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Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

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  • #91
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Kya View Post
    I was once asked in my opinion who had ideal marriage (closes to my ideal marriage) among the people I knew. I couldn't answer it. It definitely wasn't my parents and the handful of friends. No one seem to have the type of marriage I wanted & that's when I realize maybe my view of marriage has been tainted and all I see is negativity. I had to think hard and long until I found a couple in our circle (my friends older sister) whose marriage from what I saw seemed closest to what I would like. After that the door just opened & saw many other couples that had the relaxed marriage that I was looking for in mine. And all those marriage of controlling spouse and constant argument faded away.

    So those who are afraid of freedom vs. marriage, look around you & see what type of marriage catches your eyes. We only notice that which is in our mind. If you mostly seen bad marriages chances are your mind is focused on that part. Think hard until you find 1 or 2 marriage that you respect
    I can relate to this so much. For a long time I couldn't see beyond my immediate family members, so all I have is negativity. Even now that I know happy marriages are not unicorns, I still occasionally have the irrational fear that they are only for certain kind of people, and I might not have it.

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    • #92
      Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

      Originally posted by quark View Post
      I would've assumed there are just as many who felt less free in their parent's home.

      True say.

      Comment


      • #93
        Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

        Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
        :Wswrwb:

        If you disagreed with the uni part you should have mentioned it in that thread.

        Didn't seem that important.

        Comment


        • #94
          Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

          Originally posted by uccello verde View Post
          :wswrwb:

          One may ask what is freedom?
          Is it what media is portraying to us?

          I'm sure if akhi is following the Deen, she'll be one very happy ukhti.
          Marriage isn't about, me, myself and I.
          It is we, us and ourselves. Looking into same goals, In sha'Allah.
          That's not always the case, sadly. Some people pick and choose what they want to follow from the Deen.

          Comment


          • #95
            Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

            Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
            Didn't seem that important.
            Important enough to mention here...anyway I'm honoured that you would take my quote and turn it into a thread.

            Comment


            • #96
              Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

              Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
              Important enough to mention here...anyway I'm honoured that you would take my quote and turn it into a thread.
              Well, I think it's silly if your sole reason for going to uni is to avoid marriage. Uni isn't a walk in the park either. But I'm more interested to know why many sisters think marriage will stop them being "free", hence this thread.

              I would also like to hear brothers' opinions if they feel the same way, and why.

              Comment


              • #97
                Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
                Well, I think it's silly if your sole reason for going to uni is to avoid marriage. Uni isn't a walk in the park either. But I'm more interested to know why many sisters think marriage will stop them being "free", hence this thread.

                I would also like to hear brothers' opinions if they feel the same way, and why.
                It may well be silly but I've heard it from sisters personally many times which leads me to believe it's a bit more widespread than we would care to mention.

                I gave my reasons but the way it works here is that you'll be hard pushed to get many sisters to comment on stuff that makes them look bad. Everyone here is sweet and does very little wrong. The ones with problems are elsewhere as always.

                It should also be remembered I was not that complimentary about the brothers either.

                Comment


                • #98
                  Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                  Depends.

                  If you move in with your in- laws, you have to follow their set of rules. You can't run/do things the way you want all the time. So, yes, your freedom will be kind of limited.

                  But if you move into your own place, you can make your own rules, so, you have more freedom in contrast.

                  Obviously, you need to ask/inform your husband(or wife) if you plan to do something/go somewhere out of the ordinary, but that's not such a big deal and it no way signifies the end of freedom. Far from it. Marriage is not as daunting as people make it sound.

                  After marriage, when a woman has her own home, nowhere else in the world will feel as good as her home. Not a 5* hotel. Not even her parents' place where she spent her entire childhood in. She might need a little break now & then for a few days, but she'll still miss her husband's home. That becomes the ultimate source of sukoon for her in this duniya and I think it's the same for married men as well.

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                  • #99
                    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                    Originally posted by ~TwinklingStar~ View Post
                    Depends.

                    If you move in with your in- laws, you have to follow their set of rules. You can't run/do things the way you want all the time. So, yes, your freedom will be kind of limited.

                    But if you move into your own place, you can make your own rules, so, you have more freedom in contrast.

