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A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

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  • A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

    :start:

    I start this thread with good intentions and I sincerely hope it does not derail. However, this topic of "cooking" has been weighing heavily on me and I thought it might be worth discussion here.

    I firstly understand that a woman is not obliged to cook for her husband, but in the traditional wife/husband roles for as long as history can/does record, the wife has generally been the spouse who does most of the cooking.

    With the rise of Western-style career/secular goals (regardless of where sisters are located), it seems that this seemingly innocuous aspect of cooking has been turned into a sort of battleground between Muslims of this generation (I am unaware of how prevalent it is, but I have witnessed it first-hand).

    Brothers:

    - How important is it that your wife-to-be/wife is/was expect(ed) to be able to prepare the meals in your home?

    Sisters:

    - Do you find this question/topic demeaning ("can you cook?")?
    - Do you (still) believe it is your responsibility to do the cooking (most/all of the time)?

    All:

    - Why do you think the educated/liberal/westernized Muslims/Muslimahs find the topic/action of cooking is degrading/demeaning?

  • #2
    Re: A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

    :salams
    I don't have problem with cooking. As, long he is supplying ingredients or giving money. If, I'm at home, I can do some cooking as well.
    But, it is sweet it he is helping when able to.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

      If the wife is a homemaker then she should do all the cooking, bonus points if husband helps sometimes when he has the energy after office or if somebody else is coming over.

      If the wife is working then cooking must be shared 50/50 or some other ratio depending on who works more hours/harder/has a more physically demanding job etc.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

        Madhubs differ over wife taking care of house in terms of cooking cleaning and so it can matter

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

          A woman that can't cook is the definition of useless and isn't qualified to be a wife,at all,whatsoever.

          You can perform open heart surgery but can't cook rice then you got some messed up priorities as a women.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

            I dont see the problem if shes at home
            I wouldnt say can you cook its kind of rude either way she can learn u got youtube

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

              Originally posted by horizon View Post
              :start:

              I start this thread with good intentions and I sincerely hope it does not derail. However, this topic of "cooking" has been weighing heavily on me and I thought it might be worth discussion here.

              I firstly understand that a woman is not obliged to cook for her husband, but in the traditional wife/husband roles for as long as history can/does record, the wife has generally been the spouse who does most of the cooking.

              With the rise of Western-style career/secular goals (regardless of where sisters are located), it seems that this seemingly innocuous aspect of cooking has been turned into a sort of battleground between Muslims of this generation (I am unaware of how prevalent it is, but I have witnessed it first-hand).

              Brothers:

              - How important is it that your wife-to-be/wife is/was expect(ed) to be able to prepare the meals in your home?

              Sisters:

              - Do you find this question/topic demeaning ("can you cook?")?
              - Do you (still) believe it is your responsibility to do the cooking (most/all of the time)?

              All:

              - Why do you think the educated/liberal/westernized Muslims/Muslimahs find the topic/action of cooking is degrading/demeaning?
              I don't really expect her to cook or do much of anything to be honest.

              I've been cooking myself for over 8+ years since I moved out for College....in reality my cooking is probably going to be better than hers. Plus I'm not a child, that I need another woman to cook for me. I've grown out of that phase.

              I just expect her to not make a mess if shes going to be a housewife, OH and don't let anyone in the house I disapprove of.

              Technically, there is no Islamic obligation for the wife to do cooking/cleaning anyways.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

                Originally posted by Samsandman View Post
                A woman that can't cook is the definition of useless and isn't qualified to be a wife,at all,whatsoever.

                You can perform open heart surgery but can't cook rice then you got some messed up priorities as a women.
                Agreed.
                You think you know more than my scholar's qiyās? He was more learned than you and all other scholars combined. Yeah, the devil was the greatest scholar too and look where his qiyās of fire being better than tīn got him. Sorry.

                You follow your scholar's qiyās, and I will follow the Qur'ān and Sunnah.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

                  To answer your last question:

                  The reason why most girls find cooking or doing anything for their husband for that matter degrading is because they've been taught that marriage is a form of patriarchal oppression against women.

                  I've pretty much come to accept this is the type of mindset I'll find in Muslim girls of my generation (in US atleast) there isn't anything any guy can do about it.

                  Asking your wife to do anything or expecting her to do anything these days is seen as oppression or some form of "ownership complex" that men have apparently.

                  I hate to say it but I've seen more of the Conservative Christian women that still follow traditional gender roles whereas our Muslim women are embracing liberal standards ...
                  Last edited by Azraael; 25-09-17, 01:36 AM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

                    Don't really care if she can cook or not.

                    It's not the cooking they find demeaning, it's the expectation of cooking.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

                      Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                      Don't really care if she can cook or not.

                      It's not the cooking they find demeaning, it's the expectation of cooking.
                      Yup you nailed it. For that matter essentially doing anything FOR the husband that he expected out of her is found demeaning.

                      But it's not demeaning to expect the husband to provide for whatever she wants.
                      It's an interesting time we live in.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

                        Originally posted by Samsandman View Post
                        A woman that can't cook is the definition of useless and isn't qualified to be a wife,at all,whatsoever.

                        You can perform open heart surgery but can't cook rice then you got some messed up priorities as a women.
                        The purpose of a wife isn't cooking.If that is youe belief then you are not ready to be a husband.
                        Perhaps a maid might suffice.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

                          :salams

                          I would expect every grown adult to be able to be proficient in all things pertaining to looking after themselves. Including cooking, ironing, cleaning up after one's self etc.

                          If a woman was expected to do all the cooking simply because she was female, that would be difficult to understand. It would be equally as perplexing if both spouses worked fulltime (including childcare) and she was expected to do all the house chores.

                          If however there was an agreement between the two that she was not working and had no children then it would make sense for her to do everything around the home.

                          Most of the time I find a lot of bickering between couples as to who is responsible for what job and how many cups of tea were made and by whom.

                          Personally, you go into marriage to worship Allah (swt) by serving each other and so you do your best not to make each others' lives difficult and to try to anticipate what each other needs. Some days you might feel off and have a lazy day or two and this needs to be absorbed by the other spouse without issue knowing that it happens to all of us now and then.

                          In short, it really depends on the couples' individual circumstances and what they decide among themselves. If I thought if would cause a bicker, I'd rather just take it on.

                          I actually enjoy cooking anyway but equally if he did then it could be a flexible affair. Not worth causing a problem over in my opinion.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

                            Originally posted by Azraael View Post
                            Yup you nailed it. For that matter essentially doing anything FOR the husband that he expected out of her is found demeaning.

                            But it's not demeaning to expect the husband to provide for whatever she wants.
                            It's an interesting time we live in.
                            What's demeaning is when the guy treats his wife like a maid.Marriage should be based on kindness, love and mercy.
                            A wife should cook out of love and kindness and out of the love for Allah.
                            No man should ever think that the sole reason of marrying is to be fed like a overgrown useless ugly baby.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: A modern marriage taboo: Can you cook?

                              Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                              Don't really care if she can cook or not.

                              It's not the cooking they find demeaning, it's the expectation of cooking.
                              So what DO you expect from them?

                              We know what is expected from the mahr we give but if that its then well,that's just glorified prostitution.

                              I EXPECT a well good cooked, delicious and nutritious meal at least once a day if I am married.
                              If she can't handle feeding Me once a day Why should I trust her to look after my children?
                              I CAN cooked for myself as I do now and I eat well but kids can't cook,there dependent on Adults to look after them
                              If i'm out working what is she doing? Just chillaxing at home watching soap operas and eating bon bons all day?

                              Comment

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