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Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

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  • #31
    Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

    It was delayed because he said he was working 2 jobs just so he could pay for the wedding. Only to find out he was also busy spending that money on his girlfriend.

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    • #32
      Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

      Originally posted by pink100 View Post
      It was delayed because he said he was working 2 jobs just so he could pay for the wedding. Only to find out he was also busy spending that money on his girlfriend.
      Only two jobs to pay for the wedding? Pffft.

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      • #33
        Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

        Originally posted by Plumeria View Post
        no, it is not 'on her for not making it clear' he could have easily lied to her and deceived her even if she did say that. some people will say anything to get married. his character is questionable already.

        generally, we need to let go of this backwards practice of 'being promised to so and so cousin.' more harm comes from it than good
        Well that didn't happen, did it? If he did lie and deceive her, that would be one thing, but that doesn't appear to have happened.
        ***Reminder- It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that RasulAllah :saw: said: Whoever reads Tabaarak allaathi bi yadihi’l-mulk [i.e., Soorat al-Mulk] every night, Allaah will protect him from the torment of the grave.
        And never think that Allah is unaware of what the wrongdoers do. He only delays them for a Day when eyes will stare [in horror]. [Quran, 14:42]

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        • #34
          Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

          Originally posted by pink100 View Post
          Sorry, I should add that we did text eachother a year prior to our wedding. But its not like I can ask a person hey have you committed zina? I asked him if he had a girlfriend & he said no. The kind of image he portrayed towards me was always that he is such a devoted muslim. Which is why when I found out the truth I was in such an extreme shock because I always thought he must be at least better than me.
          That changes things...He did deceive you then.
          ***Reminder- It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that RasulAllah :saw: said: Whoever reads Tabaarak allaathi bi yadihi’l-mulk [i.e., Soorat al-Mulk] every night, Allaah will protect him from the torment of the grave.
          And never think that Allah is unaware of what the wrongdoers do. He only delays them for a Day when eyes will stare [in horror]. [Quran, 14:42]

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          • #35
            Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

            Revisiting this again. This thread feels wrong on multiple levels.

            1. This brother may not have wanted to reveal his sins to his fiancée or may have believed that he shouldn't. He said he never had a girlfriend. Well, he may not have considered her a girlfriend, which is a roundabout way of not lying.

            2. We do not know how this information about his past was obtained. It sounds, and was never clarified, that he had a problem with lowering his gaze, which we know is not an uncommon struggle for men, and a suspicious search began into digging into the private affairs of his past. This is wrong, very wrong. Look at what it brought up.

            3. Does he know that we are all discussing his private affairs online? Who else knows this information? I feel bad for him that he's being talked about.

            They are both guilty, in the sense that he did something against himself in the past and it sounds like she did something against him by spying and talking about him behind his back. I feel the thread should be closed and these two need to forget about the past and move on. It sounds as though he has changed. Has she? Both need to focus on regaining trust. They have a baby now.

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            • #36
              Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

              Originally posted by Thunder94 View Post
              That changes things...He did deceive you then.
              Good point [MENTION=46389]Sister_2009[/MENTION], I take back this comment. Too much details that we don't know for me to make this statement.
              ***Reminder- It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that RasulAllah :saw: said: Whoever reads Tabaarak allaathi bi yadihi’l-mulk [i.e., Soorat al-Mulk] every night, Allaah will protect him from the torment of the grave.
              And never think that Allah is unaware of what the wrongdoers do. He only delays them for a Day when eyes will stare [in horror]. [Quran, 14:42]

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              • #37
                Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

                Doubts and misunderstanding should be avoided.

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                • #38
                  Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

                  Originally posted by Jade Vine View Post
                  wa alaykumussalam,


                  I hate men's hipocrisy beyond words. One commits zina and gets engaged in order to get married to someone - and never even speak with that person. If you communicated more before marriage (without having physical contact of course), you would find out about him, his past, etc and most likely you would go your separate ways. But never mind that.


                  This happened before your marriage, so he never cheated on you. This is one thing you should consider. The other thing is - you did not communicate with him before marriage and you did not give your best to find out everything that may influence your decision in the first place. Is that right? That is another thing. Why is it that he did not call you when you decided to go to your parents and were in pain? You should ask him, and discuss it with him. He still looks at other women, why don't you ask him about it? If he decided to repent for his sins, looking at other women is one way a man gets attracted to a woman - so why do that?
                  And the ayah; I don't really understand how is it that you came to the conclusion that the ayah means chaste men will always marry chaste women, and fornicators will always marry fornicators? This ayah is to say (in my personal opinion) what we should / would be better to do, but not it will always happen. People do things that are not allowed, that are haraam, bad, not so bad, and not nice all the time. There are no such rules in life and destiny that something cannot ever happen to anyone.

