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Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

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  • #16
    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

    Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
    That's a very illogical and massively generalized post, esp. that bold part.

    First of all, where did you get that mumineen men will not marry a women with a graduate degree? Secondly, there is no guarantee that sisters with an advanced degree will automatically want to work or that their husbands will use them as "money making slaves." Seems like a very outlandish point of view. Thirdly, Khadijah (RA) used to run her own business and earn money, so yeah, she kind of did had a job.
    Throughout most of Islamic history all mumineen men did not marry women with degrees, so yes what I am saying is totally logically. Also most women who get degrees do it in order to get jobs and not for educational purposes and yes their is no guarantee that a person with a degree will have a job. Yes women who work are oppressed money making slaves because they were created by ALLAH AL-AZEEM to be free housewives only.
    First of all Khadijah Umm Mumineen managed her business inheritance that she had inherited from her father who had founded the business that she had inherited and she do not have a job at all were she had a boss and she only did it part time and she appointed her uncle to deal with all of the men always for her and later on she appointed the Prophet Mohammed :saw: to deal with all of the men always for her. Oppressed slave women work for their masters and free women are friends and companions of their husband as housewives.
    Last edited by ABDEL-AZEEM; 01-04-17, 08:55 PM.
    ALLAH AL-AZEEM is the one and only GOD and ALLAH AL-AZEEM created everything. Therefore ALLAH AL-AZEEM created the Earth and created everything in the Earth and created all of the heavens and created everything in all of the heavens and created all of the hells and created everything in all of the hells and created all of the universes and created everything in all of the universes and created everything in between them.

    Comment


    • #17
      Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

      Originally posted by ABDEL-AZEEM View Post
      Throughout most of Islamic history all mumineen men did not marry women with degrees,
      That's probably because there was no concept of degrees back then...

      Also most women who get degrees do it in order to get jobs and not for educational purposes and yes their is no guarantee that a person with a degree will have a job.
      And how do you know what "most" women do?

      Yes women who work are oppressed money making slaves because they were created by ALLAH AL-AZEEM to be free housewives only.
      Where in the Quran or Sunnah did you get that women were created to be housewives only? You seem to be making up erroneous facts as you go along.

      Originally posted by ABDEL-AZEEM View Post
      First of all Khadijah Umm Mumineen managed her business inheritance that she had inherited from her father who had founded the business that she had inherited and she do not have a job at all were she had a boss and she only did it part time and she appointed her uncle to deal with all of the men always for her and later on she appointed the Prophet Mohammed :saw: to deal with all of the men always for her. Oppressed slave women work for their masters and free women are friends and companions of their husband as housewives.
      That's not what you said before, did you? According to you, Khadijah (RA) was not just a housewives if she was working part time and running a business, was she?

      Also, FYI, Asma (RA) used to work in the field and go outside of the house to gather food. She wasn't just a housewive. Umar (RA) also appointed female guards during his time - they weren't just housewives. Aisha (RA) used to hold classes and teach - so again, no, she wasn't just a housewife. In fact, there have been many female scholars in the past who taught (even taught men) - and they certainly weren't just housewives.

      You seem to have very limited knowledge and are making baseless assumptions about women and Islamic history.
      Secure few moments, everyday, to reflect upon the innumerable blessings of Allah and thank Him for bestowing them upon you.

      "A person who is blessed with the ability to be grateful, shall never be deprived of barakah and increase in blessings."
      - Rasulullah (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم)‎

      Comment


      • #18
        Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

        Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
        That's probably because there was no concept of degrees back .
        Your absolutely wrong because AL-Azhar University the longest running university in the world and other Islamic Universities always had islamic jurisprudence degrees and other Islamic degrees since it founding. Also Al-Azhar University had banned women from entering from the time of its founding until after the 1952 free officer revolution when Colonel Gamal Abdel-Nasser opened Al-Azhar university to women for the first time. In fact muslims had degrees and universities before the west ever did for your information. I am for muslimaat women geting an Islamic Education only for their own knowledge but not degrees and for women owning business property/investments.

        Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
        Where in the Quran or Sunnah did you get that women were created to be housewives only? You seem to be making up erroneous facts as you go along.
        Nope I am not making up facts at all. Throughout the Holy Quraan AL-Kareem and the Sunnah it talks about muslimaat women are to worship ALLAH AL-AZEEM only and be housewives only and own property/money and this is mention throughout Holy Quraan AL-Kareem and the Sunnah and from the time of Prophet Adam to Prophet Muhammed :saw: Look at the fact that ALLAH AL-AZEEM created the first woman on earth Eve to be the companion and wife of Prophet Adam and not to be a working woman at all

        Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
        That's not what you said before, did you? According to you, Khadijah (RA) was not just a housewives if she was working part time and running a business, was she? .
        Your wrong and deliberately misinterpreting what I had said. I had said that the Mothers of Mumineen owned property but they never had job at all. Khadijah umm mumineen managed her business property/inheritance from her home and that is her property/investment/ inheritance and she appointed her uncle to deal with all of the men always for her and later on she appointed the Prophet Mohammed to deal with all of the men always for her and she never had a 7-5 job at all were she had boss.

        Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
        Also, FYI, Asma (RA) used to work in the field and go outside of the house to gather food. She wasn't just a housewive. Umar (RA) also appointed female guards during his time - they weren't just housewives. Aisha (RA) used to hold classes and teach - so again, no, she wasn't just a housewife. In fact, there have been many female scholars in the past who taught (even taught men) - and they certainly weren't just housewives.

        You seem to have very limited knowledge and are making baseless assumptions about women and Islamic history.
        You do not know me at all so do not judge my knowledge with your false baseless erroneous statements.
        For Asma( RA) was working for her family doing housewife duities that is not a job at all. Aisha Umm Mumineen was given special status as Umm Mumineen. The wives of the Prophet Mohammed :saw: were allowed to teach non-mahram males Islam because ALLAH the Greatest forbid in the HOLY QURAAN AL-KAREEM all men from marrying the wives of the Prophet Mohammed :saw: after the Prophet Mohammed :saw: died . ALLAH the Greatest made a special status for the wives of the Prophet Mohammed :saw: when ALLAH the Greatest called the wives of the Prophet Mohammed :saw: the Mothers of the Mumineen in the HOLY QURAAN AL-KAREEM. Aisha Umm Mumineen taught men Islam because she had learned it from her husband Prophet Muhammed :saw: during his lifetime and so after the Prophet Muhammad :saw: died Aisha Umm Mumineen taught men Islam because all men were prohibited from marrying Aisha Umm Mumineen so it is totally decent for her to teach men. This does not apply at all to the rest of muslimaat women who are not the mothers of mumineen. The fact is Aisha Umm Mumineen was doing her duty in islam and she was not paid for it at all , so therefore it is not a job at all so your totally wrong once again.
        Last edited by ABDEL-AZEEM; 01-04-17, 10:19 PM.
        ALLAH AL-AZEEM is the one and only GOD and ALLAH AL-AZEEM created everything. Therefore ALLAH AL-AZEEM created the Earth and created everything in the Earth and created all of the heavens and created everything in all of the heavens and created all of the hells and created everything in all of the hells and created all of the universes and created everything in all of the universes and created everything in between them.

        Comment


        • #19
          Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

          Originally posted by iRepIslam View Post
          Start looking now
          +10000000
          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

            Originally posted by ABDEL-AZEEM View Post
            Your absolutely wrong because AL-Azhar University the longest running university in the world and other Islamic Universities always had islamic jurisprudence degrees and other Islamic degrees since it founding. Also Al-Azhar University had banned women from entering from the time of its founding until after the 1952 free officer revolution when Colonel Gamal Abdel-Nasser opened Al-Azhar university to women for the first time. In fact muslims had degrees and universities before the west ever did for your information. I am for muslimaat women geting an Islamic Education only for their own knowledge but not degrees and for women owning business property/investments.


            Nope I am not making up facts at all. Throughout the Holy Quraan AL-Kareem and the Sunnah it talks about muslimaat women are to worship ALLAH AL-AZEEM only and be housewives only and own property/money and this is mention throughout Holy Quraan AL-Kareem and the Sunnah and from the time of Prophet Adam to Prophet Muhammed :saw: Look at the fact that ALLAH AL-AZEEM created the first woman on earth Eve to be the companion and wife of Prophet Adam and not to be a working woman at all


            Your wrong and deliberately misinterpreting what I had said. I had said that the Mothers of Mumineen owned property but they never had job at all. Khadijah umm mumineen managed her business property/inheritance from her home and that is her property/investment/ inheritance and she appointed her uncle to deal with all of the men always for her and later on she appointed the Prophet Mohammed to deal with all of the men always for her and she never had a 7-5 job at all were she had boss.


