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  • Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

    Selam alejkum Brothers and Sisters!

    The reason I ask is because I have been talking to this woman for a while and we have a nice chemistry. This is all done properly through whatsapp and her parents approve of it (we live in different countries). I actually start to like her( and she said she like me), but she have yet to show me her picture. She wears niqab and says its haraam to show the face. However she had no issue of asking for my photos and approved. Its not that I have extreme demands in looks, but I would still like to see the face of who I would be about to propose to.

    Am I being unreasonable? I was under the impression that it was encouraged to see faces of each other before entering marriage?
    Any advice? Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

  • #2
    Re: Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

    It's never a good idea to marry someone you've never seen. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

    I remembered a hadith about seeing the person you are marrying and a google search led me to this:

    https://islamqa.info/en/2572

    I think it answers your question well.

    I don't see why you guys can't have a family skype meeting or something.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

      Originally posted by Daddel90 View Post
      Selam alejkum Brothers and Sisters!

      The reason I ask is because I have been talking to this woman for a while and we have a nice chemistry. This is all done properly through whatsapp and her parents approve of it (we live in different countries). I actually start to like her( and she said she like me), but she have yet to show me her picture. She wears niqab and says its haraam to show the face. However she had no issue of asking for my photos and approved. Its not that I have extreme demands in looks, but I would still like to see the face of who I would be about to propose to.

      Am I being unreasonable? I was under the impression that it was encouraged to see faces of each other before entering marriage?
      Any advice? Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?
      :wswrwb:
      You should demand to see her and set a meeting up.
      Ya Allah,
      Make me a stronger person today. Make me a better person out of all these. It is no longer bearable for me for my heart is aching and You are the only One who knows how I feel. Nothing is making sense to myself and for anyone else for that matter especially to the one person I wish to understand me better than anybody else.
      "Don't use the sharpness of your tongue on the mother who taught you how to speak

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

        Originally posted by Ikki View Post
        It's never a good idea to marry someone you've never seen. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

        I remembered a hadith about seeing the person you are marrying and a google search led me to this:

        https://islamqa.info/en/2572

        I think it answers your question well.

        I don't see why you guys can't have a family skype meeting or something.
        Originally posted by patient believer View Post
        :wswrwb:
        You should demand to see her and set a meeting up.
        I have requested skype(With her Family present) and photo but she refused this, claiming its haraam. I know its more of a cultural thing than religious inspired. People I know who have seen her described her as good looking, but it just feels wrong to not see the face before. Whenever I try to bring it up she gets agitated.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

          Originally posted by Daddel90 View Post
          I have requested skype(With her Family present) and photo but she refused this, claiming its haraam. I know its more of a cultural thing than religious inspired. People I know who have seen her described her as good looking, but it just feels wrong to not see the face before. Whenever I try to bring it up she gets agitated.
          It's your right to see her.Let her know that before you procces with this you need to see her face.It's getting to a point where you both have feelings , why are you prolonging the process?
          Ya Allah,
          Make me a stronger person today. Make me a better person out of all these. It is no longer bearable for me for my heart is aching and You are the only One who knows how I feel. Nothing is making sense to myself and for anyone else for that matter especially to the one person I wish to understand me better than anybody else.
          "Don't use the sharpness of your tongue on the mother who taught you how to speak

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

            Originally posted by patient believer View Post
            It's your right to see her.Let her know that before you procces with this you need to see her face.It's getting to a point where you both have feelings , why are you prolonging the process?
            Because we really get along besides this issue, and I am afraid she will break it off . Would be a shame if what may be a good marriage is breaken off like that. Especially since looks come after piety/values/personality to me, even if she had something about her appearance she wants to hide I would not mind because I really like her.

            But I will try to talk with her about it again today, God willing she will agree to let me see her.

            Thanks guys for taking time to advice me on this:up:

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

              Originally posted by Daddel90 View Post
              Selam alejkum Brothers and Sisters!

              The reason I ask is because I have been talking to this woman for a while and we have a nice chemistry. This is all done properly through whatsapp and her parents approve of it (we live in different countries). I actually start to like her( and she said she like me), but she have yet to show me her picture. She wears niqab and says its haraam to show the face. However she had no issue of asking for my photos and approved. Its not that I have extreme demands in looks, but I would still like to see the face of who I would be about to propose to.

