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Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

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  • Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    See title.

  • Creamcake
    replied
    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    That's totally fine sis, what age do you finish grad school?
    you can look earlier if you wish, what do you wanna do? :)

    Leave a comment:


  • ABDEL-AZEEM
    replied
    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    Originally posted by -qed- View Post
    1)

    10) Jannah lies at the feet of all mothers, there is no mention of whether they are working or not. Stop fabricating things..
    In the ahadeeth is says 'Then stay with her and look after her needs. Your Heaven lies under her feet' said the Prophet :saw: . That means the mother is not working at all because the son is required to look after his mother needs meaning the son has to provide all of her needs financially and otherwise , so that means the mother is not working at all. So I am not fabricating things at all and your the only one who is fabricating and twisting the hadeeth to suite your own vile haraam purposes. I also never said the hadeeth mention working women at all so your a slandering criminal liar because that is my own opinion based on the hadeeth

    Mu'aawiyah Ibne Juhaymah radhiyallahu anhumaa relates: My father, Juhaymah radhiyallahu anhu, went to the Apostle of Allah sallallahu alayhi wasallam and said, 'I intend to go on Jihaad and have come to seek your advice.' The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam asked him, 'Is your mother alive?' 'Yes' he replied. 'Then stay with her and look after her needs. Your Heaven lies under her feet' said the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam

    Originally posted by -qed- View Post
    1)
    11) Working for non-mahram men is not haram as long as the job itself does not involve haram. Working alongside non-mahram men is not clear cut haram. It depends on factors such as level of interaction, need for job in society, need for women to provide for family etc. We see this in the prophet saw time in things such as wars, where women were fighting or stretcher bearers or healers. Aisha ra taught fiqh. etc.
    The wives of the Prophet Mohammed :saw: were allowed to teach non-mahram males Islam because ALLAH the Greatest forbid in the HOLY QURAAN AL-KAREEM all men from marrying the wives of the Prophet Mohammed :saw: after the Prophet Mohammed :saw: died . ALLAH the Greatest made a special status for the wives of the Prophet Mohammed :saw: when ALLAH the Greatest called the wives of the Prophet Mohammed :saw: the Mothers of the Mumineen in the HOLY QURAAN AL-KAREEM. Aisha Umm Mumineen taught men Islam because she had learned it from her husband Prophet Muhammed :saw: during his lifetime and so after the Prophet Muhammad :saw: died Aisha Umm Mumineen taught men Islam because all men were prohibited from marrying Aisha Umm Mumineen so it is totally decent for her to teach men. This does not apply at all to the rest of muslimaat women who are not the mothers of mumineen. The fact is Aisha Umm Mumineen was doing her duty in islam and she was not paid for it at all , so therefore it is not a job at all so your totally wrong once again.

    It is totally haraam for women to work for or with non-mahram men so your a totally liar and so your a totally fabricator of your lies. Here is a the daleel to prove you wrong. You slandering criminal.
    https://islamqa.info/en/106815

    106815: Guidelines on women working outside the home


    I am a 20-year-old girl studying engineering. I work during the summer in a stationary store; in order to pay my college fees, am I sinful? I wear niqab, and sometimes feel that no religious man proposes to me for this reason.

    Published Date: 2008-02-12


    Praise be to Allaah.

    Firstly:

    The basic principle is that a woman should remain at home, and not go out except for necessary purposes. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance”

    [al-Ahzaab 33:33].

    Although this is addressed to the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), it also applies to the believing women. It is only addressed to the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) because of their honour and status with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and because they are examples for the believing women.

    The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Woman is ‘awrah, and if she goes out, the shaytaan raises his hopes (of misguiding her). She is never closer to Allaah than when she stays in her house.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan and Ibn Khuzaymah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Shaheehah, no. 2688.

    And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said concerning a woman’s prayer in the mosque: “Their houses are better for them.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (567) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

    For more information please see the answer to question no. 6742.

    Secondly:

    It is permissible for a woman to go out of her house for work, but that is subject to certain conditions. If they are met, it is permissible for her to go out. They are:

    - That she needs to work in order to acquire the money she needs, as in your case.

    - The work should be suited to the nature of woman, such as medicine, nursing, teaching, sewing, and so on.

    - The work should be in a place that is only for women, and there should be no mixing with non-mahram men.

    - Whilst at work she should observe complete shar’i hijab.

    - Her work should not lead to her travelling without a mahram.

