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Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

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  • shay5
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    To me freedom means no responsibility ...marriage will bring a lot of responsibility...I have friends who wish they had waited and given it a few more years.......but I feel I am ready to make those sacrifices....It is time....(rafiki voice)

    Leave a comment:


  • Gingerbeardman
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    :salams:

    I saw this in the Uni thread, and I think this partly true.



    Ignore the uni part, I disagree with that, and it's not relevant to this thread. But isn't is true that a lot sisters see marriage as being tied down and not having freedom?

    I wonder why this is a common thought? I used to feel this way too when I was younger, based on the experience of people around me.

    I used to think that after marriage, my life will be all duties and responsibilities. I would have no control/choice in what I want to do. I would always be "second"; my husband/children's needs would always come first. (These are what I was taught, and perhaps this is true.)

    What does "freedom" mean to you? Why would marriage prevent you from having it?
    :wswrwb:

    Yes and no. Depends.

    Marriage for both a man and a woman means greater responsibilities and the need to think of the interests of more than just yourself in every decision you make. This of-course means a restriction in freedoms for all those involved, but then a greater benefit in actually having the marriage.

    For women however things can also become more easy or difficult in other ways. She is going from the responsibility of her father to the responsibility of her husband, from obedience to her father to obedience to her husband. If her husband is more relaxed in his understanding of the deen, she will have more freedoms, for better or worse, and visa versa if he is stricter than her father she will have less freedoms for better or worse.
    Last edited by Gingerbeardman; 06-03-17, 04:40 PM.

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  • LailaTheMuslim
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    In the Qur'an it says that Marriage is for love and mercy and to cover each other.

    Its not about 'rights' and domineering/repressing one another. Its for beautiful companionship.

    And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect(Qur'an 30:21)

    "Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." ( Qur'an 2:187)
    Last edited by LailaTheMuslim; 06-03-17, 04:32 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • savo234
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    :salams:

    I saw this in the Uni thread, and I think this partly true.



    Ignore the uni part, I disagree with that, and it's not relevant to this thread. But isn't is true that a lot sisters see marriage as being tied down and not having freedom?

    I wonder why this is a common thought? I used to feel this way too when I was younger, based on the experience of people around me.

    I used to think that after marriage, my life will be all duties and responsibilities. I would have no control/choice in what I want to do. I would always be "second"; my husband/children's needs would always come first. (These are what I was taught, and perhaps this is true.)

    What does "freedom" mean to you? Why would marriage prevent you from having it?
    Is there true freedom ?
    I mean some one may be single and she may feel she has to do a petty job to feed herself. If she marries a practicing, earning husband then it may give her "freedom" from worrying about where the food will come from.

    A man may be a slave to his desires. And he may get freed from those things upon marriage.

    There is no real definition of what a freedom means. We are always obliged to do certain things. Marriage brings more responsibilities but it brings more benefits also. Thats what it is about. If you want to enjoy those benefits then carry out some responsibilities as well.

    Leave a comment:


  • m7md
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    I mean in the context of marriage. You said, there's a problem with how sisters in the west define freedom, and they have "too much freedom" before marriage. What do you mean by that exactly?
    I didnt say sisters take the definition from west, I said people in general,
    I meant too much freedom as compared to after marriage, and thats fine as there r of course more responsibilities after marriage,
    but still in the sense of going out of the house too much etc..

    Leave a comment:


  • lonelyniqabi
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by m7md View Post
    Freedom is one word i feel which goes away from its meaning as soon as anyone starts defining it,,
    freedom is freedom lol, as soon as anyone defines freedom its no longer the true freedom,,
    I mean in the context of marriage. You said, there's a problem with how sisters in the west define freedom, and they have "too much freedom" before marriage. What do you mean by that exactly?

