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  • Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

    As-salamu alaykum,
    I am in talks with this potential bride. Although I haven't mentioned that I intent to send a proposal to her family she has got some hint. The problem is that her family and she strictly follow dargah and other customs. Given that she is a head strong person i think i will find it difficult to convince her otherwise. So my question, is it worth marrying a person who practices shirk with the hope that she will In sha Allah eventually change her ways or should i just put an end to this. Making dua and praying is the solution but i need to be sure. Any help would be appreciated. Jazak Allahu Khayran

    PS: she'd mentioned that she wanted a guy who has the same beliefs like hers and asked me if i believed in it. I simply said I'm neutral :(

  • #2
    Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

    Originally posted by techno_chrat View Post
    As-salamu alaykum,
    I am in talks with this potential bride. Although I haven't mentioned that I intent to send a proposal to her family she has got some hint. The problem is that her family and she strictly follow dargah and other customs. Given that she is a head strong person i think i will find it difficult to convince her otherwise. So my question, is it worth marrying a person who practices shirk with the hope that she will In sha Allah eventually change her ways or should i just put an end to this. Making dua and praying is the solution but i need to be sure. Any help would be appreciated. Jazak Allahu Khayran

    PS: she'd mentioned that she wanted a guy who has the same beliefs like hers and asked me if i believed in it. I simply said I'm neutral :(
    People usually do not change unless something dramatic happens in their life or they get some serious counselling. It is a big mistake getting into a relationship with someone with the hope that you will be able to change them, especially when they have told you that they think it is the correct way. Ideally, if possible, attempt to change her before marriage. If you can't, I personally wouldn't marry someone with such beliefs. First time I've heard of dargah, had to google it.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

      Assalamu alaykum brother,

      Dargah is related to sufis?

      I know some women who became normal after marriage to a regular man. Muslimah follows her husband in faith, so if she is not ready to follow you, don't marry her.

      The main problem with sufis is that they are disconnected to Quran, because they're told that none can understand Quran. If you provide her deep Quranic education she will leave falsehood very soon.
      Don't rush your salat for anything, as you are standing in front of
      The One who is in charge of whatever you are rushing for!

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

        What's dargah?
        The sunnah is like the ark of Noah, whoever embarks upon it reaches salvation and whoever refuses is drowned.
        ~ Imam Malik (may Allah have mercy on him)

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        • #5
          Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

          Why would you even do that ?

          Did Allah swt not create enough women around the world that you need to be interested in a women that practises the one thing that is not forgiven ?

          Give her dawah but move on

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

            :wswrwb:

            Look for a Muslim with good aqeedah first. That should be your priority.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

              Originally posted by techno_chrat View Post
              As-salamu alaykum,
              I am in talks with this potential bride. Although I haven't mentioned that I intent to send a proposal to her family she has got some hint. The problem is that her family and she strictly follow dargah and other customs. Given that she is a head strong person i think i will find it difficult to convince her otherwise. So my question, is it worth marrying a person who practices shirk with the hope that she will In sha Allah eventually change her ways or should i just put an end to this. Making dua and praying is the solution but i need to be sure. Any help would be appreciated. Jazak Allahu Khayran

              PS: she'd mentioned that she wanted a guy who has the same beliefs like hers and asked me if i believed in it. I simply said I'm neutral :(
              Depends on where u live, if u live in a country where there r no dargah shit they u dont have to worry,
              Or u can marry her and just not allow her to visit dargah, u can just not allow her to go out of the house , convincing wont matter,,

              As for your question, u cannot marry a mushrika nikkah wont happen, but make sure what her beliefs r, many just go as a visit and dont necessarily indulge in shirk,, depends on what her beliefs r,

              The solution is to choose the best possible spouse,,

              Dont say ur neutral , this can be dangerous, what r u shy of ur believes,
              tell her my believes r same like that of the prophet and his sahabas, and then let her question u back on what they r, best way to fix someones mind

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                Originally posted by oshirowanen View Post
                People usually do not change unless something dramatic happens in their life or they get some serious counselling. It is a big mistake getting into a relationship with someone with the hope that you will be able to change them, especially when they have told you that they think it is the correct way. Ideally, if possible, attempt to change her before marriage. If you can't, I personally wouldn't marry someone with such beliefs. First time I've heard of dargah, had to google it.
                lol
                i also googled when I was commenting on the first message then read ur message,,
                seems like its some rare deviant ideology,,
                one can simply ask such a person, hmm which were the darghas built by the prophet or his companions?
                or in a more sympathetic way, what is the way to act or worship in dargah according to Quran and sunnah haha,, this will also get the other person thinking

