Why do you delay marriage ppl...

[RaNdOm]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

k

May Allah swt bless you and those you care about with the highest Jannah ameen

[RaNdOm]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

I invested 18 months because I saw she was serious, had the same expectations and goals as me and dozen other things. I did istikhara on occasions I felt that we were not suited and everytime I did that it come out as positive. The initial yeh that feels right came about when I realised she was unlike most girls I have met who took religion seriously. Like if I made errors or asked things that were contrary to deen which by the way were harmless and i was ignorant about she said immediately No. That is priceless in a marriage.

Allahumma baarik sounds like you got your real treasure of this world

i felt really happy reading your experience so :jkk: for sharing it

and it's good to know that the waswasa were extinguished with istikhaara each time. And you sound like you are also very slow to trust people because you are right people are able to put on a front and some are quite masterful in doing so. I'm glad as a man you took your time to do this as many men don't really think of the consequences so intensely

:jkk: dinobot I'm glad Allah swt even gave me the opportunity to read your posts

and I will pray for even more contentment between you and your wife inshaAllah

Is there anything you would advise sisters to look out for when it comes to a brother, like did your wife also need that time to analyse you?

[Dinobot]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

I understand your point about not rushing but if there are no specific circumstances stopping you from doing the nikah early, then it is advisable to do it as soon as possible as the prophet (saw) said: "O youth, whoever from amongst you is able to get married, then let him do so..." And in another hadeeth he (saw) says: "we don't see anything for those that love/are interested in each other than marriage".

Both ahadeeth indicate that the nikah should be done once both parties are satisfied with each other. There's no need to spend years to finally reach the 'right' one. Too many people have this mentality and are now in their late 30's with no spouse.

You don't get it. The prophet said get married if you are able to do so. But he didn't give you a time limit. Ofcourse nikah should be done once everything settles and everyone accepts each other. You should read my posts again. That's exactly what I did too. But you don't walk over to someone and just give them your blessings righ away. And who is talking about years. Seriously man. You are going to one extreme to prove your points. You can rush ahead if you like and marry the first person you see. Its not my concern. But after seeing many divorcees and broken marriages that ended up in last than two months in some cases, I will be damned if I let any female relatives of mine get married without vetting men thoroughly. After all people like you can divorce and ,marry as much as you like. For a woman though, once she is divorced life becomes that bit harder for her to get married again.

'

I must admit I thought it said 20k at first glance, which is stiff but alright amount. Of course I would not offer lousy 20 pounds. I am not broke at all, I do rather well financially. Thanks for calling me garbage though, thats nice of you.

Hehe I was shocked when you said 20. But believe me there are goons out there who think they should pay the woman who is going to bear their children and look after them 20 quid. So glad to clear that up. I didn't call you garbage by the way. I called the offer of such pitiful mehr as garbage.

[ninety1daisies]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not

lols you're definitely not a professional psychologist.

[ninety1daisies]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

i don't understand

k

[RaNdOm]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

we surprise ourselves...

i don't understand

[RaNdOm]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

Does not explain why you litter the forum with you are an abc and you are a xyz etc etc...as if your some kind of professional.

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not

[Daddel90]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

Wrong. That's your opinion. Nikah should be done thoroughly not rushed. As the arabs say, rushing is the work of iblees. You rush anything in life never mind marriage and you could end up in a disaster.

And I am a living proof that it aint a waste of time. It took Umar ra a whole year to figure out if a sahabi was worthy enough to rule over people. A sahabi who mind you. Not folks like us. There are so many posers, playas, time wasters and perverts out there who know how to play the game. They are not interested in marriage. Just a relationship. Time breaks everything. Time sifts the scum from the diamonds.




20 quid? Are you serious? 20 quid? Yeah that sounds like your jahilyah speaking. You must be either broke, financially unstable or basically do not value the woman. No self respecting woman would accept such garbage in this day and age.

