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marriage or studying/moving away

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  • marriage or studying/moving away

    I'm speaking from the perspective of a sister here. Marriage requires time and sacrifice, a husband, a house, kids and endless things that need to be done. But what if you want to study to a certain level or get a good grasp of islam without being distracted from that. And what if you want to move to a muslim country because your imaan is in danger here the longer you stay. Living with people you know in another place is not really a good situation even if they are relatives.

    So in one way getting a married can help because you have someone to travel with, live with, the financial stuff will be taken care of and in another way it's an obstacle.

    If I have the opportunity to leave and on top of that to study islam in better ways than here and I know trustworthy people who are willing to help then why should I wait for someone to fall from the sky who meets all my requirements and stay in a place where i'm constantly tested in my deen? Most don't want to leave so it's just wasted time.
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

  • #2
    Re: marriage or studying/moving away

    I vote studying/moving away. :)

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    • #3
      Re: marriage or studying/moving away

      it can be possible to be married and study at the same time. I'd like to think that just because you become a wife/mother/grandmother, that doesn't mean you have to give up studies.

      but you would need to have a supportive husband to do that. some husbands don't actually want their wives to go down that route which is saddening.
      ⚔ Even in death may you be triumphant ⚔
      U.F Sadaqah Jariyah Project

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      • #4
        Re: marriage or studying/moving away

        This question was on my mind recently. I wanted to get married and would have to continue my studies too.

        Make sure he is not going to forbid your studies, firstly. The last potential said that as a strict salafi, he'd forbid me from studying and working if his sheikh said so.

        That is the opposite of my plans. I don't think I'd make a great stay at home spouse as its not something in me.

        So make sure you are on the same wavelength with the said potential, put stuff in your marriage contract about studies etc if you have to xx
        وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

        And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


        أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

        Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


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        Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

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        • #5
          Re: marriage or studying/moving away

          Originally posted by Meriadoc View Post
          it can be possible to be married and study at the same time. I'd like to think that just because you become a wife/mother/grandmother, that doesn't mean you have to give up studies.

          but you would need to have a supportive husband to do that. some husbands don't actually want their wives to go down that route which is saddening.
          exactly, and it's harder
          شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
          فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
          وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
          ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: marriage or studying/moving away

            Both :) I vote studying and marrying
            if you want to study more deen first/comprehensively though, go for it :)
            and then marry afterwards
            knowledge is a lifelong journey though :) doesn't stop after marriage, we should be constantly learning.
            And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
            [al-An’aam 6:59]

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            • #7
              Re: marriage or studying/moving away

              I think you should try to focus on getting married first to a man who encourages you to pursue the path of seeking knowledge. You can seek knowledge (that isn't obligatory to know) later on. The chances to get married might reduce when a woman gets older. So this is the time to pursue marriage in my opinion (i assume that you're in you're 20's).

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: marriage or studying/moving away

                i believe it would be case by case basis. the current situations, current status, the current support that the person have. financially etc.
                i also agree with most of the posters who mention both, it may be difficult to balance , but you can study part time.
                it also depends on the age of the person.
                i agree with the previous poster also, with regards to the chances reduce when woman gets older, also chances of having children, he has a point.

                but all in all, i vote more towards marriage first. it depends on the man who she intend to marries, if he is the sort who can guide you with religious knowledge, then less worry, she can marry first.
                If not, then let him wait, while the lady pursues islamic knowledge/study first because since once she enters marriage, she has to pretty much have depend on other sources for that knowledge.
                the guy have to be understanding then.
                it also depends on what kind of studies too. is it fardhu ayn or ?
                People are at least have basic knowledge insha'Allah, and know what they need to do.
                just my opinions , i could be wrong in this. forgive me if im wrong.
                Allah Subḥānahu wa-taʿālā has mentioned in the Quran in chapter Surah Al-Ahzab:21 There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.

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                • #9
                  Re: marriage or studying/moving away

                  Its annoying having to wait for the dream guy to come and let me do what i want to do!
                  It probably will never happen, and i would just try what i could within the scope of options

                  My family would let me travel alone and iv been to brazil for 3 months, now im in london alone... for me, i would travel and study until the right person comes along... i know it doesnt seem like an option for you...
                  *
                  *
                  * typing from my phone, excuse the mess

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                  • #10
                    Re: marriage or studying/moving away

                    Everyones case is different
                    sometimes its better to marry and sometimes its better not to
                    This situation can happen to guys as well as girls

                    Comment

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