Ads by Muslim Ad Network

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Why do you delay marriage ppl...

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

    Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
    Vit it's called advice,

    A Muslim is supposed to give each other good advice,

    Not condone cowardice behaviour,

    I got married almost 10 years ago,
    You just make it seem like muslims not getting married is like the worst thing on earth.

    Comment


    • Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

      Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
      No but what do you think of that?

      At first I was annoyed but then I felt relieved at least he didn't get involved in any haraam behaviour...
      Hmm only Allah knows his intentions and if they were less than honourable he will be duly recompensed in this life or the next.
      Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world’s ending!

      None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

      Comment


      • Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

        Originally posted by n0.n4m3 View Post
        That applies to many parts of the world. Here in KSA, Cab drivers earn peanuts. And plumbers, salesmen, builders, chefs, bus drivers and others. The gap is huge between them and graduates. State Unis here are free.
        Its different in the UK, one can earn very well in those jobs. .
        Spears shall be shaken! Shields shall be splintered! a sword day..a red day..ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride to ruin, and the world’s ending!

        None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

        Comment


        • Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

          Everybody has their own reason I guess bro.

          I didn't want to get married, I did try looking but nothing happened. I took a step back and found that I was happier living the single life, I felt no pressure and at ease with the whole situation.

          So now I've decided to give it another go, I don't feel 100% ready but if I'm not ready now then who knows when I will be....I can't risk leaving it until I'm in my mid 40's, 50's or 60's.

          People need to get tough with themselves and stop being so scared of this issue. Me included.

          It's easier to blame one another (the opposite sex) but the blame lays at our own feet. We're delaying marriage, nobody else. Plenty of good men and women out there. It's just that they don't all look like Kim K or Channing Tatum.
          He who loses money, loses much.

          He who loses a friend, loses more.

          He who loses faith, loses ALL.

          Comment


          • Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

            Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
            How?
            It took time. Like I said in my case it took a year. It started off talking to her wali first. Then her family i.e her brothers. It was like a business arrangement. No lovey dovey stuff. That stuff clouds judgement. Once we established the same goals and same expectations and the families were happy with each other then I proceeded to ask the wali if I could speak to her without his presence. This was done after formally asking for her hand via my uncle since my dad passed away. All that time it was done with his presence. Because we didn't want any broken promises or unrealistic expectations. Then we went over to family and had a formal event of getting to know everyone. All this so far has taken 18 months. But in the end it was worth it because I know what I am getting myself into with this person.

            And I am confident there are no hidden skeletons in that closet. At least I hope so! WIth other girls arrangements broke down within the first few weeks. It's easy to tell well at least for me that when a person is not right for you. It took me 10 years to find someone but I was patient and I got rewarded in the end. Alhamdulliah One of my worst fears in life is divorce and after seeing my own parents split up and the anger it caused me not having a father since childhood I swore to myself that I will never let such a thing happen to me. So I made sure! Like I said I could have married years ago. And some of the potentials were prettier than my fiancé but in the end I always remembered. Religion above all else. Simple but simple stuff always wins.
            Last edited by Dinobot; 04-03-17, 01:49 AM.

            Comment


            • Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

              ^mashAllah.

              May Allah bless your marriage.
              Indeed we belong to Allah,
              and indeed to Him we will return.


              Quran 2:156

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Dinobot View Post
                Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
                How?
                It took time. Like I said in my case it took a year. It started off talking to her wali first. Then her family i.e her brothers. It was like a business arrangement. No lovey dovey stuff. That stuff clouds judgement. Once we established the same goals and same expectations and the families were happy with each other then I proceeded to ask the wali if I could speak to her without his presence. This was done after formally asking for her hand via my uncle since my dad passed away. All that time it was done with his presence. Because we didn't want any broken promises or unrealistic expectations. Then we went over to family and had a formal event of getting to know everyone. All this so far has taken 18 months. But in the end it was worth it because I know what I am getting myself into with this person.

