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Do most Muslim women, want to make Hijrah?

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  • #16
    Re: Do most Muslim women, want to make Hijrah?

    Originally posted by Creamcake View Post
    Wa Alaykumussalam
    There seems to be an underlying assumption that people from backhome will be more religious/accepting of Hijrah/want to move, when that's not the case. Either way, it depends on the person, not where they reside in the world
    The underlying assumption I made is not that women from back home are more "religious".

    That is clearly not the case, there are religious and irreligious people everywhere.

    The underlying assumption I am making is that women from back home are more flexible to leave their home country, to pretty much anywhere that is "better" than their poor native country. Regardless of whether it is the UAE or England for example. They just want to leave.

    Whereas, Muslimah's here in the States are more privileged and have been accustomed to live in the USA, and many do not want to live in Arab cultures or leave their parents as one brother has mentioned above.

    I could be very wrong in my generalization, but I do think women back home tend to be more mobile in terms of moving to a different country than the ones in developed countries.

    Also, another poster mentioned that most Muslim girls want to leave to the West and not be placed in the Gulf countries, that depends on everyone's situation. In my country, the UAE is very respected and looked at as a much higher standard of living.

    Although as many have mentioned every girl and situation is going to be different.
    Last edited by SunnahWay; 13-04-17, 11:53 PM.

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    • #17
      Re: Do most Muslim women, want to make Hijrah?

      Originally posted by Zammyh View Post
      If you want to make permanent hijrah then why is it important that your wife has a similar understanding of your (american) culture. Bit weird

      Get a wife from abroad
      I don't think its weird at all lol.

      Just because I am planning to leave a country does not mean that I do not want someone who I can properly communicate with and relates to the culture that I grew up in.

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      • #18
        Re: Do most Muslim women, want to make Hijrah?

        Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
        :salams

        You can also try not mentioning hijrah at the onset of finding a spouse, but instead just show interest in this topic to gauge her perspective. The main reasons most will say No outright is because 1) They don't know you 2) The thought of moving to a distant land with a stranger is intimidating and 3) They will be hundreds and thousands of miles away from their parents which scares them in case something goes wrong (i.e. husband gets abusive).
        .
        But then you are taking a risk that she might change her mind in the future, and refuse to move. Then you have kids involved and it becomes severely complicated. Wouldn't it be better to just bring it up in the beginning and gauge the response? Also, wouldn't her family who lives with her in the West like her father for example, have a huge influence over her perception of moving to a Muslim country?

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        • #19
          Re: Do most Muslim women, want to make Hijrah?

          Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
          :salams

          You can also try not mentioning hijrah at the onset of finding a spouse, but instead just show interest in this topic to gauge her perspective. The main reasons most will say No outright is because 1) They don't know you 2) The thought of moving to a distant land with a stranger is intimidating and 3) They will be hundreds and thousands of miles away from their parents which scares them in case something goes wrong (i.e. husband gets abusive).

          So, best thing to do is probably to find someone who may remotely be interested in this and marry her. Hopefully, after marriage and living with you, she will trust you more and be a lot more comfortable with you. Thus, making hijrah with you at that point won't seem like she is taking this big step with a stranger, but instead with her partner/spouse. Also, her anxieties about you turning out to be an abusive husband will be gone after she starts living with you as she will get to know you more.
          Btw OP I wasn't saying you said women from back home are more religious, just that responses on other threads on UF have indicated that lots of users here think this way

          The point above is good ^ you will be a stranger she doesn't know at the beginning, so it will be scary the prospect of a foreign land as well as a new person in their life. It has to be someone who is willing to do this later on though, I guess in the pre marriage meeting, you can just ask this. idk if it's possible to put this in the marriage contract or if that's impermissible.
          And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
          [al-An’aam 6:59]

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          • #20
            Re: Do most Muslim women, want to make Hijrah?

