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Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

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  • Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

    :salams:

    And the same for daughters.

    I don't want to say anything bad about my father, but I think I've inherited some very bad characteristics. Like, divorce-worthy characteristics. Wallahu alam.
    Last edited by Stoic Believer; 06-05-17, 08:16 AM.

  • #2
    Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    :salams:

    And the same for daughters.

    I don't want to say anything bad about my father, but I think I've inherited some very bad characteristics. Like, divorce-worthy characteristics. Wallahu alam.
    no
    "Closer and closer to mankind comes their Reckoning: yet they heed not and they turn away" (21:1)

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    • #3
      Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

      Changed my mind

      وعليكم السلام و رحمة الله و بركاته
      Last edited by iRepIslam; 06-05-17, 09:15 AM.
      إقراء القران فإنه يأتي يوم القيامة شفيعا لأصحابه

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      • #4
        Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

        :wswrwb:

        You'd be influenced by both your parents to a lesser or greater extent that's for sure.

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        • #5
          Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

          Actually, maybe not same TYPE of husband but can adopt some characteristics as a person?
          إقراء القران فإنه يأتي يوم القيامة شفيعا لأصحابه

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          • #6
            Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

            :wswrwb:

            It's weak but

            Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) is reported to have said,

            ” There is no gift that a father gives his child more virtuous than good manners.”

            (Sunan Tirmidhi, Hadith: 1953)


            So there is influence
            It all starts with a thought

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            • #7
              Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

              Originally posted by Arsalan View Post
              no
              Agreed.

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              • #8
                Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

                Nope my father in law and husband are both very good people alhamdulillah but both very different people

                this is just my experience it may be different for others
                ▪️••• 〰 Say what you wish in abuse of me, for my silence towards the idiot is indeed an answer. I am not at a loss for a response, but rather it does not befit the lion to answer the dogs. 〰 •••▪️

                ~ IMAM SHAFI'I RH

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                • #9
                  Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

                  Yes you would unless you became aware that you are imitating the behaviour you used to see and you do something to change that.
                  Isn't it the case boys who saw their fathers being violent usually also become violent in adulthood unless they make a conscious decision not to go down that road and girls who saw their mothers abused usually end up in abusive marriages as that's all they know a relationship to be unless they make the decision not to accept that.
                  شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
                  فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
                  وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
                  ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

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                  • #10
                    Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

                    Yes and no. This is an entire psychological field called attachment theory I think. The way children are brought up, especially in their younger years, has a significant impact on their ability to handle certain situations and their response to them.
                    For example men who have been brought up in homes where their father frequently beat up their mother are statistically more likely to beat up their own wives.
                    We also subconsciously start to form ideas of what a married relationship is at a young age based on our experience of our parents (and other close couples)- This becomes a problem when impulse based response takes over thought based response (i.e. when you're angry) because that's when your subconscious self really acts out and so you tend to emulate your parents.
                    We also tend to be attracted to people who remind us of our parents.

                    But on the plus side, when the children realise what was wrong with the parents relationship, they tend to try to improve their own usually for the sake of their own children.
                    Just be careful of anger.
                    Ya Rab! When you give me wealth, do not take away my happiness. When you give me strength, do not take away my intelligence. When you give me victory, do not take away my humility. When you give me humility, do not take away my dignity.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

                      Planning to be the opposite in marriage actually
                      The sunnah is like the ark of Noah, whoever embarks upon it reaches salvation and whoever refuses is drowned.
                      ~ Imam Malik (may Allah have mercy on him)

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                      • #12
                        Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

                        QED is correct, it's based on Attachment vs Need, so a boy who grows up with an abusive father may end up like his father IF he is constantly trying to attach to his father but failing, so there's an unfulfilled childhood need that he will not be completely aware of or in control of. Childhood needs of attachment are not so easily diverted in adulthood as you cannot change an emotional need with cognitive learning process.

                        Conversely, the boy might have a stronger need to attach to his mother and will become protective of his mother and despise his father and not become like him at all. He may, in his future, be subconsciously attracted to a dominant controlling wife and be unable to deal with her.

                        It's not as simplistic as this one example as it varies depending on so many variants.

                        In my situation my (quiet, fix anything, good provider, stoic) Father, died very young so you might think I would have a gaping need for my father but when my father died, my usually happy, resourceful, emotionally warm mother, went through severe grief which rendered her emotionally absent to her children for a while. (She could not help it, she was so lost and distressed at that time).

                        So my need of attachment when i was about 5 years old, was for my mother more so and I am very much like her (usual self), Alhamdulillah!

                        I can remember, even at that young age, trying to do anything to help her and even getting a chair to answer the door and telling callers to "please go away" so they wouldn't disturb her when she was poorly. Makes me smile now but then, I was quite diligent in caring for her in my own child-like way.


                        (Edit - I wouldn't have minded being like my dad either, he was a good sort.)
                        Last edited by Rifqah; 06-05-17, 11:17 AM.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

                          No...they don't.

                          If you observe your dad displaying certain traits which upset/ harm your mom & other family members , be it physically, mentally or emotionally ... then you should make an intention now never to behave in the same manner with your wife & children when you get married. Work on changing those bad characteristics from now on.

                          My husband is the exact opposite of my father in-law. During childhood, my husband grew up seeing his mother constantly crying because of his father mistreating her or neglecting her. He wasn't much of a father either. My husband was deeply disturbed witnessing such behaviour on a daily basis, so, he had made a vow that when he got married, he would never treat his wife/kids in a similar manner.

                          And, Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah, he's always been a perfect husband to me.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

                            Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                            :salams:

                            And the same for daughters.

                            I don't want to say anything bad about my father, but I think I've inherited some very bad characteristics. Like, divorce-worthy characteristics. Wallahu alam.
                            Bad Behavior doesn't get inherited,

                            It gets acquired of you hang around and follow such people,

                            :jkk:
                            http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

                            "It does not befit the lion to answer the dogs."

                            – Imam al-Shafi’i (Rahimahullah)

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                            • #15
                              Re: Do sons become the same type of husband their fathers were?

                              (Just looking at my own many siblings and I see that they are all different from each other as married people, and also from our parents...)
                              LAA ILAAHA ILLALLAH
                              -------------------------------
                              "And if you would count the graces of God, never could you be able to count them. Truly, God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Qur'aan 16:18)
                              NOTE: Please kindly do NOT rep my posts. (Jazaa'akumullah).

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