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  • Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

    As-salamu alaykum,
    I am in talks with this potential bride. Although I haven't mentioned that I intent to send a proposal to her family she has got some hint. The problem is that her family and she strictly follow dargah and other customs. Given that she is a head strong person i think i will find it difficult to convince her otherwise. So my question, is it worth marrying a person who practices shirk with the hope that she will In sha Allah eventually change her ways or should i just put an end to this. Making dua and praying is the solution but i need to be sure. Any help would be appreciated. Jazak Allahu Khayran

    PS: she'd mentioned that she wanted a guy who has the same beliefs like hers and asked me if i believed in it. I simply said I'm neutral :(

  • #2
    Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

    Originally posted by techno_chrat View Post
    As-salamu alaykum,
    I am in talks with this potential bride. Although I haven't mentioned that I intent to send a proposal to her family she has got some hint. The problem is that her family and she strictly follow dargah and other customs. Given that she is a head strong person i think i will find it difficult to convince her otherwise. So my question, is it worth marrying a person who practices shirk with the hope that she will In sha Allah eventually change her ways or should i just put an end to this. Making dua and praying is the solution but i need to be sure. Any help would be appreciated. Jazak Allahu Khayran

    PS: she'd mentioned that she wanted a guy who has the same beliefs like hers and asked me if i believed in it. I simply said I'm neutral :(
    People usually do not change unless something dramatic happens in their life or they get some serious counselling. It is a big mistake getting into a relationship with someone with the hope that you will be able to change them, especially when they have told you that they think it is the correct way. Ideally, if possible, attempt to change her before marriage. If you can't, I personally wouldn't marry someone with such beliefs. First time I've heard of dargah, had to google it.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

      Assalamu alaykum brother,

      Dargah is related to sufis?

      I know some women who became normal after marriage to a regular man. Muslimah follows her husband in faith, so if she is not ready to follow you, don't marry her.

      The main problem with sufis is that they are disconnected to Quran, because they're told that none can understand Quran. If you provide her deep Quranic education she will leave falsehood very soon.
      Don't rush your salat for anything, as you are standing in front of
      The One who is in charge of whatever you are rushing for!

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

        What's dargah?
        "My servants, you who have transgressed against yourselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Truly Allah forgives all wrong actions. He is the Ever-Forgiving, the Most Merciful." (Surat az-Zumar: 53)

        Comment


        • #5
          Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

          Why would you even do that ?

          Did Allah swt not create enough women around the world that you need to be interested in a women that practises the one thing that is not forgiven ?

          Give her dawah but move on

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

            :wswrwb:

            Look for a Muslim with good aqeedah first. That should be your priority.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

              Originally posted by techno_chrat View Post
              As-salamu alaykum,
              I am in talks with this potential bride. Although I haven't mentioned that I intent to send a proposal to her family she has got some hint. The problem is that her family and she strictly follow dargah and other customs. Given that she is a head strong person i think i will find it difficult to convince her otherwise. So my question, is it worth marrying a person who practices shirk with the hope that she will In sha Allah eventually change her ways or should i just put an end to this. Making dua and praying is the solution but i need to be sure. Any help would be appreciated. Jazak Allahu Khayran

              PS: she'd mentioned that she wanted a guy who has the same beliefs like hers and asked me if i believed in it. I simply said I'm neutral :(
              Depends on where u live, if u live in a country where there r no dargah shit they u dont have to worry,
              Or u can marry her and just not allow her to visit dargah, u can just not allow her to go out of the house , convincing wont matter,,

              As for your question, u cannot marry a mushrika nikkah wont happen, but make sure what her beliefs r, many just go as a visit and dont necessarily indulge in shirk,, depends on what her beliefs r,

              The solution is to choose the best possible spouse,,

              Dont say ur neutral , this can be dangerous, what r u shy of ur believes,
              tell her my believes r same like that of the prophet and his sahabas, and then let her question u back on what they r, best way to fix someones mind

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                Originally posted by oshirowanen View Post
                People usually do not change unless something dramatic happens in their life or they get some serious counselling. It is a big mistake getting into a relationship with someone with the hope that you will be able to change them, especially when they have told you that they think it is the correct way. Ideally, if possible, attempt to change her before marriage. If you can't, I personally wouldn't marry someone with such beliefs. First time I've heard of dargah, had to google it.
                lol
                i also googled when I was commenting on the first message then read ur message,,
                seems like its some rare deviant ideology,,
                one can simply ask such a person, hmm which were the darghas built by the prophet or his companions?
                or in a more sympathetic way, what is the way to act or worship in dargah according to Quran and sunnah haha,, this will also get the other person thinking

