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Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry...

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  • Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry...

    So I'm planning to marry this single mom. Good muslimah. Everything is fine until we are couple weeks away she decides to tell me her dark secret. Its no wonder she keeps telling me she dont deserve me and like she can't believe she has me cuz I'm too good.

    She finally opens up about her past and she finally decides to tell me 5 yrs ago she had zina with another man after her divorce.... She didn't want to tell me and she feel really bad. Im heartbroken rn how she could do such a bad disgusting deed. All right before were about to be married in couple weeks...I just had to hear this...

    I don't know wut to do...should i....cancel the marriage...? Hurts so much to know...I will be the third person she sleeps with...

    :,(
    Last edited by Rhed; 18-07-17, 05:53 AM.

  • #2
    Re: Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry.

    Originally posted by Rhed View Post
    So I'm planning to marry this single mom. Good muslimah. Everything is fine until we are couple weeks away she decides to tell me her dark secret. Its no wonder she keeps telling me she dont deserve me and like she can't believe she has me cuz I'm too good.

    She finally opens up about her past and she finally decides to tell me 5 yrs ago she had zina with another man after her divorce.... She didn't want to tell me and she feel really bad. Im heartbroken rn how she could do such a bad disgusting deed. All right before were about to be married in couple weeks...I just had to hear this...

    I don't know wut to do...should i....cancel the marriage...? Hurts so much to know...I will be the third person she sleeps with...

    :,(
    If you can completely overlook this sin and get over this feeling, then you should marry her.

    If you can't overlook this sin and it keeps bothering you, then you should cancel the marriage. Because this will eat away at you throughout the marriage; it will always be in the back of your mind and negatively affect the relationship.

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    • #3
      Re: Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry.

      Sorry to hear this.
      It seems this is going to be in the back of your head even if you decide to marry her which obviously gonna cause other problems like doubts ,suspicions etc.

      You also need to consider if she repented ,as you said 5 years ago ,so she has probably repented and moved on from this.

      Unfortunately this is a question only you can answer.If i were you I would want to know why the divorced happened,maybe speak with her ex or family.

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      • #4
        Re: Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry.

        You haven't had the wedding yet. You haven't consummated the marriage. You're not married to her.

        Just move on.

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        • #5
          Re: Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry.

          Look bro, I'm going to tell it to you straight. Did you originally want a virgin wife and then settled for a divorcee because at least she hadn't committed zina so you compromised? If that was your thinking, then obviously finding out she's a zaniyat will be a deal breaker.

          If virginity wasn't important to you, then you can probably overlook this if it was 5 years ago.

          Based on your reaction though, I think you should move on. You wouldn't call it "heartbreaking" if it wasn't something that really bothered you. As Stoic said, this will be in the back of your mind if you get married to her. shaytan likes to play tricks and will constantly remind you of her zina.

          There are plenty of good Muslimahs out there that you can find with the help of dua.
          Last edited by Thunder94; 18-07-17, 06:22 AM.
          ***Reminder- It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that RasulAllah :saw: said: Whoever reads Tabaarak allaathi bi yadihi’l-mulk [i.e., Soorat al-Mulk] every night, Allaah will protect him from the torment of the grave.
          And never think that Allah is unaware of what the wrongdoers do. He only delays them for a Day when eyes will stare [in horror]. [Quran, 14:42]

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          • #6
            Re: Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry.

            I really like this girl tho and she has cried becuz of me before when I once decided not to marry her but changed my mind.

            It seems she really wants to be a better person and wish she never did what she done

            Really hard for me...

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry.

              Originally posted by Rhed View Post
              I really like this girl tho and she has cried becuz of me before when I once decided not to marry her but changed my mind.

              It seems she really wants to be a better person and wish she never did what she done

              Really hard for me...
              We can't decide for you bro. Read the replies in this thread, reflect, and make a decision.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry.

                Think this through.

                If you do decide to go ahead and do the nikah, then that means that you've overlooked her past.
                It wouldn't be fair to then bring it up in any way or let it be a cause of tension between the two of you.

                But if you can't do that, then move on and marry someone else..

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry.

                  Salam,

                  from a womn's perspective, I can't say anything bad about her, because she could have repented and changed herself to become a better person than the rest of us, we dont know

                  You need to look at her current behavior now, tawba is not just saying astaghfirullah, it is changing your behavior to avoid the sin and anything leading up to it. so, make sure she doesnt talk to guys unnecessarily, have guy friends,guys on social media, inappropriate pictures on social media, look atyour own relationship, did you two go through a wali or meet up/chat inappropriately? if she has inappropriate interactions with you or others its not a good sign unless she corrects herself (and you too if you did anything inappropriate)

                  also look at the rest if her character, kindness, honesty, etc, and deen, prayers, charity, etc. if you have a daughter would you be happy if she grew up to be just like her mom (how she is now)

                  do your tagajjud and istikhara and ask Allah to guide you, wait until you have an answer from the istikhara, if you arent sure, keep praying till Allah makes it clear

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry.

                    Originally posted by Zareena2015 View Post
                    Salam,

                    from a womn's perspective, I can't say anything bad about her, because she could have repented and changed herself to become a better person than the rest of us, we dont know

                    You need to look at her current behavior now, tawba is not just saying astaghfirullah, it is changing your behavior to avoid the sin and anything leading up to it. so, make sure she doesnt talk to guys unnecessarily, have guy friends,guys on social media, inappropriate pictures on social media, look atyour own relationship, did you two go through a wali or meet up/chat inappropriately? if she has inappropriate interactions with you or others its not a good sign unless she corrects herself (and you too if you did anything inappropriate)

                    also look at the rest if her character, kindness, honesty, etc, and deen, prayers, charity, etc. if you have a daughter would you be happy if she grew up to be just like her mom (how she is now)

                    do your tagajjud and istikhara and ask Allah to guide you, wait until you have an answer from the istikhara, if you arent sure, keep praying till Allah makes it clear
                    This is great advice. Also, how does she live her life now... Is she praying, and practicing Islam? Perhaps five years ago she wasnt as strong a muslim as she is now? In the end you need to decide. a public forum on the internet for marriage advice? Not the best idea brother...

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                    • #11
                      Re: Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry.

                      Can u guys pray for me? I've forgiven her and want to move on iA.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry.

                        Originally posted by Rhed View Post
                        Can u guys pray for me? I've forgiven her and want to move on iA.
                        Khayr... May Allah make your married life blessed and full of happiness...

                        NEVER bring up her past if you have any arguments/ fights which occur in the future... This will be really bad...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry.

                          InshaAllah will make dua

                          Make sure you never bring her past up if you fight. This could wreck your marriage

                          May Allah put barakah in your marriage
                          Even in the belly of the whale there was hope.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry.

                            Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                            If you can completely overlook this sin and get over this feeling, then you should marry her.

                            If you can't overlook this sin and it keeps bothering you, then you should cancel the marriage. Because this will eat away at you throughout the marriage; it will always be in the back of your mind and negatively affect the relationship.
                            best advice you'll get tbh and maybe do istikhara see if its a yes or no from allah

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Big heartbreaking news I heard about my soon to be wife...Plz help...I wanna cry.

                              Originally posted by Rhed View Post
                              I really like this girl tho and she has cried becuz of me before when I once decided not to marry her but changed my mind.

                              It seems she really wants to be a better person and wish she never did what she done

                              Really hard for me...
                              dont sway your decision and be a man, stick to principal and morals and die sticking to them. do istikhara and have a clear mind ask allah if you should do this or not and i'm sure that the knower of the hearts is able to give you a better answer.

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