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  • Optimal method for a young male looking for a wife?

    Salam :D

    in Shaa Allah Ramadan is treating you all well.

    I'm a 22 year old male living in the UK and wondering what are the best ways to find a wife. I know I might seem a bit young, but mentally I feel ready and have been thinking about marriage for the past few years. I graduated from university last year and Alhamdulillah have a good job. I've started saving a bit of my salary to start preparing for marriage. My parents don't really know anyone for me, except some long-distance relatives from back home. What are the best ways to find a wife in the UK, especially for a young man?

    I'd appreciate some advice.

    Jazak Allah Khayr

  • #2
    Re: Optimal method for a young male looking for a wife?

    Originally posted by dddd View Post
    Salam :D

    in Shaa Allah Ramadan is treating you all well.

    I'm a 22 year old male living in the UK and wondering what are the best ways to find a wife. I know I might seem a bit young, but mentally I feel ready and have been thinking about marriage for the past few years. I graduated from university last year and Alhamdulillah have a good job. I've started saving a bit of my salary to start preparing for marriage. My parents don't really know anyone for me, except some long-distance relatives from back home. What are the best ways to find a wife in the UK, especially for a young man?

    I'd appreciate some advice.

    Jazak Allah Khayr
    Wsalaam,

    The first place I'd go is to the local masjid and ask the imaam if he knows anyone.

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    • #3
      Re: Optimal method for a young male looking for a wife?

      Originally posted by oshirowanen View Post
      Wsalaam,

      The first place I'd go is to the local masjid and ask the imaam if he knows anyone.
      You just walk in and say "I'm looking for a wife... so can you hook me up"

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Optimal method for a young male looking for a wife?

        Originally posted by Abu Jarir View Post
        You just walk in and say "I'm looking for a wife... so can you hook me up"
        Basically yes...

        I've spoken to the imaam many times in private about other things, so I don't see why you can't speak to your local imaam in private about marriage. The imaam at my local masjid is very approachable, and is happy to help with anything he can help with. I can only hope most imaams are like this, approachable.

        I also know that many fathers go to this imaam when/if they have a daughter who wants to get married, or if one of the brothers who goes to the masjid has a sister who wants to get married. The males go to the imaan "in private" and tell the imaam to let them know that they have a sister or a daughter who is looking for a husband, and to notify them if someone comes along who is a decent person based on the imaams perspective.

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        • #5
          Re: Optimal method for a young male looking for a wife?

          Originally posted by oshirowanen View Post
          Basically yes...

          I've spoken to the imaam many times in private about other things, so I don't see why you can't speak to your local imaam in private about marriage. The imaam at my local masjid is very approachable, and is happy to help with anything he can help with. I can only hope most imaams are like this, approachable.

          I also know that many fathers go to this imaam when/if they have a daughter who wants to get married, or if one of the brothers who goes to the masjid has a sister who wants to get married. The males go to the imaan "in private" and tell the imaam to let them know that they have a sister or a daughter who is looking for a husband, and to notify them if someone comes along who is a decent person based on the imaams perspective.
          Is this how is this how it is in the UK? And what if you're shy it's really holding me back.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Optimal method for a young male looking for a wife?

            Assalamu alaykum

            I think the best way is through word of mouth. If you are a regular at the local masjid, if some of the elders see you there for fajr or you seem like a good brother then when someone is looking for their daughter/ relative they will think of you. Alternatively you can also ask some of the uncles at the mosque if they know anyone who is looking to get married and they can hook you up. The mosque is always a good place to start, as one would assume that the attendees are fairly practising.

            Ask some of your uni mates (assuming they are Muslim) if they Know anyone, maybe they have sisters or cousins looking to get married.

            Failing this, as mentioned above, speak to the imam. Some mosques have a little matrimonial thing going on so who knows.

            There's also matrimonial sites but not something I'd recommend tbh. Worth a try as a last resort I guess.
            https://islamicgemsandpearls.wordpress.com

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            • #7
              Re: Optimal method for a young male looking for a wife?

              So basically, if you don't know anyone you're screwed?

              Great, there goes part of my deen.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Optimal method for a young male looking for a wife?

                Originally posted by catcalledcake View Post
                So basically, if you don't know anyone you're screwed?

                Great, there goes part of my deen.
                Not appropriate language, but to be blunt yeah, sort of.

                for someone to let you marry their daughter, you either have to be known to them, as someone of good character and deen, or else they have to know people who know you will and will vouch for you. if you're not active in the masaajid, not active in the community and you're family does not know anyone or does not live locally why would you get a look in edge ways?

