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A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

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  • #16
    Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

    Ayyy forgot our souls are created in pairs so it doesn't require one to be pious to get a pious spouse. Right lol. I suppose even tho we can pray to change our fate this one thing cannot be changed.



    Originally posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
    MashaAllah TabarakAllah. Great response brother. You have my standing ovation. May Allah Az Zawajal shower you and your family with barakah :)

    The problem is you can never tell the difference. A person can be knowledgeable but deprived from taqwa. Who wants a person that doesn't act on their knowledge, the knowledge becomes futile. - In my personal opinion is this the reason why our umma is in pieces. I've seen many scholars wasting time debating between themselves for personal fame & glory when they should be using that time to spread ilm. Imam Shafi'i Rahimullah refused to debate with people unless it brought about a change in their lives positively and he would pray before every debate so that his opponent is right and sees the truth. Now that is real Taqwa we should all aspire to have.

    Nothing is impossible, but think about what you are offering to your pious potential. - Indeed. One must raise their ranks in the eyes of their Rabb before they can expect someone pious.
    Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
    Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
    That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

    Comment


    • #17
      Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

      Talk about irrelevant post. While I'm going thru Islamic beliefs n the invisible shirk u are referring to non Islamic principles. Smh lol

      Originally posted by HealerofWorlds View Post
      It's not that difficult to understand. Many jahil men seem to not want to listen to women (especially their wives) because well.. they're women and 'should only listen, not be listened to'.
      Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
      Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
      That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

      Comment


      • #18
        Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

        Originally posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
        Talk about irrelevant post. While I'm going thru Islamic beliefs n the invisible shirk u are referring to non Islamic principles. Smh lol
        Invisible shirk??

        Comment


        • #19
          Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

          That's a great goal, I have that goal too.

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

            Originally posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
            Talk about irrelevant post. While I'm going thru Islamic beliefs n the invisible shirk u are referring to non Islamic principles. Smh lol
            What's non-Islamic about this? I guess for men like you, it's "unislamic" to respect women.
            First you want a pious wife who will help you to become a better Muslim and then you feel the need to argue with someone who says that in order to do that you'll actually have to listen to her and give her words importance. Lack of intelligence or what?
            A pious woman deserves a pious man.
            "East, west, south, or north makes little difference. No matter what your destination, just be sure to make every journey a journey within. If you travel within, you値l travel the whole wide world and beyond." - Rule 9. - The Forty Rules of Love.

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

              Wallahi sister I don't know what you are going on about. I never meant to disrespect you I just said your post is irrelevant because I was measuring taqwa in terms of knowledge and awareness of shirk while you are worried about something way more basic in Islam such as jahlia tendencies. Its irrelevant bcoz one leaving jahlia and enter the deen comes before pursuit of indepth knowledge. I sense shaytan working through you otherwise an intelligent and educated person would not resort to personal attacks such as calling someone dumb. I am not going to resort to your level. Instead I'm going to pray for your hidayah to Allah Rabbul Izza. For your future arguments with other folks if you dont like their response say you disagree, better yet stay silent. If you have nothing good to say stay silent. This is what the ulemma teach. Dont let shaytain get the upper hand on you. Anger = one of the biggest weapon of shaytan

              Take care
              A simpleton in submission to Allah (swt)

              Originally posted by HealerofWorlds View Post
              What's non-Islamic about this? I guess for men like you, it's "unislamic" to respect women.
              First you want a pious wife who will help you to become a better Muslim and then you feel the need to argue with someone who says that in order to do that you'll actually have to listen to her and give her words importance. Lack of intelligence or what?
              A pious woman deserves a pious man.
              Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
              Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
              That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

              Comment


              • #22
                Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                na'am brother.

                I was referring to shirk al kahfi. I read about it in English and I think it was translated as the inconspicuous shirk. Basically the type where one questions and challenges Qadr ie the divine decree.

                Originally posted by Abu julaybeeb View Post
                Invisible shirk??
                Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
                Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
                That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                  Originally posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
                  Wallahi sister I don't know what you are going on about. I never meant to disrespect you I just said your post is irrelevant because I was measuring taqwa in terms of knowledge and awareness of shirk while you are worried about something way more basic in Islam such as jahlia tendencies. Its irrelevant bcoz one leaving jahlia and enter the deen comes before pursuit of indepth knowledge. I sense shaytan working through you otherwise an intelligent and educated person would not resort to personal attacks such as calling someone dumb. I am not going to resort to your level. Instead I'm going to pray for your hidayah to Allah Rabbul Izza. For your future arguments with other folks if you dont like their response say you disagree, better yet stay silent. If you have nothing good to say stay silent. This is what the ulemma teach. Dont let shaytain get the upper hand on you. Anger = one of the biggest weapon of shaytan

