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  • Child Maintenance after Divorce

    Child Maintenance is a duty of the father, whether he remains married to his wife or divorces her, and whether the wife is poor or rich. She is not obliged to spend on the children when their father is still alive.

    The woman who has been given a revocable divorce (first or second talaaq) must be given maintenance and accommodation during the ‘iddah, but when her ‘iddah ends, if she is not pregnant, she is not entitled to that.

    In the event that custody of the children is given to a divorced woman, then the children’s maintenance must be paid by their father, and a mother who is breast-feeding may request payment for breastfeeding the child.

    Maintenance of children includes providing accommodation, food, drink, clothing and education, and everything that they need, on a reasonable basis, depending on the husband’s circumstances, because Allah says :

    “Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. Allaah will grant after hardship, ease” [al-Talaaq 65:7]

    This varies from one country to another and from one person to another.

    If the husband is rich, then his spending should be in accordance with his wealth, and if he is poor or of moderate means, then he should also spend in accordance with his situation. If both parents agree on a certain amount of money, whether it is a little or a lot, that is up to them

    In the UK, it is easy to make a family-based arrangement without having to go to the authorities, however, increasingly muslim women in the UK contact the Government Child Maintenance Service to arrange payments rather than any other women.

    Does anyone know why muslim women do this and is it the same in other countries ?

  • #2
    Re: Child Maintenance after Divorce

    I can only assume that after the divorce, husband wants nothing to do with the wife or the child, he just wants to vanish and mind his own business. so that's why the woman goes to the authorities, to compel him to pay up. unfortunately the child is often used as a weapon/bargaining chip in these situations.
    Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children...

    -Quran (57:20)

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    • #3
      Re: Child Maintenance after Divorce

      Originally posted by deen1984 View Post
      I can only assume that after the divorce, husband wants nothing to do with the wife or the child, he just wants to vanish and mind his own business. so that's why the woman goes to the authorities, to compel him to pay up. unfortunately the child is often used as a weapon/bargaining chip in these situations.
      There are bad man out there no denying this. Please however, don't combine all husbands/fathers who refuse to pay for child support under that category. For others who aren't bad so in character many situations can come in effect that make him do this:

      A) The mother denies him access or visitation of the child yet expect him to pay financially. She is putting him under the category of sperm donor and human wallet. The child is raised exclusively by her as if she is a single mother and teach the child to hate the father...a great classical clache of parental alienation. Here society says nothing, does nothing about it. As long as the child is with the mother and the father is paying financially then the child is fine. After all, the mother is important over the father. In this case, the father feels compelled to disappear and have nothing to do with the child or the mother. About this topic, isn't it Islamically if the mother prevents the father access of his child he have full right to stop paying until she stops her evil ways? I think I heard this somewhere or read about it somewhere.

      B) The mother changes the last name of the child to some other man to despise the ex-husband. Here the father should stop paying child support. He have full right of this.

      C) The mother up and leaves the country all together without any contact or informing of the ex-husband/father, another nice sweet parental alienation here.

      D) Putting soooooooooooo little visitation rights between the father and child...making the father feel distance...detached, a stranger...the child start looking at the father as if he is a strange man, want nothing to do with him. How do you expect then the man to feel happy and even easy to pay child support. He find this as nothing more than again obligation, duty, bills to pay...an investment with no return. At least if I toke this money and invested on a house, land something I may get something in return. The child becomes 100% like the mother...act like the mother, there is nothing about the man in his child. So it becomes easier again for him to want nothing to do with paying child support.

      You see we put a man nothing but under a telescope of duties and obligations and punish him like a hard criminal if he breaks his duties. How do you expect him to love it? How do you expect him to love having kids, love being called a dad. We glorify the mother and demonize the father and put him under obligation and duties. Everyone feels this is make total sense and normal?
      Last edited by A500DaBest; 02-06-17, 04:19 PM.
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      • #4
        Re: Child Maintenance after Divorce

        Originally posted by A500DaBest View Post
        There are bad man out there no denying this. Please however, don't combine all husbands/fathers who refuse to pay for child support under that category. For others who aren't bad so in character many situations can come in effect that make him do this:

        A) The mother denies him access or visitation of the child yet expect him to pay financially. She is putting him under the category of sperm donor and human wallet. The child is raised exclusively by her as if she is a single mother and teach the child to hate the father...a great classical clache of parental alienation. Here society says nothing, does nothing about it. As long as the child is with the mother and the father is paying financially then the child is fine. After all, the mother is important over the father. In this case, the father feels compelled to disappear and have nothing to do with the child or the mother. About this topic, isn't it Islamically if the mother prevents the father access of his child he have full right to stop paying until she stops her evil ways? I think I heard this somewhere or read about it somewhere.

