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  • using marriage as a way out

    Is it bad to see marriage as a way out of certain difficulties?
    Does everything have to be perfect before getting married? Do you have to have everything together?
    Does it differ for men and women?
    شَكَوْتُ إلَى وَكِيعٍ سُوءَ حِفْظِي
    فَأرْشَدَنِي إلَى تَرْكِ المعَاصي
    وَأخْبَرَنِي بأَنَّ العِلْمَ نُورٌ
    ونورُ الله لا يهدى لعاصي

  • #2
    Re: using marriage as a way out

    Marriage is like a watermelon... you open it hoping for the best... it may get you out of a difficult situation and take you into even worse situation! You just never know... it is all in the hands of Allah...

    No 1 should rush to escape reality... nor wait endlessly for the perfect moment... it may simply never come...
    *
    *
    * typing from my phone, excuse the mess

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    • #3
      Re: using marriage as a way out

      "Marriage is like a watermelon" .. ok

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: using marriage as a way out

        In my opinion and from what I've seen, yes - to an extent.

        Marriage should only solve the fitrah problem, the wanting for children and the wanting to follow the Sunnah and of course, please Allah ta'ala. An extra would be if someone lives in a non-religious environment and marrying a pious person can make the person more comfortable practicing but of course, the hardship we face only helps us connect more with Allah and shows Him our loyalty to Him so the more patience we observe, the better.

        As for any other problems, well life doesn't come without problems. If your parents constantly fight, you might end up with a temperamental husband, or family drama. If you're trying to escape sister rivalry, you might end up with a rivalry with your husband's mother. So we need to develop techniques and find peace in worship then to run away from problems because problems will always follow us, it's how we deal with them that really matters.

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        • #5
          Re: using marriage as a way out

          Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
          Is it bad to see marriage as a way out of certain difficulties?
          Does everything have to be perfect before getting married? Do you have to have everything together?
          Does it differ for men and women?
          It's perfectly fine, u can marry for whatever reason u want, a persons can even marry without a reason..
          and just know life is never perfect..

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: using marriage as a way out

            Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
            In my opinion and from what I've seen, yes - to an extent.

            Marriage should only solve the fitrah problem, the wanting for children and the wanting to follow the Sunnah and of course, please Allah ta'ala. An extra would be if someone lives in a non-religious environment and marrying a pious person can make the person more comfortable practicing but of course, the hardship we face only helps us connect more with Allah and shows Him our loyalty to Him so the more patience we observe, the better.

            As for any other problems, well life doesn't come without problems. If your parents constantly fight, you might end up with a temperamental husband, or family drama. If you're trying to escape sister rivalry, you might end up with a rivalry with your husband's mother. So we need to develop techniques and find peace in worship then to run away from problems because problems will always follow us, it's how we deal with them that really matters.
            A woman should marry as soon as possible, as soon as there's a suitable proposal. Unlike men who cannot at times find suitable partner.

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            • #7
              Re: using marriage as a way out

              Originally posted by m7md View Post
              A woman should marry as soon as possible, as soon as there's a suitable proposal. Unlike men who cannot at times find suitable partner.
              Key word "suitable proposal". Most of the times, girls who just want to run away from their problems end up with bad husbands because they wanted to get out so badly, they didn't care who was the suitor so long as he has money, is average looking and doesn't have any major problems ( so they don't pay attention on his level of faith or his manners).

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: using marriage as a way out

                Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                Is it bad to see marriage as a way out of certain difficulties?
                Does everything have to be perfect before getting married? Do you have to have everything together?
                Does it differ for men and women?
                No. Marriage is a partnership for two people coming together. It's not alcohol anonymous. It's not your shrink where you dump all your issues on one person and expect some sort of treatment or ways out of problems.

                If you want to marry marry for the right reasons. Marry to contribute and make a difference. Not an escape route for your issues coz I can tell you if you do that then you're marriage will be over quickly

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                • #9
                  Re: using marriage as a way out

                  Originally posted by Sarah5 View Post
                  Key word "suitable proposal". Most of the times, girls who just want to run away from their problems end up with bad husbands because they wanted to get out so badly, they didn't care who was the suitor so long as he has money, is average looking and doesn't have any major problems ( so they don't pay attention on his level of faith or his manners).
                  In all honestly one should not seek for a partner with a huge difference in faith and practicing islam, that also results in some serious issues..
                  and often it's the girl who doesn't know how to keep a husband that causes issues,
                  But marriage can sure be the best way out,, as most of the time it works

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                  • #10
                    Re: using marriage as a way out

                    Marriage is not an easy way out

                    Nothing in life can be an easy way out for a muslim because we are here to face trials and there is no such thing as a perfect life unless you are one heck of a content pious individual whos love for Allah is greater than words can describe.

                    There's a problem with this mentality because you might be disappointed knowing when you find out you've taken a jump into another trial that brings challenges that you have not faced in single life. We don't know what marriage is until we get married.

                    You're sharing your life with another man, you're sharing every physical and mental part of you with that man and that's not easy when the husband has been given a lot of power and authority over you.

                    Everything does not have to be perfect before marriage because we are constantly learning in life and this will continue after marriage. Everything does not have to be put together because you are an individual who is still striving.

                    General comment.

                    It's different for men and women.

                    No one should expect the difficulties they face before marriage to disappear after marriage because the controller of affairs is Allah
                    Last edited by Ya'sin; 19-03-17, 10:45 PM.
                    'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                    So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: using marriage as a way out

                      Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                      Is it bad to see marriage as a way out of certain difficulties?
                      Does everything have to be perfect before getting married? Do you have to have everything together?
                      Does it differ for men and women?
                      A way out from what?

                      Marriage is really really difficult work. It's not a way out of anything.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: using marriage as a way out

                        Originally posted by oshirowanen View Post
                        A way out from what?

                        Marriage is really really difficult work. It's not a way out of anything.
                        Not a good advice

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: using marriage as a way out

                          Originally posted by m7md View Post
                          Not a good advice
                          he is being honest, sometimes people need to know both sides of the story otherwise they'll be in for a rude awakening
                          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: using marriage as a way out

                            Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                            he is being honest, sometimes people need to know both sides of the story otherwise they'll be in for a rude awakening
                            Well either ways marriage is a basic need, and most Muslim men are kind.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: using marriage as a way out

                              Originally posted by Rumaysah~ View Post
                              Is it bad to see marriage as a way out of certain difficulties?
                              Does everything have to be perfect before getting married? Do you have to have everything together?
                              Does it differ for men and women?
                              People get married for a slew of different reasons. If you are looking for a way out of certain difficulties and get married, then that's fine. But (because there's always a but) the grass isn't always greener on the marriage side. So unless the person prepares themselves for what marriage has in store and doesn't view it as the ultimate solution, but a stepping stone for growth, then they'll end up realizing that getting married only provided a temporary relief from the difficulties that they sought refuge from.
                              مَّن ذَا الَّذِي يُقْرِضُ اللّهَ قَرْضًا حَسَنًا فَيُضَاعِفَهُ لَهُ أَضْعَافًا كَثِيرَةً وَاللّهُ يَقْبِضُ وَيَبْسُطُ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

                              "Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?
                              It is Allah that giveth (you) Want or plenty, and to Him shall be your return."
                              Surah al-Baqarah
                              [2:245]

                              .:.
                              .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
                              Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you

                              .:.
                              ...said the spider to the fly...

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