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Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

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  • #76
    Originally posted by Somali_sister88 View Post
    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Temper problems, negligence of responsibilities, selfishness and following desires, are a few.
    Are you thinking that these traits are embedded deep, kinda like an addict who is forever an addict because those triggers will always make them more vulnerable than it would non- addicts? So for example someone with anger issues would always have anger issues, even if they learn to calm and control their anger because those triggers are still there?
    Yeah, something like that. Except these triggers seem inherited, and not something developed later in life.

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    • #77
      Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

      Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
      Yeah, something like that. Except these triggers seem inherited, and not something developed later in life.

      As a psychologist my view (and I may well be incorrect) is that genes do not work in isolation so although certain personality traits may be genetic, the environment plays a major role in how that personality is manifested into actions... so for example if you had 100 people who all had the personality trait of being strong willed, it does not mean that they would all present similar types of behaviour. Some people with a personality that is strong willed learn to be very stubborn and consistently break rules and only want to work on their own terms... likewise someone with a personality trait of being strong willed might be a stickler for the rules and may always obey authority and never take the risk of doing things outside of what is required/expected... both have the same personality trait but it is presented differently.

      The personality trait itself may be genetic but the behaviour is learned through your environment, so if you are raised in an environment that taught you a particular type of way of presenting this personality trait, then rather than try and try and erase it, think about how you can change what you do have control over- your environment. It is possible to unlearn behaviour and learn new behaviour.

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      • #78
        Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

        To add to that... if you look at examples in Islamic history, Umar (RA) was a man with a temper... look at his actions before and after Islam... he didn't suddenly stop having a temper, but he taught himself to change his behaviour.... his fierceness was something people later admired... what was seen as anger before Islam was later seen as his defining characteristic and the reason he was chosen to lead the people! (even the shaytan crossed the road).

        Similarly there are many examples of Prophets, and Sahaba that had particular traits and their stories show us how they changed their behaviour, not their traits.

        Allah knows best but a reminder to myself and others would be to remember that Allah makes no mistakes and nothing in our body or mind is created without purpose... the traits we have can be a blessing or a curse, depending on the decisions we make... that is what defines our character.

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        • #79
          Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

          Originally posted by Somali_sister88 View Post
          As a psychologist my view (and I may well be incorrect) is that genes do not work in isolation so although certain personality traits may be genetic, the environment plays a major role in how that personality is manifested into actions... so for example if you had 100 people who all had the personality trait of being strong willed, it does not mean that they would all present similar types of behaviour. Some people with a personality that is strong willed learn to be very stubborn and consistently break rules and only want to work on their own terms... likewise someone with a personality trait of being strong willed might be a stickler for the rules and may always obey authority and never take the risk of doing things outside of what is required/expected... both have the same personality trait but it is presented differently.

          The personality trait itself may be genetic but the behaviour is learned through your environment, so if you are raised in an environment that taught you a particular type of way of presenting this personality trait, then rather than try and try and erase it, think about how you can change what you do have control over- your environment. It is possible to unlearn behaviour and learn new behaviour.
          Originally posted by Somali_sister88 View Post
          To add to that... if you look at examples in Islamic history, Umar (RA) was a man with a temper... look at his actions before and after Islam... he didn't suddenly stop having a temper, but he taught himself to change his behaviour.... his fierceness was something people later admired... what was seen as anger before Islam was later seen as his defining characteristic and the reason he was chosen to lead the people! (even the shaytan crossed the road).

          Similarly there are many examples of Prophets, and Sahaba that had particular traits and their stories show us how they changed their behaviour, not their traits.

          Allah knows best but a reminder to myself and others would be to remember that Allah makes no mistakes and nothing in our body or mind is created without purpose... the traits we have can be a blessing or a curse, depending on the decisions we make... that is what defines our character.
          :jkk: These were enlightening.

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          • #80
            Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

            Wa iyak

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            • #81
              Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

              Yeah the parent's personality definitely plays a significant part in forming your personality. Kids growing up just pick up on what they see at home. So if your parents had some unsavory traits, you would have to make a conscious effort to not be like that.
              www.treasureofthescholars.wordpress.com

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