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What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

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  • #46
    Re: What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

    Originally posted by Indefinable View Post
    Well.

    If a person is unmarried - then I would advise them to marry. However, if a person has been married and are single for whatever reason [i.e, divorced/widowed] - and they have no desire to remarry, then I would respect their wishes. Similarly, I wouldn't like to be pressured to do so if I have no desire to.

    I do respect your opinion but do you think Islam gives every individual a right to choose to marry or not?


    Comment


    • #47
      Re: What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

      Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
      I think you can say no to marriage if you know you won't be able to listen to a man because of your own ego.

      At the end of the day the rules are set, no point of sugar coating or pretending that it's all lovely jubbly. It's a duty. A job.

      For women, you get married, you listen to your husband, dress up for him, be happy and smiley for him, attend to him, live you life for him and get on with your obligation towards worshipping Allah too.

      You listen to him, you ask him for his permission in everything you do.

      If this disturbs you and really grinds your gears, an Islamic marriage is not for you unless you are willing to put that ego aside and compromise a lot.

      Marriage is not easy for us women because we have to be conscious every time, this applies when we are single but it's slightly different. You have to learn to be content with what you have been given while being cautious about how you can come across in front of your husband. Our families can be forgiving and understanding but when you're husband is concerned you have to put a lot of effort in, he will notice things more and have those expectations.


      You might even have ambitions but these ambitions may not sit well with your husband.

      If you are an independent woman who doesn't need intimacy in her life and thinks she can handle life alone then personally I don't see the problem here, but Islamically, you have to ask yourself what roles Allah wants you to fulfil as a muslimah. What's really stopping you? I understand it is hard to find an independent man, but then again, I don't think it's an issue at all because women I come across are eager to get married, it's just about finding the right man. Please don't settle for less. If you have to obey him, find a good guardian. Don't marry someone for the sake of it, there is no respect in that, your marriage will be lifeless.
      So, the major reason for choosing not to marry may be that it is not easy to get married?


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      • #48
        Re: What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

        Originally posted by Creamcake View Post
        If you don't find someone that is religious, if you don't find someone you're attracted to, if you don't find someone who has good character, if you have a disease or something that would be passed onto someone else or that people don't accept you with it, if you can't bear children and the people you are marrying want children, if you are a man and you can't provide the necessities for your wife, if you fear you will be a bad spouse, by bad I mean you fear you will physically and/or mentally abuse your spouse or treat them unjustly.
        Being unable to find a suitable spouse is a valid reason but it can lead to two options: 1- one can keep on searching with tawwakul, 2- one can decide to stop searching and not to marry... does Islam allows to choose option 2?

        Does Islam encourages marriage for healthy and rich persons only?

        Having fear of bad spouse? this logic is not so sound in my opinion... e.g. if an individual has a fear to get food poisoning then should he/ she stop eating food?


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        • #49
          Re: What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

          Originally posted by Theistic View Post
          Being unable to find a suitable spouse is a valid reason but it can lead to two options: 1- one can keep on searching with tawwakul, 2- one can decide to stop searching and not to marry... does Islam allows to choose option 2?

          Does Islam encourages marriage for healthy and rich persons only?

          Having fear of bad spouse? this logic is not so sound in my opinion... e.g. if an individual has a fear to get food poisoning then should he/ she stop eating food?
          bad food = sickness
          bad spouse = prison

          huge difference. But I understand where you are coming from.
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          • #50
            Re: What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

            Originally posted by Theistic View Post
            So, the major reason for choosing not to marry may be that it is not easy to get married?
            I'm not sure what the major issue is but so many people feel disconnected to Islamic marriage for several reasons. I think everyone has their own 'issues' with it.

            It has lost its meaning. It has lost its value because people have 'progressed' :wacko: and they challenge many things taught in religion.

            I find that when it comes to actively seeking for a potential husband it will be a very difficult task for a woman that actually practises her religion. I would call myself someone that is a 'moderately' practising person so women who are super religious may find that what's on offer is not suitable for them because unfortunately, many men are either uneducated when it comes to aspects of the deen or they know things but they will follow their desires instead.

            Any sensible religious girl will understand it is better for her to be single rather than to marry a man who will be a threat to her faith and who could end up raising children just as careless as him. I think this is a valid reason to delay marriage because her husband is her ameer. We should choose a leader that can take care of us well in all aspects of our lives, not just as the breadwinner.

            Who wants to respect a plank?
            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

            Comment


            • #51
              Re: What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

              Originally posted by shay5 View Post
              A man not marrying might be ok but we as women NEED to be married because we need a mahram....we need to give our fathers and brothers a break and find some new man to take on this arduous roll
              I kinda agree with this, we're still a 'burden' for them
              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

              Comment


              • #52
                Re: What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

                Originally posted by horizon View Post
                I'm not sure how you were raised or how the women were treated by their husbands in your vicinity, but what you described up there ^^^ is not a marriage.

                It seems more like a cultural-agenda packaged as "Islam" that has warped your reality as to what marriage is.

                which part?

                :1popcorn:
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                Comment


                • #53
                  Re: What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

                  Originally posted by A500DaBest View Post
                  What I find in sisters that gives me high respect to them is that they take marriage and concept of marriage seriously. I wish brothers would too :(.
                  so

                  why don't they?

                  tell me more :1popcorn:

                  who is influencing the lads here or do you think they're just scared because it's a big responsibility and a huge commitment
                  'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                  So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Re: What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

                    "No can do bruv, goin' uni for 4 years to study psychology, it's out of my hands".

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Re: What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

                      Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                      which part?

                      :1popcorn:
                      All of it?

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Re: What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

                        I like this question, since it really applies to me.

                        I myself have made a firm decision to stay unmarried and am happy with my choice.

                        Cheers.

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Re: What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

                          Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                          Also, for the sisters who don't know, please learn about men.

                          Read the Islamic and non Islamic perspective.

                          It's 2017, things have changed, our environments are different and they have influenced both genders. Choose wisely or don't get married at all.

                          Another reason is If you don't want kids, don't get married. There is no guarantee unless you take some serious preventative measures but again, what is your reason and what will you say to Allah?

                          Last note, please enjoy your single lives sisters, make the most of it. This is the time to shine. Not many people will tell you the differences but single life is a blessing too, don't take it for granted.

                          All the best.
                          Agreed -- single life is indeed a blessing! And I'm one of those people who really don't want kids, so yeah, I better stay unmarried, LOL.

                          Salaam.

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Re: What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

                            Originally posted by yugush View Post
                            Agreed -- single life is indeed a blessing! And I'm one of those people who really don't want kids, so yeah, I better stay unmarried, LOL.

                            Salaam.
                            I am 38 year old and I am single. My twin brother who is becoming a doctor and genius, highly mature, he is also single and no children. My older brother by two years of age he is also single and not married. Sooo....
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                            • #59
                              Re: What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

                              Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
                              You arnt Ibn taymiya so that post is redundant,

                              Rasul صلى الله عليه و سلم told us to get married cause it's his Sunnah,so we don't deliberately avoid it and pretend we know better than him,
                              I'm pretty sure they say you can avoid marriage if you think you can avoid zina your whole life.

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Re: What can be the legitimate reasons to say NO to marriage...

                                Originally posted by ambaap View Post
                                I'm pretty sure they say you can avoid marriage if you think you can avoid zina your whole life.
                                What is the statistically success rate on that?
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