with. So have extra $
            - Get a place of your own before marriage but you don't have to decorate it. Just have the basic so she has a place to sleep and something to sit on. Most women prefer decorating their own place & lots of wedding gifts are housewares.
            - Learn to cook and clean (yes for men too). Learn to take care of your self including being able to feed yourself and being able to clean up after yourself. Nothing more attractive than a self-sufficient man. This will give her confirmation you did not marry her to get a maid & during the transition period when both of you are learning to live with each other it will make life easier when no one has to pick up after another person.
            - Learn about Islamic rights and duties so you are well versed
            - Master your ibadath schedule. You don't want her to wake you up for fajar, which is good but its even more impressive to her if you wake up naturally & have already pious lifestyle
            - Socialize with people before your are married so that you are not the awkward son in law when you visit inlaws.
            - Build a life of your own, don't expect your life to be suddenly interesting just because you have a wife. If you didn't travel before you are not going to start traveling with a wife, if you didn't have a hobby before you are not going to all of sudden start amazing hobbies just because there is a wife. Develop yourself and figure out who you are. It will be much more interesting for your wife to get to know you and it will be easier to find things you both love.
            :jkk: for the tips given.
            The socialize part is interesting as perhaps some are quite reserved and introvert or issues, even for men. But perhaps it need some time to gel and bond etc.
            As opposed to interacting with other people, interacting with in-laws is , I think of a different category I suppose.
            And i believe this lack of proper communication may affect this in-law relationship. So this thing you have mention , is quite important.

            Hobbies. Hmm, perhaps it help the relationship. I was thinking in my mind right now if no hobbies equals to a boring husband. But hobbies is like widespread, for sure people do have hobbies of some sort.
            Perhaps a common hobbies between husband wife ? Helps the marriage.

            Cooking yes, inshaAllah.

            Decoration, ah women love to decorate eh. Ok then, she can decorate the whole house. Oh wait,
            Allah Subḥānahu wa-taʿālā has mentioned in the Quran in chapter Surah Al-Ahzab:21 There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Things to prepare before marriage

              Vet him.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Things to prepare before marriage

                Originally posted by nudgetheputri View Post
                Vet him.
                things to prepare before marriage in two words.
                Allah Subḥānahu wa-taʿālā has mentioned in the Quran in chapter Surah Al-Ahzab:21 There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Things to prepare before marriage

                  *Personal Hygiene: sounds basic but keeping clean is a must and some men tend to skimp on that a bit when single. No one wants to be around stinky people, it's off putting. So this means brushing teeth, washing your face, changing your clothes and bathing regularly.

                  *Regular Income: you want to be able to finance accordingly, the first few months will be the most expensive as you'll be furnishing your home and things aren't cheap. Once that bulk is done, expenses will automatically decrease, but keep an eye on budget costs regardless.

                  *Own living space: for newly married couples, an apartment is probably the best sort of place to live initially, if homes are too costly/ hard to come by. Just a private space for the wife to go to. I can't relax until I come back to my own home, and likewise, a lot of people feel that way, especially if they are more inclined to introversion.

                  *Culinary skills: learn to make simple dishes like pasta, rice, chicken, fish, roast vegetables, stir fry, different marinades etc. Sometimes your wife may not be there to cook for you (esp. if she's gone to visit family), or she may just be very tired. She's a human, not a robot and is bound to feel fatigued some days. Take that burden off her shoulders temporarily and utilise one of the simple reciples you know to make something for the both of you. You'll probably find something your quite good at. For a lot of men, it's grilling. I don't know why but for some reason, some innate thing takes over and they're quite good at it- at least the men in my life are.

                  *Balancing relationships with respective in-laws: if you live separately, make sure you visit the parents at least once a week, or they can come over to your place as that fosters a healthy relationship. If your wife's family is out of state or overseas, make sure you not only allow her regular contact with her family on the phone but also make an effort to go on the phone yourself. A good relationship with in-laws works both ways, so make an effort with your wife's family, just as much as you'd like her to make an effort with yours.
                  ⚔ Even in death may you be triumphant ⚔
                  U.F Sadaqah Jariyah Project

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Things to prepare before marriage

                    :jkk: for the response/tips given
                    Originally posted by Meriadoc View Post
                    *Personal Hygiene: sounds basic but keeping clean is a must and some men tend to skimp on that a bit when single. No one wants to be around stinky people, it's off putting. So this means brushing teeth, washing your face, changing your clothes and bathing regularly.
                    Yes this is quite important.
                    Originally posted by Meriadoc View Post
                    *

                    *Regular Income: you want to be able to finance accordingly, the first few months will be the most expensive as you'll be furnishing your home and things aren't cheap. Once that bulk is done, expenses will automatically decrease, but keep an eye on budget costs regardless.
                    Oh the money part :cower:

                    Originally posted by Meriadoc View Post
                    *
                    *Own living space: for newly married couples, an apartment is probably the best sort of place to live initially, if homes are too costly/ hard to come by. Just a private space for the wife to go to. I can't relax until I come back to my own home, and likewise, a lot of people feel that way, especially if they are more inclined to introversion.

