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Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

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  • Eorlingas
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Yep no more staying out late at the "library".. No more asking mummy what's for dinner..no more endless yakking on the phone..no more spending hours in front of the mirror...a life of drudgery awaits you all bwahahahah

    Leave a comment:


  • Kya
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    I was once asked in my opinion who had ideal marriage (closes to my ideal marriage) among the people I knew. I couldn't answer it. It definitely wasn't my parents and the handful of friends. No one seem to have the type of marriage I wanted & that's when I realize maybe my view of marriage has been tainted and all I see is negativity. I had to think hard and long until I found a couple in our circle (my friends older sister) whose marriage from what I saw seemed closest to what I would like. After that the door just opened & saw many other couples that had the relaxed marriage that I was looking for in mine. And all those marriage of controlling spouse and constant argument faded away.

    So those who are afraid of freedom vs. marriage, look around you & see what type of marriage catches your eyes. We only notice that which is in our mind. If you mostly seen bad marriages chances are your mind is focused on that part. Think hard until you find 1 or 2 marriage that you respect

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
    I understand sis, everyone wants the perfect partner. You certainly deserve one x
    the truth is I just want freedom

    :1popcorn:

    sorry, I had to be honest here and no, you're being too kind


    I don't really desire a husband and that's probs why i'm not getting anywhere because my intentions aren't quite there but it is important for us to find a good spouse and marry

    Leave a comment:


  • LailaTheMuslim
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
    awwww and you.

    how did you know that I wanted A PERFECT BEING, If i'm going to get married he has to be perfect, otherwise what is the point of it all? ya know :1popcorn:
    I understand sis, everyone wants the perfect partner. You certainly deserve one x

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
    :jkk: May Allah bless you with the best spouse on earth ameen

    awwww and you.

    how did you know that I wanted A PERFECT BEING, If i'm going to get married he has to be perfect, otherwise what is the point of it all? ya know :1popcorn:

    Leave a comment:


  • LailaTheMuslim
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
    yeh

    lol

    you're right, but it's rare sis

    protect yourself

    :jkk:
    :jkk: May Allah bless you with the best spouse on earth ameen

    Sis check out my new thread, lol get your popcorn ready!

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
    the other Qur'an verse I posted says Allah put love and mercy between spouses. So marital love does exist and we should have a more optimistic view of marriage.

    Allah also said in Hadith Qudsi 'I am to a servant what he thinks of me'. Paraphrasing but, if we expect good from Allah, he will give us good.
    yeh

    lol

    you're right, but it's rare sis

    protect yourself

    :jkk:

    Leave a comment:


  • LailaTheMuslim
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
    not sure about love, I think that kind of love is non existent

    respect is more important because it lacks in our communities and towards women

    I see the garment verse as something illustrating support, courage and mutual understanding between a husband and wife

    nothing else

    it's a relationship based on a lot of compromises which include your precious time and your ambitions
    the other Qur'an verse I posted says Allah put love and mercy between spouses. So marital love does exist and we should have a more optimistic view of marriage.

    Allah also said in Hadith Qudsi 'I am to a servant what he thinks of me'. Paraphrasing but, if we expect good from Allah, he will give us good.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
    what if you love your husband? I mean love is placed by Allah in the hearts of spouses so its not a strict relationship based on rights and service.

    Allah specifically created mates for us to dwell in tranquillity and has put love and mercy between them.

    And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect(Qur'an 30:21)

    "Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." ( Qur'an 2:187)
    not sure about love, I think that kind of love is non existent

    respect is more important because it lacks in our communities and towards women

    I see the garment verse as something illustrating support, courage and mutual understanding between a husband and wife

    nothing else

    it's a relationship based on a lot of compromises which include your precious time and your ambitions

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
    :salams:

    I saw this in the Uni thread, and I think this partly true.



    Ignore the uni part, I disagree with that, and it's not relevant to this thread. But isn't is true that a lot sisters see marriage as being tied down and not having freedom?

    I wonder why this is a common thought? I used to feel this way too when I was younger, based on the experience of people around me.

    I used to think that after marriage, my life will be all duties and responsibilities. I would have no control/choice in what I want to do. I would always be "second"; my husband/children's needs would always come first. (These are what I was taught, and perhaps this is true.)