    - Her going out to work should not involve committing any haraam action, such as being alone with the driver, or wearing perfume where non-mahrams can smell it.

    - That should not lead to her neglecting things that are more essential for her, such as looking after her house, husband and children.

    Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen said: The field in which a woman works should be only for women, such as if she works in teaching girls, whether in administration or technical support, or she works at home as a seamstress sewing clothes for women and so on. As for working in fields that are for men, this is not permissible for her because it requires her to mix with men, which is a great fitnah (source of temptation and trouble) and should be avoided. It should be noted that it is proven that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I have not left behind me any fitnah that is more harmful to men than women; the fitnah of the Children of Israel had to do with women.” So the man should keep his family away from places of fitnah and its causes in all circumstances. End quote.

    Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah (2/981)

    If these conditions are met in your work, then there is nothing wrong with you doing it in sha Allaah.

    We ask Allaah to grant you a righteous husband, for He is able to do that.

    And Allaah knows best.
    Last edited by ABDEL-AZEEM; 06-04-17, 04:56 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • lonelyniqabi
    replied
    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    Originally posted by -qed- View Post
    Between 20 and 30ish. And not as far as I'm aware, there's lot of women with and without degrees in my family and also working and not working too. I can actually only think of 3 that had trouble and I have a LOT of cousins. All 3 were noticeable overweight and their looks probably also had something to do with it. Possibly the way they presented themselves at meetings too? Also they were very fussy themselves and turned down men who imo were not bad matches because they thought the men were overweight/ugly which is ironic.
    They started looking at 30ish?!!

    Leave a comment:


  • -qed-
    replied
    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    Originally posted by ABDEL-AZEEM View Post
    It is totally haraam for women to work for non-mahram men or alongside non-mahram men and Khadjihah Umm Mumineen never had a job at all , so you fail to make a point. Yes I had already mention that Khadijah umm mumineen managed her business property/inheritance from her home and that is her property/investment/ inheritance and she appointed her uncle to solely deal with all of the men always for her and later on she appointed her husband Prophet Mohammed :saw: to solely deal with all of the men always for her and she never had a job at all and she never had boss at all.
    Your only one who is sexiest and degrading of women because you feel you have to imitate men who go to university and work and have a job in order in succeed in life. Rather than your being a housewife and mother which is the most extremely beautiful wonderful role for women in Islam. You can not go to work five days a week and work at least eight hours or more a day and be a housewife and be a mother because you can not physically possibly be in the house and at work at the same exact time and you can not have your heart and your mind in two places at the same exact time. Whether you admitted it or not you do feel most extremely inferior to men so your the only one who is sexiest and insulting and degrading to women only. Jannah lays at the feet of mothers and not at the feet of mannish working married women who work for non-mahram men or alongside non-mahram men which is totally haraam. http://islaam.org/E-Obli/E-Obli-24.html

    :wswrwb:
    1) I would still call that a job. After all CEOs and managers are considered to be employed. Whether you're working at home or outside the home it is still considered a job. Also muslim women during and after the prophet's saw time, often traded in the markets, were teachers and maids, they were midwives and scholars etc.

    2) I think you were trying to say sexist not sexiest.

    3) I don't feel like I need to imitate men. In fact some of my greatest role models are women such as Ayesha r.a who strove to learn more, not only in fiqh, but the sciences and poetry as well. Some of my greatest role models are also men. The pursuit of knowledge is considered very important in Islam, especially when it involves helping mankind.

    4) Stop assuming what I feel.

    5) Yes being a mother and a wife is beautiful and wonderful. But it is not the ONLY role for women.

    6) You can work while your child is at school. Islamically a woman is not required to be a housewife. It is not her role. If she chooses to cook, clean etc. it is out of the goodness of her heart. But for the heads up it is totally possible for her to look after the house at the same time.

    7) It's possible to work and be in the house at the exact same time. It's called working from home.

    8) Don't know what you mean about heart and mind. They're always in the same place i.e. in your body.

    9) I don't feel inferior to men or want to be a man. I very much like being a woman thank you.

    10) Jannah lies at the feet of all mothers, there is no mention of whether they are working or not. Stop fabricating things.

    11) Working for non-mahram men is not haram as long as the job itself does not involve haram. Working alongside non-mahram men is not clear cut haram. It depends on factors such as level of interaction, need for job in society, need for women to provide for family etc. We see this in the prophet saw time in things such as wars, where women were fighting or stretcher bearers or healers. Aisha ra taught fiqh. etc.

