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    #31
    Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

    You have called me men from jahlia. You should know that If I'm not a kafir but you blame me to be one you become one. Go see a psychiatrist please I think you have OCD. You are ignorant for refusing to see why your advice was invalid regarding why there are no variations in the interpretations in the law of Allah, which I think makes you the jahl. If you challenge the law of Allah you commit shirk. yes sure I'm the jahil for pointing out the shirk you are committing, excellent deduction! LOL. And stop posting for the sake of increasing your post count idk why none of the admins havnt noticed yet.
    Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
    Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
    That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

    Comment


      #32
      Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

      Like I wouldn't see in the (what's new) section.

      This is how the convo went:

      I told this guy that if he wants a wife who is more pious than him who should help him be more pious(which is what he's 'apparently' trying to get advise on), then he'd have to listen to her and be open minded if he actually wants to improve himself.
      Guy responds weirdly (surprise surprise, misogynistic men have an issue when it comes to "listen to your wife").
      I commented back without refering to the guy.
      Guy for some reason took it personally. Guy got ruder and ruder. Saying "shaytan is working through you", "sealed heart" and now "shirk". When I never once called him kafir. (Either he doesn't know what jahil means, or he has reading comprehension problems).

      Can't be bothered with men like this.
      Ciao.
      "East, west, south, or north makes little difference. No matter what your destination, just be sure to make every journey a journey within. If you travel within, you’ll travel the whole wide world and beyond." - Rule 9. - The Forty Rules of Love.

      Comment


        #33
        Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

        If you cant be bothered why do you keep on posting back. You have so far ignored my quotes from Qur'an, and great imams to help you understand that there can be no liberal interpration of the life commanded by Allah Rabbul Izza and your way of interaction is offensive and overkill.. Failure of you to understand the flaw of your reasoning that God's rules cant be interpreted in multiple ways, is a reflection on what you believe, how you solve problems and how you deal with men in your own life. Sealed heart, shirk, these are all words from Qur'an. If you cannot understand analogies from Qur'an I don't think you are guided by Allah. And if you are not guided by Allah you are no doubt guided by Satan. Obviously u will not understand any of this. Bcoz you are stuck in your OCD mind of "multiple interpretations of Allah's law is the key to happiness of marital life". I truly pray feel sorry for the people in your life who has to deal with your OCD and lack of insight on a day to day basis lol. And I'm aware of what jahl means. Jahl tendencies can make you a kafir eg idol worship or denying the Qadr of Allah. Like I said u ought to read up on shirk before you open that ignorant mouth and engaging in personal attacks. Better yet, go to an imam and ask him to do ruqya on you for your OCD. Good words and words of reason obviously doesn't get thru to you.
        Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
        Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
        That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

        Comment


          #34
          Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

          If you cant be bothered why do you keep on posting back. You have so far ignored my quotes from Qur'an, and great imams to help you understand that there can be no liberal interpration of the life commanded by Allah Rabbul Izza and your way of interaction is offensive and overkill.. Failure of you to understand the flaw of your reasoning that God's rules cant be interpreted in multiple ways, is a reflection on what you believe, how you solve problems and how you deal with men in your own life. Sealed heart, shirk, these are all words from Qur'an. If you cannot understand analogies from Qur'an I don't think you are guided by Allah. And if you are not guided by Allah you are no doubt guided by Satan. Obviously u will not understand any of this. Bcoz you are stuck in your OCD mind of "multiple interpretations of Allah's law is the key to happiness of marital life". I truly pray feel sorry for the people in your life who has to deal with your OCD and lack of insight on a day to day basis lol. And I'm aware of what jahl means. Jahl tendencies can make you a kafir eg idol worship or denying the Qadr of Allah. Like I said u ought to read up on shirk before you open that ignorant mouth and engaging in personal attacks. Better yet, go to an imam and ask him to do ruqya on you for your OCD. Good words and words of reason obviously doesn't get thru to you.

          Originally posted by HealerofWorlds View Post
          Like I wouldn't see in the (what's new) section.

          This is how the convo went:

          I told this guy that if he wants a wife who is more pious than him who should help him be more pious(which is what he's 'apparently' trying to get advise on), then he'd have to listen to her and be open minded if he actually wants to improve himself.
          Guy responds weirdly (surprise surprise, misogynistic men have an issue when it comes to "listen to your wife").
          I commented back without refering to the guy.
          Guy for some reason took it personally. Guy got ruder and ruder. Saying "shaytan is working through you", "sealed heart" and now "shirk". When I never once called him kafir. (Either he doesn't know what jahil means, or he has reading comprehension problems).

