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  • Unsure about a potential, first one that seems interested in me in a while...

    Salam all of the UF,

    I have recently got in communications with a sister from one of the sites, however I am unsure about her, she looks really decent, doesn't wear hijab though but prays and getting closer to Allah via deen, I had noticed through communications she doesn't seem to say much or ask questions. Not too sure though, I have been asking open ended questions and only get few words as answers.

    Is this how she might be in person as well? She lives close, is younger than me and has same thoughts about having small wedding, nikkah done in Masjid and all that jazz.

    With me if a girl says no, I am fine with that and doesnt hurt me, if I say no it doesn't bother me so I have no attachment to the person. Could it be something wrong with me? I have told my younger sister about her and she seems fine with it, however parents want someone that has been to university and is working, she is working but hasn't been to university. At this point have told my parents about her but I know what they look for in a potential.

    Just wondering if it's worth persevering with this sister or not, granted we have only been talking for maybe a day really. Just feels one sided with me asking questions and she responds and that is all. I don't mind that but doesn't really show how she is though or am I thinking too much into this?

    Just feels strange all of this for me.

    Wsalaam

  • #2
    Re: Unsure about a potential, first one that seems interested in me in a while...

    Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
    Salam all of the UF,

    I have recently got in communications with a sister from one of the sites, however I am unsure about her, she looks really decent, doesn't wear hijab though but prays and getting closer to Allah via deen, I had noticed through communications she doesn't seem to say much or ask questions. Not too sure though, I have been asking open ended questions and only get few words as answers.

    Is this how she might be in person as well? She lives close, is younger than me and has same thoughts about having small wedding, nikkah done in Masjid and all that jazz.

    With me if a girl says no, I am fine with that and doesnt hurt me, if I say no it doesn't bother me so I have no attachment to the person. Could it be something wrong with me? I have told my younger sister about her and she seems fine with it, however parents want someone that has been to university and is working, she is working but hasn't been to university. At this point have told my parents about her but I know what they look for in a potential.

    Just wondering if it's worth persevering with this sister or not, granted we have only been talking for maybe a day really. Just feels one sided with me asking questions and she responds and that is all. I don't mind that but doesn't really show how she is though or am I thinking too much into this?

    Just feels strange all of this for me.

    Wsalaam
    :wswrwb:

    is it a bad idea to ask her why she isn't asking you any questions?
    Indeed we belong to Allah,
    and indeed to Him we will return.


    Quran 2:156

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Unsure about a potential, first one that seems interested in me in a while...

      Originally posted by ninety1daisies View Post
      :wswrwb:

      is it a bad idea to ask her why she isn't asking you any questions?
      Maybe she is busy with a few things who knows though, problem is she is interested in me and so am I , if i say no just because she seems really quite and who knows when I will find another potential, my parents are looking but not aggresively due to my brothers wedding day in few months in the summer, so they just relaxing.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Unsure about a potential, first one that seems interested in me in a while...

        How can you expect anyone here to give any meaningful answers or advice when nobody knows you or the girl in question?

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Unsure about a potential, first one that seems interested in me in a while...

          Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
          Maybe she is busy with a few things who knows though, problem is she is interested in me and so am I , if i say no just because she seems really quite and who knows when I will find another potential, my parents are looking but not aggresively due to my brothers wedding day in few months in the summer, so they just relaxing.
          yeah, I don't see any problem in saying 'you seem to not have many questions for me' or one can just sit there and take a few guesses like maybe she's shy or maybe she's busy or maybe she's just not that interested or maybe she's not ready and is being forced to talk to potentials..
          Indeed we belong to Allah,
          and indeed to Him we will return.


          Quran 2:156

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Unsure about a potential, first one that seems interested in me in a while...

            Maybe she is been busy. Or she is shy and don't know what to ask from you. Ask her questions which are important to you. See how much she is telling or is she giving one word answers.
            We shouldn't just settle for someone. Marriage is serious matter. Do you think she compatible with you.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Unsure about a potential, first one that seems interested in me in a while...

              Originally posted by ninety1daisies View Post
              yeah, I don't see any problem in saying 'you seem to not have many questions for me' or one can just sit there and take a few guesses like maybe she's shy or maybe she's busy or maybe she's just not that interested or maybe she's not ready and is being forced to talk to potentials..
              I have asked her the question but not really directly just hinting at that she isn't asking many questions and feels its one sided.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Unsure about a potential, first one that seems interested in me in a while...

                Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
                Salam all of the UF,

                I have recently got in communications with a sister from one of the sites, however I am unsure about her, she looks really decent, doesn't wear hijab though but prays and getting closer to Allah via deen, I had noticed through communications she doesn't seem to say much or ask questions. Not too sure though, I have been asking open ended questions and only get few words as answers.

                Is this how she might be in person as well? She lives close, is younger than me and has same thoughts about having small wedding, nikkah done in Masjid and all that jazz.

                With me if a girl says no, I am fine with that and doesnt hurt me, if I say no it doesn't bother me so I have no attachment to the person. Could it be something wrong with me? I have told my younger sister about her and she seems fine with it, however parents want someone that has been to university and is working, she is working but hasn't been to university. At this point have told my parents about her but I know what they look for in a potential.

                Just wondering if it's worth persevering with this sister or not, granted we have only been talking for maybe a day really. Just feels one sided with me asking questions and she responds and that is all. I don't mind that but doesn't really show how she is though or am I thinking too much into this?

                Just feels strange all of this for me.

                Wsalaam
                Her wearing hijab doesn't bother you at all? It's a fardh. Anyway, make sure she will wear hijab when she is with you and pray to Allah ta'ala. Usually if you feeling something isn't right, your gut is probably right. Allah knows best.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Unsure about a potential, first one that seems interested in me in a while...

                  Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
                  Her wearing hijab doesn't bother you at all? It's a fardh. Anyway, make sure she will wear hijab when she is with you and pray to Allah ta'ala. Usually if you feeling something isn't right, your gut is probably right. Allah knows best.
                  I know its a fardh, I am not perfect, I don't keep a beard for health reasons. Problem with me, I always have feeling inside me with all the potentials, at first it seems all good but as I talk little more I just don't feel interested. Might just end things with this sister, just don't know what it is don't feel excited or happy about this potential as I fear my parents will be thinking, she doesn't have this, that or the other and what not.

                  On the other hand my brothers wife (she hasn't moved in yet) they are constantly talking on the phone and such, just don't think marriage is for me. Don't think I suit it.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Unsure about a potential, first one that seems interested in me in a while...

                    Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
                    I know its a fardh, I am not perfect, I don't keep a beard for health reasons. Problem with me, I always have feeling inside me with all the potentials, at first it seems all good but as I talk little more I just don't feel interested. Might just end things with this sister, just don't know what it is don't feel excited or happy about this potential as I fear my parents will be thinking, she doesn't have this, that or the other and what not.

                    On the other hand my brothers wife (she hasn't moved in yet) they are constantly talking on the phone and such, just don't think marriage is for me. Don't think I suit it.
                    Why do you get low on yourself? Do you think finding a partner is easy? This person will be raising your future kids in sha'a Allah, taking care of you when you are sick, helping you through down times, slow down brother, slow down. Take you time and find someone worth your time, effort, money and hard work. Marriage is no joke and you will regret rushing into a marriage. It's a blessing to have this intuition!

                    I've felt that a potential was a "no" before even meeting him, yet I was forced to meet his family. Guess what, it was still a no. I take intuition very seriously because it's very powerful sub'ana Allah. That and of course, prayer and reliance on Allah ta'ala. Have faith and patience and be thankful Allah ta'ala is probably saving you from great evil.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Unsure about a potential, first one that seems interested in me in a while...

                      Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
                      I have asked her the question but not really directly just hinting at that she isn't asking many questions and feels its one sided.
                      hmm then perhaps move on? I dunno..
                      Indeed we belong to Allah,
                      and indeed to Him we will return.


                      Quran 2:156

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Unsure about a potential, first one that seems interested in me in a while...

                        Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
                        Salam all of the UF,

                        I have recently got in communications with a sister from one of the sites, however I am unsure about her, she looks really decent, doesn't wear hijab though but prays and getting closer to Allah via deen, I had noticed through communications she doesn't seem to say much or ask questions. Not too sure though, I have been asking open ended questions and only get few words as answers.