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                  Originally posted by techno_chrat View Post
                  As-salamu alaykum,
                  I am in talks with this potential bride. Although I haven't mentioned that I intent to send a proposal to her family she has got some hint. The problem is that her family and she strictly follow dargah and other customs. Given that she is a head strong person i think i will find it difficult to convince her otherwise. So my question, is it worth marrying a person who practices shirk with the hope that she will In sha Allah eventually change her ways or should i just put an end to this. Making dua and praying is the solution but i need to be sure. Any help would be appreciated. Jazak Allahu Khayran

                  PS: she'd mentioned that she wanted a guy who has the same beliefs like hers and asked me if i believed in it. I simply said I'm neutral :(
                  Absolutely not. It's a batil marriage to be married to a kafir so you would be committing zina because the marriage isn't legal shari'ah wise. You saying you are neutral means you are shy of your religion. You mustn't be shy or hide your religion (unless you are in danger of death, I believe, I'm not sure though). And obviously, you need to have a third person with you when speaking with opposite sex on matters like marriage which may induce fitnah, so on and so forth. Ideally, you should've proposed first, and then you can talk to her and such.

                  So make du'aa that she changes, but don't waste your time on trying to change her, with that time, you can be seeking other already practicing sisters.

                  https://islamqa.info/en/22468

                  And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember. (Qur'an 2:221)
                  Last edited by Sarah5; 04-03-17, 01:05 PM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                    Originally posted by techno_chrat View Post
                    As-salamu alaykum,
                    I am in talks with this potential bride. Although I haven't mentioned that I intent to send a proposal to her family she has got some hint. The problem is that her family and she strictly follow dargah and other customs. Given that she is a head strong person i think i will find it difficult to convince her otherwise. So my question, is it worth marrying a person who practices shirk with the hope that she will In sha Allah eventually change her ways or should i just put an end to this. Making dua and praying is the solution but i need to be sure. Any help would be appreciated. Jazak Allahu Khayran

                    PS: she'd mentioned that she wanted a guy who has the same beliefs like hers and asked me if i believed in it. I simply said I'm neutral :(
                    Wa alaykumus salaam,

                    No. Bad idea, it's not even permissible for a Muslim to marry a person who seeks aid from the dead if her family go that far.

                    As for your ps... I mean seriously... you're neutral of these shirk infested shrines and temples?
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                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                      Originally posted by techno_chrat View Post
                      As-salamu alaykum,
                      I am in talks with this potential bride. Although I haven't mentioned that I intent to send a proposal to her family she has got some hint. The problem is that her family and she strictly follow dargah and other customs. Given that she is a head strong person i think i will find it difficult to convince her otherwise. So my question, is it worth marrying a person who practices shirk with the hope that she will In sha Allah eventually change her ways or should i just put an end to this. Making dua and praying is the solution but i need to be sure. Any help would be appreciated. Jazak Allahu Khayran

                      PS: she'd mentioned that she wanted a guy who has the same beliefs like hers and asked me if i believed in it. I simply said I'm neutral :(
                      If you do not want to marry someone , no one can force you.

                      Go ahead and marry someone , who .believes something that you are comfortable with.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                        Originally posted by eesa the kiwi View Post
                        What's dargah?
                        Its a place where " walis " are buried. People flock to that grave , put flowers there etc.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                          Why would anyone marry someone who does all these nonsense?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                            [MENTION=85672]techno_chrat[/MENTION]

                            I had heard khanqah but it is the first time I am hearing Dargah ! Dargah means port, doorway. Dargah should be something like shrine.
                            I myself am not easy with some of claimers who may claim to be a Sufi and they may misguide others. I am always wary regarding such things. True Sufis are usually far more religious and knowledgeable than the other ones and they are very nice people otherwise it is misguidance. In the life of a true Sufi or a gnostic even thinking about sin, is a sin.

                            But as friends said never marry someone with a hope to change her. You are the owner of yourself not the others. Be sure that she is also thinking to change you and you are thinking to change her. So the outcome would be that both of you will not change and ......... There is no guarantee.

