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Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

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    #46
    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

    Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
    That my marriage will fail or end up in divorce (probably biggest fear this one)
    That I'm still lonely after marriage and this is just my lot
    That marriage actually hasn't been decreed for me and I'll never get married (ok maybe this one is my biggest)
    That she doesn't know how to cook biryani
    That she'll find things boring (i don't watch tv or movies due to it being haram)(I mean I'm perfectly happy reading in the evening but yeah)(don't get me wrong well still go out and do stuff like mountain biking etc but you can't go out every night)
    That my deen will suffer

    There's more but yeh
    yeh, I'm sacred of that one too, if the man does not know how to cook biryani properly i'll be gutted, propa mugged off

    but it'll be worse if he tries to slaughter my pet lamb, that will be one big outrageous....

    *temperature rising
    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

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      #47
      Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

      [MENTION=38207]Jenicca[/MENTION] what's the thing your working on, sis?
      And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
      [al-An’aam 6:59]

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        #48
        Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

        Has anyone actually had a good experience on a marriage site like pure matrimony? just curious..
        idk I feel like i'd never join a marriage site, it just feels so weird, artificial and can be creepy,
        Marriage is so much easier for ppl whose family has religious connections, because normally ppl tell their fam and they get lotsa proposals and its nicer that way.. but not everyone has that luxury :/ and I've learnt that irl religious good ppl don't just randomly appear lol, in most cases
        guess we just gotta remember that we will only marry if its written for us, and our spouses are written for us. which is a beautiful thought :)
        And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
        [al-An’aam 6:59]

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          #49
          Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

          Religion is number one of course, but it doesn't scare me because my hijab is pretty conservative so it'll be obvious that people who don't like religion will not be interested.

          My concern is abuse (in all forms). It's difficult to determine how someone will act around you when you settle in. I cannot for the life of me stand to live with someone where I would have to walk on eggshells the whole time.

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            #50
            Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

            :wswrwb:

            That the person I marry will be too boring
            He may lack basic mannerisms and etiquette's!
            He might become gay :O - that's actually a scary thought.
            And.... instead of him being my hero, I'd have to be a superwoman *sigh* e.g. he'll become a LAZY man


            I'd hate to feel lonely after marriage. How sad would that be... may Allah protect us.
            ~‘And He will provide him from (sources) he could never imagine. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed, Allah has set a measure for all things.’~ - سورة الطلاق : 3

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              #51
              Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

              I fear the responsibility (and my readiness for it) Allah put on me should I have a family and that one day I will questioned on how I lead and guided my family in accordance to the Qur'an and Sunnah........ With all the fitnah one can only make du'a to make through themselves while guiding the family.

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                #52
                Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

                My fear is a bad relationship, a bad woman, ending in divorce.
                I'm white American revert, and all the white people I know, friends, coworkers, all my extended family, everyone has been divorced. You hear there's a 50% divorce rate and I wonder sometimes is it really 99%. And every middle aged man complains about how badly his wife treats him.

                My parents weren't Muslim, and I don't know any Muslim women because the masajid are sex-segregated and I never went to uni so I've never met any Muslim women IRL, just men and children.
                So I have no idea how a Muslim marriage actually works. Sure I've seen hadith about it, but just because the hadith says such and such doesn't mean people actually follow it.

                I have no idea what to expect, what a Muslim wedding is like, or what home life is actually like.

                And my fear is that it'll end up being awful, with fights and screaming and her forcing you to sleep on the couch and getting divorced, exactly how it would be with agirl, the very thing I wanted to get away from.

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                  #53
                  Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

                  Other major fear is that she will not be a virgin, but lie and tell me she is.

                  On the other hand I'm afraid that I won't be religious enough for her. I don't speak Arabic, I read Quran and sira in English several days per week but that's English, and yet most kids learn to memorize the whole Quran in Muslim countries, so I know less than a child.

                  I feel that while I live a fairly religious life - 5 salat (dhuhr at work), weekly ijtima and jumaa, studying religion in English as I said, I wear a sunnah-length (handspan) beard - sometimes I feel ashamed and think that's just the bare minimum and nothing to be proud of. I've seen some posts on this site condemning music and movies, honestly, I'm really into heavy metal music and that could be a major turn off for any girl Muslim or not.

                  I don't make much very much money and I'm mildly overweight, not huge but I have a belly.

                  I'm afraid that expectations will be soooo high. They want a rich, handsome a'lim and I'm a poor chubby revert.
                  The decent girls will get better guys than me, and I'll be stuck with a not so decent girl leading to the situation I described previously with fighting and divorce.

                  Comment


                    #54
                    Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

                    Just be positive trust me theres girls that wont care about a man being rich and most people in the world arent alims and still most people get married.

                    Still if you know that you can improve your self do it try and learn to read Quran find time for a teacher to help you learn or learn online couple of months and you would able to read the Quran insha Allah
                    With music if u cant cut it out straight away cut it out slowly just realise that all it ever is is money drugs promiscuity and shaytaan thats all it ever is
                    Much better to listen to nasheeds that sound good and have beautiful meanings that actually comes as dawah

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                      #55
                      Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

                      Originally posted by ShamsQamar View Post
                      Other major fear is that she will not be a virgin, but lie and tell me she is.

                      On the other hand I'm afraid that I won't be religious enough for her. I don't speak Arabic, I read Quran and sira in English several days per week but that's English, and yet most kids learn to memorize the whole Quran in Muslim countries, so I know less than a child.

