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Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

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  • RaNdOm
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Jade Vine View Post
    I don't think of it as losing freedom, but there is something else there; having this other person present in your plans, considerations and additional time management. When you're single, you just do something when you feel like it. When you're married, you should consider the opinion of your spouse, is he up to it, does he want it as well, can he do it, unless it's your own thing and he doesn't have any interest in it....It is a bit more complicated because you always need to coordinate. For example, if you are single and have vacation, you just pack quickly and leave, you plan it on the go. But when you're married, your husband sometimes cannot get the vacation in the same time, so you need to wait for him, and it takes long time to pack, make plans, etc. But the vacation (like everything else) is much more enjoyable when you share it.

    In general, you have few more tasks to do as compared to your single life, and you need to consider your significant other when making all kinds of decisions because that's normal when you're married, however you get to share your happiness (and the problems as well) with the one you love, so I think it pretty much pays off.


    I enjoyed my freedom as a singleton, indeed. But being married is not the end of that freedom, it is a kind of an upgraded version. And if you really are lazy and querulous about having new (more) tasks and responsibilities, it takes just another person with the same attitude (lazy and querulous) to get a perfect recipe for disaster. Sometimes it takes just one spouse to be like this and everything comes crashing down.
    Maybe it's like having 4 arms instead of 2

    and most of the time it is amazing cos these extra hands are just helping u out in ways u didn't think was possible

    but sometimes it will be like damn... where am I supposed to put these extra arms, damn there's no room on the bus, damn I feel heavier

    sometimes you would love to be 4 armed and sometimes you would hate it. Because you were born with 2 and that is what u were always used to. But now you will have to adapt. But if someone cut off the arms, it would hurt a lot.

    Leave a comment:


  • Jade Vine
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    :salams:

    I saw this in the Uni thread, and I think this partly true.



    Ignore the uni part, I disagree with that, and it's not relevant to this thread. But isn't is true that a lot sisters see marriage as being tied down and not having freedom?

    I wonder why this is a common thought? I used to feel this way too when I was younger, based on the experience of people around me.

    I used to think that after marriage, my life will be all duties and responsibilities. I would have no control/choice in what I want to do. I would always be "second"; my husband/children's needs would always come first. (These are what I was taught, and perhaps this is true.)

    What does "freedom" mean to you? Why would marriage prevent you from having it?
    I don't think of it as losing freedom, but there is something else there; having this other person present in your plans, considerations and additional time management. When you're single, you just do something when you feel like it. When you're married, you should consider the opinion of your spouse, is he up to it, does he want it as well, can he do it, unless it's your own thing and he doesn't have any interest in it....It is a bit more complicated because you always need to coordinate. For example, if you are single and have vacation, you just pack quickly and leave, you plan it on the go. But when you're married, your husband sometimes cannot get the vacation in the same time, so you need to wait for him, and it takes long time to pack, make plans, etc. But the vacation (like everything else) is much more enjoyable when you share it.

    In general, you have few more tasks to do as compared to your single life, and you need to consider your significant other when making all kinds of decisions because that's normal when you're married, however you get to share your happiness (and the problems as well) with the one you love, so I think it pretty much pays off.


    I enjoyed my freedom as a singleton, indeed. But being married is not the end of that freedom, it is a kind of an upgraded version. And if you really are lazy and querulous about having new (more) tasks and responsibilities, it takes just another person with the same attitude (lazy and querulous) to get a perfect recipe for disaster. Sometimes it takes just one spouse to be like this and everything comes crashing down.

    Leave a comment:


  • iRepIslam
    replied
    Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    وعليكم السلام و رحمة الله و بركاته

    Nope.. why would it.

    A lot of girls think so though

    Leave a comment:


  • Deeni Akh
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    It can be more of a freedom depending on who you get married to.

    Leave a comment:


  • Saif-Uddin
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
    :wswrwb:

    Sisters who think like that are, quite frankly, not mature enough for marriage/responsibilities.
    True,

    :jkk:

    Leave a comment:


  • RaNdOm
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Nice husband = life if my heart

    Bad husband = death of my heart

    Leave a comment:


  • Miss Foxxy
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Why even look at your potential with the eyes of a competitor, as a person who prevents freedom and brings limitations? In a good marriage, you have the freedom to be the best version of yourself. It’s a base upon which you can build the rest of your life.
    A good husband is on your side, has your back, supports you even in those things they themselves aren’t interested in and vice versa. Life is enhanced rather than more stressful with the right spouse....