        B) The mother changes the last name of the child to some other man to despise the ex-husband. Here the father should stop paying child support. He have full right of this.

        C) The mother up and leaves the country all together without any contact or informing of the ex-husband/father, another nice sweet parental alienation here.

        D) Putting soooooooooooo little visitation rights between the father and child...making the father feel distance...detached, a stranger...the child start looking at the father as if he is a strange man, want nothing to do with him. How do you expect then the man to feel happy and even easy to pay child support. He find this as nothing more than again obligation, duty, bills to pay...an investment with no return. At least if I toke this money and invested on a house, land something I may get something in return. The child becomes 100% like the mother...act like the mother, there is nothing about the man in his child. So it becomes easier again for him to want nothing to do with paying child support.

        You see we put a man nothing but under a telescope of duties and obligations and punish him like a hard criminal if he breaks his duties. How do you expect him to love it? How do you expect him to love having kids, love being called a dad. We glorify the mother and demonize the father and put him under obligation and duties. Everyone feels this is make total sense and normal?
        A) No he has to pay regardless because it is obligatory on him. The mother has no right to prevent the father from seeing his children unless he is abusive and they are at risk but that is a different matter to the fathers financial responsibilities...you can't take away one because one is denied to you... it doesn't work like that.

        B) You cannot legal request that a man pay child support without a DNA test and if this proves who the father is then he can demand his name be placed on the birth certificate. Without his name on that certificate he can't be made to pay.
        I don't know why any woman would do this... surely putting anothers mans name and creating ambiguity on who the father is damages your character more?

        C) If she leaves the country and doesn't contact you then how can you be expected to pay? If she demands it legally through a lawyer then you also speak through a lawyer and demand joint custody.

        There seem to be alot of fathers complaining about not being given access to their children after divorce but very few in our communities actually apply for joint custody. Popping in and out for visits doesn't constitute fathering... not generalising but i've seen this happen.

        D) Same as A


        The reality is a relationship may be bad... the mother or father in the relationship may be manipulative, or angry or cruel but at the centre of the issue is the child that you will be held acountable for.

        Are you really willing on the day of judgement to say, I didn't want to have anything to do with my child and I never showed any support financially or otherwise because the mother made it hard or turn the child against me?

        There are some horrible women out there just as there are men who use children as pawns in a game... Allah is the most Just and will hold them to account.

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        • #5
          Re: Child Maintenance after Divorce

          Originally posted by Somali_sister88 View Post
          A) No he has to pay regardless because it is obligatory on him. The mother has no right to prevent the father from seeing his children unless he is abusive and they are at risk but that is a different matter to the fathers financial responsibilities...you can't take away one because one is denied to you... it doesn't work like that.
          A) I agree it is the father's responsibility to financially provide support to the child. I just don't enjoy the word "obligatory" because it comes out military..it comes out as something you have to do and not come from the heart. It distance the emotional feeling behind it. But it is for sure the father who pays financially for the child what I recent though so much and it boils me from the inside out is that society only looks at the father for just financial reason. Like he is some piggy bank, you can smash, take money and spend it. No way do they focus on the emotional and psychological relationship and connection between child and father at all. Yes, I am proud to say it, "At all!" The only focus people have between father and child is the green dollar. Now we can accept this and agree this is the way the go, but if you look at the people in the West on the other side who put the value only on mothers and put fathers value in trash and garbage to such an extant that it feels like an insult to be a dad what you see. Majority of the people live in depression, have high suicide rate, school drop out, poverty, unwed teen and younger mothers, high crime rates, etc. Now it is not necessarily just that, other factors come to play of course but it doesn't water down the fact that children raised by single mothers is damaging than being raised by two parent home or at least have two parents input in child's life. If we want to live and put value only and 100% exclusive on mothers and take fathers and throw it in the trash and give fathers zero right and don't even shed tear or care that there is cutting ties between fathers and child after divorce then do it. Just don't come complaining and say what is happening to society.

          Originally posted by Somali_sister88 View Post
          B) You cannot legal request that a man pay child support without a DNA test and if this proves who the father is then he can demand his name be placed on the birth certificate. Without his name on that certificate he can't be made to pay.
          I don't know why any woman would do this... surely putting another mans name and creating ambiguity on who the father is damages your character more?
          Again..you are looking at it in terms of western way. This happens a lot of the time. Women who do that a lot of the time, if anything just to be vindictive, mean and water down the very value of fatherhood. Much like the shaitan wants to use the term stepmother/stepfather to water down mother/father, lots of women uses it many times to water down fathers.

