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  • Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

    Assalamualaikum everyone,

    My marriage was arranged mostly and it was to my cousin. He and I both live in the West. We were engaged for a long time but never spoke. He knew that when I came of age he would be marrying me.
    After our marriage I noticed things about him such as him looking at other women, and I found some proof that he had a girlfriend. To put it in a short way I found out that 2-3 years before our marriage he was with a non-muslim woman and he had intercourse with her multiple times. I was pregnant when I found out and left the city where we lived to go to my parents. He never called me while I was there. I cried every hour during that time, and I never slept during the night. I cried so much to the point where my heart hurt so bad. Because I truely never loved a man before and he was the only one. I ended up going back to him and eventually miscarried the baby. We still fight about it till this day and I chose to stay with him. (Now Alhumdulillah we have a beautiful healthy baby)

    But I am confused about 1 thing. There is a verse in the quran that basically says a person who committed zina will only get a person who has committed zina as well or is a non believer. I have not committed zina nor have I even been close to a man enough to even hold a his hand. I am far from a perfect muslim but I know the dangers of zina even though I have been living in the western side for my whole life. My husband only came her 6 years before our wedding and he had fallen for such an act.

    He even said to me during a fight we had that I must have committed zina as well which is why I got married to him. But, I have never been close to a man other than him. Now he is a lot better and trying to repent his sins. But, there are times when my heart is just broken and I feel so much anger. He still looks at other women I might add.

    But I was just confused about that verse because it does not make sense in my case. I was married to him even though I was a virgin and he was not. I only found out about his fornication after we got married.
    Last edited by pink100; 17-03-17, 04:21 AM.

  • #2
    Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

    Originally posted by pink100 View Post
    Assalamualaikum everyone,

    My marriage was arranged mostly and it was to my cousin. He and I both live in the West. We were engaged for a long time but never spoke. He knew that when I came of age he would be marrying me.
    After our marriage I noticed things about him such as him looking at other women, and I found some proof that he had a girlfriend. To put it in a short way I found out that 2-3 years before our marriage he was with a non-muslim woman and he had intercourse with her multiple times. I was pregnant when I found out and left the city where we lived to go to my parents. He never called me while I was there. I cried every hour during that time, and I never slept during the night. I cried so much to the point where my heart hurt so bad. Because I truely never loved a man before and he was the only one. I ended up going back to him and eventually miscarried the baby. We still fight about it till this day and I chose to stay with him. (Now Alhumdulillah we have a beautiful healthy baby)

    But I am confused about 1 thing. There is a verse in the quran that basically says a person who committed zina will only get a person who has committed zina as well or is a non believer. I have not committed zina nor have I even been close to a man enough to even hold a his hand. I am far from a perfect muslim but I know the dangers of zina even though I have been living in the western side for my whole life. My husband only came her 6 years before our wedding and he had fallen for such an act.

    He even said to me during a fight we had that I must have committed zina as well which is why I got married to him. But, I have never even kissed or hugged a man other than him. Now he is a lot better and trying to repent his sins. But, there are times when my heart is just broken and I feel so much anger. He still looks at other women I might add.

    But I was just confused about that verse because it does not make sense in my case. I was married to him even though I was a virgin and he was not. I only found out about his fornication after we got married.
    :wswrwb:

    You have both misunderstood the ayah.

    The ayah does not say a fornicator marrying someone pure will never ever happen. Obviously it will happen at times.

    It simply prohibits pure people from choosing a known fornicator as their spouse. Fornicators should only marry other fornicators, and chaste people should only marry other chaste people.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

      Thanks, that makes much more sense.

      Isn't it haram for him to marry me even though he knew he committed zina and had not repented his actions until after I found out about the truth?

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

        Originally posted by pink100 View Post
        Thanks, that makes much more sense.

        Isn't it haram for him to marry me even though he knew he committed zina and had not repented his actions until after I found out about the truth?
        https://islamqa.info/en/199600

        According to this fatwa, it is haraam for a man/woman who committed zina to marry someone chaste unless they repent. So it seems it was prohibited for him to marry you back then.

        But since he has repented now, everything should be fine. Your marriage should be valid.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

          :salams

          I'd add to Stoic

          Part of your wali job and your job was to look into your potential spouse, how are you going to know anything without looking into them, considering you ere promised at a young age that went out the window hence you are with him. Allah (swt) expect us to do some work too.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

            What he has done is zina and this is one of the major sins in Islam. Make dua that he repents, sadly even forgivance from Allah cannot fix a lady's broken heart...

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

              Originally posted by hamzahn View Post
              What he has done is zina and this is one of the major sins in Islam. Make dua that he repents, sadly even forgivance from Allah cannot fix a lady's broken heart...
              How would you go about from there if you were a in the lady's shoes?

              It's not fair. And she deserves justice.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

                Originally posted by nudgetheputri View Post
                How would you go about from there if you were a in the lady's shoes?

                It's not fair. And she deserves justice.
                I'm all for the chaste marrying chaste spouses, but in this situation, I don't really know what could be done. Firstly, this was in the past. Even though others, including myself, would not want someone who did it in the past, it's sort of on her for not making it clear that she wanted a spouse who didn't commit zina before.
                [MENTION=143051]pink100[/MENTION]

                :wswrwb:

                I don't know what to say sister. At any point during the marriage process, did you make it clear that you wanted a spouse who had been chaste his whole life? If he deceived you, that's one thing. But if he did not, then it sort of is what it is.
                ***Reminder- It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that RasulAllah :saw: said: Whoever reads Tabaarak allaathi bi yadihi’l-mulk [i.e., Soorat al-Mulk] every night, Allaah will protect him from the torment of the grave.
                And never think that Allah is unaware of what the wrongdoers do. He only delays them for a Day when eyes will stare [in horror]. [Quran, 14:42]