                            I as a Shia will not rely on anyone who claims to be a Sufi I would need to search about her and his beliefs to know whether she is a claimer or a true Sufi. True Sufies are nice and they are very committed to akhlaq (ethics).

                            Now you as a Salafi who believes both Shias and Sufies commit shirk ! you want to marry a Sufi !!! is it really tolerable for you !? If you are so tolerant go ahead.
                            Last edited by ALAS; 04-03-17, 06:55 PM.
                            Note: I am a shia.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Marrying someones who believes in dargah/shirk

                              Dargahs are Sufi shrines where auliyat are buried, so Sufis go there to make intercession of the dead in these places. They make pilgrimage to these places despite the hadith of Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri (ra) when the Prophet (saws) told him "One should travel only for visiting three Masjid (Mosques): Masjid-al-Haram (Mecca), Masjid-al- Aqsa (Jerusalem), and this (my) Mosque (at Medina). Also Abu Huraira (ra) heard the Prophet (saws) say Let there be curse of Allah upon the Jews and the Christians for they have taken the graves of their apostles as places of worship.. Also Aisha (ra) reported Umm Habiba and Umm Salama made a mention before the Messenger of Allah (saws) of a church which they had seen in Abyssinia and which had pictures in it. The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: When a pious person amongst them (among the religious groups) dies they build a place of worship on his grave, and then decorate it with such pictures. They would be the worst of creatures on the Day of judgment in the sight of Allah.. The Sufis and Rafidah will come to you and say that the grave of the Prophet (saws) is in masjid nabawi, but his grave was put there by Caliph Al-Walid I and not the sahaba or Aisha (ra).

                              Many of the turuq (tariqahs) have dargahs overseas like the Shadhili Sufis for example who make ziyadah (pilgrimage) to the dargah of Abu Hasan Ash-Shadhili who is buried in Egypt and also visit Ahmad Al-Alawi's grave in Algeria. They even have his picture inside the shrine which is haram. Or the Mouride Sufis who visit the grave of Ahmadou Bamba in Touba, Senegal and they have one special day out the year called the Grand Magal. Or you have the Nasuhi Sufis who visit Shaykh Nasuhi's grave. Etc, these are haram acts, but you will find the Sufis to be the most stubborn and argumentative of the people because they have little knowledge and mask their lack of knowledge through adab and they care more about preserving their tariqahs than preserving the sunnah. So if you find them not knowing something, they become belligerent and angry with you. There is no nasiha with them, because they've gone far off into blind following, the Sufis say that a mureed is like a dead body to the murshid (Sufi shaykh), he is in no position to ask questions. This is similar to the Rafidah who do not questin the marji (ayatushaytan) and are obliged to do taqlid of a marji until his death. It is even claimed in the book "Sufism Formative Years" that the first written records of ziyadah (religious pilgrimage to graves) comes from Shia sources and then came over to the Sufis. It makes sense because the Sufis are syncretic, meaning that they mix concepts from other religions into Islam. Take for example the Issawiya Sufis, who believe that their shaykh Muhammad ibn Isa is a saint who watches over the city of Meknes in Morocco. This is called a "patron saint" and this is a Christian thing. Or the Shattariya Sufis who practice nath yoga and consider it ibadah when nath yoga is a Hindu practice.

                              You will find the Sufis laymen to be more ignorant than the average non-Sufi Sunni laymen only knowing about the 4 Imams and their tariqah shayukh but they know little about the scholars in between that time span. You find them having no regard for classical scholars outside their ranks and tariqahs and only read Rumi poems and Ghazzali's works but after that their book shelves are lined with tasawwuf specific books. They do not care about the writings of Al-Humaydi, Ibn Hazm, Ibn Qudamah, Ibn Kathir (outside of tafsir), Ibn Taymiyyah, Dawud Az-Zahiri, Al Hasan ibn Ali Al-Barbahari, Ibn Rajab, Ibn As-Salah, Ad-Dhahabi etc. They will not read a book from Ibnul Qayyim unless tasawwuf is somewhere in it. They've Ignored historical criticisms from the likes of Abu Farraj Ibn Al-Jawzi, Imam Barbahari, Ibn Aqil, etc who were writing books refutating grave worshippers as early as the 3rd, 4th, and 5th centuries. Their disdain for later scholars like Muhammad ibn Abdul Wahhab (1114 AH) is nothing amazing, because they [Sufis] have clashed with scholars for centuries especially Hanbalis since the Hanbalis originated in Baghdad/Iraq which was the early epicenter of Sufism and Shiasm.