                    *Culinary skills: learn to make simple dishes like pasta, rice, chicken, fish, roast vegetables, stir fry, different marinades etc. Sometimes your wife may not be there to cook for you (esp. if she's gone to visit family), or she may just be very tired. She's a human, not a robot and is bound to feel fatigued some days. Take that burden off her shoulders temporarily and utilise one of the simple reciples you know to make something for the both of you. You'll probably find something your quite good at. For a lot of men, it's grilling. I don't know why but for some reason, some innate thing takes over and they're quite good at it- at least the men in my life are.
                    Helps the finances too in some ways, Cooking

                    Originally posted by Meriadoc View Post
                    *
                    *Balancing relationships with respective in-laws: if you live separately, make sure you visit the parents at least once a week, or they can come over to your place as that fosters a healthy relationship. If your wife's family is out of state or overseas, make sure you not only allow her regular contact with her family on the phone but also make an effort to go on the phone yourself. A good relationship with in-laws works both ways, so make an effort with your wife's family, just as much as you'd like her to make an effort with yours.
                    At least once a week or in a month , imo. I think over the phone, it’s a bit difficult, its kind of awkward I guess? No? to talk with in-laws.(over the phone) Usually the conversation takes place over meetups. Unless , there was a need , and unable to contact their own children, then they speak to their daughter/son-in law. These topic of in-laws seems to be very important. Almost all the books and lectures and discourses everywhere talks about this.(I noticed) Some divorce even happens due to in-laws not being in good terms either with son-in law or with each other. (Both parents don’t like each other) There was this one time I saw in a tv show or something, as to when it comes to a choice, whether you would choose/ prefer your parents over your spouse or something.(so many different responses given) I can’t imagine even if there is also a time where 2 requests are done at the same time, and you have to choose either one. Either from your parents or from your spouse. I guess communication and compromise is important then.

                    I guess the things to prepare are also what you think you may encounter in marriage later on.
                    Allah Subḥānahu wa-taʿālā has mentioned in the Quran in chapter Surah Al-Ahzab:21 There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Things to prepare before marriage

                      Originally posted by MuslimThinker View Post
                      :jkk: for the tips given.
                      The socialize part is interesting as perhaps some are quite reserved and introvert or issues, even for men. But perhaps it need some time to gel and bond etc.
                      As opposed to interacting with other people, interacting with in-laws is , I think of a different category I suppose.
                      And i believe this lack of proper communication may affect this in-law relationship. So this thing you have mention , is quite important.

                      Hobbies. Hmm, perhaps it help the relationship. I was thinking in my mind right now if no hobbies equals to a boring husband. But hobbies is like widespread, for sure people do have hobbies of some sort.
                      Perhaps a common hobbies between husband wife ? Helps the marriage.

                      Cooking yes, inshaAllah.

                      Decoration, ah women love to decorate eh. Ok then, she can decorate the whole house. Oh wait,
                      I understand he doesnt want the whole interior to be pink and lilac but like my biggest fear is that he will already have furniture i dislike tbh
                      يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                      O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                      Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Things to prepare before marriage

                        Originally posted by aynina View Post
                        I understand he doesnt want the whole interior to be pink and lilac but like my biggest fear is that he will already have furniture i dislike tbh
                        pink. Blue yes. Or green.

                        On a serious note, there was some findings done on the colours of the walls in the house. It affects mood, emotions etc. I wonder how true is that.

                        Can just tell your hubby to get a new furniture in that case.
                        Allah Subḥānahu wa-taʿālā has mentioned in the Quran in chapter Surah Al-Ahzab:21 There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Things to prepare before marriage

                          Originally posted by MuslimThinker View Post
                          pink. Blue yes. Or green.

                          On a serious note, there was some findings done on the colours of the walls in the house. It affects mood, emotions etc. I wonder how true is that.

                          Can just tell your hubby to get a new furniture in that case.
                          Yea i heared the same thing about walls but if i had any green in my house i will wake up into depressions

                          And no i cant lol imagine he just bought this old fashioned ugly salon how can i tell him to get rid of it..
                          يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                          O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                          Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Things to prepare before marriage

                            Originally posted by aynina View Post
                            Yea i heared the same thing about walls but if i had any green in my house i will wake up into depressions

                            And no i cant lol imagine he just bought this old fashioned ugly salon how can i tell him to get rid of it..
                            Depressions?.. no, not good at all.
                            This is where you need to prepare to learn how to negotiate. Its called the art of persuading.
                            Still on topic.

                            Or turn around the situation or something. Sell it back for 2nd hand, use the money then get the massage chair that you wanted.

                            On another note, what's a salon you mention , its a furniture? I thought salon is those beauty shops.
                            Allah Subḥānahu wa-taʿālā has mentioned in the Quran in chapter Surah Al-Ahzab:21 There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Things to prepare before marriage

                              Originally posted by MuslimThinker View Post
                              Depressions?.. no, not good at all.
                              This is where you need to prepare to learn how to negotiate. Its called the art of persuading.
                              Still on topic.

                              Or turn around the situation or something. Sell it back for 2nd hand, use the money then get the massage chair that you wanted.

                              On another note, what's a salon you mention , its a furniture? I thought salon is those beauty shops.
                              Oh lol in dutch we call the livingroom furniture "salon" like couches, coffee table and a sidetable like when it all comes together its a salon, i thought it was the same in english
                              يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعْبُدُوا۟ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

                              O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous

                              Surah Al Baqarah ayah 21

                              Comment

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