                  Take care
                  A simpleton in submission to Allah (swt)
                  You responded weirdly for some reason when my initial post was not even difficult to understand. What part of it was so difficult to grasp? Maybe the "open minded" part offended you or something for whatever reason. What is it with some men? As soon you say you say to take your wife seriously..
                  If you're going to claim to someone that "shaytan is working through" them then you better check the tone of your response as well and how honest you actually are.
                  Last edited by HealerofWorlds; 10-09-17, 08:31 PM.
                  "East, west, south, or north makes little difference. No matter what your destination, just be sure to make every journey a journey within. If you travel within, you値l travel the whole wide world and beyond." - Rule 9. - The Forty Rules of Love.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                    Ya ukhti,

                    I for once did not have an offending tone. If anything I was joking (hence the use of expression 'smh'). Please do not go into an argument with preconceived notions that all men are this and that. It will lead to bias before you even get to judge. You judged me as stupid by exchange of one sentence and I doubt you did not even know what level of Islam I was referring to hence you applied jahlia analogy. I don't even know why are u are advising when it seems you are on the petrol to find guys to just accuse for something that you may have experienced with someone else or seen someone experience. All I did was just ask for a simple advise. The way you reacted went overboard. If such was the case then in every ghazwa all kufar would have been killed and we would not have great sahaba eg Khalid Ibn Walid the Saifullah (RA) who was the reason behind the numerous loss of life in Battle of Uhud. In addition there is this verse in Surah Fussilat, ayah 35 "And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend. I mean even if I showed aggression (which I didn't) you should have refrained from showing aggression. Mercy is higher in eyes of Allah (swt) than revenge. Do you not wish to be forgiven by Allah (swt)? Then you should learn to forgive others too ya ukhti :) Wish you all the best.

                    Originally posted by HealerofWorlds View Post
                    You responded weirdly for some reason when my initial post was not even difficult to understand. What part of it was so difficult to grasp? Maybe the "open minded" part offended you or something for whatever reason. What is it with some men? As soon you say you say to take your wife seriously..
                    If you're going to claim to someone that "shaytan is working through" them then you better check the tone of your response as well and how honest you actually are.
                    Last edited by Dr. Blitz; 10-09-17, 08:54 PM.
                    Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
                    Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
                    That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                      Walaikum assalam warahmatullahi wabarakatu.
                      MashaAllah brother, Great post, JazakAllah khair for the response!

                      You have no idea how much I struggle with this cultural concept of measuring piety through outward actions. As Sheikh Umar Suleiman has said our culture unfortunately has converted our deen into a religion of outward actions eg praying X number rakaah in a day(like Christianity) and lacking taqwa and action that benefits the ummah. No one cares about ilm, everyone just wants to be handed down a list of things to do and khallas they think they don't owe the Ummah anything more. I feel everyone is just too concerned with their own personal struggles, men with money and power while women dealing with horrible inlaws and stuff LOL (or struggling against men in career). I don't know what we need to wake up as an Ummah. Speaking of piety meter (lol) I am trying to build questions that I can use to poke someone. Questions about their awareness of bidaa, shirk, Qadr, reasons for the calamity that falls on us, etc stuff whose answer is found in Qur'an.

                      Exciting times eh? Gotta love the scarcasm. Wish I was born in the times of salaf. In my personal opinion they had a much harder life but we have such a greater test on us. My biggest duah is "ya Allah keep me and those mumin being oppressed steadfast in these times of trials and tribulations" coz I feel if this one thing is granted it will be easier for us to accept our destiny. May Allah grant all of us sabr and perseverance, ameen.



                      Originally posted by Red Apples View Post
                      Asalaamualaykum.

                      I think the first thing you need to come to terms with before going ahead is what is piety.

                      If I were to ask you as to who had more piety...Hazrath Ali RA Or Hz Faathima RA...what would your answer be ?

                      The likeliness is that you'd say even-though we know so much about them from Quran and Hadith - Only Allah SWT really knows who had more, less or equal piety.

                      In that very same way - When you entertain the thought of piety in a spouse, you will come to realise there is a stark difference between practising and piety. When we generally say someone is practising, we are referring to an the eye witnessing of outward actions. Piety on the other hand is related to Ikhlaas (Sincerity in an action).

                      So the bottom line being is that you would never know the piety of anyone, but what you would be able to ascertain is if the person is practising either by their own testimony, family and friends testimony or even your own eye witnessing of the other persons action.

                      If you were to write down on an A4 paper what constitutes to piety, your entire list would be outward actions. Even if your list does have inward qualities for example ikhlaas, How would you deduce that the person has those qualities ?

                      When you talk of piety - it becomes synonymous and very close to the topic of Taqwa. The reality is you cant ascertain someones Taqwa. In the same way you can't ascertain piety as its almost one and thesame thing.

                      The talk of marrying a less pious person is nothing more than arrogance and pride and indicates a very corrupted understanding of Islam. The reality is that a husband and wife are there to learn from each other.

                      So your family suggests a less pious girl for you. Well - how is your family going to deduce who is more or less pious ? do they have Piety-Meter to attach to someone and get a reading from ? In the same way- if you say i want a more pious person ...Do you have a similar contraption or perhaps version 2.0 of it ?