                      I feel that while I live a fairly religious life - 5 salat (dhuhr at work), weekly ijtima and jumaa, studying religion in English as I said, I wear a sunnah-length (handspan) beard - sometimes I feel ashamed and think that's just the bare minimum and nothing to be proud of. I've seen some posts on this site condemning music and movies, honestly, I'm really into heavy metal music and that could be a major turn off for any girl Muslim or not.

                      I don't make much very much money and I'm mildly overweight, not huge but I have a belly.

                      I'm afraid that expectations will be soooo high. They want a rich, handsome a'lim and I'm a poor chubby revert.
                      The decent girls will get better guys than me, and I'll be stuck with a not so decent girl leading to the situation I described previously with fighting and divorce.
                      you're doing well. work on the music. don't be so negative.

                      --

                      someone who doesn't love Allah, essentially.
                      many other things stem from that.

                      --
                      'And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
                      Then know that often through delay are gifts received'
                      علي الحبشي

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                        #56
                        Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

                        Originally posted by ShamsQamar View Post
                        My fear is a bad relationship, a bad woman, ending in divorce.
                        I'm white American revert, and all the white people I know, friends, coworkers, all my extended family, everyone has been divorced. You hear there's a 50% divorce rate and I wonder sometimes is it really 99%. And every middle aged man complains about how badly his wife treats him.

                        My parents weren't Muslim, and I don't know any Muslim women because the masajid are sex-segregated and I never went to uni so I've never met any Muslim women IRL, just men and children.
                        So I have no idea how a Muslim marriage actually works. Sure I've seen hadith about it, but just because the hadith says such and such doesn't mean people actually follow it.

                        I have no idea what to expect, what a Muslim wedding is like, or what home life is actually like.

                        And my fear is that it'll end up being awful, with fights and screaming and her forcing you to sleep on the couch and getting divorced, exactly how it would be with agirl, the very thing I wanted to get away from.
                        Lol if that's a real fear for you, you can probably let that one go. In MOST muslim country cultures (I assume you understand the distinction I'm trying to make between islam and a particular country's culture) that just does not happen. They'd probably sooner have the woman sleeping on the couch than the man which is the OTHER extreme. No one should have to sleep on the couch. Angry people can still sleep next to each other not such a big deal.

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                          #57
                          Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

                          Originally posted by ShamsQamar View Post
                          Other major fear is that she will not be a virgin, but lie and tell me she is.

                          On the other hand I'm afraid that I won't be religious enough for her. I don't speak Arabic, I read Quran and sira in English several days per week but that's English, and yet most kids learn to memorize the whole Quran in Muslim countries, so I know less than a child.

                          I feel that while I live a fairly religious life - 5 salat (dhuhr at work), weekly ijtima and jumaa, studying religion in English as I said, I wear a sunnah-length (handspan) beard - sometimes I feel ashamed and think that's just the bare minimum and nothing to be proud of. I've seen some posts on this site condemning music and movies, honestly, I'm really into heavy metal music and that could be a major turn off for any girl Muslim or not.

                          I don't make much very much money and I'm mildly overweight, not huge but I have a belly.

                          I'm afraid that expectations will be soooo high. They want a rich, handsome a'lim and I'm a poor chubby revert.
                          The decent girls will get better guys than me, and I'll be stuck with a not so decent girl leading to the situation I described previously with fighting and divorce.
                          Oh and this part.
                          Just go without it for a couple of months. I guarantee you, it will appeal to you a lot less after that. It's not something that can really be explained unless you've seen both sides of it but when you stop listening to music your heart becomes softer and more open to the Quran.
                          It makes you feel guilty to listen to music when you go without for awhile. Try it this Ramadan at least.

                          Comment


                            #58
                            Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

                            Originally posted by ShamsQamar View Post
                            My fear is a bad relationship, a bad woman, ending in divorce.
                            I'm white American revert, and all the white people I know, friends, coworkers, all my extended family, everyone has been divorced. You hear there's a 50% divorce rate and I wonder sometimes is it really 99%. And every middle aged man complains about how badly his wife treats him.

                            My parents weren't Muslim, and I don't know any Muslim women because the masajid are sex-segregated and I never went to uni so I've never met any Muslim women IRL, just men and children.
                            So I have no idea how a Muslim marriage actually works. Sure I've seen hadith about it, but just because the hadith says such and such doesn't mean people actually follow it.

                            I have no idea what to expect, what a Muslim wedding is like, or what home life is actually like.

                            And my fear is that it'll end up being awful, with fights and screaming and her forcing you to sleep on the couch and getting divorced, exactly how it would be with agirl, the very thing I wanted to get away from.
                            Have you thought about a change of environment? Like maybe moving out of town or country?

                            What you described is scary tbh.

                            Stats is one thing. But to hear about real stories about divorce from someone is something else.
                            Last edited by nudgetheputri; 28-05-17, 12:40 PM.

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                              #59
                              Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

                              Originally posted by Jenicca View Post
                              :salams

                              Pray you are all very well, insha'Allah, my dear ummahites

                              Just working on something on...

                              What are your main concerns/worries/fears as a single Muslim/ah ...
                              Main concern is finding someone who doesn't have a bad past and is actively striving to improve on his deen.

                              Also to marry young enough to have a few kids insha'Allah.

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                                #60
                                Re: Concerns & fears of a Single Muslim/ Muslimah

                                not finding suitable match and safeguarding environment where I will be living in.

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