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Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

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  • lonelyniqabi
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by zi-zizou View Post
    :Wswrwb:

    If you disagreed with the uni part you should have mentioned it in that thread.

    Didn't seem that important.

    Leave a comment:


  • lonelyniqabi
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by quark View Post
    I would've assumed there are just as many who felt less free in their parent's home.

    True say.

    Leave a comment:


  • lonelyniqabi
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Kya View Post
    I was once asked in my opinion who had ideal marriage (closes to my ideal marriage) among the people I knew. I couldn't answer it. It definitely wasn't my parents and the handful of friends. No one seem to have the type of marriage I wanted & that's when I realize maybe my view of marriage has been tainted and all I see is negativity. I had to think hard and long until I found a couple in our circle (my friends older sister) whose marriage from what I saw seemed closest to what I would like. After that the door just opened & saw many other couples that had the relaxed marriage that I was looking for in mine. And all those marriage of controlling spouse and constant argument faded away.

    So those who are afraid of freedom vs. marriage, look around you & see what type of marriage catches your eyes. We only notice that which is in our mind. If you mostly seen bad marriages chances are your mind is focused on that part. Think hard until you find 1 or 2 marriage that you respect
    I can relate to this so much. For a long time I couldn't see beyond my immediate family members, so all I have is negativity. Even now that I know happy marriages are not unicorns, I still occasionally have the irrational fear that they are only for certain kind of people, and I might not have it.

    Leave a comment:


  • lonelyniqabi
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
    Marriage takes way a lot of 'freedom', obviously it does. There is no argument against that because you are under the authority of another man who will have less affection for you than your own father. How can he be dearer? Your father was your previous guardian and he would want to protect his daughter and even sacrifice his life for his daughter. It's a bond unlike any other. Fathers are always supportive of their daughters, if not, then they will always feel some guilt.

    A husband is a different kind and girls have to understand this. I see too many girls relying on this 'husband' to offer them everything including that princess treatment daddy gave them. Just to mention, not every girl is a spoilt brat but we look up to our dads and we want them to make sure they give us away to a decent man because it's a scary world.

    I hate seeing my dad upset or cry, it makes me so sad. And i'll make sacrifices for my parents, but for a husband, I don't think I can value someone who doesn't value me.

    He has to prove that he is capable of treating me well and value me as part of his life because, I might not be his blood relative, but he has to understand that I have an important role to play in his life so he has to give me that status.

    If he doesn't, you just have to cry for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, some of our sisters do and I wish someone could reach out to them and help them from such a curse. Marriage is not a blessing for these sisters, only a calamity.

    As soon as people see the word freedom, they seriously do not understand anything and start jumping to conclusions about it. They have no idea what kind of treatments women receive, people have so much knowledge when it comes to womens right In Islam but they never implement it because they feel threatened.
    I agree with 95% of this. You and I think alike. We're pragmatic girls who don't think marriage is all butterflies and rainbows. :up:

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post
    Fair enough but the fact is, as you have already admitted, you are not inclined to marriage at all. I'm not going to speculate why that is, but your constant polluting of the forum with your male bashing is not healthy for the more impressionable members to read. I'm sorry you are unable to get your parents to understand your lack of interest in marriage. May Allah swt make things easy for you.
    the female members are sensible abd capable enough to think outside the box

    they're intelligent enough to understand the differences between opinions, life experiences and facts

    the more wiser ones will acknowledge it's not male bashing


    lastly, i don't appreciate insincere duas

    Leave a comment:


  • Eorlingas
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
    just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's all in my head, you have to be open with other peoples experiences just as i am even though find it hard to believe but i accept both good and bad men exist
    i talk about it because it's common and these men are a mixture, if anything it's coming more from educated, wealty professionals and the so called 'religious' ones, hence i can over look it if he doesn't have a beard

    i don't mind if he isn't educated as long as he is hardworking and smart
    Fair enough but the fact is, as you have already admitted, you are not inclined to marriage at all. I'm not going to speculate why that is, but your constant polluting of the forum with your male bashing is not healthy for the more impressionable members to read. I'm sorry you are unable to get your parents to understand your lack of interest in marriage. May Allah swt make things easy for you.

    Leave a comment:


  • muzzybee
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Kya View Post
    I was once asked in my opinion who had ideal marriage (closes to my ideal marriage) among the people I knew. I couldn't answer it. It definitely wasn't my parents and the handful of friends. No one seem to have the type of marriage I wanted & that's when I realize maybe my view of marriage has been tainted and all I see is negativity. I had to think hard and long until I found a couple in our circle (my friends older sister) whose marriage from what I saw seemed closest to what I would like. After that the door just opened & saw many other couples that had the relaxed marriage that I was looking for in mine. And all those marriage of controlling spouse and constant argument faded away.