                        Is this how she might be in person as well? She lives close, is younger than me and has same thoughts about having small wedding, nikkah done in Masjid and all that jazz.

                        With me if a girl says no, I am fine with that and doesnt hurt me, if I say no it doesn't bother me so I have no attachment to the person. Could it be something wrong with me? I have told my younger sister about her and she seems fine with it, however parents want someone that has been to university and is working, she is working but hasn't been to university. At this point have told my parents about her but I know what they look for in a potential.

                        Just wondering if it's worth persevering with this sister or not, granted we have only been talking for maybe a day really. Just feels one sided with me asking questions and she responds and that is all. I don't mind that but doesn't really show how she is though or am I thinking too much into this?

                        Just feels strange all of this for me.

                        Wsalaam
                        You mean you try to strike up conversation but just end up getting closed answers?

                        What kinda questions you asking?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Unsure about a potential, first one that seems interested in me in a while...

                          Originally posted by Muslim-Guy View Post
                          I know its a fardh, I am not perfect, I don't keep a beard for health reasons. Problem with me, I always have feeling inside me with all the potentials, at first it seems all good but as I talk little more I just don't feel interested. Might just end things with this sister, just don't know what it is don't feel excited or happy about this potential as I fear my parents will be thinking, she doesn't have this, that or the other and what not.

                          On the other hand my brothers wife (she hasn't moved in yet) they are constantly talking on the phone and such, just don't think marriage is for me. Don't think I suit it.
                          don't push good potentials away because you fear your parents won't approve. you're the one who will be married to her and making a life together. as long as attraction is there and she is a good muslimah with good character, it's a blessing from Allah, iA when your parents see you happy, they will come around at some point.
                          Indeed we belong to Allah,
                          and indeed to Him we will return.


                          Quran 2:156

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Unsure about a potential, first one that seems interested in me in a while...

                            Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
                            Why do you get low on yourself? Do you think finding a partner is easy? This person will be raising your future kids in sha'a Allah, taking care of you when you are sick, helping you through down times, slow down brother, slow down. Take you time and find someone worth your time, effort, money and hard work. Marriage is no joke and you will regret rushing into a marriage. It's a blessing to have this intuition!

                            I've felt that a potential was a "no" before even meeting him, yet I was forced to meet his family. Guess what, it was still a no. I take intuition very seriously because it's very powerful sub'ana Allah. That and of course, prayer and reliance on Allah ta'ala. Have faith and patience and be thankful Allah ta'ala is probably saving you from great evil.
                            I understand however I am nearly 30 and parents have only been looking for me in the last couple or so years, they have spent 5/6 looking for my brother on and off since he finished Uni. I know marriage is difficult, I didn't say it was and it's probably one of these reasons I don't feel compelled to find someone maybe it's a phase but I just don't feel any clicks with this one or any one else.

                            I don't know what people say when they JUST KNOW. I know the partner is to help you when you are on your lowest point, when you are sick and stuff, I have always done things by my self don't rely on anyone only but Allah that is all. I don't like to ask for help, like to do things by my self.

                            For example today, went food shopping with mum, had a lot of food, asked my brother to help and he said he was busy eating, asked sister to help, she said im studying, so I just did it by my self. When I had laid out the stuff from the bag, towards the end, sister asked if she can help, I said no, I can do it my self, I asked your help at the beginning and you said no so just leave me to it.

                            I do things on my own intiative don't rely on anyone. I.e doing house chores, hoovering, cleaning, cleaning kitchen. I do it my self because parents are in old age, brother is too busy talking to his wife, sister is busy with studies, that leaves me to help out around the house.

                            Maybe I am waffling who knows.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Unsure about a potential, first one that seems interested in me in a while...

                              Originally posted by sajid View Post
                              You mean you try to strike up conversation but just end up getting closed answers?

                              What kinda questions you asking?
                              You can say that, i.e thoughts about wedding, small or big one, hows her day is going, Deen questions... It's literally few word answers, such as Yes small wedding, day is okay, deen as in I pray and read Quran, was expecting more, but maybe.

                              I had asked her if she had any interests from other guys she said a little but conversations weren't flowing, I can see that conversations are not flowing here, so might just call it off, I have asked her/well told her how I feel it's one sided, see what she responds with and just end it.

                              Comment

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