              Am I being unreasonable? I was under the impression that it was encouraged to see faces of each other before entering marriage?
              Any advice? Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?
              I will be worried if the woman, I was about to marry thinks " It is HARAM to show face to a prospective suitor". Because you cannot say something is haram when you have absolutely no daleel for it and infact when the evidence says totally otherwise.

              I recommend that you show her the evidence that its atleast permissible. The correct view is that it is Mustahab(encouraged) to look at the woman's face.
              https://islamqa.info/en/2572

              If you show her these ahadith and if afterwards, she is not convinced and she does not show her face. Then she has a problem with preferring her culture or some other problem. Because no normal woman would do that. And a practicing one would specially not. If she is ignorant then you show her evidence. She has to accept. If not then I would not recommend you to marry her. She may be totally fine and pretty. But I would not be comfortable in marrying someone who totally makes up religious opinions and does not accept evidence. There is not a single scholar or faqih that says its haram for a man who wants to marry a woman to look at her face.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

                Originally posted by Daddel90 View Post
                Because we really get along besides this issue, and I am afraid she will break it off . Would be a shame if what may be a good marriage is breaken off like that. Especially since looks come after piety/values/personality to me, even if she had something about her appearance she wants to hide I would not mind because I really like her.

                But I will try to talk with her about it again today, God willing she will agree to let me see her.

                Thanks guys for taking time to advice me on this:up:
                This is a great news.You seem to value her other attributes more than he physical appearance.Just make sure you are not being unrealistic and in a fairytale land lol.Make dua and stick to your plan.
                May Allah make it easy for you.She sounds like a wonderful sister.
                Ya Allah,
                Make me a stronger person today. Make me a better person out of all these. It is no longer bearable for me for my heart is aching and You are the only One who knows how I feel. Nothing is making sense to myself and for anyone else for that matter especially to the one person I wish to understand me better than anybody else.
                "Don't use the sharpness of your tongue on the mother who taught you how to speak

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

                  What if she isn't a she but a he

                  what if she is 55

                  what if she is not attractive to you
                  ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                  "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                  :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

                    Yeah...riiigghhhttt.

                    It's haraam to show your picture to a potential but it's perfectly halaal to chit-chat with him.

                    Sincere advice - if you're serious about marriage, contact her family directly and request a face-to-face meeting with her. There's no point in chatting with her any further on Whatsapp to determine chemistry. And, compatibility or character or deen isn't even determined that way in the first place.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

                      Originally posted by patient believer View Post
                      This is a great news.You seem to value her other attributes more than he physical appearance.Just make sure you are not being unrealistic and in a fairytale land lol.Make dua and stick to your plan.
                      May Allah make it easy for you.She sounds like a wonderful sister.
                      Lets say she is pretty. If the brother gives her evidence from hadith then she has to accept the words of our Prophet(sa) and she has to understand that there is not a single scholar who has made it haram to see a woman's face for marriage. She may have an excuse that she may have misunderstood or she may be ignorant of rulings in Fiqh.

                      But she has to change her opinion infront of evidence. If she does not then I will recommend this brother to reconsider. Because as Muslims, we are responsible for seeking spouses who have correct religious understanding. And they do not make things haram out of nowhere !

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

                        Originally posted by Daddel90 View Post
                        Because we really get along besides this issue, and I am afraid she will break it off . Would be a shame if what may be a good marriage is breaken off like that. Especially since looks come after piety/values/personality to me, even if she had something about her appearance she wants to hide I would not mind because I really like her.

                        But I will try to talk with her about it again today, God willing she will agree to let me see her.