    So those who are afraid of freedom vs. marriage, look around you & see what type of marriage catches your eyes. We only notice that which is in our mind. If you mostly seen bad marriages chances are your mind is focused on that part. Think hard until you find 1 or 2 marriage that you respect
    This is an excellent post..I advice everyone to read this and grasp the relevance and importance of the message.

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Eorlingas View Post
    Are you sure this is not largely just in your head? you appear to be obsessed with equating marriage to slavery...I am not a aware of a single marriage which fits that description. Where are your parents finding men like these? perhaps in the most deprived uneducated ghettos of the UK there may exist some men like that but I dont see it. More likely is the case that you just dont want to get married at all so paint men to be these slave hunters as your excuse.
    just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's all in my head, you have to be open with other peoples experiences just as i am even though find it hard to believe but i accept both good and bad men exist
    i talk about it because it's common and these men are a mixture, if anything it's coming more from educated, wealty professionals and the so called 'religious' ones, hence i can over look it if he doesn't have a beard

    i don't mind if he isn't educated as long as he is hardworking and smart

    Leave a comment:


  • Eorlingas
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
    you know what, it's not even about the damn house keeping lol

    it gets tiring to see people saying that single women worry about the cleaning, it's not the end of the world, we all want to live in clean houses not a pigsty

    i'll do it more than that and even more if I don't get asked to do it, it's more about how he talks to me, how he treats me and what kind of importance he gives me, because at the end of the day i'm the potential mother of his children so if he isn't treating you right before the kids come into the scene, it's not going to be pretty

    if a man doesn't know how to treat a woman right, he isn't a man, he is worse than a dog

    the common theme with my search has been them putting alot of emphasis on looking after their extended or their whole family in general and there is a real lack of affection being shown towards me, i'm just a machine that is expected to work outside full time, and indoors full time for all the adults within the family

    I see this as an unfair expectation

    with our own families, some will understand and be more merciful but other families will care less about another man's daughter

    our dads can be more merciful towards us and expect less from us but these potentials they expect the world from you, it's disgraceful sis lol you know I joke a lot about wanting his money, I don't even want his money, but why is it such a difficulty to find a normal, respectable man that actual has respect for his wife's feelings too?

    they're so emotionless, sod that, gross, I don't want to be with someone that lacks in compassion but shows double standards when it comes to his own family members, where I'm expected to deal with it

    why shouldn't my feelings count, i'm a human too. I'm no superwoman and I don't wish to be one either

    urgh

    lol

    srry, that's not supposed to be a rant
    Are you sure this is not largely just in your head? you appear to be obsessed with equating marriage to slavery...I am not a aware of a single marriage which fits that description. Where are your parents finding men like these? perhaps in the most deprived uneducated ghettos of the UK there may exist some men like that but I dont see it. More likely is the case that you just dont want to get married at all so paint men to be these slave hunters as your excuse.

    Leave a comment:


  • shay5
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
    stop saying that



    I hate it when people say that because I'm not all that, shay you should know this by now

    i'm just an average girl the last time I checked, a bit of a psycho, but who isn't these days :1popcorn:

    i'm a slave hunter's magnet
    I didn't say it based on your last post...I said it because of a post I read of yours a while back where you described your home life....brother in law/s ...Living condition... etc

    Leave a comment:


  • shay5
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by Ya'sin View Post
    poor girl

    lol she is probably making triple times more now

    that's what happens when you know how to roll those rotis propa

    :1popcorn:
    Wouldn't know...never tried....

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by shay5 View Post
    There is this funny cartoon strip where a girl is making rotis and her mum says you can have freedom at your husband's house...cut to her being in her husband's house and she is still making rotis ...

    Same roti ...different tava (flat pan).......Rotis make the world go round......join us...
    poor girl

    lol she is probably making triple times more now

    that's what happens when you know how to roll those rotis propa

    :1popcorn:

    Leave a comment:


  • shay5
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by quark View Post
    I'm not sure why that is surprising.
    There is this funny cartoon strip where a girl is making rotis and her mum says you can have freedom at your husband's house...cut to her being in her husband's house and she is still making rotis ...

    Same roti ...different tava (flat pan).......Rotis make the world go round......join us...

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by quark View Post
    I'm not sure why that is surprising.
    obviously it is, oh my goodness, what solar system are you living in :1popcorn:

    I tried my best, I even watched Disney's Aladdin to brainwash :wacko: myself but it didn't work

    opps

    oh well :zzz:

    Leave a comment:


  • Ya'sin
    replied
    Re: Sisters: Does Marriage = End of Freedom to You?

    Originally posted by shay5 View Post
    I want the best for you...I see your posts and you deserve it....inshallah...
    stop saying that



    I hate it when people say that because I'm not all that, shay you should know this by now

    i'm just an average girl the last time I checked, a bit of a psycho, but who isn't these days :1popcorn:

    i'm a slave hunter's magnet

    Leave a comment:

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