                    Obviously, you need to ask/inform your husband(or wife) if you plan to do something/go somewhere out of the ordinary, but that's not such a big deal and it no way signifies the end of freedom. Far from it. Marriage is not as daunting as people make it sound.

                    After marriage, when a woman has her own home, nowhere else in the world will feel as good as her home. Not a 5* hotel. Not even her parents' place where she spent her entire childhood in. She might need a little break now & then for a few days, but she'll still miss her husband's home. That becomes the ultimate source of sukoon for her in this duniya and I think it's the same for married men as well.
                    Good point

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                    • Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                      Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                      the female members are sensible abd capable enough to think outside the box

                      they're intelligent enough to understand the differences between opinions, life experiences and facts

                      the more wiser ones will acknowledge it's not male bashing


                      lastly, i don't appreciate insincere duas
                      Yes the more mature and wise ones can see through the bitter and twisted ramblings, but my concern was for those who might be unduly influenced. I'm sure one post from me is not going to change you. I'm sincere in my hope that you will, one day, snap out of it and be able to approach marriage with a more positive mind set, seeing as it is your parents wish for you to go through with it.
                      Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world’s ending!

                      None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

                      Comment


                      • Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                        Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post
                        Yes the more mature and wise ones can see through the bitter and twisted ramblings, but my concern was for those who might be unduly influenced. I'm sure one post from me is not going to change you. I'm sincere in my hope that you will, one day, snap out of it and be able to approach marriage with a more positive mind set, seeing as it is your parents wish for you to go through with it.
                        Yes, you are right about the bold bit. Because I don't take you seriously at all, considering your 'track' record on here and your noticeable posts due to their filthy content at times. It's completely fine that you're sharing your thoughts on me, I don't mind, but since we're exchanging what we think of one another let me clarify a few things.

                        1. You're the former member known as 'londonmuslimguy', and you are Bengali so I understand this might hit home hard. People can't fathom the reality of some peoples negative experiences, so they put the perception argument forward. And again, instead of accepting the truth you are yourself seeing it as 'bitter ramblings' you simply can't fathom it. When a woman voices her opinions and shares what she has went through, it doesn't mean it's all lies. Wake up. If you want to dismiss it, go ahead but don't make a sane woman made out to be mad. Women are not idiots they can think for themselves.

                        2. Some of your posts usually consist of lyrics. If you google them you'll see they're recent music from the West, and it is questionable especially on a forum where the majority are of the opinion that it is impermissible to listen to music, because it has been narrated during the time of jahilliyah the pagans would try to entice men away from the truth by using music and dancing women.
                        3. Your posts usually have dirty references.
                        4. Your posts contain filthy connotations.
                        5. Your posts towards women is also usually lacking in respect. It's also condescending.

                        I reported one and that got you banned. If they are going towards the edge of very offensive than I will report it.

                        The evidences are there, more so in your previous account and it doesn't look like you have changed, but please, I don't want to be the reason you change. I hope you do change and open your eyes. Also, we should be more humble, these men I meet are from many different locations, rich and poor, with different qualifications some have A-levels, others have a Masters degrees etc...It doesn't matter where they are from because the best man can be from the worst of ghettos.

                        Above all, it's 'charming' and rich coming from you that I might be influencing others badly.

                        I'm just saying. We're cool.

                        :jkk:
                        Last edited by Ya'sin; 07-03-17, 07:48 PM.
                        'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                        So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                        Comment


                        • Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                          Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                          Yes, you are right about the bold bit. Because I don't take you seriously at all, considering your 'track' record on here and your noticeable posts due to their filthy content at times. It's completely fine that you're sharing your thoughts on me, I don't mind, but since we're exchanging what we think of one another let me clarify a few things.

                          1. You're the former member known as 'londonmuslimguy', and you are Bengali so I understand this might hit home hard. People can't fathom the reality of some peoples negative experiences, so they put the perception argument forward. And again, instead of accepting the truth you are yourself seeing it as 'bitter ramblings' you simply can't fathom it. When a woman voices her opinions and shares what she has went through, it doesn't mean it's all lies. Wake up. If you want to dismiss it, go ahead but don't make a sane woman made out to be mad. Women are not idiots they can think for themselves.