                      The most sincere dua you can ever make is to ask Allah SWT to grant you a wife that He (Allah SWT) knows will be best for you.

                      I sincerely hope that Allah grants you the best.

                      And dont be stressed - these are exciting times :)

                      Salaam
                      Last edited by Dr. Blitz; 10-09-17, 09:12 PM.
                      Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
                      Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
                      That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                        Originally posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
                        Ya ukhti,

                        I for once did not have an offending tone. If anything I was joking (hence the use of expression 'smh'). Please do not go into an argument with preconceived notions that all men are this and that. It will lead to bias before you even get to judge. You judged me as stupid by exchange of one sentence and I doubt you did not even know what level of Islam I was referring to hence you applied jahlia analogy. I don't even know why are u are advising when it seems you are on the petrol to find guys to just accuse for something that you may have experienced with someone else or seen someone experience. All I did was just ask for a simple advise. The way you reacted went overboard. If such was the case then in every ghazwa all kufar would have been killed and we would not have great sahaba eg Khalid Ibn Walid the Saifullah (RA) who was the reason behind the numerous loss of life in Battle of Uhud. In addition there is this verse in Surah Fussilat, ayah 35 "And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend. I mean even if I showed aggression (which I didn't) you should have refrained from showing aggression. Mercy is higher in eyes of Allah (swt) than revenge. Do you not wish to be forgiven by Allah (swt)? Then you should learn to forgive others too ya ukhti :) Wish you all the best.
                        What are you talking about? You seemed to have a problem with my advice about actually listening to your wife/having an open mind. So I responded accordingly. Or did I understand wrong? I didn't generalize all men, neither did I call you jahil. After you replied with your rude-ish tone did I talk about respect and such men.

                        Anyway, next time when you ask for advice, try to actually listen instead of arguing.
                        "East, west, south, or north makes little difference. No matter what your destination, just be sure to make every journey a journey within. If you travel within, you値l travel the whole wide world and beyond." - Rule 9. - The Forty Rules of Love.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                          No one is arguing except u I think. My original reply was that there is no different interpretations of the law of Allah (swt) and thus if both spouses are on the right path of the deen they would not have disagreements. Anyways, I feel my words and references are in vain even tho they are either quotes from daleel or otherwise mostly the opinions of the ulemma reiterated. When Allah (swt) seals someone's heart nothing can permeate it. Thanks for reading and your advice.

                          JazakAllah Khairan.

                          Originally posted by HealerofWorlds View Post
                          What are you talking about? You seemed to have a problem with my advice about actually listening to your wife/having an open mind. So I responded accordingly. Or did I understand wrong? I didn't generalize all men, neither did I call you jahil. After you replied with your rude-ish tone did I talk about respect and such men.

                          Anyway, next time when you ask for advice, try to actually listen instead of arguing.
                          Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
                          Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
                          That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                            Originally posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
                            No one is arguing except u I think. My original reply was that there is no different interpretations of the law of Allah (swt) and thus if both spouses are on the right path of the deen they would not have disagreements. Anyways, I feel my words and references are in vain even tho they are either quotes from daleel or otherwise mostly the opinions of the ulemma reiterated. When Allah (swt) seals someone's heart nothing can permeate it. Thanks for reading and your advice.

                            JazakAllah Khairan.
                            Hahahahhaha. Don't post threads asking for "advice" if you can't even take it. And then you throw around "shaytan" and "sealed hearts".
                            May pious women get pious husbands and be saved from jahil men. Ameen.
                            "East, west, south, or north makes little difference. No matter what your destination, just be sure to make every journey a journey within. If you travel within, you値l travel the whole wide world and beyond." - Rule 9. - The Forty Rules of Love.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                              OK troll.
                              Learn about the deen and qadr before throwing advice. I'm not obligated to listen to the words of someone ignorant. Thanks.

                              Originally posted by HealerofWorlds View Post
                              Hahahahhaha. Don't post threads asking for "advice" if you can't even take it. And then you throw around "shaytan" and "sealed hearts".
                              May pious women get pious husbands and be saved from jahil men. Ameen.
                              Ask yourself why you were created. Do not let society distract you from seeking the truth.
                              Sahih International, 63:3 (Surah Al-Munafiqun)
                              That is because they believed, and then they disbelieved; so their hearts were sealed over, and they do not understand.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Re: A confused brother (regarding goals for marriage)

                                Originally posted by Dr. Blitz View Post
                                OK troll.
                                Learn about the deen and qadr before throwing advice. I'm not obligated to listen to the words of someone ignorant. Thanks.
                                As I said, may Allah save all women from men like you.
                                "East, west, south, or north makes little difference. No matter what your destination, just be sure to make every journey a journey within. If you travel within, you値l travel the whole wide world and beyond." - Rule 9. - The Forty Rules of Love.

                                Comment

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