    Leave a comment:


  • DaughterOfAdam
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    Is this your personal experience? If yes, then Alhamdulillah.

    The reason I asked is because it's easy for single sisters to have an idealistic view on marriage, but reality is often not what we expected it to be.
    Single sisters should have a positive view of marriage and married life. Think of it as something to look forward to rather than something that will bring you a lack of freedom. Afterall you do have a choice of who you marry (unless you are being forced, do NOT marry anyone you don't like not matter who is trying to pressure you). If freedom is something that you're worried about, choose someone who will give you the level of freedom that you desire. Ask all the important questions and choose carefully.

    (Btw, when I say 'you' I'm speaking generally, not to you personally sis)

    Leave a comment:


  • lonelyniqabi
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
    :wswrwb:

    Marriage doesn't need to mean the end of your freedom. Just marry a guy who is not controlling, who is patient and understanding with you and supportive of your dreams and goals.
    Is this your personal experience? If yes, then Alhamdulillah.

    The reason I asked is because it's easy for single sisters to have an idealistic view on marriage, but reality is often not what we expected it to be.

    Leave a comment:


  • lonelyniqabi
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Hebz View Post
    Wa alaykum wa Salam

    Wow Subhan'Allah

    Me personally, if you asked me a few years back before I came back to deen, I would of said getting married is being free, going out with your husband late nights and exploring things with your husband and trying new things with him.

    Now I don't even want to be free.. I think maybe because I've seen the world and I've seen how filthy it is.
    I legit want to get married so I can be at home waiting for my husband. And feel protective and secure by him that would be my freedom now.

    Subhan'Allah how someone's views on life can change.

    Alhumdulilah for the na3mi of Islam

    Yeah, from what I observed, the liberal Muslims/non-Muslims usually have that carefree attitude towards marriage, cause they don't believe/don't care that a husband has certain rights over his wife.

    I agree it's amazing how our views on certain things change over the years.

    Leave a comment:


  • ninety1daisies
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    Yes, I've heard brothers said similar things. I don't understand it though. Please explain.

    Or perhaps they are mature enough to realize that they aren't ready for marriage.
    True.

    Leave a comment:


  • lonelyniqabi
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Fakhri View Post
    (Could apply to brothers, too, I guess. Maybe not to the same extent, but still... Re: your quick question, Br @Morose, this a comment in brackets... I think it's the comments that are passing thoughts/most skippable that get the brackets treatment. :] )
    Yes, I've heard brothers said similar things. I don't understand it though. Please explain.

    Originally posted by .mirror. View Post
    :wswrwb:

    Sisters who think like that are, quite frankly, not mature enough for marriage/responsibilities.
    Or perhaps they are mature enough to realize that they aren't ready for marriage.

    Leave a comment:


  • DaughterOfAdam
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    :wswrwb:

    Marriage doesn't need to mean the end of your freedom. Just marry a guy who is not controlling, who is patient and understanding with you and supportive of your dreams and goals.

    Leave a comment:


  • ninety1daisies
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Hebz View Post
    Wow Subhan'Allah

    Me personally, if you asked me a few years back before I came back to deen, I would of said getting married is being free, going out with your husband late nights and exploring things with your husband and trying new things with him.

    Now I don't even want to be free.. I think maybe because I've seen the world and I've seen how filthy it is.
    I legit want to get married so I can be at home waiting for my husband. And feel protective and secure by him that would be my freedom now.

    Subhan'Allah how someone's views on life can change.

    Alhumdulilah for the na3mi of Islam
    <3

    Leave a comment:


  • Hebz
    replied
    Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Wa alaykum wa Salam

    Wow Subhan'Allah

    Me personally, if you asked me a few years back before I came back to deen, I would of said getting married is being free, going out with your husband late nights and exploring things with your husband and trying new things with him.

    Now I don't even want to be free.. I think maybe because I've seen the world and I've seen how filthy it is.
    I legit want to get married so I can be at home waiting for my husband. And feel protective and secure by him that would be my freedom now.

    Subhan'Allah how someone's views on life can change.

    Alhumdulilah for the na3mi of Islam
    Last edited by Hebz; 06-03-17, 05:24 AM.

    Leave a comment:

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