          Originally posted by Somali_sister88 View Post
          C) If she leaves the country and doesn't contact you then how can you be expected to pay? If she demands it legally through a lawyer then you also speak through a lawyer and demand joint custody.
          You are looking at it from the law of man kind and the law of the west. You are aware that joint custody is 98% never enforced when it comes to fathers seeking his right to joint custody. Many times the women are so good at manipulating the system and having the system under finger she will do things like this:

          A) Make false allegations that the father have done something wrong to the child, either physical, psychologically or sexually abuse the child.
          B) Make false allegations that he is a drug users, abuser to her and to her children.
          C) She will nick pick every single thing wrong he does and balloon it as if he is the worst parent on Earth. If the child hurt him/herself during game play (which is common things kids do) she will turn this against him and turn him into the monster that cliche all man are.
          D) The court will punish the father from these false allegation above and he will end up paying 90 to 95% of his wealth to the child putting him the street. My favorite quote of the judge, "I don't care if you live under the bridge. You have to pay child support." I bet you that goes under obligation, right? So that he is nothing more than a human wallet and sperm donor. Honestly that is how I feel. Is this good?

          In the end of it, the court always favors the mother and will always give 100% custody to the mother and deny child any visitation. This is all too common.

          Originally posted by Somali_sister88 View Post
          There seem to be a lot of fathers complaining about not being given access to their children after divorce but very few in our communities actually apply for joint custody. Popping in and out for visits doesn't constitute fathering... not generalising but i've seen this happen.
          And nothing will be done about it, because he is a father. His duty is just money. Money. Money. Money. Money. Nothing to do with relationship between him and the child. Nothing about him guiding the child. Nothing about cutting ties. No. Nothing. Just money.

          About him popping in and out for visitation...if the courts degrees that he should visit his child ones a month, what do you expect him to do. Honestly speaking, if I was in his shoes. I would not visit my child at all. I would do what society and court expect of me. Pay up! I will consider my child as nothing more than an expense. A bill. Or in fact an orphan whom I am sponsoring. He/she is a stranger to me, but I am helping a poor Muslim mother who her husband died and her child is orphaned. This is how I will look at him or her. I will simply move on and raise a family of my own. I will insha'Allah take my soon to be sponsored child to live with me and treat him like he belongs to me, like he came from me and the biological child will treat him like a stranger and an orphan whom I am sponsoring. I will get reward for that Insha'Allah. The mother can raise him the way she sees fit. If this is how the vindictive mother wants it, she can have it.


          Originally posted by Somali_sister88 View Post
          Are you really willing on the day of judgement to say, I didn't want to have anything to do with my child and I never showed any support financially or otherwise because the mother made it hard or turn the child against me?

          There are some horrible women out there just as there are men who use children as pawns in a game... Allah is the most Just and will hold them to account.
          No I will not. I will pay for the child and support that child if anything because I fear Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa). I love kids, whether they belong to me or not. I will treat that child as an orphan and put my love and passionate in supporting an orphan. But my greatest satisfaction in the day of the judgement that there will be no one will be backing up women against men anymore. At least in that day, women will not be sprouting, "You hate women!" or "You are mysgonist" or anything that shame naming that we face here in this world. At least in that day...judgement and will be made. For all these people who enjoy parental alienation, my biggest prayer that they get heavily punished in the after life. Not just for mothers but for both. For both who parental alienate the other...either man or woman...father or mother...I pray that those people get punished hard!
          Last edited by A500DaBest; 02-06-17, 09:22 PM.
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          • #6
            Re: Child Maintenance after Divorce

            All the posts so far have been based on divorce being initiated by the husband. Does the same apply for divorce initiated by the wife?

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            • #7
              Re: Child Maintenance after Divorce

              Originally posted by oshirowanen View Post
              All the posts so far have been based on divorce being initiated by the husband. Does the same apply for divorce initiated by the wife?
              There is Khulu. I don't know how to write it in English. If the husband is abusive, etc the wife can break the marriage. :)
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              • #8
                Re: Child Maintenance after Divorce

                Originally posted by deen1984 View Post
                I can only assume that after the divorce, husband wants nothing to do with the wife or the child, he just wants to vanish and mind his own business. so that's why the woman goes to the authorities, to compel him to pay up. unfortunately the child is often used as a weapon/bargaining chip in these situations.
                From both sides.

