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Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

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  • #31
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    In the Qur'an it says that Marriage is for love and mercy and to cover each other.

    Its not about 'rights' and domineering/repressing one another. Its for beautiful companionship.

    And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect(Qur'an 30:21)

    "Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." ( Qur'an 2:187)
    Last edited by LailaTheMuslim; 06-03-17, 03:32 PM.
    وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

    And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


    أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

    Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


    Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

    Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

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    • #32
      Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

      Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
      :salams:

      I saw this in the Uni thread, and I think this partly true.



      Ignore the uni part, I disagree with that, and it's not relevant to this thread. But isn't is true that a lot sisters see marriage as being tied down and not having freedom?

      I wonder why this is a common thought? I used to feel this way too when I was younger, based on the experience of people around me.

      I used to think that after marriage, my life will be all duties and responsibilities. I would have no control/choice in what I want to do. I would always be "second"; my husband/children's needs would always come first. (These are what I was taught, and perhaps this is true.)

      What does "freedom" mean to you? Why would marriage prevent you from having it?
      :wswrwb:

      Yes and no. Depends.

      Marriage for both a man and a woman means greater responsibilities and the need to think of the interests of more than just yourself in every decision you make. This of-course means a restriction in freedoms for all those involved, but then a greater benefit in actually having the marriage.

      For women however things can also become more easy or difficult in other ways. She is going from the responsibility of her father to the responsibility of her husband, from obedience to her father to obedience to her husband. If her husband is more relaxed in his understanding of the deen, she will have more freedoms, for better or worse, and visa versa if he is stricter than her father she will have less freedoms for better or worse.
      Last edited by Gingerbeardman; 06-03-17, 03:40 PM.
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      • #33
        Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

        To me freedom means no responsibility ...marriage will bring a lot of responsibility...I have friends who wish they had waited and given it a few more years.......but I feel I am ready to make those sacrifices....It is time....(rafiki voice)

        Women lost their modesty when men lost their gheerah..” .

        Comment


        • #34
          Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

          the beautifulness of freedom. oh the sweetness of it in our lives, the exceptional glimpses of heaven on earth, oh the beauty it's like paradise, to do what you want, to say what you want, to just live your life with no pests in sight and aaaahhhhhh peace, the peace is so heavenly, too good :zzz: knowing that you're your own boss is absolutely delightful

          much more delightful than halwa or crème egg, or even lindor

          *snorrrrts.

          but people, they don't understand freedom, they take it for granted. People are never satisfied.

          but I it holds a special place in my heart. If freedom was the beauty of everything than life should go on

          but, cos there's always a but in life, it's life, I must gulp, and not eat from the forbidden fruit of freedom.

          all in all, it seriously depends if you marry a complete and utter plank or not. Not enough capable, independent or relaxed men around. Their wives have to be the leader these days because they are simply not capable but useless numpties. I'm sorry.

          May Allah save us all-Ameen
          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

          Comment


          • #35
            Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

            Marriage takes way a lot of 'freedom', obviously it does. There is no argument against that because you are under the authority of another man who will have less affection for you than your own father. How can he be dearer? Your father was your previous guardian and he would want to protect his daughter and even sacrifice his life for his daughter. It's a bond unlike any other. Fathers are always supportive of their daughters, if not, then they will always feel some guilt.

            A husband is a different kind and girls have to understand this. I see too many girls relying on this 'husband' to offer them everything including that princess treatment daddy gave them. Just to mention, not every girl is a spoilt brat but we look up to our dads and we want them to make sure they give us away to a decent man because it's a scary world.

            I hate seeing my dad upset or cry, it makes me so sad. And i'll make sacrifices for my parents, but for a husband, I don't think I can value someone who doesn't value me.

            He has to prove that he is capable of treating me well and value me as part of his life because, I might not be his blood relative, but he has to understand that I have an important role to play in his life so he has to give me that status.

            If he doesn't, you just have to cry for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, some of our sisters do and I wish someone could reach out to them and help them from such a curse. Marriage is not a blessing for these sisters, only a calamity.

            As soon as people see the word freedom, they seriously do not understand anything and start jumping to conclusions about it. They have no idea what kind of treatments women receive, people have so much knowledge when it comes to womens right In Islam but they never implement it because they feel threatened.
            'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

            So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

              Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
              In the Qur'an it says that Marriage is for love and mercy and to cover each other.

              Its not about 'rights' and domineering/repressing one another. Its for beautiful companionship.

              And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect(Qur'an 30:21)

              "Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." ( Qur'an 2:187)


              Most of the time, you do stuff in marriage because you like so. But sometimes, you may feel like you want to sleep in morning a little more but you cant because you are responsible for kids and you have to prepare them for school. So it is some restriction on freedom if OP defines freedom as such.

              Guys like to quote this all the time that befire marriage, he can hang around with friends as much as he wants. After marriage, after a certain time, the phone starts ringing.

              Sometimes in marriage, one does feel like not doing something bit he/she has to. A happy marriage is one where most of the time both feel happy in their roles and the time where they just do it for the sake of responsibility is less.

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                Marriage takes way a lot of 'freedom', obviously it does. There is no argument against that because you are under the authority of another man who will have less affection for you than your own father. How can he be dearer? Your father was your previous guardian and he would want to protect his daughter and even sacrifice his life for his daughter. It's a bond unlike any other. Fathers are always supportive of their daughters, if not, then they will always feel some guilt.

                A husband is a different kind and girls have to understand this. I see too many girls relying on this 'husband' to offer them everything including that princess treatment daddy gave them. Just to mention, not every girl is a spoilt brat but we look up to our dads and we want them to make sure they give us away to a decent man because it's a scary world.