    Leave a comment:


  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    Originally posted by bismillah12 View Post
    Asalaamu alaikum, I agree but is it allowed for men to be working with women then?
    :wswrwb:

    No. They should strive to find a job with no freemixing, or if they live in the west, as little freemixing as possible.

    However, it could be said that because a man is obligated in Islam to provide for his family, if he cannot find another job, then he could be excused. Wallahu alam, this is not a fatwa.

    Leave a comment:


  • bismillah12
    replied
    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    Asalaamu alaikum, I agree but is it allowed for men to be working with women then?

    Leave a comment:


  • ABDEL-AZEEM
    replied
    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    Originally posted by -qed- View Post
    :wswrwb:

    This is incredibly sexist and insulting to both men and women. Not all women who study want jobs. Studying is enjoyable in itself. And even if they did want a job that is not wrong in itself.

    Also in case you didn't realise, the prophet s.a.w worked for Khadijah r.a
    It is totally haraam for women to work for non-mahram men or alongside non-mahram men and Khadjihah Umm Mumineen never had a job at all , so you fail to make a point. Yes I had already mention that Khadijah umm mumineen managed her business property/inheritance from her home and that is her property/investment/ inheritance and she appointed her uncle to solely deal with all of the men always for her and later on she appointed her husband Prophet Mohammed :saw: to solely deal with all of the men always for her and she never had a job at all and she never had boss at all.
    Your only one who is sexiest and degrading of women because you feel you have to imitate men who go to university and work and have a job in order in succeed in life. Rather than your being a housewife and mother which is the most extremely beautiful wonderful role for women in Islam. You can not go to work five days a week and work at least eight hours or more a day and be a housewife and be a mother because you can not physically possibly be in the house and at work at the same exact time and you can not have your heart and your mind in two places at the same exact time. Whether you admitted it or not you do feel most extremely inferior to men so your the only one who is sexiest and insulting and degrading to women only. Jannah lays at the feet of mothers and not at the feet of mannish working married women who work for non-mahram men or alongside non-mahram men which is totally haraam. http://islaam.org/E-Obli/E-Obli-24.html

    :wswrwb:
    Last edited by ABDEL-AZEEM; 06-04-17, 03:36 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • ninety1daisies
    replied
    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    I feel bad for laughing..


    may Allah make it easy for them.

    Leave a comment:


  • ninety1daisies
    replied
    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    Originally posted by -qed- View Post
    Between 20 and 30ish. And not as far as I'm aware, there's lot of women with and without degrees in my family and also working and not working too. I can actually only think of 3 that had trouble and I have a LOT of cousins. All 3 were noticeable overweight and their looks probably also had something to do with it. Possibly the way they presented themselves at meetings too? Also they were very fussy themselves and turned down men who imo were not bad matches because they thought the men were overweight/ugly which is ironic.
    :rofl1:

    Leave a comment:


  • -qed-
    replied
    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    Originally posted by ninety1daisies View Post
    inshaaAllah.

    around what age did they usually start looking, so the ones that had issues getting married was do to their looks only not really to do with lack of degree or anything?
    Between 20 and 30ish. And not as far as I'm aware, there's lot of women with and without degrees in my family and also working and not working too. I can actually only think of 3 that had trouble and I have a LOT of cousins. All 3 were noticeable overweight and their looks probably also had something to do with it. Possibly the way they presented themselves at meetings too? Also they were very fussy themselves and turned down men who imo were not bad matches because they thought the men were overweight/ugly which is ironic.

    Leave a comment:


  • ninety1daisies
    replied
    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    Originally posted by -qed- View Post
    This is true but the gujji network is huge and most of my cousins didn't have a problem getting married once they started looking. The ones that did were linked to looks/weight.


    I am doing an accelerated degree with masters. I should have enough credits to actually graduate with a masters at 22 inshallah. I'm talking about a phd. the programs I'm looking at take 3 to 4 years.


    What would you say about looking for a husband after undergrad, i.e at 22/23. My issue is I like studying and researching and you aren't going to get the money and equipment for it outside of the grad school setting. Also if I get married, it would reduce my chance of completing the phd, especially if children come into the picture.

