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Why do you delay marriage ppl...

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  • RaNdOm
    replied
    Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

    Originally posted by Dinobot View Post
    I am going to marry this year so no more delaying for me. But a lot of my friends got married earlier than me and they are either struggling or have divorced. Because they all rushed into it. I didn't delay as much as I could not find a suitable wife. I have had family members try to set up with me for and truth be told it was easy for me to get married. I have everything I need in life alhamdulliah. And I don't look too bad for a somali. No big forehead light brown skin, curly wavy hair lol But in seriousness. I just could not find a proper religious girl. Most somali girls I have come across were immature and after talking to them gave me the impression they were still kids mentally. Plus culturally they were not....how shall I say somali enough. Perhaps it is the nature of living in a western country. You tend to pick up their habits. At one point I did consider going back to my hometown to look for a wife. But hey in the end, I found a religious wife. some might say too religious lol but I realised it wasn't that she was too religious. It was I wasn't religious enough. And I am working on that.

    I wish everyone the best to find a spouse. Just remember there is nothing more valuable than a religious person because so long as they have the fear of Allah in them they would do good. You just have to watch for the phonies and posers pretending to be religious. That takes time. That's where your wali comes in sisters. And for the men, get your women folk to investigate as well. And finally. I have a rule when it comes to investigating who is genuine and who is not. The first year of talking is the year where your emotions and being in love clouds your mind. After the year, you will see everything clearly and logically. It is not a set rule but never ever make decisions emotionally when you are high in love. It can cloud your thinking. Be cold and logical. Make sure you are compatible with your potential. Make sure that your family and their family are completely gelled together. Make sure both of you have the right expectations for each other. There is nothing worse than getting to a marriage with unrealistic or wrong expectations. Remember people will lie to get hold of you if they think that's what it will take. Honesty these days is very short.

    More importantly never cross the boundaries of the deen in an effort to get to know the person. A marriage that begins with barakah lasts longer. And there can be no barakah if you have committed a sin on the way to marriage.
    :) inshaAllah

    may Allah swt grant you a wife who will be the coolness of your eyes always ameen

    be cold and logical - v much the truth

    Leave a comment:


  • ninety1daisies
    replied
    Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

    nevermind.


    :salams

    Leave a comment:


  • Vitriolic_Sage
    replied
    Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Because it was pointless, and based on an unrealistic and presumptuous scenario.

    Don't tell me you're actually wrestling with such a dilemma yourself. Just remember, the Prophet (:saw:) prescribed marriage as a means to fulfill desire in a halal way, among other things. But for marriage to facilitate that, there needs to be attraction. Otherwise, you're defeating one of the main purposes of marriage.
    Well you could still fulfill it in a halal way with an unattractive spouse...
    Last edited by Abu 'Abdullaah; 03-03-17, 03:08 PM. Reason: Inappropriate comment

    Leave a comment:


  • oshirowanen
    replied
    Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

    Originally posted by Serinity
    Or something. I already hate her from what you have said.
    That was not my intention, my intention in posting here was simply this, everyone should think before choosing someone to marry, don't rush into it.
    Last edited by oshirowanen; 03-03-17, 09:49 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • ninety1daisies
    replied
    Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

    Originally posted by Stoic Believer View Post
    Because it was pointless, and based on an unrealistic and presumptuous scenario.

    Don't tell me you're actually wrestling with such a dilemma yourself. Just remember, the Prophet (:saw:) prescribed marriage as a means to fulfill desire in a halal way, among other things. But for marriage to facilitate that, there needs to be attraction. Otherwise, you're defeating one of the main purposes of marriage.
    If I recall, if a pious man asks her father for her hand in marriage then they shouldn't decline?

    Leave a comment:


  • Stoic Believer
    replied
    Originally posted by ninety1daisies View Post
    Why was that other thread closed? Honestly not sure if it would be better to remain single or fulfill the sunnah in that particular instance since I think the first thing to look at is Deen anyway.

    ?
    Because it was pointless, and based on an unrealistic and presumptuous scenario.

    Don't tell me you're actually wrestling with such a dilemma yourself. Just remember, the Prophet (:saw:) prescribed marriage as a means to fulfill desire in a halal way, among other things. But for marriage to facilitate that, there needs to be attraction. Otherwise, you're defeating one of the main purposes of marriage.

    Leave a comment:


  • ninety1daisies
    replied
    Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

    Why was that other thread closed? Honestly not sure if it would be better to remain single or fulfill the sunnah in that particular instance since I think the first thing to look at is Deen anyway.

    ?

    Leave a comment:


  • zi-zizou
    replied
    Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

    Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
    Right,

    Money and career can be attained without a degree too and many have done so, through other qualifications. Businesses etc...

    Some people have the mentality that if you don't have a degree you won't get a good job or career,

    Which is nothing but an assumption,

    A degree can help no doubt, but at the same time we have wasted graduates who studied a degree and made no good use of it, or haven't been able to, and went I to a completely opposite field to their studies...