            Originally posted by SunnahWay View Post
            But then you are taking a risk that she might change her mind in the future, and refuse to move. Then you have kids involved and it becomes severely complicated. Wouldn't it be better to just bring it up in the beginning and gauge the response? Also, wouldn't her family who lives with her in the West like her father for example, have a huge influence over her perception of moving to a Muslim country?
            Yes, there is a risk. The way I see it, the husband is ultimately the leader of the house and if he sees that it is best for his family to live in a Muslim country, then he has the right to move them there. Obviously, I am not saying be a dictator, but do it in a tactful way. If a sister is pious and understanding, I am sure she will be willing to do it.
            Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

            "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
            - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

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            • #21
              Re: Do most Muslim women, want to make Hijrah?

              Originally posted by SunnahWay View Post
              Salam Wa Lakim,

              I am a 23 year old male Muslim student living in USA.

              I am your typical young Muslim male, go to University, involved with the MSA etc.

              I am trying to find a wife, but am stuck in a dilemma as to whether I should even try to find a Muslimah here in the States (better understanding of culture, speaks English etc.)

              But one of my requirements is that I want to make a permanent Hijra, and leave the United States.

              Unfortunately, the few Muslim women I have met and talked to, are totally against this. In fact, many of them are the obsessed with the West and living in it.

              Even though I have told them I plan on moving to a very well developed, clean, and proper Muslim country like UAE, Saudi etc. they are totally not with it.

              Which has gotten me thinking, should I even try to find a Muslim wife here in the West or should I just go back to my native country and get a wife from there?

              Usually, the ones from my native country are much more willing to make Hijrah because they just want to get married, and will go with their husband wherever he wants to go.

              This question is primarily for the brothers on the site here, just a brother seeking advice from other brothers, should I even try looking for a wife here in the West, considering my requirements of Hijrah?

              Even though my experience has been that the Muslim women who grew up here do not want to leave the USA even if they are given opportunities to live in well off Muslim countries like the UAE, Kuwait etc.
              I can't give advice on marriage but I'm going to give you a piece of advice about living in the gulf.

              As an American who's lived in the gulf for almost 20 years , don't do it. I appreciate the time I've spent here. I grew up here. But unfortunately gulf countries don't take into account of the time and life you built here. They can ask you to go anytime they want. And when you reach a certain age they tell you masalama and don't come back.

              I have a friend who's lived here for a decade and one day their boss comes and tells them they're being replaced by a national and they have to leave the country in a few days time.

              My own status in this country is up in the air now because my father was just laid off from the company he's worked 17 years because he's reached the maximum age. Now I may be forced back to a country that I haven't lived in since I was 12. My work and friends are here and now I have to build a new life .

              Don't get me wrong, its nice living here but its not stable. I wouldn't bring my family here. I wouldn't want my kids going through what I am going through now. If you're single its fine.

              I use to only want to marry a brother who wanted to live in the Gulf. But now I prefer to live on the states. At least I can build something without fear of being kicked out the country.
              Say, O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.”
              (Surah Az Zumar, (Chapter 39: Verse 53)

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              • #22
                Re: Do most Muslim women, want to make Hijrah?

                I think you are envisioning your future through rose-tinted glasses...Have you ever lived/worked in those Gulf countries ? If you did, you wouldn't be as optimistic as you sound now.

                Furthermore, how can you make hijrah to any country in the Gulf permanently when none of those countries offer citizenship to expats ?

                You'll have very limited freedom in those countries - you'll need to find a sponsor, pay to renew your iqaamah every year, pay for exiting & re-entering the country even if you want to leave for a couple of days, you can not own property, you can not start a business on your own, you can not vote or take part in any of the national activities, many national schools & universities will be off-limit to your kids, you'll no longer be welcome once your services are not required...

                Ans, sorry to be blunt, but most Arabs have no respect for anyone with brown/black skin irrespective of the person's nationality/profession....many of these expats get looked down upon as inferior & treated as second-class citizens, they'll only worship you if you have white skin.

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                • #23
                  Re: Do most Muslim women, want to make Hijrah?

                  No obviously not otherwise the majority would be seeking to marry and settle back home which they aren't. Most women won't leave a place where women have agency and greater equality and are not infantilised for the opposite.

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