'

I must admit I thought it said 20k at first glance, which is stiff but alright amount. Of course I would not offer lousy 20 pounds. I am not broke at all, I do rather well financially. Thanks for calling me garbage though, thats nice of you.

[Deeni Akh]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

Wrong. That's your opinion. Nikah should be done thoroughly not rushed. As the arabs say, rushing is the work of iblees. You rush anything in life never mind marriage and you could end up in a disaster.

And I am a living proof that it aint a waste of time. It took Umar ra a whole year to figure out if a sahabi was worthy enough to rule over people. A sahabi who mind you. Not folks like us. There are so many posers, playas, time wasters and perverts out there who know how to play the game. They are not interested in marriage. Just a relationship. Time breaks everything. Time sifts the scum from the diamonds

I understand your point about not rushing but if there are no specific circumstances stopping you from doing the nikah early, then it is advisable to do it as soon as possible as the prophet (saw) said: "O youth, whoever from amongst you is able to get married, then let him do so..." And in another hadeeth he (saw) says: "we don't see anything for those that love/are interested in each other than marriage".

Both ahadeeth indicate that the nikah should be done once both parties are satisfied with each other. There's no need to spend years to finally reach the 'right' one. Too many people have this mentality and are now in their late 30's with no spouse.

[ninety1daisies]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

You misunderstand the personality tests. There is no good or bad personality. Not AT ALL. It's just different. You hear my biased thoughts on it all because an intj would seem perfect for me. For others, they would regard that type as cold, unloving, unaffectionate. All of that. So there is no right or wrong.

It would be pretty stupid if someone based their whole decision on a personality test. Just like it would be stupid for someone to answer the answers to the test in any way other than who they truly are.

All it highlights is how someone processes their thoughts. So the same way people see me as self absorbed, it's because internally I need to make sure my feelings are in align with my beliefs so I will sound like memememe. Just like someone that is say estj, will come across as controlling and harsh. This is not so much them as it is the way they process information. They can be kind VERY kind but they will seem harsh because feelings are on the lower end of the spectrum for them and they like to find solutions to challenges.

Any type can be aggressive and any type can be angry - it just indicates natural preference

You would have to be pretty spastic to use that as your only indicator cos just check the results on the poll and people in the same sub category are completely different

Sis, you're missing the point. Even if someone comes out a particular type in these tests, it means they're not that type. Even when people answer honestly to the best of their ability, you still have denial, projection etc. An array of mechanisms that prevent an individual from even coming close to an accurate self assessment of their personality.

I wouldn't rely even in part on these kinds of online gimmicks.

we surprise ourselves...

[Dinobot]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

Taking your time to know the potential and her family is important but remember nikah should be done as soon as possible. Spending over a year on a potential is israaf of time and opposes what the prophet (saw) taught.

Wrong. That's your opinion. Nikah should be done thoroughly not rushed. As the arabs say, rushing is the work of iblees. You rush anything in life never mind marriage and you could end up in a disaster.

And I am a living proof that it aint a waste of time. It took Umar ra a whole year to figure out if a sahabi was worthy enough to rule over people. A sahabi who mind you. Not folks like us. There are so many posers, playas, time wasters and perverts out there who know how to play the game. They are not interested in marriage. Just a relationship. Time breaks everything. Time sifts the scum from the diamonds.

20? I can live with that. You are absolutely right. As a convert(no need to use the nicer title) I don't know shit.

20 quid? Are you serious? 20 quid? Yeah that sounds like your jahilyah speaking. You must be either broke, financially unstable or basically do not value the woman. No self respecting woman would accept such garbage in this day and age.

[Deeni Akh]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

Taking your time to know the potential and her family is important but remember nikah should be done as soon as possible. Spending over a year on a potential is israaf of time and opposes what the prophet (saw) taught.