                And I am confident there are no hidden skeletons in that closet. At least I hope so! WIth other girls arrangements broke down within the first few weeks. It's easy to tell well at least for me that when a person is not right for you. It took me 10 years to find someone but I was patient and I got rewarded in the end. Alhamdulliah One of my worst fears in life is divorce and after seeing my own parents split up and the anger it caused me not having a father since childhood I swore to myself that I will never let such a thing happen to me. So I made sure! Like I said I could have married years ago. And some of the potentials were prettier than my fiancé but in the end I always remembered. Religion above all else. Simple but simple stuff always wins.
                10 years?? Wow.

                Comment


                • Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

                  Originally posted by Sister A View Post
                  A lot of people don't actually mature until they reach their mid twenties.
                  The brain does not even fully develop (such as decision making, judgment, etc.) until 25, so that says a lot in of itself.

                  Originally posted by Sister A View Post
                  And a lot of people don't actually know what they want when they are young.
                  I would say that's largely a product of our modern society. As life gets more complex, as life throws more expectations at us (going to college, being well secured in a career, getting a masters even, owning a house, etc., before marrying), and as healthy life expectancy increases, people take longer to grow up. We have a lot of stages of being a child and adult now. We have expectations of teens and young adults just being ridiculous and immature like children. Teenagers are thrown into college expected to know what they want to do for the rest of their life professionally. They change their mind. They cannot also be expected to know the answer to this question personally. Not in this age.
                  Last edited by Comrox; 04-03-17, 04:00 AM.

                  Comment


                  • Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

                    Originally posted by Dinobot View Post
                    Mahr is the right of a woman. Yes some woman ask a lot but in the end, there is a reason why even Umar ra could not impose limits on it.

                    Financial security is quite important to any woman. One of the ways a woman checks your financial stability is through mahr. If you can't afford a decent mahr then your financial stability comes into light. And no woman wants to worry whether the man she is about to marry can afford to look after her
                    Financial stability is understandable, but within reasonable limits. Does financial stability mean driving fancy cars and live in a mansion? What is a decent mahr? And the materialism of Muslims today sickens me when there are Brothers and Sisters all over the world in need of help, how can you With conscience live a pampered life and do sensless spending? Weddings should be a simple ceremony, not a circus show some turn it into be. The couple in Turkey that chose to serve hungry refugees on their wedding day are good example of Muslim couple with healthy values:

                    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worl...-refugees.html

                    I don't oppose a woman wanting a husband with financial stability, but how the money are to be spent and values.

                    Praise be to Allaah.

                    Marriage is one of the blessings of Allaah, and one of His signs. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

                    “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect”
                    [al-Room 30:21]

                    Allaah commanded guardians to arrange marriages for those who are under their care, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

                    “And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allaah is All-Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people)”

                    [al-Noor 24:32]

                    That is because of the great interests that are served by marriage, such as increasing the numbers of the ummah, and causing the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to feel proud before the other Prophets, and protecting both husband and wife from falling into haraam… and other great benefits.

                    But some guardians (walis) put obstacles in the way of marriage, which prevented those under their care from getting married in many cases.

                    That is because they exaggerate concerning the mahr, and demand huge dowries which a young man who wants to get married cannot afford, until marriage becomes something extremely difficult for many of those who want to get married.

                    The mahr is a right that is given to the woman, as enjoined by Islamic sharee’ah, as an expression of the man’s desire to marry her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

                    “And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart”
                    [al-Nisa’ 4:4]

                    This does not mean that the woman is a product to be sold, rather it is a symbol of honour and respect, and a sign that the husband is willing to shoulder his responsibilities and fulfil his duties.

                    Sharee’ah does not stipulate a certain limit for the mahr that should not be overstepped, but it does encourage reducing the mahr and keeping it simple.

                    The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of marriage is that which is made easiest.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3300.

                    And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of mahrs is the simplest (or most affordable).” Narrated by al-Haakim and al-Bayhaqi, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3279.

                    And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to a man who wanted to get married: “Look (for something to give as a dowry), even if it is a ring of iron.” Agreed upon.

                    The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) set the highest example for his ummah in that regard, so that a clear understanding of the basic principles would be implanted in society, and a spirit of simplicity would spread among the people.