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

                  [MENTION=143051]pink100[/MENTION] no one on this forum is a scholar / alim. May Allah make it easy for you ameen
                  82. Verily, when He intends a thing, His Command is, "be", and it is! 83. So glory to Him in Whose hands is the dominion of all things: and to Him will you be all brought back. Quran surah 36: Ya-sin

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

                    Originally posted by pink100 View Post
                    Assalamualaikum everyone,

                    My marriage was arranged mostly and it was to my cousin. He and I both live in the West. We were engaged for a long time but never spoke. He knew that when I came of age he would be marrying me.
                    After our marriage I noticed things about him such as him looking at other women, and I found some proof that he had a girlfriend. To put it in a short way I found out that 2-3 years before our marriage he was with a non-muslim woman and he had intercourse with her multiple times. I was pregnant when I found out and left the city where we lived to go to my parents. He never called me while I was there. I cried every hour during that time, and I never slept during the night. I cried so much to the point where my heart hurt so bad. Because I truely never loved a man before and he was the only one. I ended up going back to him and eventually miscarried the baby. We still fight about it till this day and I chose to stay with him. (Now Alhumdulillah we have a beautiful healthy baby)

                    But I am confused about 1 thing. There is a verse in the quran that basically says a person who committed zina will only get a person who has committed zina as well or is a non believer. I have not committed zina nor have I even been close to a man enough to even hold a his hand. I am far from a perfect muslim but I know the dangers of zina even though I have been living in the western side for my whole life. My husband only came her 6 years before our wedding and he had fallen for such an act.

                    He even said to me during a fight we had that I must have committed zina as well which is why I got married to him. But, I have never been close to a man other than him. Now he is a lot better and trying to repent his sins. But, there are times when my heart is just broken and I feel so much anger. He still looks at other women I might add.

                    But I was just confused about that verse because it does not make sense in my case. I was married to him even though I was a virgin and he was not. I only found out about his fornication after we got married.
                    wa alaykumussalam,


                    I hate men's hipocrisy beyond words. One commits zina and gets engaged in order to get married to someone - and never even speak with that person. If you communicated more before marriage (without having physical contact of course), you would find out about him, his past, etc and most likely you would go your separate ways. But never mind that.


                    This happened before your marriage, so he never cheated on you. This is one thing you should consider. The other thing is - you did not communicate with him before marriage and you did not give your best to find out everything that may influence your decision in the first place. Is that right? That is another thing. Why is it that he did not call you when you decided to go to your parents and were in pain? You should ask him, and discuss it with him. He still looks at other women, why don't you ask him about it? If he decided to repent for his sins, looking at other women is one way a man gets attracted to a woman - so why do that?
                    And the ayah; I don't really understand how is it that you came to the conclusion that the ayah means chaste men will always marry chaste women, and fornicators will always marry fornicators? This ayah is to say (in my personal opinion) what we should / would be better to do, but not it will always happen. People do things that are not allowed, that are haraam, bad, not so bad, and not nice all the time. There are no such rules in life and destiny that something cannot ever happen to anyone.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

                      Originally posted by Thunder94 View Post
                      I'm all for the chaste marrying chaste spouses, but in this situation, I don't really know what could be done. Firstly, this was in the past. Even though others, including myself, would not want someone who did it in the past, it's sort of on her for not making it clear that she wanted a spouse who didn't commit zina before.
                      [MENTION=143051]pink100[/MENTION]

                      :wswrwb:

                      I don't know what to say sister. At any point during the marriage process, did you make it clear that you wanted a spouse who had been chaste his whole life? If he deceived you, that's one thing. But if he did not, then it sort of is what it is.
                      no, it is not 'on her for not making it clear' he could have easily lied to her and deceived her even if she did say that. some people will say anything to get married. his character is questionable already.

                      generally, we need to let go of this backwards practice of 'being promised to so and so cousin.' more harm comes from it than good
                      Allah gave us two ears and one mouth, so we can listen more and talk less.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

                        Even if the wali did do an extensive background check, I highly doubt fornicators will make it public that they are fornicators. And as [MENTION=87226]Plumeria[/MENTION] said, this "being promised to so and so" is a lot of rubbish. No parent has the right to promise their son or daughter to someone else without the consent of the son or daughter. Such concepts are disgusting.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

                          Sorry, I should add that we did text eachother a year prior to our wedding. But its not like I can ask a person hey have you committed zina? I asked him if he had a girlfriend & he said no. The kind of image he portrayed towards me was always that he is such a devoted muslim. Which is why when I found out the truth I was in such an extreme shock because I always thought he must be at least better than me.
                          I did ask him many times why he looks at other women but he will just deny it to my face that hes not, even when i clearly see him.
                          I also asked why he never called or came to get me when i left him during that time. He said his parents told him "she will come back the way she left". I stopped speaking to them after that day.
                          But, as far as I can see and understand he seems to be changing his behavior towards me (alhumdulillah). He has apologized countless times during our countless arguments over this matter. So InshAllah life will get better. He never wanted to divorce me even when I asked for it.
                          & I didn't misunderstand that verse. I was simply just asking for more clarification. Unfortunately i have limited knowledge when it comes to islam but i always try to gather knowledge whenever i can.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

                            & also I call this cheating because he knowingly did it. He knew that we would be getting married in 2-3 yrs but he couldn't hold on to his virginity for such a short period of time. My mom always wanted him to keep in touch or text me but he never called or texted because he was busy with that woman. If he wanted to get away from being close to zina he should've been talking to his future wife. So yes this is cheating.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Married to a Person Who Committed FORNICATION

                              I never understand why people delay marriage...
                              Such a joke this has become.

                              These problems could be avoided by marrying early snd on time

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