            You do not know me at all so do not judge my knowledge with your false baseless erroneous statements.
            For Asma( RA) was working for her family doing housewife duities that is not a job at all. Aisha Umm Mumineen was given special status as Umm Mumineen. The wives of the Prophet Mohammed :saw: were allowed to teach non-mahram males Islam because ALLAH the Greatest forbid in the HOLY QURAAN AL-KAREEM all men from marrying the wives of the Prophet Mohammed :saw: after the Prophet Mohammed :saw: died . ALLAH the Greatest made a special status for the wives of the Prophet Mohammed :saw: when ALLAH the Greatest called the wives of the Prophet Mohammed :saw: the Mothers of the Mumineen in the HOLY QURAAN AL-KAREEM. Aisha Umm Mumineen taught men Islam because she had learned it from her husband Prophet Muhammed :saw: during his lifetime and so after the Prophet Muhammad :saw: died Aisha Umm Mumineen taught men Islam because all men were prohibited from marrying Aisha Umm Mumineen so it is totally decent for her to teach men. This does not apply at all to the rest of muslimaat women who are not the mothers of mumineen. The fact is Aisha Umm Mumineen was doing her duty in islam and she was not paid for it at all , so therefore it is not a job at all so your totally wrong once again.
            Women were created to worship Allah just like men were. They were not created to be housewives. Every women can not be a house wife because every woman will not get married.
            You need to look back at the history of women in islam.
            شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
            فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
            وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
            ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

              You should start looking now because these things take time
              شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
              فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
              وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
              ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

              Comment


              • #22
                Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

                Originally posted by malleat1 View Post
                Not sure what grad school is
                But if it is BSc level, nothing wrong with focusing on ur studies, its not like you'll expire by then! You have plenty of time to look...

                If it is post grad studies, then no reason to wait
                easier to say this to someone

                time flys and you are completely out of control of your destiny

                I thought id get married at 22 but still single, i'm happy I didn't get locked down but it is a long process, you have to familiarise yourself with what is out there as well as knowing who will consider you

                worse than a job search
                'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                Comment


                • #23
                  Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

                  tbh my family thought i'd be taken quite easily

                  little did they know of the nasty surprises that awaited them but it's one of our tests
                  'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                  So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

                    Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                    Women were created to worship Allah just like men were. They were not created to be housewives. Every women can not be a house wife because every woman will not get married.
                    You need to look back at the history of women in islam.
                    Your the only one who needs to look at history of women in Islam because in Islam when muslimeen men and muslimaat women marry they are completing half of their deen , that how important marriage is in Islam. Of course women and men were all created to worship ALLAH AL-AZEEM only, but that is not the only reason that woman created for. Look at the fact that ALLAH AL-AZEEM created the first woman on earth Eve to worship ALLAH AL-AZEEM only and to be the companion and housewife of Prophet Adam and for Eve to get pregnant by Prophet Adam and for Eve to be the mother of the whole human race and not to be single unmarried woman at all. All muslimeen man and muslimaat women are required to be married in Islam, unfortunately just because some muslimaat women are unable to get married during their lifetime does not mean that they were not created to be married and to be housewives. Jannah lays under the feet of mothers that is how important in Islam for all Muslimaat women to get married and to be mothers if they are biologically able to be mothers. http://islaam.org/E-Obli/E-Obli-24.html


                    :salams
                    Last edited by ABDEL-AZEEM; 05-04-17, 04:48 AM.
                    ALLAH AL-AZEEM is the one and only GOD and ALLAH AL-AZEEM created everything. Therefore ALLAH AL-AZEEM created the Earth and created everything in the Earth and created all of the heavens and created everything in all of the heavens and created all of the hells and created everything in all of the hells and created all of the universes and created everything in all of the universes and created everything in between them.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

                      Assuming you do a undergraduate/bachelors (3 years) then grad/masters (1 or 2 years), you would be about 22 or 23 when you finish.

                      So it's not really late at all to start looking then. Then again this marriage search takes ages for people I've noticed so I guess the sooner you start looking the better (both men and women).

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Khalid b. Walid View Post
                        Assuming you do a undergraduate/bachelors (3 years) then grad/masters (1 or 2 years), you would be about 22 or 23 when you finish.