          Can't be bothered with men like this.
          Ciao.
          Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
          Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
          That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

          Comment


            #35
            Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

            Originally posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
            Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah wabarakatu
            Bismillahir rahmaanir rahiim.

            This is going to be a strange post but I've found myself in an unique set of circumstances. So here it goes.

            Is it wrong of me to seek someone who is more pious than me? Well whats wrong with seeking a pious bride you may ask!
            I come from a religious family, living in one of the most Islamic countries in the world, if not the most. I've lived in the west and have quite a liberal mind Yet I constantly feel I'm surrounded by munafiqs (hypocrite) and khawarij (exiters, people who read Qur'an, prays all salaah yet doesn't understand the Qur'an & deen)

            My family believes I can be happy married to someone less pious as long as I can make her more pious after marriage but I want someone who is already more pious than me and will bring me closer to Allah (swt) through marriage. I have already tried speaking to a few under permissible circumstances to help them understand the deen but it seems impossible to eradicate 20+ years way of corrupted thinking by a few hours talk on what RasulAllah (saws) and the salaaf recommended in order to explain the Qur'an. Should I lower my standards and hope my future wifey will become more pious from observing me? I'm no where near perfect but I never dare question the will of Allah (swt) coz I consider that as shirk. I am aware of Qadr, I'm just curious if my point of view is correct ie to wait rather than change my goals. I'm also aware of the criterias used in seeking a
            potential bride.

            JazakumAllah khair
            Assalamualaykum, brother.

            I don't think you should feel guilty or inadequate that you're aspiring for a wife that's more pious than you are. And nor should you be disappointed if you cross paths with someone who currently is less pious than you. I felt compelled to respond to this because I was in a similar predicament a few months ago and sought advice on this forum. And my decision was actually the opposite of what you're thinking of. Much to the objection of the posters on this forum, I decided to pursue a marriage with someone who at the time wasn't as practicing as me (his proplem was that he struggled to maintain all five prayers).

            But alhumdulillah, it was the best decision I made (well so it appears so so far!). I placed a lot of value on other qualities (sincerity, intelligence, genuine kindness, cool-tempered and so on). Qualities that are not suddenly acquired. Or those that can be suddenly lost. They were things which, when present in a person, increase their chances of becoming more practicing inshAllah because they are honest and genuinely want their marriage to thrive with you. And if you support them and be a constant reminder to them about the deen, it improves their chances 10 fold.

            So I guess my advice to you would be that even if she isn't as pious as you want her to be (she may be even to you, or slightly behind you currently), do not immediately dismiss her. Especially if she has many other great qualities such as loyalty, obediance (dare I say!!), patience and understands the qualities required for a good wife. Because he or she can be moulded if they have a sincere heart.

            That's just my two pence. I pray you be successful in finding the bride that's right for you!
            Last edited by Sister Kiren; 11-09-17, 09:14 PM.

            Comment


              #36
              Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

              Originally posted by Red Apples View Post
              Asalaamualaykum.

              I think the first thing you need to come to terms with before going ahead is what is piety.

              If I were to ask you as to who had more piety...Hazrath Ali RA Or Hz Faathima RA...what would your answer be ?

              The likeliness is that you'd say even-though we know so much about them from Quran and Hadith - Only Allah SWT really knows who had more, less or equal piety.

              In that very same way - When you entertain the thought of piety in a spouse, you will come to realise there is a stark difference between practising and piety. When we generally say someone is practising, we are referring to an the eye witnessing of outward actions. Piety on the other hand is related to Ikhlaas (Sincerity in an action).

              So the bottom line being is that you would never know the piety of anyone, but what you would be able to ascertain is if the person is practising either by their own testimony, family and friends testimony or even your own eye witnessing of the other persons action.

              If you were to write down on an A4 paper what constitutes to piety, your entire list would be outward actions. Even if your list does have inward qualities for example ikhlaas, How would you deduce that the person has those qualities ?

              When you talk of piety - it becomes synonymous and very close to the topic of Taqwa. The reality is you cant ascertain someones Taqwa. In the same way you can't ascertain piety as its almost one and thesame thing.

              The talk of marrying a less pious person is nothing more than arrogance and pride and indicates a very corrupted understanding of Islam. The reality is that a husband and wife are there to learn from each other.

              So your family suggests a less pious girl for you. Well - how is your family going to deduce who is more or less pious ? do they have Piety-Meter to attach to someone and get a reading from ? In the same way- if you say i want a more pious person ...Do you have a similar contraption or perhaps version 2.0 of it ?

              The most sincere dua you can ever make is to ask Allah SWT to grant you a wife that He (Allah SWT) knows will be best for you.

              I sincerely hope that Allah grants you the best.