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                  Originally posted by techno_chrat View Post
                  As-salamu alaykum,
                  I am in talks with this potential bride. Although I haven't mentioned that I intent to send a proposal to her family she has got some hint. The problem is that her family and she strictly follow dargah and other customs. Given that she is a head strong person i think i will find it difficult to convince her otherwise. So my question, is it worth marrying a person who practices shirk with the hope that she will In sha Allah eventually change her ways or should i just put an end to this. Making dua and praying is the solution but i need to be sure. Any help would be appreciated. Jazak Allahu Khayran

                  PS: she'd mentioned that she wanted a guy who has the same beliefs like hers and asked me if i believed in it. I simply said I'm neutral :(
                  Absolutely not. It's a batil marriage to be married to a kafir so you would be committing zina because the marriage isn't legal shari'ah wise. You saying you are neutral means you are shy of your religion. You mustn't be shy or hide your religion (unless you are in danger of death, I believe, I'm not sure though). And obviously, you need to have a third person with you when speaking with opposite sex on matters like marriage which may induce fitnah, so on and so forth. Ideally, you should've proposed first, and then you can talk to her and such.

                  So make du'aa that she changes, but don't waste your time on trying to change her, with that time, you can be seeking other already practicing sisters.

                  https://islamqa.info/en/22468

                  And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember. (Qur'an 2:221)
                  Last edited by Sarah5; 04-03-17, 01:05 PM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                    [MENTION=50185]oshirowanen[/MENTION]
                    Brother, you're absolutely right that people don't change especially after a certain age but the only reason i'm considering this is because such a case has happened in the family previously. Here in india family influence and dynamics play a big role in grooming the newly wed bride. lol..people around the subcontinent are well acquainted with the word dargah and follow it more religiously than salah.
                    [MENTION=141773]Benefy[/MENTION]
                    Yes its influenced by sufi and lot of the local culture . You won't be surprised to find more non-muslims than muslims in these places. Jahiliyat. And i haven't yet tried to reason with her on this, Insha Allah i'll send her a couple of good links on this and ask her view. I'll try my best and make dua.
                    [MENTION=132307]Hebz[/MENTION]
                    I've gone through a lot of proposals and had finally found someone who would fit right in the family, of course this is no reason and shirk is a deal breaker but honestly it's just tiring to find a suitable spouse. In sha Allah ill give her dawah and wait for some time. If there is no change i'm sure to move on.
                    [MENTION=130748]Deeni Akh[/MENTION]
                    Brother their aqeedah is strong unfortunately misguided and in the wrong way. She practices salah, Quran and very determined on her religion. Unfortunately, all that doesn't make sense if you're practising shirk.
                    @ m7md
                    Dargah is widely spread and practised here. Some of them are so arrogant and wont budge. I want to avoid forcing her into something shes not, it cannot happen that way. She still hasnt told me yet what 'exactly' she does at the dargah Ill try find out to what extent she's into this. Lol..shy of my beliefs. Allhamdu'lilah. i definitely am not shy of my righteous beliefs. It's just that she caught me off-guard and wanted to go with the flow. i didn't want to miss the chance of talking to her :)
                    [MENTION=140263]Sarah5[/MENTION]
                    Lol.. i am not shy of my religion or beliefs definitely. Its a different situation when you're texting. I haven't spoken face to face other than a casual salam. In sha Allah once this is sorted i'll officially send a proposal or not. But there is a lot of pressure from my family too, they think its easy to mold a girls beliefs after marriage. India is really funny when it comes to marriages.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                      [MENTION=50185]oshirowanen[/MENTION]
                      Brother, you're absolutely right that people don't change especially after a certain age but the only reason i'm considering this is because such a case has happened in the family previously. Here in india family influence and dynamics play a big role in grooming the newly wed bride. lol..people around the subcontinent are well acquainted with the word dargah and follow it more religiously than salah.
                      [MENTION=141773]Benefy[/MENTION]
                      Yes its influenced by sufi and lot of the local culture . You won't be surprised to find more non-muslims than muslims in these places. Jahiliyat. And i haven't yet tried to reason with her on this, Insha Allah i'll send her a couple of good links on this and ask her view. I'll try my best and make dua.
                      [MENTION=132307]Hebz[/MENTION]
                      I've gone through a lot of proposals and had finally found someone who would fit right in the family, of course this is no reason and shirk is a deal breaker but honestly it's just tiring to find a suitable spouse. In sha Allah ill give her dawah and wait for some time. If there is no change i'm sure to move on.
                      [MENTION=130748]Deeni Akh[/MENTION]
                      Brother their aqeedah is strong unfortunately misguided and in the wrong way. She practices salah, Quran and very determined on her religion. Unfortunately, all that doesn't make sense if you're practising shirk.
                      @ m7md
                      Dargah is widely spread and practised here. Some of them are so arrogant and wont budge. I want to avoid forcing her into something shes not, it cannot happen that way. She still hasnt told me yet what 'exactly' she does at the dargah Ill try find out to what extent she's into this. Lol..shy of my beliefs. Allhamdu'lilah. i definitely am not shy of my righteous beliefs. It's just that she caught me off-guard and wanted to go with the flow. i didn't want to miss the chance of talking to her :)
                      [MENTION=140263]Sarah5[/MENTION]
                      Lol.. i am not shy of my religion or beliefs definitely. Its a different situation when you're texting. I haven't spoken face to face other than a casual salam. In sha Allah once this is sorted i'll officially send a proposal or not. But there is a lot of pressure from my family too, they think its easy to mold a girls beliefs after marriage. India is really funny when it comes to marriages.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                        [MENTION=50185]oshirowanen[/MENTION]
                        Brother, you're absolutely right that people don't change especially after a certain age but the only reason i'm considering this is because such a case has happened in the family previously. Here in india family influence and dynamics play a big role in grooming the newly wed bride. lol..people around the subcontinent are well acquainted with the word dargah and follow it more religiously than salah.
                        [MENTION=141773]Benefy[/MENTION]
                        Yes its influenced by sufi and lot of the local culture . You won't be surprised to find more non-muslims than muslims in these places. Jahiliyat. And i haven't yet tried to reason with her on this, Insha Allah i'll send her a couple of good links on this and ask her view. I'll try my best and make dua.
                        [MENTION=132307]Hebz[/MENTION]
                        I've gone through a lot of proposals and had finally found someone who would fit right in the family, of course this is no reason and shirk is a deal breaker but honestly it's just tiring to find a suitable spouse. In sha Allah ill give her dawah and wait for some time. If there is no change i'm sure to move on.
                        [MENTION=130748]Deeni Akh[/MENTION]
                        Brother their aqeedah is strong unfortunately misguided and in the wrong way. She practices salah, Quran and very determined on her religion. Unfortunately, all that doesn't make sense if you're practising shirk.
                        @ m7md
                        Dargah is widely spread and practised here. Some of them are so arrogant and wont budge. I want to avoid forcing her into something shes not, it cannot happen that way. She still hasnt told me yet what 'exactly' she does at the dargah Ill try find out to what extent she's into this. Lol..shy of my beliefs. Allhamdu'lilah. i definitely am not shy of my righteous beliefs. It's just that she caught me off-guard and wanted to go with the flow. i didn't want to miss the chance of talking to her :)
                        [MENTION=140263]Sarah5[/MENTION]
                        Lol.. i am not shy of my religion or beliefs definitely. Its a different situation when you're texting. I haven't spoken face to face other than a casual salam. In sha Allah once this is sorted i'll officially send a proposal or not. But there is a lot of pressure from my family too, they think its easy to mold a girls beliefs after marriage. India is really funny when it comes to marriages.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                          Originally posted by techno_chrat View Post
                          As-salamu alaykum,
                          I am in talks with this potential bride. Although I haven't mentioned that I intent to send a proposal to her family she has got some hint. The problem is that her family and she strictly follow dargah and other customs. Given that she is a head strong person i think i will find it difficult to convince her otherwise. So my question, is it worth marrying a person who practices shirk with the hope that she will In sha Allah eventually change her ways or should i just put an end to this. Making dua and praying is the solution but i need to be sure. Any help would be appreciated. Jazak Allahu Khayran