[Daddel90]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

Who is talking about fancy cars here? Finanicla stability means just that. Financially able to support a wife and a family. That's a right for a woman. As for mehr, a decent mehr is what a bride requires. It depends from woman to woman. It's certainly not 50k in my eyes. But it aint 100 pounds either. If you don't like the mehr the wife demands move over to the next one. Brothers complaining about materialism and how how bad everyone is with regards to mehr and then when you ask them how much can you afford come with stuff like

err how bout the book of Allah?

or is 20 quid ok fam? Like which man would give his daughter to a broke troll man like that? Certainly not me. The idea of a mahr is that if there was something to happen to you god forbid, the woman can have something to fall back on temporarily while she sorts out any financial issues that arise from losing her husband. And yet you and a lot of folks cry about mehr. The amount of mehr demanded is the right of a woman and neither you or I can impose any limits on it. There is an ayah specific to mehr in the quran.

Finally since you are a revert, I need to tell you a few things about money in marriage. Whatever money a woman earns is her own money. You can never take it or have a say in how it is spent. Meanwhile the wife has a say in the money that the husband earns. In other words financially speaking the woman has the upperhand. So keep that in mind

20? I can live with that. You are absolutely right. As a convert(no need to use the nicer title) I don't know nothing.

[Dinobot]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

Financial stability is understandable, but within reasonable limits. Does financial stability mean driving fancy cars and live in a mansion? What is a decent mahr? And the materialism of Muslims today sickens me when there are Brothers and Sisters all over the world in need of help, how can you With conscience live a pampered life and do sensless spending? Weddings should be a simple ceremony, not a circus show some turn it into be. The couple in Turkey that chose to serve hungry refugees on their wedding day are good example of Muslim couple with healthy values:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worl...-refugees.html

I don't oppose a woman wanting a husband with financial stability, but how the money are to be spent and values.

Who is talking about fancy cars here? Finanicla stability means just that. Financially able to support a wife and a family. That's a right for a woman. As for mehr, a decent mehr is what a bride requires. It depends from woman to woman. It's certainly not 50k in my eyes. But it aint 100 pounds either. If you don't like the mehr the wife demands move over to the next one. Brothers complaining about materialism and how how bad everyone is with regards to mehr and then when you ask them how much can you afford come with stuff like

err how bout the book of Allah?

or is 20 quid ok fam? Like which man would give his daughter to a broke troll man like that? Certainly not me. The idea of a mahr is that if there was something to happen to you god forbid, the woman can have something to fall back on temporarily while she sorts out any financial issues that arise from losing her husband. And yet you and a lot of folks cry about mehr. The amount of mehr demanded is the right of a woman and neither you or I can impose any limits on it. There is an ayah specific to mehr in the quran.

Finally since you are a revert, I need to tell you a few things about money in marriage. Whatever money a woman earns is her own money. You can never take it or have a say in how it is spent. Meanwhile the wife has a say in the money that the husband earns. In other words financially speaking the woman has the upperhand. So keep that in mind

Allahumma baarik

You sound like the type of stable person that a girl would need anyway

But what made you invest 18months in her and at what point did you do istikhaara and was there an initial yeh this feels right?

I invested 18 months because I saw she was serious, had the same expectations and goals as me and dozen other things. I did istikhara on occasions I felt that we were not suited and everytime I did that it come out as positive. The initial yeh that feels right came about when I realised she was unlike most girls I have met who took religion seriously. Like if I made errors or asked things that were contrary to deen which by the way were harmless and i was ignorant about she said immediately No. That is priceless in a marriage.

[zi-zizou]

Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

She's right in what she says though, you have denial, projection and other factors that will skew results. You need an interview by professionals to even conclude results.

Also it doesn't mean I will automatically click with every intj, it's just I know what qualities I admire and I know they have them. That doesn't mean I will marry an intj, who knows.

check these so cute :love:

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Does not explain why you litter the forum with you are an abc and you are a xyz etc etc...as if your some kind of professional.