                        :
                        Bro, write to her all these ahadith and opinion in fiqh and ask her to present her evidence. Tell her that its the advise of none other than Rasulullah(sa) to look at her face. And you have to follow that advise. If she refuses then post here again. But if she sticks up on her ground despite all evidence then I would recommend you to not pursue. Because people may be over pious but if they do not have correct understanding of the Deen then they will mess up. How can any Muslim with correct understanding reject the advise of Prophet(sa) and the consensus of scholars upon it ? She has only excuse of ignorance and misunderstand. So remove that excuse by presenting her evidence and then see her reaction.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

                          Originally posted by patient believer View Post
                          This is a great news.You seem to value her other attributes more than he physical appearance.Just make sure you are not being unrealistic and in a fairytale land lol.Make dua and stick to your plan.
                          May Allah make it easy for you.She sounds like a wonderful sister.
                          Thank you. I do not have fairytale expectations, there is ups and downs in marriage no doubt about it. But with the aid of God we make the best out of it.

                          Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
                          What if she isn't a she but a he

                          what if she is 55

                          what if she is not attractive to you
                          I am fairly sure this is not the case.
                          1. A close friend of her Family, wmosque as me for years, give me contact information
                          2. I hear her voice on whatsapp, and it can surely not be a 55 year old man.

                          I already said I do not put much emphasize on looks, as I said even if she had something that she wants to hide I don't mind because I love her from personality and values. It just won't make sense that they would prank me like that.

                          Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
                          Yeah...riiigghhhttt.

                          It's haraam to show your picture to a potential but it's perfectly halaal to chit-chat with him.

                          Sincere advice - if you're serious about marriage, contact her family directly and request a face-to-face meeting with her. There's no point in chatting with her any further on Whatsapp to determine chemistry. And, compatibility or character or deen isn't even determined that way in the first place.
                          I suppose you are right, time to get to that.

                          Originally posted by savo234 View Post
                          Lets say she is pretty. If the brother gives her evidence from hadith then she has to accept the words of our Prophet(sa) and she has to understand that there is not a single scholar who has made it haram to see a woman's face for marriage. She may have an excuse that she may have misunderstood or she may be ignorant of rulings in Fiqh.

                          But she has to change her opinion infront of evidence. If she does not then I will recommend this brother to reconsider. Because as Muslims, we are responsible for seeking spouses who have correct religious understanding. And they do not make things haram out of nowhere !
                          You are raising a good point. If she still refuse despite the evidence then we have a problem. As much as we get along she can't refute the words and recommendations of the Prophet(PBUH).

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

                            Originally posted by Daddel90 View Post
                            Selam alejkum Brothers and Sisters!

                            The reason I ask is because I have been talking to this woman for a while and we have a nice chemistry. This is all done properly through whatsapp and her parents approve of it (we live in different countries). I actually start to like her( and she said she like me), but she have yet to show me her picture. She wears niqab and says its haraam to show the face. However she had no issue of asking for my photos and approved. Its not that I have extreme demands in looks, but I would still like to see the face of who I would be about to propose to.

                            Am I being unreasonable? I was under the impression that it was encouraged to see faces of each other before entering marriage?
                            Any advice? Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?
                            Ur allowed to see her sure, but she does not have to send u her photo or let u see her,,
                            u should have told her a photo of urs for a photo of his lol
                            but again islamicially she is not obliged to show u her face,, but if u somehow see a womans face for this purpose its no sin even without her consent.

                            try persuade her, tell her it will be her own responsibility lol and that u will keep the mahr low

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Would you marry someone without seeing their face first?

                              Originally posted by m7md View Post
                              Ur allowed to see her sure, but she does not have to send u her photo or let u see her,,
                              u should have told her a photo of urs for a photo of his lol
                              but again islamicially she is not obliged to show u her face,, but if u somehow see a womans face for this purpose its no sin even without her consent.
                              The problem is that she thinks its HARAM to show her face to a man wanting to marry her. Where did she get that from ?

                              She is not obliged. She is not even obliged to marry this brother. But he has to tell her "Look, this is not haram and our Prophet(sa) advised men and this is opinion by fiqh that I am encouraged to see your face. If you want to consider me for marriage then you should show your face."

                              Originally posted by Daddel90 View Post


                              You are raising a good point. If she still refuse despite the evidence then we have a problem. As much as we get along she can't refute the words and recommendations of the Prophet(PBUH).
                              I missed an advise. She may just have problem with sending you picture. That is something scholars say its valid Because what if you do not marry her, you can still keep the picture. So she can have problem with that, if she is that strict. But showing her face in live call(with Hijab) or in face-to-face meeting is something, she should not refuse.

                              Comment

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