                The woman will often without the child, to punish the father, the father in return will refuse to pay for a child he can no longer see or have any say in their upbringing.
                The father will punish the woman through withholding her rightful maintenance and that of the child, the woman in return will not let the parent see the child the man is refuses to pay for.

                In both situations, both parents need to chill out and realize they are hurting the child primarily.
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                • #9
                  Re: Child Maintenance after Divorce

                  Originally posted by A500DaBest View Post
                  There are bad man out there no denying this. Please however, don't combine all husbands/fathers who refuse to pay for child support under that category. For others who aren't bad so in character many situations can come in effect that make him do this:

                  A) The mother denies him access or visitation of the child yet expect him to pay financially. She is putting him under the category of sperm donor and human wallet. The child is raised exclusively by her as if she is a single mother and teach the child to hate the father...a great classical clache of parental alienation. Here society says nothing, does nothing about it. As long as the child is with the mother and the father is paying financially then the child is fine. After all, the mother is important over the father. In this case, the father feels compelled to disappear and have nothing to do with the child or the mother. About this topic, isn't it Islamically if the mother prevents the father access of his child he have full right to stop paying until she stops her evil ways? I think I heard this somewhere or read about it somewhere.

                  B) The mother changes the last name of the child to some other man to despise the ex-husband. Here the father should stop paying child support. He have full right of this.

                  C) The mother up and leaves the country all together without any contact or informing of the ex-husband/father, another nice sweet parental alienation here.

                  D) Putting soooooooooooo little visitation rights between the father and child...making the father feel distance...detached, a stranger...the child start looking at the father as if he is a strange man, want nothing to do with him. How do you expect then the man to feel happy and even easy to pay child support. He find this as nothing more than again obligation, duty, bills to pay...an investment with no return. At least if I toke this money and invested on a house, land something I may get something in return. The child becomes 100% like the mother...act like the mother, there is nothing about the man in his child. So it becomes easier again for him to want nothing to do with paying child support.

                  You see we put a man nothing but under a telescope of duties and obligations and punish him like a hard criminal if he breaks his duties. How do you expect him to love it? How do you expect him to love having kids, love being called a dad. We glorify the mother and demonize the father and put him under obligation and duties. Everyone feels this is make total sense and normal?
                  No matter what happens, the child is his and the mother has nothing to do with his blood relation in the very least. The money is intended for his child not her, so there is no reason to stop paying.
                  وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                  And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                  أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                  Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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                  • #10
                    Re: Child Maintenance after Divorce

                    I agree with Gingerbeardman and LailaTheMuslim 100%. However, we have this issue with women thinking just because they give birth and fed the child that the child is sole property of her and belongs to her exclusively and the father..he should be thankful and kiss her feet that she give him access to the children and if she feels fit not to give it to him, he have to shut up and move on and she can assign who have access to the children alone. This mentality need to be changed. It used to be believed that 90% of the jobs are exclusive for men and women are not fit, physically and mentally to do a "man's job" that the women's role is in the kitchen and raising children. Now women are fighting teeth and nail to proof they can do everything a man can do and fighting in all jobs that was ones exclusive for men and they do just fine and even better in many cases what was ones a man's job. Now we need to remove the stereo type of children belongs to the mother exclusive and it is a woman's role only.

                    No. The child belong to both parents and who have custodial is determined by Allah (subhanahu wa talaa)'s law and not man made. Simple as this:

                    A) Until age 7 or whatever age Allah (subhanahu wa talaa) degrees the child custody is exclusive to the mother. If the mother is unfit, the sister and so on until there are no more female's left in her side.
                    B) Ones the child reach a certain age the father have custodial of the children

                    But in the end who have it..the other parent have 100% right access to the child and upbringing and no parental alienation pelase.
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                    • #11
                      Re: Child Maintenance after Divorce

                      Originally posted by Gingerbeardman View Post
                      From both sides.

                      The woman will often without the child, to punish the father, the father in return will refuse to pay for a child he can no longer see or have any say in their upbringing.
                      The father will punish the woman through withholding her rightful maintenance and that of the child, the woman in return will not let the parent see the child the man is refuses to pay for.

                      In both situations, both parents need to chill out and realize they are hurting the child primarily.

                      Exactly... if both people put their egos to one side and prioritise the child, none of this would be an issue...Unfortunately in most cases this doesn't happen.

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