              And dont be stressed - these are exciting times :)

              Salaam
              SubhanAllah. A wonderful post.

              Comment


                #37
                Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                [MENTION=144482]Dr. Blitz[/MENTION], in answer to your question(s) with regards to finding a spouse, the one advice I can give you is to just start off on a better foot that what you've demonstrated here.... (lol!)

                Originally posted by HealerofWorlds View Post
                Like I wouldn't see in the (what's new) section.

                This is how the convo went:

                I told this guy that if he wants a wife who is more pious than him who should help him be more pious(which is what he's 'apparently' trying to get advise on), then he'd have to listen to her and be open minded if he actually wants to improve himself.
                Guy responds weirdly (surprise surprise, misogynistic men have an issue when it comes to "listen to your wife").
                I commented back without refering to the guy.
                Guy for some reason took it personally. Guy got ruder and ruder. Saying "shaytan is working through you", "sealed heart" and now "shirk". When I never once called him kafir. (Either he doesn't know what jahil means, or he has reading comprehension problems).

                Can't be bothered with men like this.
                Ciao.

                Comment


                  #38
                  Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                  So do you think that the laws given by Allah (swt) is open to different interpretations? There is no liberal take on the responsibilities in marriage that Allah Rabbul Alamin have instructed us. If both spouse adheres to same law one cannot ask other to have a more 'strict' or 'liberal' view. Its not my problem if someone doesn't understand. You should read the whole thread instead of just reading one summary. Doing dhulm is wrong, supporting dhulm is equally wrong.

                  Originally posted by Khal Drogo View Post
                  [MENTION=144482]Dr. Blitz[/MENTION], in answer to your question(s) with regards to finding a spouse, the one advice I can give you is to just start off on a better foot that what you've demonstrated here.... (lol!)
                  Last edited by Dr. Blitz; 11-09-17, 10:25 PM.
                  Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
                  Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
                  That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

                  Comment


                    #39
                    Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                    JazakAllah khairan for the honest response. Great to see sincerity in people amongst all the trolls. I've always been worried about things not working out in marriage whether it be 1 year down the line or 30 years. Divorce rate has been going up both in muslim and non muslim culture I think. Only thing I feel that would prevent a real believer with matching compatibilities (and personalities) to split up is strict adherence to the way of life and responsibilities in marriage that our Rabb has instructed us to be. Therefore I fear that if someone isn't fully on the right path, like we see many brothers and sisters today trying to bend the deen to fit their needs (or more liberal version), they are more likely to lose patience in the marriage and give up. It has been rather difficult for me to explain this concept to many sisters in Islam as you can see quite apparent in this thread. Again, thank your for taking the time to make a sincere response! May Allah shower you and your family with barakah, ameen.

                    Originally posted by Sister Kiren View Post
                    Assalamualaykum, brother.

                    I don't think you should feel guilty or inadequate that you're aspiring for a wife that's more pious than you are. And nor should you be disappointed if you cross paths with someone who currently is less pious than you. I felt compelled to respond to this because I was in a similar predicament a few months ago and sought advice on this forum. And my decision was actually the opposite of what you're thinking of. Much to the objection of the posters on this forum, I decided to pursue a marriage with someone who at the time wasn't as practicing as me (his proplem was that he struggled to maintain all five prayers).

                    But alhumdulillah, it was the best decision I made (well so it appears so so far!). I placed a lot of value on other qualities (sincerity, intelligence, genuine kindness, cool-tempered and so on). Qualities that are not suddenly acquired. Or those that can be suddenly lost. They were things which, when present in a person, increase their chances of becoming more practicing inshAllah because they are honest and genuinely want their marriage to thrive with you. And if you support them and be a constant reminder to them about the deen, it improves their chances 10 fold.

                    So I guess my advice to you would be that even if she isn't as pious as you want her to be (she may be even to you, or slightly behind you currently), do not immediately dismiss her. Especially if she has many other great qualities such as loyalty, obediance (dare I say!!), patience and understands the qualities required for a good wife. Because he or she can be moulded if they have a sincere heart.

                    That's just my two pence. I pray you be successful in finding the bride that's right for you!
                    Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
                    Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
                    That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

                    Comment


                      #40
                      Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                      Originally posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
                      So do you think that the laws given by Allah (swt) is open to different interpretations? There is no liberal take on the responsibilities in marriage that Allah Rabbul Alamin have instructed us. If both spouse adheres to same law one cannot ask other to have a more 'strict' or 'liberal' view. Its not my problem if someone doesn't understand. You should read the whole thread instead of just reading one summary. Doing dhulm is wrong, supporting dhulm is equally wrong.
                      Bruh, my post was just in jest. As in....try not to bring out the wrath in her [a potential spouse] as you done with that sister (ever though you didn't mean it!)