                Think about it, would you seriously marry your own future kids to someone who is an unknown person?
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                • #9
                  Re: Optimal method for a young male looking for a wife?

                  Originally posted by Layla_ View Post
                  Assalamu alaykum

                  I think the best way is through word of mouth. If you are a regular at the local masjid, if some of the elders see you there for fajr or you seem like a good brother then when someone is looking for their daughter/ relative they will think of you. Alternatively you can also ask some of the uncles at the mosque if they know anyone who is looking to get married and they can hook you up. The mosque is always a good place to start, as one would assume that the attendees are fairly practising.

                  Ask some of your uni mates (assuming they are Muslim) if they Know anyone, maybe they have sisters or cousins looking to get married.

                  Failing this, as mentioned above, speak to the imam. Some mosques have a little matrimonial thing going on so who knows.

                  There's also matrimonial sites but not something I'd recommend tbh. Worth a try as a last resort I guess.
                  Wa alaykumus salaam,

                  This is good advise. Within a couple of years of reverting, local brothers were offering to help find a wife. OK it was a 'back home' wife who would teach me urdu and not something I was interested in, but they were genuinely wanting to help.

                  But word of mouth is the best way, ask people to help. Including the imam, basically the more people looking the better. Brothers (and sisters) need to spread the net wide to get the best chance of better quality proposals.
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                  • #10
                    Re: Optimal method for a young male looking for a wife?

                    Originally posted by Abu Jarir View Post
                    Is this how is this how it is in the UK? And what if you're shy it's really holding me back.
                    Don't you think this holds every brother back?
                    It's like the most cringeworthy experience to go through, asking about marriage. But if you really want to fulfill half you're deen you'll go through it regardless then laugh about it later on with your future spouse.
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                    • #11
                      Re: Optimal method for a young male looking for a wife?

                      Originally posted by oshirowanen View Post
                      Wsalaam,

                      The first place I'd go is to the local masjid and ask the imaam if he knows anyone.
                      I am not saying this doesn't work...

                      OK I am saying that. Usually this alone won't work.

                      I can count on one hand the number of brothers who have been successfully hooked up by the local imam. Maybe it's different in your area but in general the imam is usually very busy, and won't necessarily know everyone in the community.

                      Asking at the masjid, including asking for the help of the imam is perhaps more useful, getting a few local elders and more active brothers on the case.
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                      • #12
                        Tahajjud+dua

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                        • #13
                          Re: Optimal method for a young male looking for a wife?

                          وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله و بركاته

                          1) Tell people you are ready and looking to get married. If people don't know you are looking to get married why will they look out for you? Tell brothers in the masjid, in the community and at work/university. The more people that know you are looking the better the chance you will find someone. Don't be shy to tell people you are looking. People are not shy about haram relationships, Why should we be shy about wanting a halal relationship?

                          2) Make duaa. Duaa is a weapon for the believer. Talk to Allah. Cry to Him. Tell him what you want. He listens and He will bi idnillah put you together with someone you deserve.

                          3) Get up for tahajjud. Go that extra mile and ask Allah. Talk to him when the world's sleeping. Tell Him to grant you the kind or wife you want and who's good for your emaan.

                          4) Tawakkul. Trust His plans. We plan and He plans and He is the best of planners. Don't lose faith. When the time is right it will happen.

                          I pray you find a righteous wife who is good for your deen and duniya.

                          أمين يا رب العالمين

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                          • #14
                            Re: Optimal method for a young male looking for a wife?

                            The first thing is to tell your parents. And insist on it. It is one of their responsibilities. I'm pretty sure they'd at least have some friends, and if the friends can't help they'll at least know someone who can.

                            If you're shy to talk to your imam, maybe your parents can. And don't you have any siblings? An elder sibling can be the best person to share these things with.

                            Do you guys not have newspaper classifieds or something like that over there in the UK? Here in India, it's very easy as you can just give an ad and plenty of profiles will be sent to your email. Even people living abroad get ads published here through relatives, either for someone from here or even for girls abroad as their relatives will be reading these newspapers too.

                            If there is a big enough Muslim community then I've heard even abroad there are professional matchmakers (usually elder aunties), who can be a good source too.

                            If nothing works then there are always online websites. A lot of Indians abroad, even Muslims, and other countries of the subcontinent, use shaadi.com, plus there are Muslim centric websites like HalfYourDeen.Com.
                            "وَاعْتَصِمُوا بِحَبْلِ اللَّهِ جَمِيعًا"
                            "And hold on firmly to the rope of Allah"
                            Qur'an [3:103]

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