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  • Problem in getting married

    Asalam o alaikum brothers n sisters I'm new here. I'm a 27 year old girl n in need of guidance. I recently got a proposal n my parents had forced me to meet them not as much forced as I was earlier forced. Basically I've stayed in a very restrictive environment all my life and refrain myself from meeting people n this marriage thing always wasn't good for me because maybe I never saw good relationships however I trust Allah's plans definitely. In my early 20's my parents made me meet every other family as it was their first experience too but later on they realised n chose selective people but by that time I was totally opposite I used to be in tears many times I had heard my mother crying I can never imagine my mother crying for me even in my wildest dream while my father was shouting. I was forced n ended up meeting n this followed many times even last year in may or June my parents made me meet people without informing me that it's some proposal I was told that they're my uncle's relatives n he was calling me again n again so I met but after meeting I had realised something was fishy I had an argument with my mother too n like always ended up hurting her :( however after that now again after so long even I had realised n had intention to do nikkah n was happy inside but only idea of meeting I couldn't digest my father had been critising me since a week n I had shown arrogance to my mother too to which she was quite:( her liver isn't so good but I'm praying a lot to Allah pak to heal her as soon possible inshaAllah n ameen please pray for her health please please. Dear brother 2-3 days back I met n realised that those people weren't even educated n the moment they left i by chance told my mother that I won't do with them because I can't go in an uneducated family I'm sorry I'm not arrogant but my only point was that later on I should be with some educated people when I'm from a good educated family Alhamdulilah I'm not looking down on anyone nauzbillah astaghfirullah but only thing is thinking matters as Allah pak also mentioned that however I respect everyone in my house Alhamdulilah I respect them as my own parents all the people working or anyone because we all have to go in same place anyways yesterday I had bad arguments with my mother because after refusal she was very much in anger n I told her that I can't go in an uneducated family if she just wants to throw me off they can burry me somewhere n get rid of me however she always favours my other two sisters I'm not saying that I'm a good daughter but atleast I'm not bad I'm not doing job because my I've to take care of my mother n that is my duty I'm not doing "ehsan " please help me n guide me because she told me many bad things infact my father said many bad things to which I'm hurt. I want to show her my heart out n tell her how much I love her n his my younger sister is supporting her but when it will come on her own she will back off?

  • #2
    Re: Help me please

    :wswrwb:

    why don't you make dua if he isn't good for you then Allah swt make a way out for you...
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Help me please

      Firstly take some time to cool down because you need to approach your mother calmly ...
      1) say to your mother that you are happy to get married and will be happy with their choice BUT
      2) tell your mother to look for good potentials...give her a list of what you are looking for
      3) help her understand why a potential is not good for you...if he has no job then inform your motherthat his family will be providing for you and this is not good.
      4) understand where your mother is coming from...she is an unwell woman.......who wants the best for her daughter...
      5) it is stressful for parents to get their children married...be more understanding but firm...
      All the best sister...do not fight or argue with your parents even if your dad calls you names...show patience...Allah is testing you.....take deep breaths...i will give you a dua for stress...
      Also the man who is meant to be your husband is in your fate so remember that...if he is not meant for you then he won't come your way...
      Last edited by shay5; 19-03-17, 12:55 AM.
      Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

      Comment


      • #4
        Problem in getting married

        Asalam o alikum dear brothers and sisters
        My problem is that my parents are trying very hard to get me married but always the thought of marriage made me really upset because in my childhood I never saw anything good in marriage. However now I'm 27 n my parents are hurrying up they're finding someone since
        Long there have beeen loads of hurdles throughout. Infact I recently gotta proposal but I refused because the family was not educated but my parents have been angry with me on this. Alhamdulilah I can feel Allah is helping me n He has chosen the best for me for being patient in all these years earlier never I wanted to get married but now I do when I see my class fellows getting married n having families I desire for a good loving person I'm a very introvert n also Fantasice n also trust Allah on this. But there have been many hurdles even last year my parents were angry because I didn't like the people but they forced me somehow but this time they didn't forced me maybe they weren't too willing also. Please help me how can I get rid of all the hurdles however I believe n have strongest faith that now Allah will soon send someone whose made for me please please pray for me n my parents they're not understanding me n I'm not understanding them :( I feel very sad n guilty on this n not obeying them n being arrogant at times with my mother please please I need prayers for my mother's best of all good health n pray for everyone 's parents good health because they are blessing of Allah ameen sum ameen n I feel there is some bad eye on me n my parents that they always say bad to me n I keep misunderstanding it n vice verse help me please
        JazakAllah khair

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Problem in getting married

          We replied on your other thread...