    I think I'm realistic. As long as he is practicing, cares about his health, seems to be a decent person, has achievable goals for the future and I can see myself being attracted to him (i.e not ugly and good personality) I'm good.
    inshaaAllah.

    around what age did they usually start looking, so the ones that had issues getting married was do to their looks only not really to do with lack of degree or anything?

    Leave a comment:


  • -qed-
    replied
    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    Originally posted by ABDEL-AZEEM View Post
    The mumineen men who have graduate degrees or bachelor degrees or no degrees will not marry a woman who has a graduate degree because the mumineen men are looking for a woman who is going to be his future housewife only and not a working woman at all and women with degrees tend to want to have a job even though they deny it. The only men who marry a woman who has a graduate degree are the ones who want to use their wife as a money making slave for the rest of her working career and this is haraam and evil. ALLAH AL-AZEEM created Eve to be the companion and wife of Prophet Adam and not to be a working woman at all. Unless a woman is totally/completely destitute she should never ever work in'shaa'ALLAH. All of the wives of the Prophet Mohammed :saw: who are the mothers of mumineen never ever had jobs, they own property and were free enterprising businesswomen but they did not have jobs at all and the mothers of mumineen are the sole female examples for all true believing muminaat women to follow always in'shaa'ALLAH.

    :salams Sister qed
    :wswrwb:

    This is incredibly sexist and insulting to both men and women. Not all women who study want jobs. Studying is enjoyable in itself. And even if they did want a job that is not wrong in itself.

    Also in case you didn't realise, the prophet s.a.w worked for Khadijah r.a

    Leave a comment:


  • -qed-
    replied
    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
    easier to say this to someone

    time flys and you are completely out of control of your destiny

    I thought id get married at 22 but still single, i'm happy I didn't get locked down but it is a long process, you have to familiarise yourself with what is out there as well as knowing who will consider you

    worse than a job search
    This is true but the gujji network is huge and most of my cousins didn't have a problem getting married once they started looking. The ones that did were linked to looks/weight.

    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    She goes to school in the US. Bachelors end at 22. Masters at around 24 or 25.
    I am doing an accelerated degree with masters. I should have enough credits to actually graduate with a masters at 22 inshallah. I'm talking about a phd. the programs I'm looking at take 3 to 4 years.
    Originally posted by Kya View Post
    What does looking mean to you? How are you in terms of being realistic? Are you waiting for prince charming or are you looking for average guy? I would not recommend waiting until after you finish grad school because until we start the process, we will live in a frictional world where our demands are not realistic. I have watched friends who were mid 20's, did not start looking & when you speak to them regarding spouse, they sounded like 20 year old. But there is a big difference in those 5 years, they should be worldly enough to understand other people & their emotion & be open minded, lot of which I learned during my "search process". But I also had friends who started looking late but accepted the 1st or 2nd proposal that came to them. they did not wait for the connection or click or understanding.

    so it depends on your mindset. If you are among the people who says "when I am ready I will marry the 1st or 2nd guy that approaches me. It is more important I am ready & every guy is right guy as long as he meets basic requirement. I will learn to love him, understand him and work together". If you have that mindset that wait until you are ready. Because the search process can be emotionally exhausting

    On the other hand if you are in the mindset of finding the "right guy" who gives you the right vibe, who you can connect with & who makes you feel comfortable in the first meeting..etc then its more complicated process & you need time to grow and learn. Most girls start their search with long list of wants & with time and life experience the list shrinks. If you start after grad school, by the time you optimize your list & you understand what truly matters to you vs. what you can compromise on, it might be several years. Also I hope you are ok with marrying guy without graduate degree because if you aren't then you are creating another hurdle.
    What would you say about looking for a husband after undergrad, i.e at 22/23. My issue is I like studying and researching and you aren't going to get the money and equipment for it outside of the grad school setting. Also if I get married, it would reduce my chance of completing the phd, especially if children come into the picture.

    I think I'm realistic. As long as he is practicing, cares about his health, seems to be a decent person, has achievable goals for the future and I can see myself being attracted to him (i.e not ugly and good personality) I'm good.

    Leave a comment:


  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    Originally posted by Kya View Post

    so it depends on your mindset. If you are among the people who says "when I am ready I will marry the 1st or 2nd guy that approaches me. It is more important I am ready & every guy is right guy as long as he meets basic requirement. I will learn to love him, understand him and work together". If you have that mindset that wait until you are ready. Because the search process can be emotionally exhausting
    I like this mindset.

    Leave a comment:

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