    There is no guarantee that it will open doors,

    :jkk:

    You can get fulfilling "good" careers/jobs without a degree, however, we should not forget that for lots and lots of posts the requirement for the candidate is that he/she has a degree preferably in a specific subject or something equivalent.

    Leave a comment:


  • Saif-Uddin
    replied
    Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

    Originally posted by HelloEverybody View Post
    Yeah you are pretty much right

    For me degree has been nice way to get "foot between door" and make people believe that you know something, even if you have no idea what they are talking until you actually start working on it.
    Right,

    Money and career can be attained without a degree too and many have done so, through other qualifications. Businesses etc...

    Some people have the mentality that if you don't have a degree you won't get a good job or career,

    Which is nothing but an assumption,

    A degree can help no doubt, but at the same time we have wasted graduates who studied a degree and made no good use of it, or haven't been able to, and went I to a completely opposite field to their studies...

    There is no guarantee that it will open doors,

    :jkk:

    Leave a comment:


  • HelloEverybody
    replied
    Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

    Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
    A degree isn't a key to money and career,

    You can't be this guilible,

    A degree is a qualification that may or may not lead to a well paid job.
    Yeah you are pretty much right

    For me degree has been nice way to get "foot between door" and make people believe that you know something, even if you have no idea what they are talking until you actually start working on it.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu Jarir
    replied
    Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

    Originally posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
    A degree isn't a key to money and career,

    You can't be this guilible,

    A degree is a qualification that may or may not lead to a well paid job.
    An employer puts preference on people with degrees. Obviously there are plenty of careers that don't require degrees, but I've yet to see many Muslims explore them. Muslims have this strange obsession with health care.

    Leave a comment:


  • Saif-Uddin
    replied
    Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

    Originally posted by Abu Jarir View Post
    In this day and age a degree is the key to money and a career. Though Islam would typically classify these things as part of the Dunya, which they are if you want to get married most potentials would expect a career that enables you to sustain a certain standard of living, obviously your accumulation of wealth, cars, houses etc. Mean nothing in the grave or Qiyamah but marriage does affect you in this life and the hereafter. The Prophet :saw: said "Marriage is half the religion fear Allah regarding the rest." and part of getting married is a Mahr and it's not cheap, well at least not from what I've heard from a lot of brothers. If you want to get married you need money for the Mahr, while money is just dunya as stated it still is essential to a Halal marriage. Also if you're married how do you expect to eat without money, a soup kitchen? It's sad that this world is so fueled by greed of paper but it is what it is, this part of the delay in marriage for a lot of people finances not to mention finding the courage to actually get together with a Wali or the Potential's family.
    A degree isn't a key to money and career,

    You can't be this guilible,

    A degree is a qualification that may or may not lead to a well paid job.

    Leave a comment:


  • Abu Jarir
    replied
    Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

    In this day and age a degree is the key to money and a career. Though Islam would typically classify these things as part of the Dunya, which they are if you want to get married most potentials would expect a career that enables you to sustain a certain standard of living, obviously your accumulation of wealth, cars, houses etc. Mean nothing in the grave or Qiyamah but marriage does affect you in this life and the hereafter. The Prophet :saw: said "Marriage is half the religion fear Allah regarding the rest." and part of getting married is a Mahr and it's not cheap, well at least not from what I've heard from a lot of brothers. If you want to get married you need money for the Mahr, while money is just dunya as stated it still is essential to a Halal marriage. Also if you're married how do you expect to eat without money, a soup kitchen? It's sad that this world is so fueled by greed of paper but it is what it is, this part of the delay in marriage for a lot of people finances not to mention finding the courage to actually get together with a Wali or the Potential's family.

    Leave a comment:


  • Rumaysah~
    replied
    Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

    There usually is someone better that comes though from what i've seen lol....

    I'm glad it wasn't rushed, it took until now, a few mistakes and a few strange individuals crossing my path to realise what I actually want in life.
    Until that person who fits the criteria comes along i'm going to keep working on myself, I have plenty I need to accomplish.
    I'm very specific now and compromising/settling on a lot of things that are important to me doesn't appeal to me anymore. It's not about thinking there's someone better.

    Leave a comment:


  • Saif-Uddin
    replied
    Re: Why do you delay marriage ppl...

    Originally posted by Vitriolic_Sage View Post
    How is marrying an unattractive woman going to protect against fahisha? If anything it only makes you commit zulm. Right not there is no risk of zulm.

    And why is it that being single is a sign of cowardliness? The way i see it i am stronger than any married man because I dont need some woman to get by. I handle everything on my own like a real man. A married man crumple like a used tampon in day of my life.
    Who told you that you have to marry someone your not attracted to?

    Are you that shallow minded that looks is all you think about ?

    You said your reason for staying single is to stay away from responsibility,

    Pure cowardice, there is no way you will be able to Justify this.

    Real man! Lol what a joke, a real man doesn't shy away from responsibility, he deals with it head on.

    Leave a comment:

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