                I hate seeing my dad upset or cry, it makes me so sad. And i'll make sacrifices for my parents, but for a husband, I don't think I can value someone who doesn't value me.

                He has to prove that he is capable of treating me well and value me as part of his life because, I might not be his blood relative, but he has to understand that I have an important role to play in his life so he has to give me that status.

                If he doesn't, you just have to cry for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, some of our sisters do and I wish someone could reach out to them and help them from such a curse. Marriage is not a blessing for these sisters, only a calamity.

                As soon as people see the word freedom, they seriously do not understand anything and start jumping to conclusions about it. They have no idea what kind of treatments women receive, people have so much knowledge when it comes to womens right In Islam but they never implement it because they feel threatened.
                what if you love your husband? I mean love is placed by Allah in the hearts of spouses so its not a strict relationship based on rights and service.

                Allah specifically created mates for us to dwell in tranquillity and has put love and mercy between them.

                And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect(Qur'an 30:21)

                "Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." ( Qur'an 2:187)
                وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


                Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

                Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                  :wswrwb:

                  One may ask what is freedom?
                  Is it what media is portraying to us?

                  I'm sure if akhi is following the Deen, she'll be one very happy ukhti.
                  Marriage isn't about, me, myself and I.
                  It is we, us and ourselves. Looking into same goals, In sha'Allah.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                    Originally posted by lonelyniqabi View Post
                    :salams:

                    I saw this in the Uni thread, and I think this partly true.



                    Ignore the uni part, I disagree with that, and it's not relevant to this thread. But isn't is true that a lot sisters see marriage as being tied down and not having freedom?

                    I wonder why this is a common thought? I used to feel this way too when I was younger, based on the experience of people around me.

                    I used to think that after marriage, my life will be all duties and responsibilities. I would have no control/choice in what I want to do. I would always be "second"; my husband/children's needs would always come first. (These are what I was taught, and perhaps this is true.)

                    What does "freedom" mean to you? Why would marriage prevent you from having it?
                    :Wswrwb:

                    If you disagreed with the uni part you should have mentioned it in that thread.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                      Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
                      what if you love your husband? I mean love is placed by Allah in the hearts of spouses so its not a strict relationship based on rights and service.

                      Allah specifically created mates for us to dwell in tranquillity and has put love and mercy between them.

                      And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect(Qur'an 30:21)

                      "Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." ( Qur'an 2:187)
                      not sure about love, I think that kind of love is non existent

                      respect is more important because it lacks in our communities and towards women

                      I see the garment verse as something illustrating support, courage and mutual understanding between a husband and wife

                      nothing else

                      it's a relationship based on a lot of compromises which include your precious time and your ambitions
                      'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                      So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                        Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                        not sure about love, I think that kind of love is non existent

                        respect is more important because it lacks in our communities and towards women

                        I see the garment verse as something illustrating support, courage and mutual understanding between a husband and wife

                        nothing else

                        it's a relationship based on a lot of compromises which include your precious time and your ambitions
                        the other Qur'an verse I posted says Allah put love and mercy between spouses. So marital love does exist and we should have a more optimistic view of marriage.

                        Allah also said in Hadith Qudsi 'I am to a servant what he thinks of me'. Paraphrasing but, if we expect good from Allah, he will give us good.
                        وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                        And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                        أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                        Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


                        Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

                        Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                          Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
                          the other Qur'an verse I posted says Allah put love and mercy between spouses. So marital love does exist and we should have a more optimistic view of marriage.

                          Allah also said in Hadith Qudsi 'I am to a servant what he thinks of me'. Paraphrasing but, if we expect good from Allah, he will give us good.
                          yeh

                          lol

                          you're right, but it's rare sis

                          protect yourself

                          :jkk:
                          'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                          So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                            Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                            yeh

                            lol

                            you're right, but it's rare sis

                            protect yourself

                            :jkk:
                            :jkk: May Allah bless you with the best spouse on earth ameen

                            Sis check out my new thread, lol get your popcorn ready!
                            وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                            And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                            أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                            Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


                            Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

                            Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                              Originally posted by LailaTheMuslim View Post
                              :jkk: May Allah bless you with the best spouse on earth ameen

                              awwww and you.

                              how did you know that I wanted A PERFECT BEING, If i'm going to get married he has to be perfect, otherwise what is the point of it all? ya know :1popcorn:
                              'Whatever it be wherein ye differ, the decision thereof is with Allah: such is Allah my Lord: In Him I trust, and to Him I turn.' The Holy Qu'ran Al Shura (Consultation)

                              So, which of the favours of your lord will you deny? ~ Surah Ar Rahman

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

                                Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
                                awwww and you.

                                how did you know that I wanted A PERFECT BEING, If i'm going to get married he has to be perfect, otherwise what is the point of it all? ya know :1popcorn:
                                I understand sis, everyone wants the perfect partner. You certainly deserve one x
                                وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ - 31:19

                                And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."


                                أَلَمْ تَرَوْا أَنَّ اللَّهَ سَخَّرَ لَكُم مَّا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ وَأَسْبَغَ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعَمَهُ ظَاهِرَةً وَبَاطِنَةً ۗ وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَلَا هُدًى وَلَا كِتَابٍ مُّنِيرٍ - 31:20

                                Do you not see that Allah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent? But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book [from Him].


                                Please take a look at my travel booking website : https://destinationfindertravel.com/

                                Please take a look at my blog : http://thinkingmuslima.blogspot.co.uk/

                                Comment

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