          Firstly take some time to cool down because you need to approach your mother calmly ...
          1) say to your mother that you are happy to get married and will be happy with their choice BUT
          2) tell your mother to look for good potentials...give her a list of what you are looking for
          3) help her understand why a potential is not good for you...if he has no job then inform your motherthat his family will be providing for you and this is not good.
          4) understand where your mother is coming from...she is an unwell woman.......who wants the best for her daughter...
          5) it is stressful for parents to get their children married...be more understanding but firm...
          All the best sister...do not fight or argue with your parents even if your dad calls you names...show patience...Allah is testing you.....take deep breaths...i will give you a dua for stress...
          Also the man who is meant to be your husband is in your fate so remember that...if he is not meant for you then he won't come your way
          Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Problem in getting married

            Allaahumma 'innee 'abduka, ibnu 'abdika, ibnu 'amatika, naasiyatee biyadika, maadhin fiyya hukmuka, 'adlun fiyya qadhaa'uka, 'as'aluka bikulli ismin huwa laka, sammayta bihi nafsaka, 'aw 'anzaltahu fee kitaabika, 'aw 'allamtahu 'ahadan min khalqika, 'awista'tharta bihi fee 'ilmil-ghaybi 'indaka, 'an taj'alal-Qur'aana rabee'a qalbee, wa noora sadree, wa jalaa'a huznee, wa thahaaba hammee.
            Translation
            O Allah, I am Your slave and the son of Your male slave and the son of your female slave. My forehead is in Your Hand (i.e. you have control over me). Your Judgment upon me is assured and Your Decree concerning me is just. I ask You by every Name that You have named Yourself with, revealed in Your Book, taught any one of Your creation or kept unto Yourself in the knowledge of the unseen that is with You, to make the Qur'an the spring of my heart, and the light of my chest, the banisher of my sadness and the reliever of my distress.
            للّهُـمَّ إِنِّي عَبْـدُكَ ابْنُ عَبْـدِكَ ابْنُ أَمَتِـكَ نَاصِيَتِي بِيَـدِكَ، مَاضٍ فِيَّ حُكْمُكَ، عَدْلٌ فِيَّ قَضَاؤكَ أَسْأَلُـكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ سَمَّـيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ أِوْ أَنْزَلْتَـهُ فِي كِتَابِكَ، أَوْ عَلَّمْـتَهُ أَحَداً مِنْ خَلْقِـكَ أَوِ اسْتَـأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِي عِلْمِ الغَيْـبِ عِنْـدَكَ أَنْ تَجْـعَلَ القُرْآنَ رَبِيـعَ قَلْبِـي، وَنورَ صَـدْرِي وجَلَاءَ حُـزْنِي وذَهَابَ هَمِّـي
            Ahmad 1/391, and Al-Albani graded it authentic.
            Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Help me please

              Thankyou so much for your reply I'm jumbled up with my thoughts these days. I'm a Phd scholar Alhamdulilah but my research is yet to start I'm too stuck my exam is also stuck on way I dun want to study I'm too stuck but after yesterday I feel really really better I agree Allah is testing me help me please n I told my mother I want to go abroad. Plus I did Istikhara n there was bad n good both Allah knows best

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Help me please

                Originally posted by Noor1625 View Post
                Thankyou so much for your reply I'm jumbled up with my thoughts these days. I'm a Phd scholar Alhamdulilah but my research is yet to start I'm too stuck my exam is also stuck on way I dun want to study I'm too stuck but after yesterday I feel really really better I agree Allah is testing me help me please n I told my mother I want to go abroad. Plus I did Istikhara n there was bad n good both Allah knows best
                Good you did istikhara...now the pieces will fall into place...good luck with your predicament and your phd :)
                Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Help me please

                  Walikum asalam I've been praying a lot a lot dear brother JazakAllah for your guidance. Plus I need prayers for my mother's good health please Alhamdulilah she's fine but her liver isn't good please pray she gets bestest of gppd health n I pray the same for all parents ameen sum ameen

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Help me please

                    Brother [MENTION=119899]shay5[/MENTION] she's thankful
                    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                    :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Help me please

                      [MENTION=119899]shay5[/MENTION] JazakAllah dear brother

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Help me please

                        Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
                        Brother [MENTION=119899]shay5[/MENTION] she's thankful
                        I noticed brother Random...
                        Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Help me please

                          Originally posted by shay5 View Post
                          I noticed brother Random...
                          Brother you must be mistaken for i am a sister
                          ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                          "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                          :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Problem in getting married

                            JazakAllah brother

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Problem in getting married

                              Brother [MENTION=119899]shay5[/MENTION] :jkk:
                              ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                              "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                              :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

                              Comment

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