                  But communicating before marriage is haraam itself. None of the Shari text allow this saying to know a person more, you can communicate with him or her before marriage.

                  As someone rightly pointed out here, it was the job of Wali to do all the investigation. But even if wali does it, there are high chances that such things don't come in open. Because zina is done in private in closed doors. So mostly it remains hidden.

                  To stop one haraam thing, you cannot resort to haraam ways.

                  As for the sister who case it is, Leave the matter to Allah and do not bring it up again in you life with him. Every human commits sin, and everyone has the chance to repent. May be he repented now so encourage him to become pious and give your full support. Look forward for a good relationship.

                  May Allah increase love between you both!
                  Online Quran Classes from Al Madinah Al Munawwara | Islamic Knowledge | Islamic Channel

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                  • #39
                    As you said, you are far from a perfect Muslim.

                    There is a verse that means impure. So it doesn't necessarily mean through zina, it could be through other things.

                    But don't let that get to you.

                    Love him.... enjoy each other and live your life :) you only live once.
                    Smile ! It's Sunnah

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                    • #40
                      Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

                      If I was in your situation and had a miscarriage I would have left him THEN AND THERE! ...there would be no reason for me to stay ...if the stress caused you to lose the baby then it was wasn't your fault...he should have done enough to reassure you that his past was his past...anyways you have a child with him so I guess you will have to ride it out like most Muslim women do...

                      Originally posted by pink100 View Post

                      He even said to me during a fight we had that I must have committed zina as well which is why I got married to him. .
                      Sad that he would slander you like this .......I have friends who have been chaste (no boyfriends, male friends etc) but got married to former fornicators....just the luck of the draw I guess....

                      Moving forward ...you said your husband has repented and is treating you better...just learn to forgive and move on for your child's sake....if things get worse with him not being able to control his gaze then get an imam involved or third party who will be neutral .....
                      Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

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                      • #41
                        Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

                        So what help do you need now? You seem to be back with him, he apologised and repented his sin....
                        *
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                        * typing from my phone, excuse the mess

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                        • #42
                          Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

                          Originally posted by pink100 View Post
                          Assalamualaikum everyone,

                          My marriage was arranged mostly and it was to my cousin. He and I both live in the West. We were engaged for a long time but never spoke. He knew that when I came of age he would be marrying me.
                          After our marriage I noticed things about him such as him looking at other women, and I found some proof that he had a girlfriend. To put it in a short way I found out that 2-3 years before our marriage he was with a non-muslim woman and he had intercourse with her multiple times. I was pregnant when I found out and left the city where we lived to go to my parents. He never called me while I was there. I cried every hour during that time, and I never slept during the night. I cried so much to the point where my heart hurt so bad. Because I truely never loved a man before and he was the only one. I ended up going back to him and eventually miscarried the baby. We still fight about it till this day and I chose to stay with him. (Now Alhumdulillah we have a beautiful healthy baby)

                          But I am confused about 1 thing. There is a verse in the quran that basically says a person who committed zina will only get a person who has committed zina as well or is a non believer. I have not committed zina nor have I even been close to a man enough to even hold a his hand. I am far from a perfect muslim but I know the dangers of zina even though I have been living in the western side for my whole life. My husband only came her 6 years before our wedding and he had fallen for such an act.

                          He even said to me during a fight we had that I must have committed zina as well which is why I got married to him. But, I have never been close to a man other than him. Now he is a lot better and trying to repent his sins. But, there are times when my heart is just broken and I feel so much anger. He still looks at other women I might add.

                          But I was just confused about that verse because it does not make sense in my case. I was married to him even though I was a virgin and he was not. I only found out about his fornication after we got married.
                          He has repented and changed, and become a different person. My honest advice is forgive and forget. This life is too short.. love him, spend time with him, enjoy his company.. he's your husband. He is not doing this anymore, he has changed and become much better, Alhamdulillah. You can choose to keep looking in the past, but this will only hurt your own heart, ruin your marriage, and both of your lives. Or you can choose to look forward, and both grow Islamically, emotionally, intellectually etc. Forgive him.. forget.. and move on. Be happy, this world is short. Appreciate and be happy, love him, look to the present and future. Improve Islamically, and be the people that you will be happy to see yourself as, in reflection.
                          And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
                          [al-An’aam 6:59]

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                          • #43
                            Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

                            Originally posted by Sis_Asiya View Post
                            [MENTION=143051]pink100[/MENTION] no one on this forum is a scholar / alim. May Allah make it easy for you ameen
                            common sense dictates this is what OP should have done, but it's never too late to approach the right person(s) who could help you out
                            sigpic

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