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  • Scared of dying without marriage.

    Assalam alaykum

    I'm 18* and I'm terrified of dying without getting married, having a family, sharing my life with someone, etc. I am shy and unattractive, I'm somewhat feminine (voice especially). I'm not an alpha male by any means, and I'm not having trouble protecting myself from zina.

    Whenever I think about my future, I think what's the point? So what if I accomplish my career goals? Or become the ideal Muslim? Or have lots of friends? If I don't have a family, then I imagine my life being miserable.

    Some of my problems: I'm too shy to standup in front of my mosque and announce my desire to marry (not now, I'm thinking in a few years). I'm terrified of using the internet and finding an Americanized Muslimah. And, no, Americanized doesn't mean she likes hotdogs, I mean she's "liberal" and doesn't really care about the religion. My parents aren't greatly religious and expect me to find a wife on my own.

    I'm here to vent and to get advice. Anyone else is/was in my position? What were your solutions?

    *Yes, I know I'm young. But what if I stay this way for the next 6+ years? (I would prefer to have an income before getting married. Like I said, I'm not having trouble protecting from zina, so inshallah I won't fall into sin before marriage).

  • #2
    Re: Scared of dying without marriage.

    Stop pressuring yourself at such a young age. Worry about your studies and stop thinking about this until you're ready.
    Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Scared of dying without marriage.

      go for public speaking classes etc to curb your shyness/nervousness.
      There would most definitely be someone for you insha Allah

      Comment


      • #4
        Scared of dying without marriage.

        You can either stay the way you are and feel sorry for yourself, or you can work to solve these problems.

        Shy? Take public speaking. Join a club or the MSA at your school if it exists. Talk to more people. It just takes practice.

        Feminine? I'm not sure what you mean by that. Start working out and eating more. Grow out your beard if you can. You're very young so it's possible that your body and your voice is still maturing.

        Don't say "alpha male"; most of that terminology is complete BS.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Scared of dying without marriage.

          Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
          You can either stay the way you are and feel sorry for yourself, or you can work to solve these problems.

          Shy? Take public speaking. Join a club or the MSA at your school if it exists. Talk to more people. It just takes practice.

          Feminine? I'm not sure what you mean by that. Start working out and eating more. Grow out your beard if you can. You're very young so it's possible that your body and your voice is still maturing.

          Don't say "alpha male"; most of that terminology is complete BS.
          MSA is trash imo all they do is protest and suck up to the gays and liberals no benefit with them and their batil program and their Jahil mentality.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Abu Jarir View Post
            Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
            You can either stay the way you are and feel sorry for yourself, or you can work to solve these problems.

            Shy? Take public speaking. Join a club or the MSA at your school if it exists. Talk to more people. It just takes practice.

            Feminine? I'm not sure what you mean by that. Start working out and eating more. Grow out your beard if you can. You're very young so it's possible that your body and your voice is still maturing.

            Don't say "alpha male"; most of that terminology is complete BS.
            MSA is trash imo all they do is protest and suck up to the gays and liberals no benefit with them and their batil program and their Jahil mentality.
            Yeah a lot of people there are what you would call "moderate Muslims". But I also met some Salafi brothers there who really changed me for the better.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Scared of dying without marriage.

              Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
              Yeah a lot of people there are what you would call "moderate Muslims". But I also met some Salafi brothers there who really changed me for the better.
              I was looking at one and what I saw was humiliating their leader/"president" was some random convert girl who wore a hat instead of Hijab and they had several postings on their FB page about gay rights and held a protest against Donald Trump when he was inaugurated with the school's Democrat club and LGBT group, humiliating bunch.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Scared of dying without marriage.

                Originally posted by Abu Jarir View Post
                MSA is trash imo all they do is protest and suck up to the gays and liberals no benefit with them and their batil program and their Jahil mentality.
                Yup, my MSA had a "public Friday prayer" on the lawn to protest Trump or whatever and you'd think it would bring awareness about Islam and be a form of dawah, but nope, there was no adhan and I felt the intention was to show "how peaceful Islam is!!! And that we just want to pray!!" instead of, you know, fulfilling our obligation to Allah. I left after no adhan was called and when it was announced to be a quiet prayer (the imam would speak quietly).

                And yup, they have people go to pride events to support LGBTQ students. It's not the best Muslim club tbh.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Scared of dying without marriage.

                  Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                  You can either stay the way you are and feel sorry for yourself, or you can work to solve these problems.

                  Shy? Take public speaking. Join a club or the MSA at your school if it exists. Talk to more people. It just takes practice.

                  Feminine? I'm not sure what you mean by that. Start working out and eating more. Grow out your beard if you can. You're very young so it's possible that your body and your voice is still maturing.

                  Don't say "alpha male"; most of that terminology is complete BS.
                  I'm shy around girls that is. I have no problem with public speaking and the like, but I get shy talking to women, and I can't even imagine myself talking to potential wives about intimate things.