                        So it's not really late at all to start looking then. Then again this marriage search takes ages for people I've noticed so I guess the sooner you start looking the better (both men and women).
                        She goes to school in the US. Bachelors end at 22. Masters at around 24 or 25.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

                          What does looking mean to you? How are you in terms of being realistic? Are you waiting for prince charming or are you looking for average guy? I would not recommend waiting until after you finish grad school because until we start the process, we will live in a frictional world where our demands are not realistic. I have watched friends who were mid 20's, did not start looking & when you speak to them regarding spouse, they sounded like 20 year old. But there is a big difference in those 5 years, they should be worldly enough to understand other people & their emotion & be open minded, lot of which I learned during my "search process". But I also had friends who started looking late but accepted the 1st or 2nd proposal that came to them. they did not wait for the connection or click or understanding.

                          so it depends on your mindset. If you are among the people who says "when I am ready I will marry the 1st or 2nd guy that approaches me. It is more important I am ready & every guy is right guy as long as he meets basic requirement. I will learn to love him, understand him and work together". If you have that mindset that wait until you are ready. Because the search process can be emotionally exhausting

                          On the other hand if you are in the mindset of finding the "right guy" who gives you the right vibe, who you can connect with & who makes you feel comfortable in the first meeting..etc then its more complicated process & you need time to grow and learn. Most girls start their search with long list of wants & with time and life experience the list shrinks. If you start after grad school, by the time you optimize your list & you understand what truly matters to you vs. what you can compromise on, it might be several years. Also I hope you are ok with marrying guy without graduate degree because if you aren't then you are creating another hurdle.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

                            you have to actively start searching to understand the process or you'll underestimate it

                            kya's post is useful
                            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

                              Originally posted by Kya View Post

                              so it depends on your mindset. If you are among the people who says "when I am ready I will marry the 1st or 2nd guy that approaches me. It is more important I am ready & every guy is right guy as long as he meets basic requirement. I will learn to love him, understand him and work together". If you have that mindset that wait until you are ready. Because the search process can be emotionally exhausting
                              I like this mindset.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Re: Is it a bad idea to start looking to marry after grad school?

                                Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                                easier to say this to someone

                                time flys and you are completely out of control of your destiny

                                I thought id get married at 22 but still single, i'm happy I didn't get locked down but it is a long process, you have to familiarise yourself with what is out there as well as knowing who will consider you

                                worse than a job search
                                This is true but the gujji network is huge and most of my cousins didn't have a problem getting married once they started looking. The ones that did were linked to looks/weight.

                                Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
                                She goes to school in the US. Bachelors end at 22. Masters at around 24 or 25.
                                I am doing an accelerated degree with masters. I should have enough credits to actually graduate with a masters at 22 inshallah. I'm talking about a phd. the programs I'm looking at take 3 to 4 years.
                                Originally posted by Kya View Post
                                What does looking mean to you? How are you in terms of being realistic? Are you waiting for prince charming or are you looking for average guy? I would not recommend waiting until after you finish grad school because until we start the process, we will live in a frictional world where our demands are not realistic. I have watched friends who were mid 20's, did not start looking & when you speak to them regarding spouse, they sounded like 20 year old. But there is a big difference in those 5 years, they should be worldly enough to understand other people & their emotion & be open minded, lot of which I learned during my "search process". But I also had friends who started looking late but accepted the 1st or 2nd proposal that came to them. they did not wait for the connection or click or understanding.

                                so it depends on your mindset. If you are among the people who says "when I am ready I will marry the 1st or 2nd guy that approaches me. It is more important I am ready & every guy is right guy as long as he meets basic requirement. I will learn to love him, understand him and work together". If you have that mindset that wait until you are ready. Because the search process can be emotionally exhausting

                                On the other hand if you are in the mindset of finding the "right guy" who gives you the right vibe, who you can connect with & who makes you feel comfortable in the first meeting..etc then its more complicated process & you need time to grow and learn. Most girls start their search with long list of wants & with time and life experience the list shrinks. If you start after grad school, by the time you optimize your list & you understand what truly matters to you vs. what you can compromise on, it might be several years. Also I hope you are ok with marrying guy without graduate degree because if you aren't then you are creating another hurdle.
                                What would you say about looking for a husband after undergrad, i.e at 22/23. My issue is I like studying and researching and you aren't going to get the money and equipment for it outside of the grad school setting. Also if I get married, it would reduce my chance of completing the phd, especially if children come into the picture.

                                I think I'm realistic. As long as he is practicing, cares about his health, seems to be a decent person, has achievable goals for the future and I can see myself being attracted to him (i.e not ugly and good personality) I'm good.
                                Ya Rab! When you give me wealth, do not take away my happiness. When you give me strength, do not take away my intelligence. When you give me victory, do not take away my humility. When you give me humility, do not take away my dignity.

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