    Leave a comment:


  • m7md
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    Yes, that is my question. How is freedom defined? Please elaborate.
    Freedom is one word i feel which goes away from its meaning as soon as anyone starts defining it,,
    freedom is freedom lol, as soon as anyone defines freedom its no longer the true freedom,,

    Leave a comment:


  • aynina
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    MAYbe it does, but thats a good thing for me because the more freedom the more naive mistakes i make, if being married would mean someone helping me set boundaries and helping me keep on the straight path in sha Allah then id be happy

    And you can call it less freedom but if its better for me its not a negative thing

    Leave a comment:


  • lonelyniqabi
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by m7md View Post
    Ya its true,
    whats the problem,
    the problem is how the word freedom is defined,
    people take words definitions from west,,
    the question is y do girls have too much freedom before marriage, that they feel such,,
    if women r well kept and protected before marriage they would never feel such,,

    Yes, that is my question. How is freedom defined? Please elaborate.

    Leave a comment:


  • RaNdOm
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Maybe coma of my heart - neither dead or alive?

    Leave a comment:


  • RaNdOm
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    What about mediocre husband?
    Oh...

    I never thought about that

    what a revolution

    I have never half liked anyone

    Leave a comment:


  • lonelyniqabi
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
    Nice husband = life if my heart

    Bad husband = death of my heart
    What about mediocre husband?

    Leave a comment:


  • m7md
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    :salams:

    I saw this in the Uni thread, and I think this partly true.



    Ignore the uni part, I disagree with that, and it's not relevant to this thread. But isn't is true that a lot sisters see marriage as being tied down and not having freedom?

    I wonder why this is a common thought? I used to feel this way too when I was younger, based on the experience of people around me.

    I used to think that after marriage, my life will be all duties and responsibilities. I would have no control/choice in what I want to do. I would always be "second"; my husband/children's needs would always come first. (These are what I was taught, and perhaps this is true.)

    What does "freedom" mean to you? Why would marriage prevent you from having it?
    Ya its true,
    whats the problem,
    the problem is how the word freedom is defined,
    people take words definitions from west,,
    the question is y do girls have too much freedom before marriage, that they feel such,,
    if women r well kept and protected before marriage they would never feel such,,

    Leave a comment:


  • lonelyniqabi
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Jade Vine View Post
    I don't think of it as losing freedom, but there is something else there; having this other person present in your plans, considerations and additional time management. When you're single, you just do something when you feel like it. When you're married, you should consider the opinion of your spouse, is he up to it, does he want it as well, can he do it, unless it's your own thing and he doesn't have any interest in it....It is a bit more complicated because you always need to coordinate. For example, if you are single and have vacation, you just pack quickly and leave, you plan it on the go. But when you're married, your husband sometimes cannot get the vacation in the same time, so you need to wait for him, and it takes long time to pack, make plans, etc. But the vacation (like everything else) is much more enjoyable when you share it.

    In general, you have few more tasks to do as compared to your single life, and you need to consider your significant other when making all kinds of decisions because that's normal when you're married, however you get to share your happiness (and the problems as well) with the one you love, so I think it pretty much pays off.


    I enjoyed my freedom as a singleton, indeed. But being married is not the end of that freedom, it is a kind of an upgraded version. And if you really are lazy and querulous about having new (more) tasks and responsibilities, it takes just another person with the same attitude (lazy and querulous) to get a perfect recipe for disaster. Sometimes it takes just one spouse to be like this and everything comes crashing down.
    Glad someone at least acknowledge that marriage brings change. I like how you see it as "upgraded" freedom. That's what we all hope for in marriage, I think. An upgraded life.

    One thing I haven't seen people taking into account in the responses above is children. Sure, they are a blessing and a joy, but they also take a lot of time/energy. I doubt any mother would say they have same amount freedom before and after having kids.

    Leave a comment:


  • patient believer
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    I believe that you won't have the same freedom you did before marriage.Should this discourage you from marriage? No , blessings will come from placea you never expected .

    Leave a comment:

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