                      I don't disagree with anything you're saying. And I do believe sister [MENTION=129554]HealerofWorlds[/MENTION] did snap a little unnecessarily.

                      Comment


                        #41
                        Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                        Originally posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
                        Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah wabarakatu
                        Bismillahir rahmaanir rahiim.

                        This is going to be a strange post but I've found myself in an unique set of circumstances. So here it goes.

                        Is it wrong of me to seek someone who is more pious than me? Well whats wrong with seeking a pious bride you may ask!
                        I come from a religious family, living in one of the most Islamic countries in the world, if not the most. I've lived in the west and have quite a liberal mind Yet I constantly feel I'm surrounded by munafiqs (hypocrite) and khawarij (exiters, people who read Qur'an, prays all salaah yet doesn't understand the Qur'an & deen)

                        My family believes I can be happy married to someone less pious as long as I can make her more pious after marriage but I want someone who is already more pious than me and will bring me closer to Allah (swt) through marriage. I have already tried speaking to a few under permissible circumstances to help them understand the deen but it seems impossible to eradicate 20+ years way of corrupted thinking by a few hours talk on what RasulAllah (saws) and the salaaf recommended in order to explain the Qur'an. Should I lower my standards and hope my future wifey will become more pious from observing me? I'm no where near perfect but I never dare question the will of Allah (swt) coz I consider that as shirk. I am aware of Qadr, I'm just curious if my point of view is correct ie to wait rather than change my goals. I'm also aware of the criterias used in seeking a
                        potential bride.

                        JazakumAllah khair
                        Never marry someone with the hope and expectation of changing them.

                        Marry someone on the same level as you or better In Shaa Allaah.

                        Comment


                          #42
                          Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                          Well, as long as you are okay with being told you are wrong... by all means.

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                            How? Just because I'm wrong doesn't mean the other person is right.

                            Originally posted by In my Opinion View Post
                            Well, as long as you are okay with being told you are wrong... by all means.
                            Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
                            Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
                            That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

                            Comment


                              #44
                              Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                              Originally posted by In my Opinion View Post
                              Well, as long as you are okay with being told you are wrong... by all means.
                              Not you again,

                              A Muslim is supposed to be open to correction, only a Jahil with ego problem isn't
                              Last edited by Saif-Uddin; 16-09-17, 06:58 PM.
                              http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                              "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                              – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

                              Comment


                                #45
                                Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                                Originally posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
                                Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah wabarakatu
                                Bismillahir rahmaanir rahiim.

                                This is going to be a strange post but I've found myself in an unique set of circumstances. So here it goes.

                                Is it wrong of me to seek someone who is more pious than me? Well whats wrong with seeking a pious bride you may ask!
                                I come from a religious family, living in one of the most Islamic countries in the world, if not the most. I've lived in the west and have quite a liberal mind Yet I constantly feel I'm surrounded by munafiqs (hypocrite) and khawarij (exiters, people who read Qur'an, prays all salaah yet doesn't understand the Qur'an & deen)

                                My family believes I can be happy married to someone less pious as long as I can make her more pious after marriage but I want someone who is already more pious than me and will bring me closer to Allah (swt) through marriage. I have already tried speaking to a few under permissible circumstances to help them understand the deen but it seems impossible to eradicate 20+ years way of corrupted thinking by a few hours talk on what RasulAllah (saws) and the salaaf recommended in order to explain the Qur'an. Should I lower my standards and hope my future wifey will become more pious from observing me? I'm no where near perfect but I never dare question the will of Allah (swt) coz I consider that as shirk. I am aware of Qadr, I'm just curious if my point of view is correct ie to wait rather than change my goals. I'm also aware of the criterias used in seeking a
                                potential bride.

                                JazakumAllah khair
                                :wswrwb:

                                Only person you change is yourself. If, you try/force to change your spouse to do something against her will, she'll resist and worst scenario start hating you.

                                Alhamdulillah, look for spouse who is almost same level in Deen as you are, In sha'Allah. Think, you are amir of house, would you be content that your wife is more Pious/Practising than you, Ma sha'Allah
                                (I have seen it, and it doesn't generally speaking work out for couples well. So, sad)

                                What, you can do with your future spouse is improve together your Imaan and Deen.
                                Do home halaqas.
                                Study together Quran/Arabic/Tafsir/Islamic history etc.
                                Do volunteering work with her for local community.
                                There are plenty halal activities for couples in Deen.
                                Pray together.
                                Make abundantly duas.

                                May Allah SWT grand you pious spouse, ameen.

                                Comment

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