                          PS: she'd mentioned that she wanted a guy who has the same beliefs like hers and asked me if i believed in it. I simply said I'm neutral :(
                          Wa alaykumus salaam,

                          No. Bad idea, it's not even permissible for a Muslim to marry a person who seeks aid from the dead if her family go that far.

                          As for your ps... I mean seriously... you're neutral of these shirk infested shrines and temples?
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                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                            Originally posted by techno_chrat View Post
                            As-salamu alaykum,
                            I am in talks with this potential bride. Although I haven't mentioned that I intent to send a proposal to her family she has got some hint. The problem is that her family and she strictly follow dargah and other customs. Given that she is a head strong person i think i will find it difficult to convince her otherwise. So my question, is it worth marrying a person who practices shirk with the hope that she will In sha Allah eventually change her ways or should i just put an end to this. Making dua and praying is the solution but i need to be sure. Any help would be appreciated. Jazak Allahu Khayran

                            PS: she'd mentioned that she wanted a guy who has the same beliefs like hers and asked me if i believed in it. I simply said I'm neutral :(
                            If you do not want to marry someone , no one can force you.

                            Go ahead and marry someone , who .believes something that you are comfortable with.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                              Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
                              What's dargah?
                              Its a place where " walis " are buried. People flock to that grave , put flowers there etc.

                              Comment

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