                  And by feminine it's mostly my voice and how I tend to shrink myself when sitting to be polite instead of spreading out and taking up room. I think this is due to growing up with mostly women around me.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Scared of dying without marriage.

                    Originally posted by lailahailaHuwa View Post
                    Yup, my MSA had a "public Friday prayer" on the lawn to protest Trump or whatever and you'd think it would bring awareness about Islam and be a form of dawah, but nope, there was no adhan and I felt the intention was to show "how peaceful Islam is!!! And that we just want to pray!!" instead of, you know, fulfilling our obligation to Allah. I left after no adhan was called and when it was announced to be a quiet prayer (the imam would speak quietly).

                    And yup, they have people go to pride events to support LGBTQ students. It's not the best Muslim club tbh.
                    Sounds like a stupid political agenda and showing off Salah and Rasoolillah :saw: condemned those who showed off their Salah.

                    Murtad organization should be avoided along with their Batil beliefs and Jahil members.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Scared of dying without marriage.

                      Originally posted by lailahailaHuwa View Post
                      Assalam alaykum

                      I'm 18* and I'm terrified of dying without getting married, having a family, sharing my life with someone, etc. I am shy and unattractive, I'm somewhat feminine (voice especially). I'm not an alpha male by any means, and I'm not having trouble protecting myself from zina.

                      Whenever I think about my future, I think what's the point? So what if I accomplish my career goals? Or become the ideal Muslim? Or have lots of friends? If I don't have a family, then I imagine my life being miserable.

                      Some of my problems: I'm too shy to standup in front of my mosque and announce my desire to marry (not now, I'm thinking in a few years). I'm terrified of using the internet and finding an Americanized Muslimah. And, no, Americanized doesn't mean she likes hotdogs, I mean she's "liberal" and doesn't really care about the religion. My parents aren't greatly religious and expect me to find a wife on my own.

                      I'm here to vent and to get advice. Anyone else is/was in my position? What were your solutions?

                      *Yes, I know I'm young. But what if I stay this way for the next 6+ years? (I would prefer to have an income before getting married. Like I said, I'm not having trouble protecting from zina, so inshallah I won't fall into sin before marriage).
                      Wa alaykumus salaam,

                      I was so shy at 18 I could barely speak to anyone in public, never-mind public speaking. Things do get better and progress but not by themselves, set goals of where you want to realistically be in life, then set realistic steps towards getting there. Simple, yes you'll fall short at times, but at least you'll be able to see progress and don't expect this to be easy, life is not easy for most people.
                      FOLLOW THE NEW BLOG - GINGERBEARDMAN - Muslim, father, husband, writer, defender of ginger rights!

                      www.facebook.com/outreach4Islam - Outreach4Islam have been working together in Leicester, calling the not yet Muslims to Islam since 2006.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Scared of dying without marriage.

                        Originally posted by lailahailaHuwa View Post
                        I'm shy around girls that is. I have no problem with public speaking and the like, but I get shy talking to women, and I can't even imagine myself talking to potential wives about intimate things.

                        And by feminine it's mostly my voice and how I tend to shrink myself when sitting to be polite instead of spreading out and taking up room. I think this is due to growing up with mostly women around me.
                        Shyness around girls is pretty normal for a guy at your age. I can't say there's much of a fix for it other than talking to girls and getting used to it, but that is obviously crossing into haram territory. But I know as guys grow older they become more and more confident. It's very possible by the time you are ready to marry, you won't have a problem talking to potentials; you will not be the same person at 23 that you were at 18. And once you're married, you will get used to your wife and there won't be any shyness.

                        Well, there isn't much you can do about your voice, but real masculinity comes from your inner confidence and strength of character. As for shrinking, practice not shrinking.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Scared of dying without marriage.

                          Originally posted by lailahailaHuwa View Post
                          I'm shy around girls that is. I have no problem with public speaking and the like, but I get shy talking to women, and I can't even imagine myself talking to potential wives about intimate things.

                          And by feminine it's mostly my voice and how I tend to shrink myself when sitting to be polite instead of spreading out and taking up room. I think this is due to growing up with mostly women around me.
                          You sound like a nice young brother. I really hope for the best for you. I know this is more a brother's thread, but let me just tell you that a lot of women like quiet or shy men. When you find someone good, she will be thrilled that you didn't talk to women. Trust me on this. Keep going to the mosque and make a presence there with the older men. They will start asking why you're not married and mentioning their daughters. Keep being good, study and work, save your money, keep going to the mosque, and it will all work out.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Scared of dying without marriage.

                            Originally posted by Abu Jarir View Post
                            MSA is trash imo all they do is protest and suck up to the gays and liberals no benefit with them and their batil program and their Jahil mentality.
                            What is MSA?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Scared of dying without marriage.

                              Originally posted by Muslimahghuraba View Post
                              What is MSA?
                              Muslim Student Association

                              The organization varies in its mandate from college to college. As others have pointed out, they can be as Islamic or un-Islamic, depending on their members.

                              I also believe they are all loosely connected nationally (or globally).

                              Comment

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