    What does "freedom" mean to you? Why would marriage prevent you from having it?
    :Wswrwb:

    If you disagreed with the uni part you should have mentioned it in that thread.

    Leave a comment:


  • uccello verde
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    :wswrwb:

    One may ask what is freedom?
    Is it what media is portraying to us?

    I'm sure if akhi is following the Deen, she'll be one very happy ukhti.
    Marriage isn't about, me, myself and I.
    It is we, us and ourselves. Looking into same goals, In sha'Allah.

    Leave a comment:


  • LailaTheMuslim
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
    Marriage takes way a lot of 'freedom', obviously it does. There is no argument against that because you are under the authority of another man who will have less affection for you than your own father. How can he be dearer? Your father was your previous guardian and he would want to protect his daughter and even sacrifice his life for his daughter. It's a bond unlike any other. Fathers are always supportive of their daughters, if not, then they will always feel some guilt.

    A husband is a different kind and girls have to understand this. I see too many girls relying on this 'husband' to offer them everything including that princess treatment daddy gave them. Just to mention, not every girl is a spoilt brat but we look up to our dads and we want them to make sure they give us away to a decent man because it's a scary world.

    I hate seeing my dad upset or cry, it makes me so sad. And i'll make sacrifices for my parents, but for a husband, I don't think I can value someone who doesn't value me.

    He has to prove that he is capable of treating me well and value me as part of his life because, I might not be his blood relative, but he has to understand that I have an important role to play in his life so he has to give me that status.

    If he doesn't, you just have to cry for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, some of our sisters do and I wish someone could reach out to them and help them from such a curse. Marriage is not a blessing for these sisters, only a calamity.

    As soon as people see the word freedom, they seriously do not understand anything and start jumping to conclusions about it. They have no idea what kind of treatments women receive, people have so much knowledge when it comes to womens right In Islam but they never implement it because they feel threatened.
    what if you love your husband? I mean love is placed by Allah in the hearts of spouses so its not a strict relationship based on rights and service.

    Allah specifically created mates for us to dwell in tranquillity and has put love and mercy between them.

    And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect(Qur'an 30:21)

    "Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." ( Qur'an 2:187)

    Leave a comment:


  • savo234
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
    In the Qur'an it says that Marriage is for love and mercy and to cover each other.

    Its not about 'rights' and domineering/repressing one another. Its for beautiful companionship.

    And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect(Qur'an 30:21)

    "Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." ( Qur'an 2:187)


    Most of the time, you do stuff in marriage because you like so. But sometimes, you may feel like you want to sleep in morning a little more but you cant because you are responsible for kids and you have to prepare them for school. So it is some restriction on freedom if OP defines freedom as such.

    Guys like to quote this all the time that befire marriage, he can hang around with friends as much as he wants. After marriage, after a certain time, the phone starts ringing.

    Sometimes in marriage, one does feel like not doing something bit he/she has to. A happy marriage is one where most of the time both feel happy in their roles and the time where they just do it for the sake of responsibility is less.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Marriage takes way a lot of 'freedom', obviously it does. There is no argument against that because you are under the authority of another man who will have less affection for you than your own father. How can he be dearer? Your father was your previous guardian and he would want to protect his daughter and even sacrifice his life for his daughter. It's a bond unlike any other. Fathers are always supportive of their daughters, if not, then they will always feel some guilt.

    A husband is a different kind and girls have to understand this. I see too many girls relying on this 'husband' to offer them everything including that princess treatment daddy gave them. Just to mention, not every girl is a spoilt brat but we look up to our dads and we want them to make sure they give us away to a decent man because it's a scary world.

    I hate seeing my dad upset or cry, it makes me so sad. And i'll make sacrifices for my parents, but for a husband, I don't think I can value someone who doesn't value me.

    He has to prove that he is capable of treating me well and value me as part of his life because, I might not be his blood relative, but he has to understand that I have an important role to play in his life so he has to give me that status.

    If he doesn't, you just have to cry for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, some of our sisters do and I wish someone could reach out to them and help them from such a curse. Marriage is not a blessing for these sisters, only a calamity.

    As soon as people see the word freedom, they seriously do not understand anything and start jumping to conclusions about it. They have no idea what kind of treatments women receive, people have so much knowledge when it comes to womens right In Islam but they never implement it because they feel threatened.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied

    Leave a comment:

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