                          2. Some of your posts usually consist of lyrics. If you google them you'll see they're recent music from the West, and it is questionable especially on a forum where the majority are of the opinion that it is impermissible to listen to music, because it has been narrated during the time of jahilliyah the pagans would try to entice men away from the truth by using music and dancing women.
                          3. Your posts usually have dirty references.
                          4. Your posts contain filthy connotations.
                          5. Your posts towards women is also usually lacking in respect. It's also condescending.

                          I reported one and that got you banned. If they are going towards the edge of very offensive than I will report it.

                          The evidences are there, more so in your previous account and it doesn't look like you have changed, but please, I don't want to be the reason you change. I hope you do change and open your eyes. Also, we should be more humble, these men I meet are from many different locations, rich and poor, with different qualifications some have A-levels, others have a Masters degrees etc...It doesn't matter where they are from because the best man can be from the worst of ghettos.

                          Above all, it's 'charming' and rich coming from you that I might be influencing others badly.

                          I'm just saying. We're cool.

                          :jkk:
                          ad hominem overload...lol
                          Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world’s ending!

                          None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

                          Comment


                          • Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                            Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                            Yes, you are right about the bold bit. Because I don't take you seriously at all, considering your 'track' record on here and your noticeable posts due to their filthy content at times. It's completely fine that you're sharing your thoughts on me, I don't mind, but since we're exchanging what we think of one another let me clarify a few things.

                            1. You're the former member known as 'londonmuslimguy', and you are Bengali so I understand this might hit home hard. People can't fathom the reality of some peoples negative experiences, so they put the perception argument forward. And again, instead of accepting the truth you are yourself seeing it as 'bitter ramblings' you simply can't fathom it. When a woman voices her opinions and shares what she has went through, it doesn't mean it's all lies. Wake up. If you want to dismiss it, go ahead but don't make a sane woman made out to be mad. Women are not idiots they can think for themselves.

                            2. Some of your posts usually consist of lyrics. If you google them you'll see they're recent music from the West, and it is questionable especially on a forum where the majority are of the opinion that it is impermissible to listen to music, because it has been narrated during the time of jahilliyah the pagans would try to entice men away from the truth by using music and dancing women.
                            3. Your posts usually have dirty references.
                            4. Your posts contain filthy connotations.
                            5. Your posts towards women is also usually lacking in respect. It's also condescending.

                            I reported one and that got you banned. If they are going towards the edge of very offensive than I will report it.

                            The evidences are there, more so in your previous account and it doesn't look like you have changed, but please, I don't want to be the reason you change. I hope you do change and open your eyes. Also, we should be more humble, these men I meet are from many different locations, rich and poor, with different qualifications some have A-levels, others have a Masters degrees etc...It doesn't matter where they are from because the best man can be from the worst of ghettos.

                            Above all, it's 'charming' and rich coming from you that I might be influencing others badly.

                            I'm just saying. We're cool.

                            :jkk:
                            Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

                            Comment


                            • Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                              Wa Alaykumussalam
                              I don't think that marriage is limiting our freedoms, in a negative sense, at all.
                              I don't see how marriage will restrict or oppress me lol, it will be freedom too.
                              And with Him are the keys of the Ghayb (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in the land and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”
                              [al-An’aam 6:59]

                              Comment


                              • Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                                I am the highest lvl of Krav Maga Millitary Defense fighting of Israel ( i am not a soldier i did this as a personal preference and self-defense initiative), i can solely protect and financially provide for my entire family (Allhummdulila), but i am also a Muslim woman. Yeah, that last part turns heads right? but why? I challenge everybody to find in the Quran where it says a that "A WOMAN CANNOT PROTECT A FAMILY", "A WOMAN CANNOT PROVIDE FINANCIALLY", "A WOMAN IS ONLY A SOURCE OF BEAUTY AND SHOULD BE JUDGED BY IT". I dare everybody to try and find one quote. But you can't, why? because it does not exist, shocked yet?

                                I am married to possibly the most loving man (Allhummdulila), I still work as a body guard and help with our business which is now a multinational company (Allhummdulila). Is it weird that I worry when my husband leaves the house? For the thought of not seeing him again is too hurting, as it is for all married couples (hopefully). I work while he takes care of the house/kids and also works from home (he is a marketing analyst). He always says how much of a blessing i am to have in his life, and he knows how much i love him (maybe even more :)

                                Please tell me, what did i do wrong here?

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