                    Abu Dawood (2125) and al-Nasaa’i (3375) narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas that ‘Ali said: “I married Faatimah (may Allaah be pleased with her) and said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, let me go ahead with the marriage.’ He said: ‘Give her something.’ I said: ‘I do not have anything.’ He said: ‘Where is your Hutami shield?’ I said, ‘I have it with me.’ He said, ‘Give it to her.’” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa’i, 3160.

                    This was the mahr of Faatimah, the daughter of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), the leader of the women of Paradise.

                    This reinforces the fact that in Islam, the mahr is not something that is sought for its own sake.

                    Ibn Maajah (1887) narrated that ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: “Do not go to extremes with regard to the dowries of women, for if that were a sign of honour and dignity in this world or a sign of piety before Allaah, then Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have done that before you. But he did not give any of his wives, and none of his daughters were given, more than twelve uqiyah. A man may increase the dowry until he feels resentment against her and says, ‘You cost me everything I own, and caused me a great deal of hardship’.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah, 1532.

                    “Do not go to extremes” means do not exaggerate in increasing the dowry. “A man may increase the dowry until he feels resentment against her” means, until he begins to hate her when he is still paying off the debts incurred because of this mahr because it is too hard for him, or whenever he thinks about the matter.

                    From Haashiyat al-Sindi ‘ala Ibn Maajah.

                    Twelve uqiyah is equivalent to 480 dirhams, i.e., approximately 135 silver riyals (134.4). This was the mahr of the daughters and wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).

                    Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/194:

                    Whoever thinks of increasing his daughter’s mahr and asking for more than the daughters of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) were given – when they were the best women in this world in all aspects – is an ignorant fool. The same applies to asking for more than the Mothers of the Believers were given. This applies even if one is well off and can afford it. With regard to one who is poor, he should not give a mahr greater than he can afford to pay without any hardship.

                    He also said in al-Fataawa al-Kubra:

                    The words of Imam Ahmad according to the report of Hanbal imply that it is mustahabb for the dowry to be four hundred dirhams. This is the correct view in cases where the man can afford it. It is mustahabb to pay this amount and no more.

                    In Zaad al-Ma’aad (5/178), Ibn al-Qayyim quoted some of the ahaadeeth that indicate that the mahr should be reduced and that there is no minimum amount. Then he said:

                    These ahaadeeth indicate that there is no minimum amount for the mahr… and that exaggerating concerning the mahr is makrooh, and that it reduces its barakah (blessing). End quote.

                    Hence it is clear that what people do nowadays, increasing the mahr and exaggerating concerning it, is something that goes against the sharee’ah.

                    The wisdom behind reducing the mahr and not increasing it is quote clear:

                    This makes it easier for people to get married, so that they will not be diverted from it, which will result in all kinds of moral and social corruption.

                    For more information on the harm caused by exaggerating concerning the dowry, please see question no. 12572.

                    https://islamqa.info/en/10525

                    Comment


                    • Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

                      Originally posted by Rifqah View Post
                      :salams

                      You can't rely on these personality assessment quizzes, they're just a bit of fun, not accurate at all.
                      Finding marriage compatibility through personality tests.. This is the first I've heard if this lols. Regardless of the accuracy level of the tests, I can't disregard the idea of people lying on the test and seeking out specific "personalities" For example some angry, aggressive, selfish personality fakes their test to appear gentle, caring, and giving to match w someone of that similar nature. Sounds risky in that sense.


                      And :wswrwb: (:
                      Indeed we belong to Allah,
                      and indeed to Him we will return.


                      Quran 2:156

                      Comment


                      • Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

                        Originally posted by Dinobot View Post
                        It took time. Like I said in my case it took a year. It started off talking to her wali first. Then her family i.e her brothers. It was like a business arrangement. No lovey dovey stuff. That stuff clouds judgement. Once we established the same goals and same expectations and the families were happy with each other then I proceeded to ask the wali if I could speak to her without his presence. This was done after formally asking for her hand via my uncle since my dad passed away. All that time it was done with his presence. Because we didn't want any broken promises or unrealistic expectations. Then we went over to family and had a formal event of getting to know everyone. All this so far has taken 18 months. But in the end it was worth it because I know what I am getting myself into with this person.