                              Ibn Aqil who was born in 431 AH lived in Iraq roughly near the time period that people started worshipping the shrine of a man named Maruf Al-Kharki. He used to write about the Sufis making ziyadah and criticized them for worshipping trees for good luck. This is in the 5th century. What did they do to Ibn Aqil? They mocked him in his lifetime. The Sufis of his era were so arrogant that they used to have a common practice where they would deliberately use a lot of water for wudu so that people would see or hear them making wudu as to show off their piety, or they would make wudu repeatedly before salah in order to show off to others. Sufis being extreme in ibadah is nothing new and they've evolved over time from one extremism to another, but in the time of Shaykh Ibn Aqil, once he went into a masjid and made wudu with a small amount of water and the Sufis around him actually mocked him and made fun of him. If this is how they were in 5th century Iraq, it's no surprise that they mock their opponents today and call them Wahhabis, Najdi, etc. They've been making fun of people while BEING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF ARGUMENTS for at least 1,000 years. It's all the same, history repeats. According to Shaykh Husain Ghannam who wrote Tarikh An-Najd, in Muhammad ibn Abdul Wahhab's time, the Sufis of 'Uyanah worshipped the grave of Zayd (ra) and sought intercession from trees by tying rags on trees for good luck, good health, for help finding a husband/wife etc. They sometimes in gave these trees names like Al-Fahhal and At-Tawjiyah. This is literally the same thing Ibn Aqil (431 AH) wrote about in his own words

                              "kindling lights, kissing the tombs, covering them with fragrance, addressing the dead with needs, writing formulae on paper with the message: 'Oh my Lord, do such and such for me'; taking earth fi-om the grave as a blessing, pouring sweet fragrances over graves, setting out on a journey for them, and casting rags on trees in imitation of those who worshipped the gods Lat and 'Uzza." Ibn Aqil.

                              This was from all the way in the 5th century, a complete departure from the Sunnah. Do you think that a Sufi murshid ever exposes his followers to historical views like these? No, he lies to you and tells you that Sufism has always been "mainstream Islam" and criticism of Sufism is a new thing. He wont open up a book like Tablis Ibless and show you the chapter about Sufis from Ibn Al-Jawzi, or show you Ibnul Qayyim's works prohibiting making ziyadah to the dargahs. The Sufis will say, "no one ever questioned us until Wahhabis", which is a rubbish statement since everyone knows that they [Sufis] obtained their current privileged position today because the Ottomans promoted them, just as Al-Ma'mun promoted the Mutazilah. Groups are strong in parts of the Muslim world because rulers chose them. All of North Africa followed Abdur Rahman Al-Awza'i's (madhab) until one of the rulers made them switch to Maliki.

                              So in short no, don't marry a person who does ziyadah to the dargah/graves or approves of it, or makes excuses for it. People who care about their tariqah MORE than the Sunnah should only marry people who are like them. Marry a woman for her aqeedah because aqeedah is the first thing to be learned after learning the salat and a few surahs. Jundub ibn Abdullah (ra) narrated "We were with the Prophet (saws), and we were strong youths, so we learned faith before we learned Qur'an. Then we learned Qur'an and our faith increased thereby." Iman is an issue of itiqad and aqeedah because a person needs to know what he/she needs to have IMAN in. Christians have iman in trinity, Hindus have iman in Shiva and Brahma, etc but iman in Islam is a specific type of iman, it has qawa'id (principles), it has daleel from text, it affirms beliefs, it negates beliefs that contradict, etc. All humans have faith something, just some of us have iman/faith in what is correct, others put their iman in baatil. So aqeedah comes first, unlike what the Sufis say who rush to teach fiqh in order to legitimize themselves in the names of the 4 imams, but skip aqeedah because they were weak in the subject and overcomplicated it with kalam, mixing their beliefs with dried up dead sects like the Mutazilah, Murji'ah, Jahmi'ah etc to the extent that they struggle to even teach aqeedah to others.
                              Last edited by Harun1004; 05-03-17, 11:38 AM.

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