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I Do Like My Fiance But I Also Dont

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  • I Do Like My Fiance But I Also Dont

    Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh dear brothers and sisters.

    Im really sad right now and i hope maybe you can help me and listen to a sad long story since i feel i cant ask anywhere else for help. (Sorry if I make any mistakes, English isnt my first language).

    Im a 20 years old woman whos life has been through alot. When I was 16 i was diagnosed with scoliosis for wich i got operated when i was 17.
    But I was also diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerose) when i was 17. Ive been given medical injections to prevent my MS condition of getting worse. But you know i was never sad and kept believing Allah. I thought Allah surely loves me so i just need to believe in him and everything will turn out fine. My operation was really succesful Alhumdulilah and Ive a straight spine now.

    Last year in January my family wich consists of my mom, my dad and only one big sister went to Pakistan to marry off my sister with a cousin from Pakistan. And i never thought of engaging back then. But my parents asked me what i thought about a cousin who is only a month older than me. He kept looking at me at the wedding but i didnt think of engaging him. And he was the only cousin with who i had never spoken to. But in the end we got engaged. And i did say yes since i trusted my parents decision and they did give me time to talk to him by messages before the official engagement.

    After getting officially engaged to my cousin, my family came back to Holland. Since we only went for 5 weeks. And the first three months went amazingly well. He called me everyday. Gave me importance, gave me complements and was there for me all the time. But suddenly after three months he changed and said we cant talk alot anymore since im gonna be busy with Uni. With MS its really hard for me to get used to a sudden change so at those time i got really emotional and kept asking him what went wrong. But he kept saying i really love you but we will just talk a little bit less. I told myself its okay atleast he talks to me everyday.

    But the problem is its like his true colors came out after all those months. im having really alot of troubles lately in life and im really stressed but he never gives me importance and also he just basically forces me to fake a smile. he tells me you think too negative you should change yourself but my main point is he is just not there for me. i went to pakistan last december to talk to him about our relationship and i wanted to improve it because i just feel so unhappy with our relationship.

    But the problem is when i cry hes like dont worry im here for you. i can really see in his eyes that he really loves me. but why do i feel so unhappy. whenever im having a hard time because of my sickness and askk him for support he just neglects me. He always want everything to go his way. I always end up apologizing for opening up emotionally. He always tells me he loves me he loves me but why isnt he there for me when i need him.

    I tried explaining him in the kindest words that i just want a little bit comfort but he told me this today when youre sad you go way to deep in youre sadness. i might say something that can make youre sadness feel worse thats why i dont say anything at all. But i asked him is saying Allah is going to make everything alright im here for you so hard? And he said a person doesnt always have to say im there for you. You should know it that im always there for you.

    The thing is dear brothers and sisters i always prayed for my future husband to be really caring and full of love. I always prayed that i dont need the most handsome man Allah. But please let me future husband be caring and full of love so that when im having a hard time he can be there for me.

    But my heart is in million pieces because my fiance just demands to not feel ever sad. i feel like an idiot after talking to him about my problems. and i feel so alone because of him. His words always hurt me and im really depressed and my health condition has been getting worse after my engagement with him.

    I used to be a veryy happy girl who makes everyone smile, But Now ive been crying almost everyday. Ive lost my smile. I cry so much when i read namaaz and ask Allah to give me strenght. But dear brothers and sisters did i make a wrong choice by saying yes?

    I wanted to type more but i feel like that will make my story way too long. Sorry for the long post. Please help me

  • #2
    Re: I Do Like My Fiance But I Also Dont

    May Allah ta'ala prevent this disease from getting worse and lessen your pain.

    Have you prayed istikhara? I promise you, your gut feeling is almost always right, don't ignore it. Plus, if he's making you depressed now, what makes you think it'll get better? Allahu a'lam, pray istikhara and go with what you feel is right. You don't seem happy with him at all but his sweet words linger and give you false hope.

    Also as the sis mentioned below it's not permissible to speak to the opposite gender like this so long as the nikkah wasn't done
    Last edited by Sarah5; 18-03-17, 11:11 PM.


    • #3
      Re: I Do Like My Fiance But I Also Dont

      He isn't your husband. He is not supposed to be comforting you and loving you and all of this. I'm not sure what you are expecting from him at this point. If you want to keep the engagement, then do that and cut back on the contact and emotional business until you get married. Seek support from female friends and immediate family.


      • #4
        Re: I Do Like My Fiance But I Also Dont

        Have you had your nikah done?
        Go see a doctor about your issues...could be depression...
        Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .


        • #5
          Re: I Do Like My Fiance But I Also Dont

          thank you for replying everyone. the situation is more complicated. i tried not talking to him but he always demands that i talk to him everyday. But i see my faults also.i told my parents about it but they said its okay. i do take medication for MS and i do go to a doctor. But Everything will be fine thank you for your time and replies :) (this thread can be closed)