                        And I am confident there are no hidden skeletons in that closet. At least I hope so! WIth other girls arrangements broke down within the first few weeks. It's easy to tell well at least for me that when a person is not right for you. It took me 10 years to find someone but I was patient and I got rewarded in the end. Alhamdulliah One of my worst fears in life is divorce and after seeing my own parents split up and the anger it caused me not having a father since childhood I swore to myself that I will never let such a thing happen to me. So I made sure! Like I said I could have married years ago. And some of the potentials were prettier than my fiancé but in the end I always remembered. Religion above all else. Simple but simple stuff always wins.
                        Allahumma baarik

                        You sound like the type of stable person that a girl would need anyway

                        But what made you invest 18months in her and at what point did you do istikhaara and was there an initial yeh this feels right?
                        ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                        "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                        :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

                        Comment


                        • Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

                          Originally posted by ninety1daisies View Post
                          Finding marriage compatibility through personality tests.. This is the first I've heard if this lols. Regardless of the accuracy level of the tests, I can't disregard the idea of people lying on the test and seeking out specific "personalities" For example some angry, aggressive, selfish personality fakes their test to appear gentle, caring, and giving to match w someone of that similar nature. Sounds risky in that sense.


                          And :wswrwb: (:
                          You misunderstand the personality tests. There is no good or bad personality. Not AT ALL. It's just different. You hear my biased thoughts on it all because an intj would seem perfect for me. For others, they would regard that type as cold, unloving, unaffectionate. All of that. So there is no right or wrong.

                          It would be pretty stupid if someone based their whole decision on a personality test. Just like it would be stupid for someone to answer the answers to the test in any way other than who they truly are.

                          All it highlights is how someone processes their thoughts. So the same way people see me as self absorbed, it's because internally I need to make sure my feelings are in align with my beliefs so I will sound like memememe. Just like someone that is say estj, will come across as controlling and harsh. This is not so much them as it is the way they process information. They can be kind VERY kind but they will seem harsh because feelings are on the lower end of the spectrum for them and they like to find solutions to challenges.

                          Any type can be aggressive and any type can be angry - it just indicates natural preference

                          You would have to be pretty spastic to use that as your only indicator cos just check the results on the poll and people in the same sub category are completely different
                          ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                          "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                          :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

                          Comment


                          • Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

                            Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
                            You misunderstand the personality tests. There is no good or bad personality. Not AT ALL. It's just different. You hear my biased thoughts on it all because an intj would seem perfect for me. For others, they would regard that type as cold, unloving, unaffectionate. All of that. So there is no right or wrong.

                            It would be pretty stupid if someone based their whole decision on a personality test. Just like it would be stupid for someone to answer the answers to the test in any way other than who they truly are.

                            All it highlights is how someone processes their thoughts. So the same way people see me as self absorbed, it's because internally I need to make sure my feelings are in align with my beliefs so I will sound like memememe. Just like someone that is say estj, will come across as controlling and harsh. This is not so much them as it is the way they process information. They can be kind VERY kind but they will seem harsh because feelings are on the lower end of the spectrum for them and they like to find solutions to challenges.

                            Any type can be aggressive and any type can be angry - it just indicates natural preference

                            You would have to be pretty spastic to use that as your only indicator cos just check the results on the poll and people in the same sub category are completely different
                            Sis, you're missing the point. Even if someone comes out a particular type in these tests, it means they're not that type. Even when people answer honestly to the best of their ability, you still have denial, projection etc. An array of mechanisms that prevent an individual from even coming close to an accurate self assessment of their personality.

                            I wouldn't rely even in part on these kinds of online gimmicks.

                            Comment


                            • Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

                              Originally posted by Rifqah View Post
                              Sis, you're missing the point. Even if someone comes out a particular type in these tests, it means they're not that type. Even when people answer honestly to the best of their ability, you still have denial, projection etc. An array of mechanisms that prevent an individual from even coming close to an accurate self assessment of their personality.

                              I wouldn't rely even in part on these kinds of online gimmicks.
                              Yep :)
                              ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
                              "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
                              :love: [Al-Imran 3:159] :love:

                              Comment


                              • Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

                                Originally posted by RaNdOm View Post
                                Yep :)
                                You did a course on this recently...you ain't dropping this rubbish.

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X